OoC: =O

??? in thought: Oh jeez, my first case... This might actually be the most nervous I've been in my entire life! I hope I do a good job defending this client. I wouldn't want it to come back and haunt me at a later date if I mess it up. So much pressure...

???2: Mr. Walrus.

Walrus: GAAAH! Oh... sorry, you scared me, sir.

???2: Nervous about your first case?

Walrus: Yeah, I just wanna do well.

???2: I'm sure you'll do fine, Marcus *smile*

Walrus: Heh, yeah...

The man Mr. Walrus was conversing with was... actually a normal-looking man. He had dark hair and wore a grey suit with a black tie. He was quite handsome and had a twinkle in his eye. I guess if one were to point out anything "unusual" about him, it would be the enormous red crab claw that was his right hand.

???2: It's almost time, Marcus. You HAVE read over the Case Report, right?

Walrus: Of course, Mr. Fiddler! That'd be borderline idiotic to skip over something like that! (Son of a bitch...)

Fiddler: Good. Now don't worry, I'll be right there with you if you need any guidance, although I'd prefer you didn't rely on me that much. You'll eventually have to do this on your own, you know. *chuckle*

Walrus: Right, I know.

Fiddler: And... if we're really up against the wall in there, I have an ace up my sleeve. Hopefully it won't come to that, though; it's the last ditch effort of last ditch efforts.

Walrus: I understand, sir.

Fiddler: *takes a deep breath* Well, it's about that time. You ready?

Walrus: I think so.

Fiddler: Well, alright. *pushes open the courtroom door* After you, Marcus.

OoC: There was no doubt I'd post in this first!

Walrus: *Enters the courtroom to booing* Hurm. *Stares at them and shakes his whiskers* Why are they booing?

Fiddler: You were expecting a hero's welcome, Mr. Walrus? Welcome to the world of defense attorneys. Now look, they may not be on your side right now, and your client doesn't appear to be the most innocent of fellows, either..

Walrus: You're not making this easier on me. *Whisker shake*

Fiddler: ..But that's why you've gotta turn this around to make em' realize the truth. *Snaps claw* OR I'LL PINCH YA.

Walrus: The truth? Yes, I suppose.

Judge Cynic: Well now, another new defense attorney? You're like, the third this week. And it's Tuesday. And I'm disappearing from not existing. Anyway, this won't turn out to be good, I assure you.

Walrus: *Shakes his whiskers intensely* The defense is ready, Your Honor.

Prosecutor: Whoooa, hey. So the walrus finally came out to play.

Walrus: I say, who dares- *Spots the prosecutor, his chin drops to the floor* Or-Orca?!

~Orca, a giant killer whale in a suit, stands up on his flippers and laughs at Walrus's expression~

Orca: Walrus, did you think this would be the last time we met? Your assumptions amuse me so- *starts to cough violently, then reaches for a small glass of water on his desk and drinks it* Ah, much better.

Walrus: *Whisker shake* So, have you stopped tagging along with my asinine cousin Owen?

Orca: He's studying to become a lawyer as well. You see, all marine life strives for positions in the law world amongst men. But in any case, we're here specifically to expose your client for the scumbag they are. Let it be done!

Fiddler: Now, Marcus, he may look intimidating, but don't let his sheer size get to ya.

Walrus: Come again? It's not like I've never seen him before, his size doesn't matter.

Fiddler: Well, not yet.

Dr. Walrus: *shakes whiskers* (I'm a bit late. I wonder who my client is?)

~He's about to look into his folder of documents when suddenly the bailiff enters dragging along a rebellious looking youth wearing a red jacket. He also has a turtle face. With feathers on his head~

Walrus: I say!

Bailiff: The defendant tried to sneak off again. *shoves the youth into the seat*

Judge Cynic: If that happens again, I'll hold you both in contempt of court!

Walrus: Yes, your honor. *he looks at the case and quickly skims it*



Walrus: (The rat? I wonder who that is...)

Orca: Yah honah. This is an open and shut case. The defendant, Samuel Flutter, did on the 14th, on that verah ev'nin, purp'sly and most maliciously assault the rat.

Judge Cynic: The rat that saved spring break?

Orca: The verah same.

~the crowd gasps and murmur to one another~

Orca: I plan to prove with testimony and evidence, that it could not have been any other. I submit into evidence the shoe used to murder Mistah Rat. A Smell-Tron comparison confirmed it to match the odor of Flutter's smelly feet.

Flutter: OBJECTION!

Judge Cynic: *bangs gavel* OVERRULED! You will not interrupt this proceeding! Mr. Walrus, you'd best keep your client in line.

Walrus: Yes! Of course sir! *glares at Flutter and shakes his whiskers*

Orca: We have the table that Flutter tripped over in this heah photograph. If you look at it, you can most clearly see it bolted to the ground. ~hands it up to the judge, who inspects it and passes it off to the bailiff to give to Walrus~ And finally, to make an airtight case... we have testimony from Missus The Rat, who does so dearly misses her rat, who witnessed her husband and the defendant a day before the incident and will provide motive.

Judge Cynic: Very well. You may proceed with your first witness.

~a minute later, a young blonde woman that looks like a supermodel is escorted to the stand~

Bailiff: All that stuff about the truth... how about it?

Woman: I'm down with that.

Bailiff: Cool.

*Orca waddles up to the stand and rests a fin on it, which busts the stand in two and he falls over and flops around for several minutes until several guards get him back on his feet and the witness stand is replaced*

Orca: *ahem* Your name, please.

Woman: Mrs. Doria May the Rat.

Orca: Occupation?

Doria: Supermodel housewife.

Orca: And what was your relation to the victim, the rat who saved Spring Break?

Doria: He was my husband. We met after he saved spring break when I was going to college. I couldn't resist those cute beady eyes and his natural animal instincts to seek dark, damp places.

Orca: Would you describe the events in which you witnessed your husband speaking to the defendant?

Doria: Well...

TESTIMONY

Me and my husband were at home watching the newest episode of Charles in Charge, when there was a knock at the door.

My husband went to go see who it was and it was the defendant.

He asked my husband if he could have a cup of sugar to get his "fix."

Unfortunately, I had used the last of the sugar to make my husband a cheesecake, so we were out.

The defendant was outraged and left in a huff, but not before commenting on my husband's weight to explain the whereabouts of the sugar.

That might technically be true, but it's still sort of rude to mention.

Judge Cynic: ...Well, normally I'm skeptical of testimonies, but that one seems pretty air-tight.

Fiddler: Still, your honor, Mr. Walrus will be cross-examining the witness.

Walrus: Cross-examine?

Fiddler: It's easy, Marcus. All you have to do is listen to the testimony again, verbatim, and scream "Hold it!" after every sentence or so. It's bound to turn something up.

Walrus: Just scream "Hold it!"?

Fiddler: Or "Matta!", but that's more japanese. Anyway, yeah, that's the gist of it.

Walrus: Okay, I'll try.

CROSS-EXAMINATION

Me and my husband were at home watching the newest episode of Charles in Charge, when there was a knock at the door.

Walrus: Matta!

Doria: ...I beg your pardon?

Walrus: (Crap, I'm so nervous I switched 'em!) Erm... I mean... Hold it! Yeah!

Doria: Oh, what?

Walrus: Are you sure it was the NEWEST episode of Charles in Charge?

Doria: Well, yes, me and my husband never miss an episode.

Walrus: Your honor, I'd like that added to the testimony.

Fiddler: Marcus, no.

Walrus: Nevermind. Continue.

My husband went to go see who it was and it was the defendant.

Walrus: Hold it! How do you know it was the defendant if it was your HUSBAND who answered the door?

Doria: Well, when he came back, he told me some punk kid with slicked back, pompadour-ish hair that looked sort of like a bird-turtle thing was at the door.

Walrus: I see... and what did he want?

He asked my husband if he could have a cup of sugar to get his "fix."

Walrus: Hold it! What's this fix you're talking about?

Doria: ...I don't know. That's what my husband said he said: "Hey, man, you got a cup 'o sugar I can have... I need my fix... Eeeeeeeeeey!"

Walrus: Your honor, I'd like-

Fiddler: Marcus, NO!

Walrus: Fiiiine. So what happened next?

Unfortunately, I had used the last of the sugar to bake my husband a cheesecake, so we were out.

Walrus: Hold it! Is that true? Did you REALLY bake a cheesecake?

Doria: Why would I lie about something like that?

Walrus: Oh, I don't know, maybe to FRAME MY CLIENT!

The bystanders in the courtroom: Murmur murmur murmur murmur.

Judge Cynic: *pounds in gavel* Order!

Orca: Hooork hork hork hork! (That's... his whale laugh. Sorta like King Dedede's in Brawl) I'm sorrah, Walrus, but the autopsy report shows that the stomach contents of The Rat had a bit of cheesecake in there. I'm shuh that's proof enough that Mrs. the Rat heah is tellin' the truth.

Walrus: Grr *whisker shake* Fine, continue...

The defendant was outraged and left in a huff, but not before commenting on my husband's weight to explain the whereabouts of the sugar.

Walrus: Hold it! How do you know that the defendant left "in a huff"?

Doria: Well, aside from my husband telling me about it after, I could HEAR the defendant from the living room. He was practically screaming with no disregard for the sleeping neighbors. Then he slammed our door.

Flutter: Sleepin''s for squares.

Judge Cynic: *bangs gavel* Stop! Speaking!

Flutter: Whatever... *pulls his cool-lookin' shades down a bit and glares at the judge with narrowed eyes* square.

Judge Cynic: Walrus, continue with your cross-examination before I end this trial myself!

Walrus: Right, of course, your honor. Hm... could you hear your husband?

Doria: Well... no, but that doesn't matter, my husband told me all about it when he came back.

Walrus: Your honor, I'd... *looks to Fiddler*

Fiddler: *nod*

Walrus: *turns back to the judge with conviction* Your honor! I'd like that added to the testimony!

Judge Cynic: Fine.

That might technically be true, but it's still sort of rude to mention.

Walrus: Aha! OBJECTION! You're just supposed to report the FACTS, Mrs. the Rat! *points* Your opinion is unnecessary!

Doria: ...

Judge Cynic: ...

Orca: ...

The courtoom: ...

Fiddler: ... Oh, Marcus...

Walrus: What?

Fiddler: Alright, Marcus, hitting on that bit about her not hearing her husband was good. We need to somehow make that the thing that breaks this case wide open!

Walrus: Alright.

Orca: No furthuh cross-examination will be neces'sry.

Walrus and Fiddler: What?

Judge Cynic: Sustained *gavel pound*

Walrus and Fiddler: WHAT?!

Judge Cynic: He's a southern male whale lawyer... why should I doubt him?

Fiddler: Nooo... you're not ready...

Walrus: Not ready for what, sir?

Fiddler: The ace up my sleeve. We might have to pull it out yet. All we really have to rely on is *jerks his thumb over to Flutter... his human thumb... crabs don't really have thumbs* HIS testimony.

Walrus: Crap.

Flutter approaches the stand.

Bailiff: Place your right hand on this bible.

Flutter: No.

Bailiff: Alright. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you whatever particular deity you worship?

Flutter: No.

Bailiff: Fair enough, proceed.

Orca gets up, but not before taking a drink of his water, and walks over to the witness stand.

Orca: Please state yuh name for the record.

Flutter: Who the hell's Yuh?

Orca: YUH NAME! STATE IT!

Flutter: Okay, I'll ASSUME that "yuh" is stupid for "your". If you knew who I was that'd so be a burn. Anyway, the name's Samuel, but people call me Flutter.

Orca: And why's that?

Flutter: I dunno. ...Or wait, it's my last name.

Orca: Alright and what's yuh occupation?

Flutter: I'm a professional cool guy. *takes out a comb and runs it through his hair* Eeeeeeeeeeeeey!

Orca: So you basically mimic Fonzie from Happy Days.

Flutter: ...Eeeeeeeeeeeeeey!

Orca: Just give yuh testimony.

TESTIMONY

Alright, I admit to going to The Rat's house for sugar, but you don't understand!

The Rat's my dealer and I needed my fix, man!

He knew I was stopping by that day and he knew that the cheesecake his wife baked woulda been good enough! He didn't care!

So... I called him a fat rat and then chuckled how it rhymed. I guess it was loud, though.

So then the guy SLAMS the door in my face after tellin' me to "get lost!"

Fiddler: Alright, Marcus, you know what to do?

Walrus: Yes, sir.

Fiddler: Alright, go for it.

CROSS-EXAMINATION

Alright, I admit to going to The Rat's house for sugar, but you don't understand!

Walrus: Hold it! Exactly what DON'T we understand, Mr. Flutter?

Flutter: I was getting to that, jeez!

Walrus: Hmph. *whisker shake*

The Rat's my dealer and I needed my fix, man!

Walrus: Hold it! Your... dealer?

Flutter: Yeah, man, my sugar dealer! It's the 80s, everyone's into sugar! That's not a crime, is it?

Judge Cynic: ...Technically, no. Proceed, please.

He knew I was stopping by that day and he knew that the cheesecake his wife baked woulda been good enough! He didn't care!

Walrus: Hold it! How did you know that his wife baked him a cheesecake?

Flutter: Well, he gloated about it. In fact... he had a piece of cheesecake with him and ATE IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!

The courtroom: Murmur murmur murmur murmur

Judge Cynic: *bangs gavel* Order!

Walrus: Why would he do that, though?

Flutter: 'Cause he's a jerk.

Orca: OBJECTION! Mr. the Rat is DOCUMENTED on saving Spring Break.

Flutter: So? Jerks can save stuff, too! Just read GMOG!

KoD: Ha ha HA! I'm referencing GMOG in a poor light! I'M! SO! WITTY!

Orca: OBJECTION! I will not let you tahnish The Rat's image with such baseless accusations! Do you have any PROOF that The Rat would engage in such a low-life activity as SHUGAH DEALING?!

Flutter: ...Shug-?

Orca: Do you?!

Flutter: Well... no.

Orca: I rest mah case, yuh honah. There's no need for furthuh cross-examinaton.

Walrus: But I'm not done!

Orca: No one cahes!

Walrus: *slumps* Well, damn, now what?

Fiddler: The evidence, Marcus, that's your ammunition!

Walrus: Okay. *looks through the evidence... it's just the picture, but >.>* Well... all we go is this picture. ...Oh, hey, this is odd.

Fiddler: What?

Walrus: The table's bolted down, sure, but there's still ground up linoleum near the bolts.

Fiddler: ...M... Marcus, present that! That might be it!

Walrus: Right! Your honor, I think I have something that should be brought to the court's attention!

Judge Cynic: Oh?

Walrus: Mr. Orca, the picture you submitted was taken at the scene of the crime and as such, the table wasn't disturbed at ALL during the process?

Orca: Of cahs not.

Walrus: I see... so I guess that would explain why *points* THERE'S STILL GROUND UP LINOLEUM NEAR THE BOLTS!

Orca: *caught by surprise, starts to cough and choke and takes a drink of water* That... that's nothin'! Obviously the bartender had it recently bolted down!

Walrus: Perhaps... However, if that were the case, wouldn't Flutter's body falling to the floor be enough create air that would blow that ground up linoleum away?

Orca: Hork hork hork! But Fluttuh didn't fall! The table was bolted down and Fluttuh stomped on The Rat with his foot!

Walrus: Oh... (Damn it, I was SO CLOSE)

Fiddler: *clears thoat*

Walrus: (Hm?)

Fiddler: Let's say that's the case. The Rat's body was found right next to the table. Even if Flutter "stomped on The Rat with his foot" that alone would be enough to create some air to blow the linoleum away.

Orca: Gurk! *hastily drinks water*

Walrus: So, in order for that ground up linoleum to be there in ANY case... it would have had to have been completely untouched, like say... at a crime scene? *smirk that turns into a whisker shake*

Orca: N... No! He coulda moved the body theah!

Walrus: You... you think he's smart enough to do that. *turns to Flutter*

Flutter: Eeeeeeeeey!

Walrus: Besides, did the autopsy report point to any fingerprints on The Rat's body?

Orca: Well, no... just a foot print... that MATCHES THE DEFENDANT'S SHOE!

Walrus: That doesn't matter one bit! If the defendant was truly guilty *points* WHY WOULD THE TABLE HAVE TO BE BOLTED DOWN TO CREATE EVIDENCE?

Orca: Guuuuurk! *frantically drinks water*

Judge Cynic: ...That's a good question. Mr. Orca?

Orca: *pant*....*pant*....*pant*.... Hehe... haha... hahaha.... HOOOORK HORK HORK HORK HORK!

Walrus: (I think I cracked him!)

Orca: You think you won?! Ha! Who cahes if the table was bolted down later?! The truth remains that THAT man *points to Flutter*

Flutter: Eeeeeeeeeey!

Orca: stepped on an innocent rat and KILLED him!

Flutter: Innocent? Crazy rat tried to kill me!

Walrus: WHAT?!

Judge Cynic: WHAT?!

Orca: WHAAAAAAAAT?!

Flutter: Yeah, man, he ambushed me at the bar.

Judge Cynic: Well, don't just sit there, give your testimony!

Flutter: Alright, let me just get back to the witness stand.

Judge Cynic: You never left...

Flutter: Whatever *pulls his cool-lookin' shades down a bit and glares at the judge with narrowed eyes* square.

Judge Cynic: TESTIMONY! NOW!

Flutter: Fiiiiiine.

TESTIMONY

So there I was, walkin' into the bar with a cool entrance, makin' everyone gasp.

When on the floor, there's The Rat! brandishing a tiny knife, like uh... the knife from Clue!

Huh... I looked for clues once. I had a magnifying glass and everything! ...Wait, did that actually happen?

...Ya know, on second thought, I'm thinking maybe The Rat with the knife made everyone gasp.

Naturally I tried to disarm him, but when I ran over to him, that table got in the way and... well, ya know.

Orca: He's lying! There was no knife found at the crime scene!

Walrus: Wait a minute... the bar was FULL of people wasn't it?

Flutter: Well, yeah.

Walrus: And NONE of them are here to testify? Why is that, MR. ORCA?

Orca: Erm... Well... Hehe... *drinks water* They all refused.

Walrus: Refused? Why would they refuse?

Flutter: Well, The Rat WAS a pretty big sugar dealer. He was a powerful man. How do you think he got such a hot supermodel housewife?!

The courtroom: Murmur murmur murmur murmur.

Judge Cynic: *pounds gavel* ORDER! ...That IS pretty strange that no one would testify. If he wasn't a big-time sugar dealer like Mr. Flutter says he is... why would no one testify?

Orca: *pant*....*pant*....*pant*.... Of cahs that's because he's an adored figure in the eyes of the public! They don't wanna tarnish his good name!

Judge Cynic: But... wouldn't testifying HELP him in that case?

Orca: Guuuuuuurk! *frantically drinks water*

Walrus: (Wow, what a slip-up. He must be getting desperate.)

Orca: ...Hork hork hork hork hork!

Walrus: (Damn...)

Orca: So what? Without a RELIABLE witness or evidence, you have NOTHIN'!

Flutter: Hey! ...I mean, Eeeeeeeeeey!

Fiddler: ...I'm afraid he's right, Marcus. I guess it's time to pull that ace out.

Marcus: You think I'm ready?

Fiddler: Like I said before, no.... but we don't have a choice. Your honor, I-

Someone: Hold it!

Walrus: !!!

Judge Cynic: !!!

Orca: !!! ....You...

Someone: Your honor, I'd... like to testify again... AGAINST my husband!

The courtroom: MURMUR MURMUR MURMUR MURMUR!

Judge Cynic: *gavel pound three times* ORDER! ...Well... if you insist, Mrs. the Rat.

Orca: No! She doesn't! Think of what yuh doin', Doria!

Doria: I HAVE! I can't sit by and watch this man defend this INNOCENT person to the bitter end for nothing!

Orca: Yuh Honah! You can't let her!

Judge Cynic: Mr. Orca, contain yourself or I'll hold you in contempt.

Orca: Grr...

Judge Cynic: Mrs. the Rat... go on.

TESTIMONY

You see... I was at the bar that night with my husband...

As soon as Flutter walked in, my husband looked up suddenly with sugar on his nose!

He pulled out a tiny knife and sprang from his seat! And then...



...Of course, no one in the bar would testify to The Rat having a knife since his "people" would go after them...

So, I took the knife and hid it in my purse... and then I went to Mr. Orca...

He said he'd take care of it and that he'd win the case for sure.

Oh, I'm so sorry! I just didn't want my husband's good name ruined!

Judge Cynic: ...I see.

Orca: *panting more heavily than before*

Judge Cynic: Do you... still have the knife with you, Mrs. the Rat.

Doria: Yes, your honor. *puts her purse up on the witness stand and pulls out the tiny knife*

The courtroom: Murmur murmur murmur murmur.

Judge Cynic: ...Well, now... there's nothing to be skeptical about here. With everything that's been proven by witness testimony and evidence, I think I can make a verdict. I hereby declare the defendant...













Orca: WAIT!

Everyone: !!!

Orca: *takes the entire pitcher of the remaining water and chugs it like mad and then crushes the pitcher into pieces*

Flutter: Aw man, I wanted some of that... I could use a drink; this whole ordeal's been kinda stressful, ya kn-

Orca: SHUT UP, YA GREASY LITTLE PUNK! *pants* Hehehehe.... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA AHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHork! Very good, Walrus... You ALMOST won the case.

Fiddler: Oh no...

Walrus: What are you talking about? I've PROVEN that my client's innocent!

Orca: You don't get it! I don't NEED evidence or testimony! I invoke...
THE LOOPHOLE!

Judge Cynic: The Loophole? A sudden turn of events like this is quite disappointing, like my son turned out to be, but I’ll have to review this for a moment.

Fiddler: So it’s happened at last.

Walrus: What? What has? Haven’t I won yet?!

Orca: Come, Marcus! Only on tha field of battle can we resolve this here case for young Football over thar.

Flutter: That’s “Flutter”, mmmbro.

Orca: And if’n yah DON’T accept, yah lose this case by default!

Walrus: *Pounds desk* Orca, is this some trick? I’ll have you know I studied law for years, and never have I heard of such a-

Fiddler: He’s not lyin’, Marcus. *Turns his head at Walrus with his eye bulging out* It’s the Loophole. When one of the lawyers invokes it, then a fight begins. The victor wins the case.

Walrus: …*Whisker shake* Why didn’t you tell me about this?

Fiddler: It hasn’t been used in this country for years, they say. Clearly he’s actually read the law books! Now, Marcus, you get in there and you fight your best because I know you can do it. *Slams his crab claw into the desk, crushing it* Or I’ll do THAT to yer face!

Walrus: You’re right, I just have to believe in myself.

Walrus rolls up his sleeves and walks out to the middle of the courtroom floor, ready to brawl. Orca’s huge shadow covers him in seconds, and Walrus looks up to see that he is clearly outmatched.

Walrus: (Just tell yourself it’s like fighting those fiends for your lunch money in Law school.)

Orca: If’n only Owen were here tah see this. He’d problahbly be cheerin’ for me.

Walrus: I have no regrets! *Whisker shake*

Judge Cynic: This checks out. So a ‘mere whale would be the first to read the book of Law until the end and notice this rule.

Orca: With all respect, Yo Honah, it wouldn’t a happened without much well-given advice.

Judge Cynic: Whatever. You guys can start now. *Falls asleep*

Orca: MAAAAARRRRRCUS *Starts to fall*

Walrus: Oh, dear.

Orca tilts his body forward, about to perform a body slam. Mr. Walrus leaps out of the way, and the impact from Orca’s huge body sends all of the spectators out of their seats and into the air. Walrus looks around quickly and spots a chair beside him, he picks it up and throws it weakly at Orca, who doesn’t flinch as the chair simply bounces off of him. Annoyed, Orca spins around and slaps Walrus with the end of his tail, knocking him into the wall and leaving a small crater behind him.

Walrus shakes his head and looks up, and sees Orca (still on his belly) sliding at him with his jaws open. Orca bites down, but Walrus stands between his teeth holding them open with this arms. Walrus shakes his whiskers and grunts. Orca begins thrashing around on the floor, trying to shake Walrus loose. He spits him out onto the floor, as well as a torrent of water from his mouth, knocking Walrus back some more.

Fiddler: Marcus! Fight back, what are you doing?!

Walrus: I say, I didn’t become a lawyer to fight killer whales, you gormless pillock! *Sprayed with a mixture of water and fish* Especially not ones in suits! *Whisker shake*

Fiddler: Don’t forget why you’re here. Don’t forget your family!

Walrus: I…I…



Suddenly Walrus’ expression inherits a grim seriousness. He opens his mouth and catches a fish in it and scarfs it down, then fights against the torrent of water up to Orca’s mouth and grabs the tongue in his flippers.

Orca: W-Wha aah yah OOING?!

Walrus ties Orca’s tongue in a knot, then enters his mouth and begins punching the inside of his throat, then knocks out a few of his teeth for no good reason. Walrus forces Orca’s mouth open again, and then sinks his tusks into Orca’s body. Orcas yells out, then accidently bites down on his tongue. Walrus rolls Orca’s body over and summons all of his strength to pick him up. He holds him over his head for a moment, then realizes he’s too heavy and falls with Orca’s weight crushing him underneath. Neither of them move for a while.

Judge Cynic: Huh? Sorry, I must’ve missed it.*Yawns* What now?

Crowd: Murmur murmur murmur…

Fiddler: Spectacular fighting, Marcus. The Loophole is revived, thanks to you.

Judge Cynic: So then I guess I should announce the winner…?

???: Hold thy tongue, o depressed judge! Not ‘fore I have my own say.

Judge Cynic: ‘Coulda just said “Hold It!”

???: Nay, George Washington holds nothing, and I cannot tell a lie.

A ghostly image of Washington appears over the bodies of Orca and Mr. Walrus. Flutter, Doria, and the entire courtroom gasps at his presence.

Judge Cynic: Are you…a side effect of my meds or something?

Washington: Something stirred me in my sleep…the resurfacing of that ungodly Loophole in America’s judicial system. Who…who has done it?

Walrus: Ugh…Mr. President. *Whisker shake* It was this behemoth here who has brought it into the courtroom. You’re telling me it was you yourself who created this shame upon the world of law?! *Shakes whiskers angrily*

Washington: Nay, ‘twas not I, but my partner, Littleson who created the Loophole back in the founding days of this nation. However, we thought we made it clear not to be used ever again.

Judge Cynic: You could’ve just made it illegal or something.

Washington: Alas, that never passed, thanks to the efforts of Littleson. He fought so hard to keep it in, so we decided that it would be best to put it in the very back of the book of law, in small text where nobody would notice it.

Orca: W-Wait…

Walrus: Orca! *Shakes whiskers*

Orca: It wasn’t…me, sah. I was put up to it, to use tha Loophole, y’see.

Washington: Tell me, son. Who is responsible then?

Orca: …It was him. *Points* Fid…dler…urk. *passes out*

Walrus: Fiddler? *Spins around and stares behind the defense bench at him*

Fiddler: Now gentlemen, don’t look at me like that. DO YOU WANNA GET PINCHED?!

Judge Cynic: Mr. Fiddler, just what did you put these two up to?

Fiddler: Ahaha, nothing. It was their choice, get it? They just needed to be egged on, and luckily they both had the determination to win.

Walrus: You used Orca, and me? *Whisker shake*

Fiddler: Orca wanted to win however he could. And I knew you, my first pupil, had the determination to use the Loophole in court from the time you left a trail of brine through my office door. *Raises his claw into the air* It was perfect!

Washington: You don’t know what you’ve done!

Fiddler: Of course I do, I’m going to change the legal system. There’s always more than one way to do it.

Judge Cynic: I’m afraid that way isn’t in jail. Bailiff, arrest this man-

Fiddler: For what? The Loophole is legal, isn’t it? You can’t touch me.

Judge Cynic: Hm.

Walrus: But you wanted to change the legal system, did you not?

Fiddler: The Loophole can do that, but the first step was to put it back into the minds of the court system. This case will lead to more curiosity. As in, more lawyers will start to use it when the find that it is an option. And then, when it grows in popularity, I’ll be there to exploit it!

Walrus: Madness. A world without proper law is a sad one indeed. I can’t imagine what kind of poor fool would go to those lengths to defend their client, but I wouldn’t want to know them!

Washington: Enough of this, I will not let the Loophole come back again, it will destroy this country!

Washington’s ghost suddenly becomes more solid, and grows huge muscles, ripping his shirt off. He grabs a nearby phone book and rips it in half easily and then discards it and growls angrily at Fiddler. Washington then charges at him, hopping across the tops of tables. Fiddler laughs and jumps in a forward flip in the air, wailing Darth Sidious style and then lands with his claw out in a threatening manner. Washington grabs his trusty cherry tree-chopping axe and is then locked in an intense battle with Fiddler.

They leap all across the room, on the windows and even run across the ceiling exchanging blows with eachother. Washington jumps back down to the ground and fires lighting from his eyes at Fiddler, who deflects it with his claw. He jumps onto a chandelier that wasn’t even there before and cuts it loose from the ceiling with his claw and watches it fall towards Walrus and Orca. Washington jumps underneath it and grabs it before it lands, struggling under the weight.

Fiddler comes back down to the floor and grabs one of Walrus’ law books. He opens it up to the last page, with the Loophole, and holds it up to Washington.

Fiddler: You can’t win here, Washington! Your current form is only possible through the power of law! All I have to do is seal you back inside!

Washington: By the Star - Spangled Banner, I’ll get you for this someday!

Washington attempts to toss the chandelier that he was holding at Fiddler, but he dodges it and laughs. Fiddler throws the book at Washington, and just like that, he’s sucked into the pages, sealing him inside the book. It falls to the ground and lay there, motionless.

Fiddler: Eheheh. I’m sure we’ll meet again. *He turns to the crowd* To all of people witnessing this case, your court battles are always worth fighting as long as the Loophole exists. Never give up hope!

Walrus: But look at what it’s done to Orca!

Fiddler: Have you forgotten? You did that to him, not me. However, I’ll be glad to fix him up.

Walrus: No!

Walrus attempts to charge Fiddler, but then realizes that he’s gone. He looks around, and notices that Orca’s body isn’t there any more, either.

Walrus: Nooooooo! *Whisker shake*

Flutter: …So am I free or what, man?

Judge Cynic: This is…quite shocking indeed. Never did I imagine the Loophole to return. Well, actually that was probably Washington’s line. Anyway, I am striking this entire case from the record…so long as none of us ever speak of the Loophole to anyone again. Fiddler may have brought it up this time, but we won’t let it get any further, understood?

Doria: It’s okay. I think Mr. Walrus here proved his innocence anyway.

Flutter: *Turns to the screen and gives a thumbs up*

Bailiff: …*Smacks Flutter upside the head and then leaves*

Walrus: *Whisker shake* (Some first case, indeed. I won’t need to be helped by anyone again, I set out to do this myself, so that’s what I’m going to do. Look out, world of law, Marcus Walrus has washed up on your beaches.)

Judge Cynic: Mr. Walrus? I hardly need to tell you the reasons why you must not bring this case up to anyone again, right?

Walrus: Of course not, Your Honor. I was just thinking to myself. I suppose now that I’m without a mentor, I will go solo from now on. But first, I believe I will finish school and get my doctorate, wot. *Whisker shake*

Judge Cynic: I suspect he’ll come back someday. As for the Loophole, I sincerely doubt any man or woman would be desperate enough to arrive at that option ever again. I think this will be the last of it.

Walrus: Agreed. It isn’t my concern though. Now, if you’ll excuse me…

Meanwhile…many miles away.

Orca: Urghh…gork…

Fiddler: You’re awake. Good.

Orca: Where am I?

Fiddler: A room underneath Washington D.C. You’re being treated for your injuries.

Orca: Why not tha’ hospital?

Fiddler: Because, you promised you’d help me control the legal system in exchange for some power. We’re going to give you that now. Just imagine yourself, Orca Glint, with all of the power in the world?

Orca: I s’ppose.

Fiddler: We’ll just have to turn you into something more powerful, first. An Omega.

Orca: Very well.

Fiddler: I’m glad to hear you say that. Now, I can move my attention back over to the upcoming presidential race…


END