Chapter 32:
Clowning Around

~Ditto McCloaker~

The hard, rocky clay ground pounded with the sounds of flat, turtle claws and soft Mushroom shoes. Anyone looking at the sight would not fail to be struck by the unusual, chaotic, often comical sight of child-like Mushroom person fighting shelled, goggle-eyed Koopa Troopas beak and wing. Some Mushrooms, hidden under giant helmets, scooted over the ground, as the occassional rock or flying turtle periodically riccocheted off. Some Mushrooms charged forward swinging whatever they could get their hands on, from a sack of dirt or a turtle by the tail, as a weapon. Others yet had formed a leaning, wobbling, Tower of Mushroom, with others shimmiing up on their shoulders and onto a floating platform of bricks, from which they lined up and dove kamikaze style downward onto the heads and backs of the Koopas, shouting in high pitched voices and emitting spittle.

The sight of the Koopas was equally prosaic. Some, granted wings, were busy flapping above the fray, dropping dirt (or themselves) on the Mushrooms. A few, toting nets, would wing down to capture a singled-out Mushroom, and more than a few found themselves consequently being dragged over the hard ground by the feisty fungi. Off in one corner, Ten watched in amusement as one similar net-toter snuck up unseen on a small gathering of Mushrooms, and swung his net down into the midst, as the others scurried. He triumphantly pulled up his catch to find a large, black orb in it. The pupils of his eyes shrank to pinholes as he watched the fuse on the angry Bob-Omb shrink to nothing. Ducking into his shell, he was soon granted an involuntary flight toward safe quarters a nice distance from the fight. Which was good for the Koopa, who probably needed some time to recover, considered Ten.

The battle raged on for minutes, getting more and more unpredictable and incredulous by the minute. Toad, off at a distance on a rock, shouting around him to no one in particular in the rush of the moment, and occassionally sending a bubble or a blast into a group of Koopas, looked on in consternation. Few on either side were getting hurt. The whole scene had more of an air of a pep-rally gone out of control. He started to step in another direction, when he saw a faint, flickering blue light hovering over the ground, slowly coming closer. As it approached, Toad made out the puckish face of Temier.

"Looks like our side needs a cheering section." said Temier, glancing with a smile at the battle. "You're in luck, because I have a very motivated group behind me."

Temier looked back and put one (arm?) to his mouth and gave another silent whistle. Soon, white wisps, seeming to glow in the darkness, materialized from nowhere, flitting and whipping through the air around them. Mush-ghosts popped out of the ground, appeared in rocks as faces, formed creepy conga lines, floating through the air, and forming circles. High-pitched giggles and excited chittering filled the air.

"All right, Mushrooms!" Temier addressed the innumerable spectres and lights that filled the air, "If you'll pardon the unfortunate remark, look alive! It's time to give those Koopa Froopas the scare o' their lives!"

Excited, feverish giggling and cries roared their assent.

"Every Koopa may be green on the outside, but underneath, they're all yella!"

"We'll make 'em wet their shells!"

"We'll scare 'em outta their scales!"

The enthusiastic chattering never dying down, the entire cloud seemed to float together, and then rush, like a wave, toward the battlefield. They streaked over and around the Koopas. They flitted and streaked around them, screaming and giggling. Some Mushrooms, whether because of daring or some twisted sense of humor, took a more subversive approach, and a few baffled Koopas suddenly found their arms and legs moving of seemingly their own accord. Some walked around in circles. Some bewildered Koopas slapped themselves in the face. A small group suddenly found themselves linking arms and kicking up their feet in unison, exchanging totally befuddled and worried expressions as they stomped and leaped through a most comical dance.

After that, the battle began to turn. Koopas ran, tripped, crawled, and flew away in fright, dispersing to the four corners of the horizon, many pursued by playful and gleeful ghosts. Toad and the other Mushrooms looked on, many laughing themselves silly, Toad himself chuckling, in spite of himself. Suddenly, he was aware of Temier again floating beside him. He was looking off toward Koopa Mountain. Toad followed his glance. Several dark forms were flying towards the summit, near Bowser's Castle, some on brooms, some carryed by bats, some using their magic to cause rocks to extend from the mountainside, forming a stairway. Temier looked on in concern, and Toad knew why.

"We gotta go after them." said Toad, firmly.

Temier turned to look at him, but was shocked as Toad amended himself.

"That is, I gotta go after them."

Temier looked on in concern. "But, Toad, you can't just-"

Toad cut him off. "I have to. I've got the wands. Well, the three that are free, anyway. Only I can stand up to those MagiKoopas, and the NecroKoopas among them. I have to, or you and your folk may never be reunited with your bodies."

Temier looked at him hard, but said nothing. Ten came running up.

"Toad! They're running for the hills! I never saw turtles movin' so fast! It's incredible!" He saw Toad's small, innocent face, marred by concern and purpose, as it had been for what seemed like longer than it had been. Toad didn't have to say anything. Ten nodded. Temier whistled for help, and Tempier appeared at his side.* The situation was explained, and Tempier understood.

Toad grabbed his wand, and made sure the other two were strapped safely to his back. Ten grabbed the ? block containing the other seven, and held it tightly in front of him, the strong Toad unbothered by it's weight. Temier and Tempier whirled around the two, and slowly disappered under their arms. Soon, the four Mushroom feet began to rise from the ground, as the possessory ghosts hoisted them up, foot by foot, into the open air, higher and higher, the battle getting smaller and smaller below them, as they glided up and toward Koopa Mountain, and the Castle at the top, to a spot that appeared to be a battlement betwixt two tower. There, Toad and Ten saw what appeared to be the MagiKoopa's converging spot...

~Meanwhile...~

The large, lime green doors, carved from stone and adorned with heiroglyphics monstrous turtles, swung open, into the large, looming, round room. Mario and Luigi stepped in, followed by Yoshi, Peach, and Geno. The sound of their boots clomped and echoed into the ominous chamber.

The room, amazingly, was rounded and smoothly domed, and the walls were carved from green stone, and seemed to glow in the light of the torches which circled the walls. As testimony to the Koopa King's sense of irony and twisted decorating taste, the interior of the Throne Room resembled nothing so much as the inside of a giant turtle shell. The floor dipped downward toward the center, but at the other side of the room, the floor formed circular steps up. At the top, underneath a chandelier, was an ostentatious and oddly-designed structure. It was like a narrow slab or bench which jutted forward, and there were raised places on the floor on either side, as if for an occupant with large, stubby legs that would not stretch down over an ordinary seat, and in this case a sitter would have to straddle it on either side of the perch. The back of it was concave, and domed backward, like an open clam. The interior was lined with soft green velvet; a throne not designed for straight, firm backs, but rather for rounded, hunched ones. Unfortunately, the rounded, hunched one they expected was not filling it. Aside from the adventurers, the Koopa King's Throne Room was abandoned and silent.

In four places around the room, corresponding to the openings for a turtle's legs, the walls arched up, forming irregular doorways. Luigi, Peach, Geno, and Yoshi each branched off to the doorways, and tried to open them, but found the heavy, stone doors sealed and immovable. Mario walked straight ahead, down the bowl of the floor and up the stairs to the other side, up to the Koopa King's Throne. He examined the peculiar, grotesque perch, where sat his long-time, in fact, life-long nemesis. He looked at it, hard. It struck him that the Throne was not centered perfectly with the back wall. Even Bowser, despite his outward crudeness, in the design of his most impressive room, would not have overlooked a detail like that. Bowser had always shown signs of an obsessive-compulsive mind, and his ego and sense of glory would have prevented him from accepting this.

Unless...

Mario began to look around frantically. He examined the arm rests and poked his head into the bassinet-like Throne. He sat down, straddling the wide seat, in a most uncomfortable position, sitting up, as his body would not fill the interior of the shell-shaped chair. Very sat there, as he imagined Bowser must, and looked out. The others, watching him, watched his face seem to adopt the scowling expression of the fierce Koopa King. His lips, behind his jovial mustache, drooped downward, and his small, round chin, deep in his neck, seemed to square a bit. The sight of Mario trying to emulate the attitudes and mindset of the Koopa leader sending eerie chills down their spine. Mario's gloved hands tightened, gripping the arm rests. He drummed his fingers impatiently. He then squeezed the edges of the armrest.

A panel opened in the ceiling, and down fell a rope with a handle. It dangled down a few feet from the Throne, over the stairs. Everyone smiled. Mario, much to everyone's relief, surrendered Bowser's thunderous visage and hopped off the Throne. He scurried down to the middle of the stairway, and looked up at the rope over his head. He leaped up, and grabbed it. The sound of a spring stretching echoed from behind him, and everyone stood back as the Throne slid off to one side, revealing a doorway in the back of the shell, where the tail would be. It seemed to lead to a place outside the back of the Throne Room. Everyone rushed up the stairs toward it. Mario peeked his head out.

Outside, a smooth stone ramp stretched downward from the door, like a turtle's tail, down to a large, open, flat area in the open air, the back of the castle stretching outward on either side. The area was exteremly large. It was like a coliseum, minus the walls or seats, stretching out behind the castle, into the air. On either side of the door, a pair of large searchlights sent a pair of bright pools of light across the silent platform, darting around, in a showy fashion, sending pools of light off into the night. The wind whipped around them, but no sound came up.

Cautiously, they all walked out into the platform, as the spotlights danced around, over the platform, harmlessly. Immediately, each one not trusting the silence or peace, formed a circle, looking outward, as though to protect everyone's backs. Nothing happened.

Obviously, the trail to the Koopa King led to this one, single spot. No one was confused for two-minded about it. Bowser had to be, was here, somewhere.

Nothing happened for what seemed like a minute or two, and the two began to get impatient. The circle expanded outward some, as they all looked into the air, expecting to see a plume of fire, a charging King, SOMETHING. But, nothing happened.

Finally, Princess Peach, often the most collected and patient of individuals could take it no longer. She stormed a few steps away from the group, and addressed the open air:

"Bowser, you wart-covered, belly-dragging, slime-emitting, twisted, ridiculous, gurgling, bumbling, lumbering swamp-scowering throwback! If your limited imagination can't give you some idea as to what to do at this point, then there's no point in us staying. We've seen your act time after time after time, and we're no longer interested. Either make a move, or... we're headed back to the Mushroom Kingdom!"

Everyone was stunned. Her tone had not been challenging. It was tired, and condescending, and she truly sounded unimpressed and impatient. From Bowser's point of view, to be challenged was fun, but to not be taken seriously, to be looked at like a clown... If he indeed heard her, he most assuredly would not have appreciated it. For a moment, they were rather worried, and actually wished the Princess would be hush, for fear of what the Koopa King, provoked, might do. In the past, he preferred being showy and intimidating. Fully provoked, he might not be quite so inclined to play fair.

Nothing happened, and the Princess sniffed. She then turned on her heel, and walked back toward the stunned group. She walked past Mario without looking at him, toward the door. Mario started to open his mouth to say something, but his words were quickly cut off.

Whup, whup, whup, whup...

The Princess stopped in mid-stride, and her eyes went wide.

Whup, whup, whup, whup...

Regularly, the staccatto chopping sound descended from above. Mario, Luigi, Geno, Yoshi, and Daisy looked up, speechless. Peach, bright blue eyes wide, turned slowly, toward the far end of the platform.

Down, from the night sky, decended a large, bulbous form. As it fell into the light cast by the searchlights, a white face spread across the object. Two black eyes dotted the front. Below, a pair of large, innocent lips smiled along the bottom of the teacup-shaped object. Underneath the face, a propeller, made to look like a green bowtie whirled around, making a whipping noise. They steeled themselves, their expectations finally met, as the Koopa Clown Car descended into the light.

What shocked them, however, was what also appeared on top, as it sank fully into the illumination. Over the lip of the cup, which had formery been open for the occupant, was now covered by what appeared to be a large, green, cone-shaped top, upon the tip of which was a large, fuzzy pink ball. Where formerly had been an open top, leaving the driver vulnerable, there was now welded on an impervious party-hat. Further, in addition to the propeller on the bottom, two more propellers adorned the sides of the head, like whirling ears, giving the vehicle better maneuverability, in addition to increasing it's mirthful menace. The group was dismayed but at this point unsurprised by Bowser, yet again demonstrating his new-found or long-hidden ability to learn new tricks.

This, however, was nothing for what happened next. The Princess, far in front of her line of friends, stood looking up at the mirthful monstrosity, hovering in the air, lit up by the bright searchlights. Suddenly, the innocent eyes changed. They were replaced by down, inward sloping yellow eyes. The crimson lips began to tremble, and part. Suddenly, the lips burst apart, and the jaw dropped down just over the platform. The Clown Car then began to shudder, and move lurch forward. The Princess was too shocked to move, as the menacing, malevolent face picked up speed as it glided toward her. A scream erupted from her throat as she was scooped up into the yawning maw of the vehicle, and the gaping jaws snapped shut after she disappeared into it's dark interior. The Mario Brothers and their companions looked on in horror as the Copter than again gained altitude and began to turn and circle away. It rose into the air, but did not fly away. High above the ground, it stopped, and again began to oscillate back around, toward the heroes. This time, the eyes were not so friendly, and the broad, tight-lipped smile beneath seemed all the more fiendish because of them.

They stood, and waited for the car's next move, wondering how Bowser planned to attack, now unable to peer out over the lid.

Their question was soon answered. The entire car seemed to rock backwards a little. Then, it pitched forward again. The big, fuzzy ball that adorned the tip of the party hat flew off, toward the balcony. It struck the ground and bounced again into the air. With a thud, it struck again, but did not bounce off over the edge. To their horror, it began to bounce over the platform, chasing the imperiled plumbers and their friends.

And that was only the first trick. Where the ball had previously been perched, a bare, thin, pointy needle stretched up into the air. Clouds gathered around the tower, and suddenly, a bolt of white lighting snapped downward, hitting it. The tip began to glow, and soon, it send a jolt of electricity ripping downward toward the tower, nearly hitting Mario, who was also busy dodging the deadly Dodge Ball.

Doing their best to survive the double onslaught, the bunch began to wonder how in the heck they were going to fight back Bowser THIS time...

~Lzn64~

Mario stared wearily at the hovering copter, which hadn't even seen fit to move since it's abrupt... disposal of princess Toadstool. He could imagine Bowser inside, laughing at them all... what a waste this constant running and jumping was! He was tiring them out, wearing them down, and there wasn't a thing to do about it.

He gasped as a bolt of electricity seared the floor just in front of him black, and jumped backward reflexively, toppling into his brother. They both went tumbling down in a tangle of limbs, which might have been amusing if not for the constant threat of death hovering about them. They untangled themselved hurriedly, barely able to roll in opposite directions as the giant, grossly festive pink ball rolled a slightly indented path between them.

"That's it!" Mario yelled in exasperation, as he jumped up and helped his brother do the same.

"'Fraid not," Luigi replied in a breathless voice, shoving him out of the way as another searing bolt of light illuminated the area just where they had been standing, making their mustaches crackle with electricity.

"We can't keep doing this, you know..."

"Better than most."

"Urgh.... there has to be a way inside of there."

"Sure there is... Just get it to snap you up."

Mario blinked. Now there was an idea...

"I was just joking, bro," Luigi said worriedly, not liking the look that had passed over his brother's face after he had said that.

"But... it could work."

"You're joking, too. Right?"

"Do I look like I'm joking? We have to do something besides run around, wearing ourselves out and getting nowhere for it."

"Well, there's got to be another- look out!" The two scattered as the giant ball locked onto them again, and then opted to follow Luigi when they split. Mario watched him go, knowing that he'd be fine, and turned toward where the copter hung, suspended in the air.

He dashed toward it, unsure of how to get to swallow him, instead of simply frying him with a bolt of lightning or chopping him up with the propellers that whirred at a dizzying speed. We'll see... He thought, increasing his speed.

---------

Ludwig peered out of the left eyehole, cursing his lack of foresight. He had completely forgotten to take limited vision into consideration, and it was haunting him now. If he had only thought to install some sort of tracking device of some sort, or at least offered a wider range of peripheral sight, he would have had the entire pesky squad led by those even peskier plumbers eliminated by now. It was quite impressive how they were holding out... indeed, it was a credit to the company that they had figured out how to get in at all. The hatch had been concealed very creatively, in his intelligent opinion.

He made a face at his annoying co-pilot and nagging sister, who had gotten the position soley due to her amazing whining ability. "But Daddy... I want to! I want it, I want it..." He shuddered at the thought.

"Listen up, Ludwig!" She yelled in a commanding voice that grated upon his brain. "I can't keep controlling that stupid ball when I can't see where it's going! Can't you at least revolve this dumb thing?"

"I'd revolve it if you weren't hogging half the controls!" Ludwig yelled back, trying to redirect the lightning in a precise manner.

"Right. You make this thing a flying tank, do all these modifications, and you didn't even think to make the stupid thing bigger? What kind of genious are you, anyway?"

"At least I can be considered a genious, you-"

However, this insult could never be completed, because at that moment, Wendy spotted a control lever, yanked it, and sent them careening toward the wall as the cup spun violently around to the left. Which revealed the determined form of Mario running toward them with a strange look on his face.

"Ack, Ludwig! Shut your face and zap him!"

Ludwig, however, was too busy being dazed from the impressive whack on the head he had received while the spinning had been taking place to understand what she was saying.

"What?" He asked, and was rewarded with an exasperated sigh and the horror of Wendy taking the controls.

Peach looked on, trying to see what she could through the eyeholes, and between the two koopa brats' antics. She had long since gave up struggling, as it was pointless. She was in an armored tank... a flying one, no less.

But as soon as the hatch opens up again, I'm outta here!

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