~The hang out at Game Stop.~

Golem: So I've been to Hell before.

Retro Belmont: What? How?

Golem: Oh, you know.

~A little girl comes up to the group.~

Patty the Obnoxious Kindergartener: Mr. Golem?

Golem: Yes, Patty?

Patty: I lost my ball in Hell! Can you help me get it?

Golem: Well. Oh. Rhyk?

Rhyk: WAHAT DO YOU WAAAAAANT?

Golem: One portal to Hell, please. And make it snappy.

Rhyk: well okay can i come along

Golem: No! You've got to stay here as a lifeline. Also, you can let other OGers in if they want to join.

Rhyk: can i have a cookie

Golem: ~pulls out a Yoshi Cookie~ Here you go.

Rhyk: ~eating the cookie while generating the portal with his hands~ NUM NUM NUM

Golem: Time to give Hell a go...!

Retro: ...lem?

Golem: Oh WHAAAT?

Retro looks downward towards the portal to Hell. Thousands of lost souls scream up at him, and he feels some intense heat coming up at his face, which totally singes off his eyebrows. He turns to Golem.

Retro: I don't think I want to go to Hell.

Golem: Don't be ridiculous, it's perfectly safe.

Retro: Really?

Golem: Nooope.

Golem pushes Retro into the portal and then jumps in after him. Ryhk waves happily after them as passerby exiting GameStop observe, looking baffled.

Then came the falling, which went something like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5GSlOxPGWU#t=0m51s

Some time after blacking out from the fall, Retro and Golem wake up on the surface of a large rock with flames surrounding them. When they get to their feet, a voice speaks to them.

Satan: Hey look everybody, Golem's back!

From beyond the flames, the figure of a man walks through to where Golem and Retro are standing. He is dressed in a business suit with vertical gray stripes. His skin in completely red and two large horns come out of his forehead. Below his back a long tail almost hits the ground but curls up behind him. He walks up to Golem and Retro and shakes their hands.

Retro: Wait..you're..

Golem: Oh yeah. Retro, this is Satan. He runs the place.

Satan: Yeah, most of the time. But hey, I hate all of these formalities, so you guys can call me Lucifer. Actually just Lou will do. What brings you back to Hell?

Golem: Just gettin' little Patty's ball.

Satan: Haha, that damned girl never learns does she? I'll straighten her out when she comes by next weekend.

Golem: Cool.

Satan: Yeah, she's my ex girlfriend's daughter and...ah, there I go again. Say, would you guys care for some all you can eat buffets and some sex?

Retro: Uh, I think I promised my priest I'd call him and go repent, so.

Satan: Aha! Lying and dodging, you'll do just fine here. But I don't know why I'm worrying, you guys are probably in a hurry to begin suffering, so I'll just leave you two go to your eternity and be on my way.

Satan begins to walk away, but stops and turns around towards Golem.

Satan: And Golem. Don't think you'll be able to leave this time.

Golem: Always with that sense of humor!

Satan: Humor isn't a sin, so I don't use it. See you soon, gentlemen. *Disappears in a burst of flame*

Golem: Well shrack.

Meanwail, KoD just so happens to be entering the Gamestop.

KoD: Finally, after all this time, I'm gonna get Rhythm Heaven.

Rhyk: Hey, you're an OGer, right? Wanna go to Hell with Retro and Golem?

KoD: Hm... Okay. This portal with the heat and souls coming from it, right?

Rhyk: *nod*

KoD: K, cool. *hops into the portal with his empty stubs and lack of cloth material on his body*

KoD also went through a fall of sorts, but it happened more like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nS956FdMPfc#t=2m15s.

KoD: Ow. Oh, hey guys. What'd I miss?

Golem: Hark! Nothing much, we just met Satan. Well, Retro did; I just re-met him.

KoD: Neat. Why'd you guys go to Hell anyway? I assume you didn't die cuz Rhyk has that portal goin', but this seems like an odd vacation spot.

Retro: Some little girl lost her ball here, so we're being nice guys and getting it for her.

KoD: How the hell did that happen? ._.

Golem: lol, I get it.

KoD: No, seriously, how? >.>

Golem: Oh, I guess the little girl is Satan's ex-girlfriend's daughter iirc. Probably lost it during a visit.

Retro: Yeah, that makes sense.

KoD: Ah. So, where do we start?

Golem: I don't know, where do you wanna start?

KoD: No, we better not do that.

Golem:

Retro: Let's go that way. *points in a direction*

KoD: Okay.

GORE: No. (punches KoD in the face-body)

Golem: Gonorrhea- (also punched in the face)

Retro: (cringes but is lightly patted on the shoulder) GORE... You spared me. (punched into a crystal tablet)

William Daniels: Stop right there, Mr. Reader. Grades will be deducted for that missing scene unless we flash back to show how GORE-ILLA arrived in Hell and was his objective is. So if you will, bring us back to that Gamestop.

*Back to that Gamestop.*

Rhyk: Yeah, I'd dissect children for money. Don't tell Golem that though.

*GORE-ILLA kicks down the door to the Gamestop, tosses it through the window, and then walks in through the doorway holding up a protest sign and wearing preacheresque clothes.*

Rhyk: Oh it's GORE-ILLA, my wingman at the robo-nightclubs.

GORE: Dude, I'm protesting against the very sinful nature of this OG as well as the upcoming game Flimbo's Inferno. What're ya doing giving people gates to hell? You're just glamorizing it and once everyone sees how fun Hell is they won't buy bibles! You're going to put the oldest business out of business, and into non-business!

Rhyk: So you're protesting.

GORE: Yes.

Rhyk: And you're some kinda gorilla preacherbot now, is that what you're telling me.

GORE: (wheels around to punch a prostitute through a wall, then turns back to Rhyk and speaks in the same motion) Yes.

Rhyk: Why the religious zeal?

GORE: That's where the babes are. Actually no say Farmer Jon corrupted me because that can act as a "callback" to "canon" (holds up a pair of bloody bunny ears as he says this)

Rhyk: Yeah well this is completely educational, with a moral and done with the pure purpose of adventuring and teaching people how to avoid evil.

GORE: NO HELL BAD! (leaps into portal and is spat out in hell) renaemon

KoD: -ay. (punched by GORE)

William Daniels: Acceptable, Mr. ILLA. Elsewhere in the confines of Hell, we find someone else watching this slowly growing group of OGers. Hidden by the shadows, he arrives to address them.

???: Stop right there, you fools! I will be your tour guide through this hell-like Hell because it actually is Hell, and I definitely will not betray you!

KoD: We should have called Satan Stan.

Retro: Fine, you can our bodyguard. Just please... please, tell us who you are.

*He steps out of the shadows and takes off an unneeded helmet to reveal a dark Egyptian face.*

Qwirtzok: Remember me?

Jed: No.

GORE: Not really.

Golem: Not ringing any bells.

Qwirtzok: What, really?

Jed: *shrugs*

Quirtzok: Well, then I'll tag along. Any objections, lady?

GORE: I think he's talking to you.

Golem: I know he's talking to me!

GORE: Well answer him!

Golem: I'm gonna answer him!

GORE: Then do it!

Golem: I'm gonna do it!

GORE: Well hurry!

Golem: I'm hurrying, already!

GORE: Okay!

Golem: OKAY!

GORE: Fine!

Golem: Fine!

~long awkward silence~

Jed: .... well? >.>

Golem: I have no objections. Welcome to the party, Qwirtzok.

~~~QUIRTZOK JOINED THE PARTY. THIS MYSTERIOUS EGYPTIAN GOD IS MYSTERIOUS~~~

[[The Rename Screen opens up. Golem stares thoughtfully at it for a few minutes, then finally enters a different name.]]

Qwirtsux: Hilarious.

Retro: Hey guys, I'm here too!

~suddenly Retro is grabbed by a pair of suspiciously Darkstalker-esque succubi~

Retro: Oh wait, nevermind. I'm being kidnapped, seeya guys!

Golem: GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLIES! Retro has been kidnapped, guys! We gotta DO something! WE GOTTA DO SOMETHING!

Jed: *smacks Golem* Pull yourself together, man!

Golem: I WAS pulled together.

Jed: Right, carry on.

Golem: Come on guys. *dramatic pause* We have a Jape to save.

GORE: But... wouldn't you like to save your game first? *his chest opens up, revealing a save station*

Golem: Oh yeah, let's do that first.

Qwirtsux: Hold on, hold on. Can we reboot to the last save first? I mean do I REALLY have to be "Qwirtsux"?

GORE: That depends. Can you change it in the menu?

Qwirtsux: Um...no.

GORE: THEN IT IS DONE.

GORE-ILLA punches Qwirtsux in the face.

Golem: *Examines the saving screen* Guys, looks like there's only one slot left to save it in. And it's taken by an existing Gamehiker's Inferno file. Whoa! When does Moondo join our party? ...Hey, I'm the lowest level character in this one.

KoD: Let it go, Golem. Let's just save the game and move on. Who can imagine what sort of horrors Retro is going through in the hands of all of those succubus'?

Meanwhile, you see Retro laying on a bed with a group of succubus surrounding him, running their fingers through his hair and laying their heads on his chest, giggling in a playful manner.

Retro:

GORE: We're coming for you Retro! But probably not until after some boss battles, I need to be a higher level than all of you since I'm the main character.

Golem: Okay, I'm all saved.

KoD: And there's four of us. That's a decent party size.

Golem: Yes. *Dramatic pause* Let's go.

Qwirtsux: Pfft.

The group set off for...well, the direction Retro was taken I suppose, in hopes of rescuing him. They journey across fields of volcanic ash, with geysers that shoot off lava scattered all around. A road that leads to a large mountain stretches all of the way out to the horizon.

Qwirtsux: I recognize that mountain..it's the tallest one in all of Hell. I know this because it can't go up higher than the surface line since, ya know, there's people up there and all.

Golem: So?

Qwirtsux: What?

Golem: SO WHAT.

Everyone laughs.

GORE-ILLA punches Qwirtsux in the face.

Qwirtsux: Urrhgh.

KoD: Hm..think they took Retro up there?

Golem: Prolly did. Let's head on up.

They reach the base of the mountain after only a short few minutes of walking on the underworld, because that's how long it usually takes. They come to a stop when they see huge pieces of ice blocking the way up.

GORE: What.

KoD: Looks like it's unnatural ice..I'm guessing heat won't work?

Golem: Maybe we need a uh, password. *Walks up to the ice* Hm... Little Samson. Space Harrier. Uh. Glem Bridges.

KoD: That's just stuff you like, Golem.

Golem: Ah yeah.

GORE: You're doing it wrong. *Shoves Golem aside* Though now I have an idea of what password to guess when I'm hacking your GH account. Though I am an admin, but where is the challenge in that?

GORE stares intensely at the ice for a few moments.

GORE: Hello Luiigii. *Punches the ice repeatedly until it shatters*

KoD: Neat. But I could've probably used crash.

Golem: Maybe next time.

KoD: Anyway, let's climb this mountain!

One very short screenwipe later.

KoD: We did it! That was a very character building climb, actually. Don't you agree?

Golem: Yeah, especially when we defeated Cerberus and saved the Dwarves of the mountain with our puppet show starring nothing but common rocks.

KoD: Plus I got to fall in love.

Everyone: Aww.

Qwirtsux: I had diarrhea the whole time you jerks!

GORE: Ha ha. Oh look, the summit. So where's Retro?

Voice: I'm afraid your friend has betrayed you all. Like you soon will to each other.

Golem: Nuh uh. I saw the save file from 10 hours of gameplay from now.

Voice: Oh crap, so this is your second playthrough then huh? I'd better just skip my monologue then.

GORE: It's not really-

Golem: Er, that's right. So you should just step aside and let us through.

Voice: No chance, it's in the programming. That is, when the forces of the universe created me millions of years ago to be made to serve the Fallen Angel in Hell, I swore to protect this mountain no matter how many times I might die.

KoD: Oh. Cool I guess.

Voice: But death only makes me stronger. I am Scarmiglione! Lord of the underwood, er, world.

A swirling purple vortex opens in front of the group, and from it a demon emerged, shrouded in a tattered brown cloth from which darkness seeped through. A single glowing red eye appeared from under its hood.

GORE: What was your name?

Scarmiglione: Scarmiglione.

Golem: Try saying that three times fast.

KoD: Can we call you Milon?

Scarmiglione: No!

Qwirtsux: We only came up here because you have our friend.

Scarmiglione: Oh, that guy who my succubus minions brought back? Yeah. He's just chillin' over across the bridge. You should definitely fight me first though.

The group huddle together to talk about the situation, then turn back around.

GORE: We've come up with a proposition.

Scarmiglione: Oh?

GORE: Yeah. C'mere.

Scarmiglione: Well alright.

Scarmiglione walks over to GORE, who stands there unmoving.

Scarmiglione: Well. What did you decide?

GORE: This. *Pushes Scarmiglione back, who trips over KoD- who had beforehand kneeled behind him- and staggers back to the edge of the mountain and falls off of it, screaming.*

Golem: That didn't seem fair, really.

GORE: Who cares. What's he going to do, come back?

Everyone laughs heartily at the thought as they cross the bridge to the other side. They can see a room made out of stone with succubus women going in and out of. As the reach the end of the bridge, a voice from behind stops them.

Scarmiglione: Fools! Death only increases my power!

GORE: This is unexpected.

Golem: LOL back attack.

Golem: Okay, I guess we'll have to actually fight this guy... Final Fantasy-style

KoD: Okay.

There's a transition of sorts and Scarmiglione is on one-side doing a 6-frame standing motion and on the other side, Golem, GORE, KoD, and Qwirtsux are doing the same. A selector icon appears above Golem's head and the options: Attack, Special, Item, and Cheese It appear in one of the MANY subscreens present. The selector icon scrolls down to Cheese It, but then goes back up to Special and then another subscreen opens up with Gripper Scarf.

Golem: If I treat this situation like a video game, things will work out.

Golem tosses one end of the scarf at Scarmiglione, but it's torn to shreds by his grappling hooks and barbs.

Golem:

It's KoD's turn now. Special is selected and then Double-Team is selected. A selector icon appears above Golem's head and it's then moved over to GORE. Another subscreen opens and Cop-Out is selected.

KoD: GORE, pick up that boulder over there and help me tie this guy to it.

GORE: Okay.

Scarmiglione: Hey, what are you planning on doing?

KoD: You stay perfectly still... or just keep doing that standing motion; this is FF-style combat.

GORE picks up a nearby boulder and holds it next to Scarmiglione and KoD ties him to it supahfast as Scarmiglione keeps doing that same standing motion.

KoD: Neat.

GORE's turn. Special is selected and then Bide is selected. Qwirtsux turn. Special is selected and ANCIENT EGYPT BEAM is used. Unfortuantely, it misses.

Scarmiglione: Hahaha, I'll tear you guys apart when I get free from these ropes.

The energy stored in GORE's Bide is released!

GORE: Not if MY FIST tears YOUR FACE apart! *GORE unleashes a awe-inspiring punch and knocks Scarmiglione off the mountain once more.

Golem: So, did we win?

KoD: Well, if my plan to keep him down there with that boulder tied to him worked, then... yes, yes we did.

GORE:

The party continues on into that stone room that was mentioned before with the succubi going in and out of it. As they enter, it turns out it's not so much a room as it is a brothel. There are dozens of numbered doors all around and then a reception desk in the front.

Succuceptionist: Hello, gentlemen. Have you come to make a deposit?

Golem: Depos...?

Succuceptionist: Of your sexual energy, you adorably awkward guy ^.~

Golem: Oh, my... *his neck is grabbed by a metal ape hand and pulled back*

GORE: *slams palms on the desk and gets all in the Succuceptionist's grill* We're not here for your debaucherous debauchery! We're here to rescue our comrade from said debaucherous debauchery!

Succuceptionist: *leaning back in her chair as far as she can* Oh, uh... you have a picture, sir?

GORE: YES DAMMIT! Peer into my chest compartment! *like a TV screen turning on, Retro's photo appears on his chest*

Succuceptionist: Oh, I recognize him. Such a cute guy, but he didn't seem like he was enjoying getting dragged here against his will :/

GORE: That's because Retro is an upstanding fellow! *picks up the Succuceptionist, breaks her back on his knee and then sits her back down*

Succuceptionist: *holds her back* Oww... My back hasn't hurt like this since the time I-

GORE: *points his finger at her* Unnecessary, but sexy information! Gimme the room number of Retro!

Succuceptionist: Alright, alright... Room 218. Ya know... I happen to be a sub and I think you're just the man... ape... robot... I've been looking for.

GORE: Hm... what are your thoughts on Batman and Christ?

Succuceptionist: Batman's alright, but the Christ thing... it's sorta a conflict of interest.

GORE: Unacceptable! Thanks, but no thanks attractive whore demon! *backhands her through a stone wall*

KoD: ...Okay! Let's go get Retro!

After going up a couple flights of stairs, they reach door 218.

Golem: ...Should we knock?

GORE: Knocking is for pagans. GORE-ILLA punches door 218 in the face.

After the door's fisting, the party finds Retro surrounded by succubi and he's... ENJOYING HIMSELF?!?!?!!?

GORE: *grabs the neck of a waiting succubus in his way and throws her to the side* Retro?! What would Fera say?!

Succubus next to Retro: I would say, "Will you dorks get the shrack outta here so I can enjoy Retro's company?"

KoD: =O HOLY EFFIN' PLOT TWIST, BATMAN! *is squashed by a metal ape fist*

GORE: Jed, you little heathen bastard, do NOT use the Lord's name in vain!

KoD: The Lord's... what, Batm-? *second squashing!*

GORE: Jed, I swear to Commissioner Gordon if you use the Lord's name in vain again, I'll somehow kill you in here.

KoD: ...oh whoops, I mean *thumbs up*

GORE: Alright then.

Retro: Get out!!

KoD: What?

~GORE backhands Retro.~

GORE: Snap out of it, man!

Retro: Why should I? These succubi are the whores I never had!

KoD: But Retro! Normally you're a cool action hero, I think!

GORE: Don't make me drag you kicking and screaming, son.

Retro: What do you wanna do about it?!

Golem: What about your eternal soul?

~A fashionable Kradian appears. His hair is slicked back and his smile is sharp.~

Gato Diablo II: Welcome, one and all!

~The succubi start lining up along the wall, each holding a briefcase. One succubus hands a suitcase to GORE.~

Gato Diablo II: Tonight, THESE THREE FOLKS ~waves hand to GORE, KoD, and Golem~ will try to win their friend's soul back. Here on... DEAL OR NO DEAL!

Golem: Uh?

~GORE reaches for Gato Diablo II's throat, but he quickly extends claws from his hand and deflects GORE, who falls backward.~

GDII: Nah-ah-ah, that's not how the game works! You get to punch one whore per round. If the whore has the briefcase which contains your friend's soul, you lose! The object is to leave one beautiful lady standing, the one who holds your friend's soul. Then you can have it back!

GORE: How about I just punch them all and take Retro's soul myself?

Retro: No! My soul is staying in a briefcase!

~Gato Diablo II jumps backward to avoid a punch from the Kirby of Death. GORE starts punchin' succubi and lookin' in their briefcases. He soon becomes smothered in sexual temptations...~

Golem: So what's it like not to have a soul?

Retro: Oh, not bad. Kinda fun.

Golem: Hmm. Wanna trade?

Retro: What, so I take your soul and you have none?

Golem: Yeah.

Retro: Nah. I'm good.

Golem: Oh, okay. Maybe later.

Retro: No, no. Not ever. But thanks.

Golem: Well. Alright then.

GORE: OH COD, THE SEX, THE SEX!!

A quick pan transition to Gato Diablo II and KoD.

GDII: So, you intend to fight me?

KoD: I've been given a very generous nod to that effect, so yeah >.>

GDII: Do you have any idea what I'm capable of?

KoD: Ssssorta. I've read about your son and he's probably similar.

GDII: My s... son?

KoD: Yeah, he's in the future and in a different timeline, but he exists >.>

GDII: Are you some sort of inter dimensional psychic?

KoD: No, that's silly. I spend a good amount of time in Q-Space just reading shit >.> Well, spen-TUH, those days are over. ...Hm... maybe a lack of foresight there.

GDII: Reading... the future?

KoD: Something like that.

GDII: So you know everything that's going to happen before it does?

KoD: Oh wow, that would save me a TON of hassle, but no, it's not that simple. The only things available for reading are things called Established History.

GDII: I'm intrigued, go on.

KoD: Oh, k. Well, Established History is how it sounds; it's history that's already been written in stone, as it were, and nothing is gonna change it.

GDII: How is that even possible?

KoD: Suffice to say that this universe is shrackin' weird and it just IS possible.

GDII: Hm... alright, let's fight.

KoD: Okay *shoots lightning at Gato Diablo II's claw and effectively stuns him* Set my alarm, turn on my charm, that's because I'm a good old fashioned loverbooooy Okay, I have the rope and there just happens to be a boulder in this... surprisingly spacious brothel room, so we just need GOR... craaaaaaap. *notices Golem and Retro still chit-chatting while GORE's technically being raped and holds his stub to his mouth in thought* Yeah... that'll work. *turns to the succubi* Hey ladies! This scrawny one over here is an unspoiled virgin!

Golem: Isn't unspoiled virgin an oxymor- Oh shoe

Like various flying insects to a light source, the succubi swarmed poor Golem and proceeded to do things to him. However, KoD noticed that Fera stayed put. While loyalty somehow overpowering her succubus nature was a possibilty, KoD decided to ask anyway.

KoD: Fera, shouldn't you be joining your fellow succubi in sexing Golem?

Fera: I never said I was a succubus.

KoD: B... What? But the name used to describe you when you talked was Succubus >.>

Fera: Maybe I like to cosplay, Jed.

KoD: ...Hm. Wait wait wait, if you're not a succubus, how the HELL did you get here? ._.

Fera: Like everyone else, through Rhyk's portal.

KoD: We would've saw you, though >.>

Fera: Well, you were distracted by fighting that Scarmiglione guy when I followed the succubi that captured Retro. I had the outfit with me at the time, so I put it on and blended in.

KoD: Oh. Well, that seems to be in order.

Retro: Yeah, but I'm not really into succubi exactly, Fera. Do you have anything else?

Fera: Well, I brought a Velma outfit just for the hell of it.

Retro: .....Everyone, leave the room.

KoD: Hm?

Retro: *takes out a nail gun* EVERYONE LEAVE THE CODDAMN ROOM!

KoD: Nail gun? That's not office suppl- *a nail whizzes by his head* Okay.

The group files out one by one out of the room and the door is closed behind them. Immediately after, the door re-opens and GDII is thrown out into the hallway still unconscious.

Golem: ...So now what?

KoD: Uhhh... GORE, we're gonna need to find another boulder and tie this guy up and potentially throw him off the mountain, too >.>

GORE: Alright.

KoD: Ladies, as you were.

Golem: Wait, wha- *is stiffled by squeeing succubi*

:: Kinoko walks into that particular Gamestop, looking for a copy of "Harvest Moon: More Friends of Mineral Town". Unfortunately, she does not find it. Instead, she finds herself looking at that red portal that leads to hell. She turns to Rhyk. ::

Kinoko: Hey Rhyk. Where does this go?

Rhyk: To Hell. Why, you wanna go?

Kinoko: I'm not too sure, really. :: Kinoko peers into the portal. :: Yow! That's hot!

Rhyk: That's what Hell's all about.

:: Kinoko somehow loses her footing and falls into the portal. ::

Kinoko: ...I was not expecting to come here. Never. It's times like this I wish Kuribo had finally finished those holy element bullets for me. Good thing I carry my gun around. And yet somehow, those people at security never seem to know I carry it around...

Chibi-Devil: You can say that again.

Kinoko: ...I was not expecting to come here. Never. It's times like this I wish Kuribo had finally finished those holy element bullets for me. Good thing I carry my gun around. And yet somehow, those people at security never seem to know I carry it around...

Chibi-Devil: You can say that again.

Kinoko: ...I was not expecting to come here. Never. It's times like this I wish Kuribo had finally finished those holy element bullets for me. Good thing I carry my gun around. And yet somehow, those people at security never seem to know I carry it around...

Chibi-Devil: You can say that again.

Kinoko: ...I was not expecting to come here. Never. It's times like this I wish Kuribo had finally finished those holy element bullets for me. Good thing I carry my gun around. And yet somehow, those people at security never seem to know I carry it around...

Chibi-Devil: You can say that- *is suddenly exploded by an arrow*

Kinoko: Wh-what happened!?

~stepping out from the fire and brimstone is a man dressed as Robin Hood with black hair, a pointed goatee, and yellow eyes.~

Kinoko: Robin Hood?

Loki: No. Loki. Norse God. I was pretty famous, really.

Kinoko: Oh. Well, see, I didn't immediately think of you because I sort of expected you to be tied up with the entrails of your son with a snake dripping venom on my head.

Loki: Know quite a bit about Norse mythology, do you.

Kinoko: No. Good old H2G2. Conveniently applies to Hell as well, not just the Galaxy. "Don't Panic".

Loki: Fine. Well I totally got someone else on top of that. Poor bastard. But look at you... you're not dead, are you?

Kinoko: Not quite, no.

Loki: Splendid. How about I tag along with you. *places hands on Kinoko's shoulders from behind and leans forward* We could get to know one another.

Kinoko: ... I'm not quite sure I'm comfortable with that.

Loki: Oh. ~leans his head forward on the either side of Kinoko, but this time as a woman~ Better?

Kinoko: What!? No! Stop that!

Loki: But I think I look fetching like this!

Kinoko: Look, all I want to do is find Golem and whoever else is on this stupid adventure.

Loki: Oh. They went thattaway. ~points in the direction of bodies, destruction, and rubble~

Kinoko: Ah, okay. I couldn't tell, since every direction was full of bodies, destruction, and rubble.

Chibi-Devil: You can say that-

Kinoko: No.

Loki: Well let's go. Maybe we can find a mall on the way. These Robin Hood clothes don't accentuate my curves at all.

----

~GORE returns with some sodas after disappearing for a few posts, and finds Golem covered in succubi and Jed heroically thumb wrestling with Gato Diablo II~

Jed: Why did I agree to this!? I don't even have thumbs!

GTII: Bwahahaha! You fool! Now for the finishing touch, I'll- wait, you don't have a thumb for me to hold down!

Jed: HA!

GTII: So uh... stalemate?

Jed: Crap.

GORE: What in the HELL is going on here. And it's okay for me to say that, because we're in Hell and doesn't go against my sensitivities regarding foul and unusual language.

Jed: Oh, well I'm trying to defeat Gato Diablo II here.

GTII: Hi.

Jed: I'm also supervising Golem losing his virginity to life sucking sex demons.

GORE: Isn't he married?

Jed: That's what makes this all the more necessary.

GORE: Well I don't approve.

Jed: And Retro is very possibly putting leaven bread in the oven. I'm using this as a euphemism for sex and the fact he might have a son named Leaven. Though when you think about it, when you consider how random it is for life to be created in regards to which egg is fertilized, isn't it a bit absurd to think that one person could exist in any two timelines where their birth comes after the point in which the two parallel timelines diverge? Even if they name the kid the same thing, there would only be physical similarities in the same sense that siblings would have.

GTII: Nevermind the Nature vs. Nurture issue that comes up. Even if somehow the same person IS born, a person is shaped entirely by their surroundings. This even applies to physical appearance as well.

Jed: Exactly.

GORE: ...

Jed: Yes?

GORE-ILLA punches Jed in the face.
GORE-ILLA punches Gato Diablo II in the face.

GORE: Now to do the Good Work!

~GORE jumps into the pile of succubi who are defiling Golem and punches them repeatedly in the fact, makes out with one of them, then proceeds to crush her with a boulder. Several more fly out out from the shadows at him, but he opens his mouth and fires a massive laser attack at them. Several conventional demon-types come out of the woodworks (which is odd, given everything is on fire) brandishing pitchforks. GORE's arm extend out on chains and he spins around and backhands them all into putty. Finally he grabs Gato Diablo II and shoves him into his chest, inside of the save station. He proceeds to save over him. he picks up Golem, who has been sucked dry. And by sucked dry, he has been reduced to a five year old boy~

Golem: Are you my mommy?

GORE: Er, uh.

~GORE punches open the door that Retro is in. Retro jumps up from the bed holding a nailgun and starts to say something. Once he sees it is GORE, who looks entirely unamused, Retro sheepishly drops it~

Retro: GORE... how nice to see you!

GORE: Are you two married?

Retro: Well... not as such, no.

GORE: HEATHENS.

Fera: Well, we're in hell. Does moral code really apply?

GORE: It does when you have a son! *points dramatically to his side*

Fera: .... Jed?

Jed: What!? No! I'm not a kid!

GORE: Err, it does when you have a son! *points dramatically to his OTHER side*

Golem: Hi.

Fera: Oh, he's adorable!

Retro: He's Golem.

Fera: Retro, let's keep him!

Retro: He's older than I am.

Fera: But he needs us!

Retro: We're not even married.

Jed: You're in hell. Does moral code really apply?

Retro: ... it's creepy!

GORE: Then raise your son to not be creepy. Now, since I am the senior OGer in this group that's not transmorgified into a pre-schooler, I am automatically in charge now. Let us proceed to the second circle of Hell. We have a ball to find.

Jed: Second? So does that mean this was Purgatory.

Demon: Of course not. This is just the welcome lobby.

Jed: Ah. I like the, ah, drapes. Sets the mood.

Fera: Great. So what's next?

GORE: Those who are condemned for lust and shameful sexual behavior are sent to the Second Circle. How appropriate. *glares at Retro and Fera*

~Retro and Fera shamefully stare at their shoes~

::On the way to finding Golem et al., Kinoko, Loki and Chibi-Devil found a mall along the way. They spent hours in there. Loki was constantly trying on clothes and asking Kinoko her opinion.::

Loki: Does this dress make me look fat?

Kinoko: No.

Loki: Does this dress make my boobs look big?

Kinoko: No.

Loki: Then this won't do! ::takes off the dress, tries on another:: Does my butt look big in this?

Kinoko: ::in an annoyed tone:: Yes.

Loki: Great! How about my boobs now? ::squeezes them together::

Kinoko: Geez! Don't do that!

Loki: ::laughs:: That's about right. Say, I really do like this dress. ::poses in it:: Accentuates my curves quite well. And it only took, what, three hours to find it! ::laughs:: Let's go.

Kinoko: But aren't you going to pay for the dress?

Loki: Honey, this is Hell. No one's going to give a damn.

Chibi-Devil: You can say that again.

Kinoko: ... right.

::The trio left the mall, Loki wowing over her dress as she went. Kinoko eventually finds a suitcase.::

Loki: Ooh, a suitcase! Open it! OPEN IT! OPEN IT!

Kinoko: I've got a bad feeling about this. ::opens the suitcase anyway and watches a soul--it happens to be Retro's soul--waft out of it:: So this is what a soul looks like... ::before Kinoko could say anything more, it enters her:: What the crap!?

Loki: It looks like you've been inhabited by a soul.

Kinoko: ... but I already have a soul!

Chibi-Devil: You can say that again.

Kinoko ... but I alre--shut up. ::shoots the Chibi-Devil and watches it explode::

Loki: So what? Now you have two souls. Maybe the owner of this soul is here in Hell somewhere.

Kinoko: Let's go find the owner. Having one soul is enough.

::Kinoko, Loki and Chibi-Devil make their way through Hell, looking for Golem and company.::

~Eventually, Kinoko, Loki, and Chibi-Devil stop to take a break. They sit on a ledge peering down into the center of hell, sitting on the inner lip of the circle.~

Loki: ...but that's not really my shade of eyeliner. Anyway, as I was saying, in 10 years or so, in a different timeline, some evil scientist runs my name into the ground and...

~Loki keeps talking while Kinoko spots coin operated binoculars and shrugs.~

Kinoko: ~to herself~ It's worth a shot, I guess.

~Kinoko gets up and starts walking over to the binoculars. Loki gets up and follows, Chibi-Devil on his shoulder.~

Loki: Where are you off to? I thought we were resting!

Kinoko: Rest if you want, I'm going to see if I can spot someone missing a soul with those binoculars.

~Kinoko steps up to the binoculars, throws in a quarter, and looks inside. She can see the floor below, where formless spirits fly about, attempting to get it on with each other. She looks around and spots Retro and Fera making out with GORE trying to pull them apart and Jed and Golem playing chess.~

Kinoko: I wonder where they found a chess set in Hell. Well, looks like they're not too far away.

Loki: Aww. Found them already?

Kinoko: I don't know. It could belong to one of them.

Loki: That's no fun!

~Loki shoves Kinoko towards the pit. Kinoko quickly gains her footing and throws Loki down into the pit instead. Chibi-Devil falls with him.~

Loki: AAAAAAAAH HEEEAALLLLLP WHYYYYYyyyyy...

Chibi-Devil: YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN AGAIN again again ...

Kinoko: Wow... I don't know what overcame me. It was like he became a stack of computer printer paper in my very hands. Oh well, glad he's gone. Won't take long now.

~Kinoko strolls down to GORE fighting with Retro and Fera.~

Golem: Stoppit, you guys! We have to help the girl that was falling!

Kinoko: The one in the obnoxious yellow dress?

Golem: Yellowgirl, yeah!

Kinoko: Oh, he's a god, he can take care of himself down here. Don't worry about him. But, ah, I don't mean to interrupt anything here, ~Kinoko looks to everyone in the group and eventually spots Retro. Their eyes lock.~ but is anyone here missing... a... soul?

Retro: Oh baby.

Kinoko: Baby baby.

Kirby of Death: I don't... I don't think that's how anybody talks. >_>

Retro: GORE, I don't think you need to worry about me and Fera any more. ~Retro shoves Fera aside, and Retro and Kinoko join hands.~

Retro and Kinoko: It's like--it's like you're my soul mate!

Kirby of Death: Seriously. Seriously? Does anybody know people who talk like this?

Fera: Bu--BELMONT!

Retro: Sorry Fera... you can't compete with true love.

Fera: I am going to yerpamance you back to the stone age if--

Golem: Yellowgirrrrl!

GORE: ~sigh~ Fine, looks like Retro might be hopeless... but the trials of Hell might straighten him. They did wonders for ol' Dante. We should prioritize. We'll find the girl, then we'll find Patty's ball.

~GORE sweeps Fera's right leg out from under her, and she tumbles down.~

Fera: OUCH! What was that for?!

GORE: You were about to change the subject to your love feud. There is a woman's life on the line, as well as a ball. Your love thing can wait.

Kinoko: No, ignore the girl, he's fine. He's a stupid annoying god and he deserves whatever he gets in here.

Retro: Kinoko does have a point.

~But, at the bottom of Hell, Loki lands in the lost and found. He grabs an object underneath him, a ball, and looks at it.~

Loki: Patty's ball? That girl is always up to no good~!

KoD: *Looks around* Hey, did anyone happen to notice where Qwirtsux went?

GORE: Who?!

Just then, Qwirtsux descends in front of the party while riding on top of a magic flying carpet. He is dressed in snake charmer’s clothing.

Qwirtsux: وقف وترجمة هذا التوجه في مرحلة ما بعد شيئا عن البطة والفزاعة

GORE: SHUT UP *Grabs a nearby statue of a baby elephant and chucks it at Qwirtsux*

Qwirsux: *Is crushed* Ow! Dick!

Golem: Qwerty! You came back to us.

Qwirtsux: That isn’t my name! Wait, why do you look five years old…?

GORE: Enough! You just startled us, that…that’s all.

Qwirtsux: Well I have important news regarding everything that’s related to your journey ever.

KoD: So you were gone all that time…gathering news? >.>

Qwirtsux: I was called away by someone. Someone…important.

Retro: You must think you owe us a lot by coming all of the way back here to help us.

Qwirtsux: It’s the least I can do for my comrades…mwahahahahaha!

Kinoko: Was that an evil laugh?

Qwirtsux: Yeah. Don’t worry about it though.

GORE-ILLA punches Satan in the face.

GORE: Holy Batman/Batgirl love sub-plot! That fist was meant for Qwirtsux!

Satan: Don’t worry about it, it didn’t hurt. Greetings, everyone.

Retro: Satan?!!

Kinoko: Aww. Look at you, getting worked up.

Retro: Heheh.

Fera: …Hey Retro, you have something on your neck. *Walks up and starts to strangle Retro furiously until she’s pulled off by GORE*

GORE: Quiet woman, the adults are talking.

Satan: Where is Golem?

Golem: I’m fivwe years olw’.

Satan: My lack of Gods, what happened to you?

KoD: Well, it all started when the succubus-

Satan: Okay, I’ve heard enough. Listen, I found Patty’s ball. *Holds it in front of them* See?

Retro: Where did you find it?

Satan: Lost and Found. Everything winds up there at one point or another.

GORE: So our quest is completed…

Satan: Perhaps, but I’m not letting you leave.

Retro: What! Why not?!

Satan: Sigh…blame medical science, keeping everyone alive longer. Souls just don’t come by as often as they used to, so I’m holding onto all the ones I can get.

GORE: But the babes!

Satan: We’ll have to have a proper rematch sometimes, GORE-ILLA. Your holy war is welcome here in Hell.

GORE: But I just wanted the babes!

Satan: That’s what they all say.

Retro: You expect us to just give up and accept this?!

Satan: No, mister Belmont, I expect you to die. Again and again. Welcome to Hell! *Vanishes*

Golem: We did it, right?