The light faded from his eyes, a bullet had pierced his brain. The last thing he would ever see were the tears of a friend, which tapped against his head. A sudden spike of pain had shot up his spine, and then nothing. He felt as lite as a snowflake, yet as heavy as a boulder. He was in nothingness, the eternal abyss. His name was Director, a man who had journeyed through hell, and yet kept a smile through it all. Except this day.

Director: cough.... where am I......

*Director fades in and out of conciousness, and suddenly wakes. He finds himself on the docks of Moondo lake, which he and his friend Mariorocks played on when they were children. He initially has trouble standing, he sees blood dripping from his forehead. Suddenly a flash of light blinds him, and when it departs, the blood is gone.*

Director: I feel amazing...

???: As you should.

Director: Who's there?

*A man appears from the water, he is wearing a hood. A glimpse of his jaw is revealed, it is rotted beyond belief.*

???: I ran the candy shop in your town, Director.

Director: Mr. Johannsen?

Johannsen: Good memory...follow me to the beginning of your end.

*Director follows him from the docks, through a town frozen in time.*

Director: Moondo lake…. I haven’t been here in so many years..

Johannsen: Time is trivial. All that matters, is now.

*A flash of light shoots past Director, suddenly they are in Johanssen’s candy shop.*

Director : Jesus Christ dude, stop doing that.

Johannsen: You’re dead, boy, what do you care.

Director: Not dead enough so that I wouldn’t be able to kick your ass…

Johannsen: Wassat?

Director: Nothing, nothing.

Johannsen: Right then, look around!

*Director walks around the candy shop looking at the walls. They are lined with various delights. Suddenly a light flashes, and the candy shop is old and dusty.*

Director: Woah woah woah, I swear I-

Johannsen: Do you remember what happened to me, Director?

Director: uh…..

Johannsen: You cut my brakes.

----

Director: Well, this can't get much worse.

~flash. Suddenly, Director finds himself in a maze~

Director: Hm... where am I?

~Director walks a few steps, touches a wall, and suddenly finds himself back at the entrance~

Director: Damn. Guess I'd better be really careful about navigating this maze.

~Director spends a few minutes navigating around, carefully~

Director: Ooh, there's a door up ahead! Maybe that's the way out of this nightmarish afterlife! Just a few more steps, and...



Director: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH *falls backward and runs away. The evil laughter follows him~

Director: NOT COOL, MAN. NOT COOL. Crap. This can't get much worse.

Ted Kennedy: Ooh, a door. Lemme go in and- AAAAARGH. NOT AGAIN.

Director: Who are you?

Ted Kennedy: I am your guardian angel, son. I have assumed the form of one whom you admire and revere.

Director: No, really, who are you.

Ted Kennedy: Okay, I'm Ted Kennedy.

Director: Wait. What are you doing here? This afterlife was created for me specifically?

Ted Kennedy: Yes, well, you know how someone drowned in a car because of your actions?

Director: Yeah?

Ted Kennedy: ...yeah.

Director: So anyway, what now?

"Come with me," said Ted Kennedy, "We have much to do."

Director could not sufficiently explain what he was seeing. Needless to say, dimensions are one of those fickle absolutes everyone has to deal with, no matter how much sense they make. He arrived rather suddenly in a classroom, populated by people, many whom were clearly injured.

"Hewwo evewyone!" said a man in a white button-up shirt. "I'm youah Heww Owientation Diwectoah."

Everyone in the room started muttering to one another, making him much harder to understand. Eventually the murmuring pieced it together enough to figure it out.

"Hell? But," objected a man in a black shirt, "I was a firm Pentecostal, the one true religion."

"Yeah," said a man, who looked like he'd broken his neck, "I was a Catholic. I took communion every week."

"Yes, weww, you'ah wight that theah is one twue weligion, but you guessed wwong."

"Well, who was right?" asked some female. Director couldn't make it out.

"The Zgzmmyvx Cultist of the Y8ops peopaw on Hyggijhhu V," explained the HOD.

"Wait!" a woman stood up and slammed a fist on a desk. "That's hardly fair. How can we believe in something we know nothing about?"

"Look, I'm just some guy twying to get by. Aww compwaints can be addwessed to 'The Big Man, 777 Univewse Wane, Heaven, Eternity 77777-7777. Now if youah done whining, wet's get back to business. Any questions?"

"Why are we here?" asked someone. Director didn't figure out who had asked.

"A gweat question, foah Afteahwife 102; wet's keep on topic."