Narrator: Once more the Gamehikers are assembled, this time at Eh? Eatery! Canadian Dude's popular diner.

Jed: Okay, so what happens in Party Goers 13?

GORE: That's not even canon in this timeline.

Jed: But >.>

Luiigii: And it wasn't even that good to begin with.

Jed: I see. v.v

GORE: STOP DOING THAT WITH YOUR EYES! *punches Jed*

~just then, Golem bursts in with Sapphire~

Golem: Guys! Guys! You won't believe this!

Luiigii: You two already got married. I don't think you can surprise us.

Golem: Not that. This! *throws down a vintage photograph of Magikoopa absconding a bunch of mysterious OG-shaped objects*

Jed: You mean... ? >.>

Luiigii: Do people even say 'abscond'?

Sapphire: It's the lost OGs. All of them... and Magikoopa has them.

GORE: But how will we know what to do without our glorious leader who is for some reason absent?

Luiigii: *throws down a Masamune plushie* This will do. *pulls string*

Masamune Plushie: Post in Subspace, GORE. Dammit.

Sapphire: Really. I mean, come on. Are we going to do this? Are we really going to do this joke again?

Golem: It's a running gag. We have to. Now come on everyone, to the Golem-mobile!

Narrator: I forcibly turn your attention to the Rocketsville HQ parlor room. Inside, MagiKoopa and GM play ping pong.

GM: What a lively match this is!

MagiKoopa: Quite!

GM: Enough about me, though. What is happening in your life these days?

MagiKoopa: As of late, I have been experimenting in the field of trapping souls in dolls, but it hasn't turned out well so far. The latest of my three dolls, the Masamune model, is another failure. The Golem model and Sapphire model were not conducive to souls, and my next conclusion was to attempt a pirate-based form. Watch and I shall show you what happens when soul transfer is attempted. GRUNT!

~A Rocket Grunt runs in.~

Grunt: Buh, yup?

MagiKoopa: Your soul, please.

~MagiKoopa holds his cane to the Rocket Grunt’s chest, then yanks the cane backward, taking a glowing white sphere out of the grunt's chest. The grunt falls backwards to the ground. He then touches the cane to a nearby Masamune doll and hands the doll to GM.~

GM: Looks like it’s working to m—

~The doll explodes, blasting GM out the window. MagiKoopa walks over to the window and yells out of it.~

MagiKoopa: DON’T WORRY, THOUGH! THEY MAKE GREAT PULL-STRING DOLLS AND THEY SELL LIKE HOT CAKES!

GM: ~his body hits the ground~ UGH

MagiKoopa: Humph, how rude. ~steps away from the window~ HOT GIRL!

~Said girl runs in.~

Girl: Buh, yup?

MagiKoopa: I feel like reading Rocketsville 2. I’m going to the archives.

Girl: K.

~MagiKoopa leaves the room. The girl stands there.

MagiKoopa enters an elevator, heads to the ground floor, and leaves Rocketsville HQ. He then walks a few yards to a shack just next to the HQ labelled "OG Archives." Inside the shack is a chair, a desk, and shelves upon shelves of OG-themed dolls. He pulls a Bomberman doll off the shelf, pulls the string out all the way, sits back, and listens to Rocketsville 2…~

*The ragtag band of OGers rush outside to see a 1973 Tercel made from a group of Golems contorted into place.*

Golem: These are my buds I found on a crazy world in S-Space inhabited solely by a tribe of contortioning Golems, and they really love it here on Earth!

Sapphire: Oh Golem, you always find ways to make my life more disturbing!

GORE: Now see here Jed. this is a figure we call "Golem". He likes to wear his scarf and annoy us to no end! Also he is the central figure of all existence.

Jed: Yeah I know. >.>

GORE: I don't appreciate being talked back to... AND NEITHER DOES THE MASA DOLL! (pulls string)

Masamune Plushie: (backhands Golem)

Golem: Ow, my aorta!

Luiigii: Shotgun.

*Golem gets into the driver's set, and is promptly tossed out of the car by GORE, who climbs in in his place.*

GORE: I can drive now!

*Golem goes to the back seats and finds Sapphire, Jed and the Masamune Plushie all sitting there, the plushie being buckled in and everything.*

Sapphire: Sorry. All full.

Golem: But... the plushie gets its own seat?! There is no conceivable reason!

Sapphire: Nope.

Golem: You're my wife! Can't we at the very least lap up?!

*Golem flips open the trunk by punching one of the Golems there and sighs as he climbs in and closes the trunk.*

GORE: NOW WE'RE READY TO GO!

*GORE stomps on the gas pedal, which is a Golem's nose, and the freakish living vehicle begins tearing wildly through the streets, hitting everything and anything possible.*

Luiigii: WHEN ARE WE GONNA DIE ALREADY!

*The Golem-Mobile tears past a black car. The window slides down to reveal a visored man watching from the driver's seat.*

Vorpal: I can't allow this.

*Vorpal revs up the General Zarrier and begins pursuit.*

~... and sitting beside Vorpal in the passenger seat...~

WarioFan63: There's 20:1 odds on a Earthworm Jim on the VC this week, you in?

Vorpal: *doesn't move an inch* I don't care.

WF63: Your loss!

Vorpal: *reaches over to the camera on the dash and turns the zoom in close on him*

"To most people, I'm your ordinary demon sword-carrying super villain civilian like everyone else. But Stryke 'Vorpal' Hamilton is only my secret identity. In reality, I am the one that the criminals on the street now fear... I am Vorp-Man. Two months ago, we traveled to Anti-Space and found a superhero nearly as great as I. After his death, I took his young apprentice as my ward."

~he turns the camera towards WF who immediately smiles and waves~

"Though young, he shares my penchant for justice and obscure Nintendo trivia. Against my better judgment, I have allowed him to take a place as my new sidekick, despite the terrible memories of what happened to the Bird Wonder..."



"I have done my best to put those memories behind me, but I cannot help but judge this new Fanboy by those standards."

WF63: Umm. *psst* Those guys are getting away.

"... oh!"

~Vorpal fidgets with the camera for several seconds before turning it off~

Vorpal: Initiate transformation mode!

WF63: Whee!

~Vorpal presses a big shiny button that says "Transformation Mode" with someone's writing underneath it saying "You sudnt touch this". But touch it he did anyways. The Zarrier was suddenly surrounded on all four sides by metal plates making it appear to look like a dumpster, but inside it secretly underwent an amazing transformation. Once it was done, the metal plates folded back inside the vehicle, revealing that the "Z" hood ornament had transformed into a "V" hood ornament as well as the occupants being in their superhero regal~

Vorp-Man: *narrows eyes* Let's get dangerous.

WF63: Yeah okay. *is completely the same, except with a burglar mask*

~the Vorp-Mobile goes racing after the Gamehikers~

---MEANWHILES---

???: Hey. Hey buddy, are you okay?

GM: Hwuh... *looks up and there is a chubby little kid about nine years old. He is dressed in a yellow shirt and backwards cap, but with purple overalls. His expression is filled with absolute smugness because he is, naturally, an incredible genius* Who are you?

???: An absolute genius, like you suspected. You can call me from WarioFan 13. I'm from the future.

GM: What!? The future!?

WF13: Do you know what the most annoying sound in the world is? *presses a dial on his watch, which opens a projection of his vlog where he opens up a page on Youtube showing the most annoying sound in the world*

GM: Aaaaaaugh! I just asked a question!

WF13: Good. We can't allow the Gamehikers to get those archived OGs. You're going to stop them.

GM: What? Why? And why me?

WF13: *hand hovers over watch*

GM: Wait! Okay, I'll do it. Jeez. This is what I get for going out of my way to play competitive sports with phased out characters.

~GORE twists the head of a Golem until he can see the reflection in its glasses.~

Golem: When did I become an it?

GORE: It's Vorp-Man!

All: GASP!

GORE: And he has a mysterious new sidekick who I do not in any way recognize from our previous adventure!

Luiigii: ~twists up the ends of his mustache~ That's it then, GORE. We'll have to fight them as two, because fighting them as one would be lame. Especially for us.

GORE: Shut the hell up!

~GORE grabs Luiigii and throws him back at the Vorp-Mobile. He hits the hood and rolls over the windshield and across the roof--

Vorp-Man: Get your filthy bum body off my new paint job!

Luiigii: OW OW OW OW OW OW OW

--and comes to a stop on the trunk, clinging to the antenna. Ain't No Mountain High Enough, which was playing on the radio, now becomes broken up by static.~

Vorp-Man: Curse his hide, he has gone too far! Take the wheel, Boy Wario! I'll handle this hobo!

WF63: Yes!
YES!
YES!
YES!

Vorp-Man: Er, you seem rather excited to hear of my pummeling pursuits.

WF63: What? No, I just saw a billboard for Endless Ocean 2.

Vorp-Man: ...oh.

~Vorp-Man pinches his forehead and sighs melodramatically, then climbs out the window as WF63 jumps into his seat. By the time Vorp-Man has gotten to the roof and turned to Luiigii, GORE jumps onto the hood, causing the Vorp-Mobile to seesaw and fling Luiigii skyward. Vorp-Man turns to GORE.~

GORE: I'm gonna work a Dark Knight parody into this if it kills me! ~reaches for Vorp-Man's mask and then electrocutes his own outstretched hand with a tazer~ EEEEE!

~Straw Man appears out of nowhere and kicks GORE over, then stomps around him while babbling insanely before disappearing again.~

Vorp-Man: ...When did this get too easy?

~Meanwhile, Jed has climbed into the front seat of the Golem-Mobile.~

Jed: Uh, wait. I can't reach the pedals.

Sapphire: Oh fine. ~throws the Masamune Plushie up to help~

Jed: That's not...hmm...

~Jed points the plushie at the Golem acting as the car's gas pedal and yanks the cord. The plushie rapidly backhands that Golem, keeping the gas pressed down.~

Jed: Okay then. We're going a little faster than I expected, but...

~Back to Madwhile, GORE and Vorp-Man trade the manliest of blows with each other.~

Vorp-Man: VORPAL--

GORE: GOREN--

Both: PAAAAAAAUNCH!

~The two attacks collide and cancel each other out, but the following shock wave causes the windows of every car and building to shatter, except for the Vorp-Mobile's Vorpanium-enforced windows and, for no real reason, Golem's glasses. Speaking of Golem, he leaps onto the hood behind GORE.~

GORE: ~has Vorp-Man in a headlock~ What the hell are you doing!?

Vorp-Man: ~twists out of the headlock and brings GORE's arm with him, yanking it behind the ape's back~ Patience, little Golem! Vorp-Man shall deal out his Vorpjustice to you once the credible threats have been dealt with!

Golem: Oh come on! I'm sick of you guys sticking me at the kid's table! I've torn up some serious shoe in all the other OGs!

GORE: ~throws himself backwards onto Vorp-Man, crushing him, then rolls off~ Oh fine! Have your fun!

Vorp-Man: ~leaps to his feet and nails GORE's neck with a roundhouse kick~ I guess he should before we replace him with Mega Man X in the next OG.

Golem: Wh-what?

GORE: Um. Fetch! ~punches Vorp-Man off the Vorp-Mobile into the Vorp-streets...I mean streets~

Golem: Whee! ~jumps to the hood of another car in pursuit~

GORE: ~wipes away a tear~ Why can't they stay twelve forever?

~GORE climbs down to the side of the Vorp-Mobile and reaches in the window, trying to find the switch that rolls down the top. WF63 flails at him with both arms, so naturally his driving suffers.~

WF63: You can't win! I have the blessing of a burro far greater than any of us on my side!

GORE: Blatantly obvious, and yet I still have no idea who you are!

~Anyway, Sapphire is now driving the Golem-Mobile. From the back seat, so to speak.~

Sapphire: Slow down! Turn left! Get in the other lane! Well now you're going too slow! Did you feed the Golems? I think they're getting restless!

Jed: >.> Um. Could you maybe...change into your alter ego and go help them?

Sapphire: ~glares~ What alter ego?

Jed: Er. Nevermind. So...why are we fighting Vorp-Man anyway? I thought you guys were allies.

Sapphire: Look, who-slash-whatever you are. Asking questions like those just proves to me that you're inherently stupid and not even worth my breath.

Jed: <.<

~Jed starts creating a portal to steal Sapphire's undergarments, but the Masamune Plushie spots him.~

Masamune Plushie: NO PORTALS JED!

~The plushie backhands the Golem acting as the brake pedal, causing the Golem-Mobile to stop sharply. Jed and Sapphire are thrown out. The Vorp-Mobile crashes through it a moment later and sends all of the Golems flying, but since their scarves were all tied together they just snap back into place. Luiigii flies through the still scattered Golems and lands within the Golem-Mobile just as it finishes reforming, next to the Masamune Plushie. He floors it after the Vorp-Mobile.~

Luiigii: So get this. SteveT said that since he conducted my wedding, he gets to take my firstborn as his minion. I think I'll just adopt. ~pulls the plushie's string~

Masamune Plushie: Your face is adopted.

Luiigii: Oh THAT'S real nice.

~And as Jed and Sapphire roll to a stop, Jed gets up and lunges into Sapphire, throwing her off the road as the Vorp-Mobile flies past.~

Jed: Well that was wacky.

Sapphire: ~slaps Jed~ No one touches me like that, not even my husband!

Jed: ~sighs~

Shortly after, the Golem-Mobile passes by and Luiigii drops a piece of paper out the window in front of Jed and Sapphire without stopping.

Jed: *picks it up* I wonder what it sa- AHNG! *is squashed by Sapphire's foot*

Sapphire: *takes the paper from Jed's stubs* I'LL be reading it, thank you.

Jed: Bitch. AHHHOOOWWWW! *Sapphire grinds her heel into Jed before taking it off of him and proceeds to read the piece of paper*

Sapphire: "Just stay there while we chase after the Vorp-Mobile. We'll eventually have to turn back once we need to go pick up Golem and confront Vorp-Man. We'll see you when we inevitably crash. With great apathy, Luiigii of the Pipes P.S. Writing this letter while driving required great dexterity and heightened awareness. I just wanted you to know that." ...Well, that's fantastic, I have to wait until all these idiots decide to collide with each other and we can get back to tracking down MagiKoopa.

Jed: Well, at least you can spend that time with a "kawaii" thing such as myself.

Sapphire: You talk, though, so that instantly ruins any cuteness you possibly possess.

Jed: Wh...What? ._.

Sapphire: Any talking that goes beyond simple phrases, especially when those phrases are saying your own name, totally eliminates cuteness.

Jed: But... Uh... I need to sit down... *does so*

Sapphire: I'm sure that whole inch you've sat down really helps.

Jed: MY FEET GET TIRED LIKE EVERYONE ELSE'S, YOU INSENSITIVE HAG! I'm sorry, that just kinda came out; this is a real paradigm shift for me ._.

Sapphire: ...Hmph, you're lucky I'm feeling some intense pity for you or I'd wail on you with a mallet that I get from nowhere like all women can, apparently.

Jed: ...That's sorta neat >.>

Sapphire: Yeah, wanna see it in action? *glare*

Jed: Nah, I'm good ._.

Sapphire sits down, too, and waits.

Jed: So... how long you been married to Golem?

Sapphire: I don't like talking about my marriage.

Jed: Mm.

Vorp-Man: Well well well, isn't this ironic. Now I am the hero and you are the villain.

Golem: What!? We haven't even done anything wrong!

Vorp-Man: Oh I beg to differ! *holds up a photo showing the back of the Golem-Mobile* Notice something... unusual?

Golem: Uh...

Vorp-Man: Driving without a license plate! THAT'S A CRIMINAL OFFENSE!

Golem: ... you mean you chased us down just for that!?

Vorp-Man: There's no case too big, no case too small. When you need help just call V-V-V-V-VORP AND FAN, RESCUE RANGERS!

Golem: Okay, now you deserve everything that's coming to you.

~Golem undoes his scarf and spins it around a few times and then stuffs it through a curiously familiar looking rubberband (see Some Fanventures Vol. 2!), and instead of pulling out a scarf, he pulls out a whip with a laser sword on the end~

Vorp-Man: An in-continuity reference in a sidequest!? That's a Violation #81!

~but Golem isn't done, because he puts the rubber band on his wrist. Normally that would make him girly looking, but instead it transforms his arm into some kind of cyborg arm with SKILLZ THAT KILLZ~

Golem: *deep breath* For Big Al.

~Vorp-Man and Golem go at one another. Vorps swings his Vorp-Blade at Golem, who catches it with the robotic arm and wrenches it away. Golem slings out his laser sword around Vorp-Man~

Golem: Familiar, don't you have anything new?

Vorp-Man: How about this!?

~Vorp-Man activates V-shaped blades on his wrists and cuts through the whip. Now armed with only his fists, he goes blow to blow with Golem. Being an utter weakling, Golem is forced to use his cyborg arm to dodge all the blows while his normal arm occasionally blocks a blow and gets bruised. Eventually Vorp-Man makes a mistake and Golem seizes him by the throat with his robotic arm and flips him over on top of the hard pavement~

Vorp-Man: No! I'll lose my street cred!

~Vorp-Man gets up and is about to attack, but suddenly both he and Golem are caught inside of energy bubbles and propelled in the air. WarioFan13 walks up, revealing that the beams come from his wristwatch. GM follows behind, looking a bit annoyed~

WarioFan13: Settle down, boys! You're getting ahead of yourselves.

Golem: You! YOU! I-- wait, I have no idea who he is. Vorp-Man?

Vorp-Man: Not ringing any bells.

WarioFan13: That's because I'm from the future you simplistic barbarians. I know all about the two of you in the future... including you, Stryke "Vorpal" Hamilton.

Golem: *gasps* You're... you're Vorpal!?

Vorp-Man: ... well... yes.

Golem: *bawks* Ludicrous! Vorpal wears a visor, Vorp-Man doesn't wear a visor.

GM: He takes it off when he transforms.

Vorp-Man: Besides, we had this exact same conversation in a previous GMOG... crap! I made an in-continuity reference. ~pulls out a sketchpad and quickly writes himself a ticket~

Wariofan13: If you two are finished being incompetent ingrates, then I will continue with my monologue. But rather than simply say it out loud and allow time to escape, I will project it into your minds in a single second. ~presses a button on his watch. Golem and Vorp-Man fall to the ground~

Golem: You're mad!

Wariofan13: Come on, let me hear you say it.
Vorp-Man: You'll never get away with it!

Wariofan13: No! No, not that... the other thing.

GM: The Playstation 3 will retail for 599 US Dollars?

Wariofan13: *turns and looks at GM* What!?

GM: Oh, it was this gag on the internet a few years back. It was a clip parody of the E3 reveal of the Playstation 3 mixed with Superman Returns. I thought that's what you were building up to.

Wariofan13: Do I look like I was even around then?

GM: ... no, I suppose not. *ahem* Carry on then.

Wariofan13: *rolls his eyes and turns back to Vorp-Man and Golem, who have taken off* You idiot! You let them get away!

GM: WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG! ... uh, I mean, I guess I did. Haha?

Wariofan13: ... *shakes head and presses a button on his wristwatch and the most annoying sound in the world plays*

GM: NO! *falls to the ground clutching his ears*

Narrator: We turn again to what I thought was the whole point of this OG. Apparently I'm the only one who thinks so.

Bomberman Doll: ... THE END

MagiKoopa: *sighs* That's the good stuff there. *leans back to take it all in* Those were the good ol' days... when I was the OG King. Villains were taken seriously. Newbies worshipped at my feet. Good times. Good times. *grabs a GORE doll* Oh, character I never even knew, why can't things be like they were in the Golden Age? *pulls string*

GORE doll: *backhands a Golem doll* Your face!

MagiKoopa: *throws GORE doll away* I don't get the reference.

~A Rocket Technician walks in~

Technician: Sir, I think the boys down at the lab finally cracked the Doll-Soul problem. We discovered that for some reason, the more annying a doll's counterpart is, the conducive it is for soul-retention. Of course, this is annoying on the MagiKoopa scale, and not on the GORE-ILLA scale, or else the Golem doll would have certainly worked.

MagiKoopa: So... who?

Technician: *reveals doll* Vorpal.

MagiKoopa: Oh man, that guy is annoying. I remember when he as that Team Missile guy in Rocketsville!

~Vorpal doll begins to glow~

Technician: See! That means that the doll is soul-receptive!

MagiKoopa: Well, let's test it out! *Holds cane to Technician's chest and pulls out a white orb, and inserts it into Vorpal Doll*

~Technician falls to the floor. Vorpal Doll stands on it's own power~

Vorpal Doll: It's-a me! Vorpal!

MagiKoopa: Yes. That sounds exactly like something the real Vorpal would say. Excellent!

Vorpal Doll: Command me, Master!

MagiKoopa: Well... all I can think about right now is how annoying that Vorpal guy is. Go destroy him or something.

Vorpal Doll: Yes, Master!

~In an abandoned warehouse where Vorp-Man and Golem have taken to hiding~

Golem: I still find it hard to believe that Vorpal is actually Vorp-Man.

Vorp-Man: Yeah, well, I am.

Golem: This just turns my entire world upside down! I don't know what's right or wrong anymore.

~Suddenly a huge shadow is cast over both Golem and Vorp-Man. They both scream like little girls. Then they look to discover a small figure is actually casting the shadow.~

Vorpal Doll: It's-a me! Vorpal!

Golem: I knew Vorp-Man couldn't be Vorpal! It just didn't make sense!

Vorp-Man: What? But I am Vorpal!

Golem: Then how do you explain Vorpal standing right in front of us?

Vorp-Man: Well, for starters: I wouldn't say, "It's-a me! Vorpal!"

Golem: You kidding? I am almost positive that is one of his catch phrases.

Vorp-Man: No it's not!--Look! It's a doll. It has stiches up it's side. It's short. Vorpal is not short, is he?

Golem: Vorpal is one vorpal tall. Aaaand... *compares Vorpal Doll to Vorp-Man* You look like you're about ten vorpals tall. You can't possibly be Vorpal!

Vorpal Doll: It's-a me! Vorpal!

Golem: Yes we know, Vorpal. Can you believe this jerk, Vorp-Man? Saying he's you?

Vorpal Doll: I'm-a gonna KILL you! *jumps at Vorp-Man with a steak knife*

Golem: I never noticed that the Vorpal Sword was serrated like that.

Vorp-Man: AUGH! I'm being stabbed by a midget!

~at last, Luiigii returns holding Wariofan63 by the back of his shirt as he returns to Sapphire and Jed inside a local restaurant. He tosses him on the ground~

Wariofan63: No! NO! NOOO!

Sapphire: Oh, I think yes. We have you now-

Wariofan63: *holds up N-Gage and points to the screen* These... these terrible people! How can they say Commodore 64 has no good games?

Jed: ... what? >.>

Wariofan63: I. HATE. THIS. GENERATION. OF. GAMERS. AUGH.

Luiigii: Alright lemon-face, you're going to talk. Why is Vorp-Man after us? AND WHO IS HE?

Sapphire: He's Vorpal.

Luiigii: Excuse me. The adults are talking here.

Sapphire: *glares*

Jed: Oh sure. You don't physically maim him.

Sapphire: *stomps on Jed again* Only because it's GORE's job!

Jed: Oh god... when will I learn? >.<

Sapphire: It's convenient having you so small and easily stompable.

Jed: Yeah but I can see up your-

Sapphire: *stomps extremely hard this time*

Luiigii: As I was saying? Speak up!?

~suddenly a lobster crashes through the glass and tackles Luiigii. The two end up fighting off one another. Lobsterio grabs a nearby tables and crashes it on Luiigii's heads, who responds by grabbing Lobsterio's claw and shoving it inside a cash register and repeatedly closing it. Lobsterio howls in pain and grabs a nearby blender and while it's still plugged up, smashes it into Luiigi's face. The glass breaks off and the blades cut off the top of his nose before Luiigii slams a toaster into Lobsterio's face.

With his other claw free, Lobsterio throws Luiigii out the window and starts going after him. As he does, cars begins to pile up as they swerve and break to avoid hitting them. Lobsterio lunges at Luiigii, but he dodges and Lobsterio crashes into a windshield. Luiigii runs up to punch him, but Lobsterio whirls out of the way, lifts up the car hood, and shoved Luiigii's face into the interior of the still running car. he slams the hood down on him several times until finally Luiigii reaches up to the battery, rips off one of the cords, and shoves it into Lobsterio. The car explodes and the two are sent flying back on top of another car.

They continue beating the crap out of one another as they walk on top and crush the cars with the people inside. As they continue to brawl, they walk onto a nearby construction site and on top of a construction beam being lifted in the air. Their fight is moved to the very top of the construction site and Luiigii finds a jackhammer and uses it to start drilling into Lobsterio's hardened shell. Lobsterio desperately reaches for a nearby weapon and finds a nail gun and fires a nail through Luiigii's cheek. The jackhammer falls out of his hand and lands on top of a foreman at the bottom.

Luiigii suddenly tackles Lobsterio and they begin to fall from the top of the construction site, swirling around as they try to make the other bear the brunt of the fall. Finally they land at the bottom and Lobsterio is crushed by Luiigii. However he is not quite out and begins to attack, but Luiigii looks suddenly horrified. Lobsterio turns and looks up just as a collection of steel beams fall from the air and crush Lobsterio, leaving only a single claw hanging out from the destruction. Quietly Luiigii gets up and walks away into the sunset.... just as Lobsterio's claw pulls back into the rubble.

Though bleeding profusely and still with a nail in his cheek, Luiigii returns to the others~

Luiigii: Now who is Vorp-Man?

Wariofan63: He never told me! I swear to God!

Luiigii: SWEAR TO ME!

Wariofan63: There was something else in them... something hidden.

Sapphire: What was it?

Wariofan63: Super FX Chips. It was the only way Star Fox would work.

Luiigii: Oh for God's sake. *throws WF to the ground* Let's go find the others.

Wariofan63: Wait, I thought they were dead.

Luiigii: .. Are you kidding me?

Wariofan63: No, I'm serious! I thought the others were dead!

Sapphire: Uhmm..

Luiigii: ... You are gonna ruin this arn't ya?!

*Everyone stares at eachother for a few minutes as if everyone had headcrabs feeding on them*

Wariofan63: Okay, stop it people. Seriously.

Luiigii: (Suddenly then Luiigii thought he heard some sort of weird girly laugh) Jed are you thinking about those stupid memes?

Jed: -.- *wakes up* HUH! I wasn't paying attention, your boring conversation put me to sleep faster then a Michael Jackson music video. >.>

Wariofan63: No I heard it Luiigii! It came from that box over there!

Sapphire: And ofcourse, it came from a anonymous box! What are the odds..

Wariofan63: Shuddup..

Luiigii: *Walks over to box and leans head against it to hear whats inside* OPEN IT!

(Wariofan63 kicks the box, breaking it and revealing the girly laughter.)

Jed: Oh my gawd, its- O.O

Sapphire: Not this guy. WHY COULDN'T HE JUST STICK TO THE OLD FAILURE COURT CASES.

Jed: -Pee Wright. v.v

Luiigii: I don't remember any Pee Right.. Where did this loser come from?

Pee: I'm sorry don't hurt me!

Sapphire: I should kill you where you stand, I mean sit.

Pee: Well you see. For 3 years, I was stuck in this box the entire time, in every OG I was in the anonymous box hiding. I was hiding from Lardio.. He killed my one true lo- I MEAN SISTER.

Wariofan63: Wait, you been stalking us in this old box since Sep 30, 2006?

Luiigii: That's just gay.

Pee: Well, forgive me. Now, I hear your looking for others?

Sapphire: Correct. But don't pull out any characters from dead threads. Please for the sake of our GOD.

Pee: Alright. Fine. Geeesh.

Wariofan63: Hey why do I get the feeling at any moment, something very weird is going to happen.

Luiigii: Fo-git about it, everyone gets that feeling when this guy goes into a innocent OG and posts a totally off topic out of context part of the story.

Sapphire: Yeah, sort of like ear rape, only its text.

Wariofan63: OH! WAIT! I JUST HAD A IDEA!

Sapphire: Oh shoot. That's whats bothering him.

Luiigii: Should I just say were screwed and get it over wit- WAIT WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

(WF63 plunges hand inside Pee taking his soul)

Pee: UGH! WAIT NO!

Wariofan63: Someone throw me a doll!

(Luiigii runs around and looks everywhere and finally finds one)

Luiigii: Take this one! (hands over Fred Doll)

Wariofan63: (Sticks soul in) YAY! Wait. FRED?!

Sapphire: Oh wait, I liked Pee better.

Fred Doll: SHUT UP OR DIE! *ahem*

Luiigii: I'm so sorry! Its the only one I could find!

Wariofan63: Wow, its uglah.

(WF63 suddenly gets attacked by the Doll and leaps backward)

Fred Doll: DIE! DIE! STUPID WASTEFUL BEING!

Wariofan63: HOLY BLACK JE- HALP ME!

Jed: Yaknow, boys shouldn't play with dolls. v.v

~Mary Colt and Ashley-while, the Vorp-Mobile pulls up to Golem and Vorp-Man’s hiding place. GORE jumps out with the Masamune Plushie.~

GORE: That was nothing like the Batmobile. Now let’s—

WF13: No let’s!

~WF13 and GM leap out from the scenery.~

WF13: You can’t kill steal from me!

GM: Hey guys. ~cocks his gun~ Sorry I gotta kill you, it’s just you have no idea the kind of stress I’m being put under.

WF13: But first I will make him suffer! Senor Burro may have passed his soul-stealing abilities off to Wariofan 63, but I got something even better, and not just my genius! Soul-swapping!

~WF13 runs at GORE and pushes him, sending his soul flying. It flies away and into Luiigii, shoving his own soul out, which circles the planet and lands in GORE.~

Luiigii: How did I just…metal hands…ugly face…oh snap.

***

GORE: …Somehow wearing a brown robe and carrying a laser sword feels familiar.

Jed: Well duh. You do it all the time.

GORE: No…this smell…this can’t be!

GORE/Luiigii: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

WF63: Still being killed!

~GORE punches the Fred Plushie off of WF63, then looks at his hands.~

GORE: IT’S. NOT. THE. SAME!

Sapphire: Luiigii, shut up. This has nothing to do with finding those OGs, so I’m hijacking this team and making you find them now.

Jed: Yeah, we should hurry. We’ve almost reached the page limit. And I’m glad this innocent statement hasn’t gotten me stepped on by Her Majes—AHNG!

GORE: No seriously, I’m not—

Sapphire: ~SIGH~ I’m tapping my foot impatiently (Jed: AHNG AHNG AHNG AHNG) and you all know what that means. Golem-Mobile, now!

WF63: I’d care more about lost video games than lost OGs, by the way.

~The group marches out to the Golem-Mobile. GORE follows with some difficulty as he can’t get Luiigii’s fists to rest on the ground while walking. None of them notice that the hood ornament Golem had been replaced by a hood ornament Pee Wright…

~Meanwhile, Magikoopa spies on them with security cameras linked to his computer.~

Magikoopa: I’ll need an army to stop them. Time to get annoyed with more than just Vorpal…

~Magikoopa logs onto http://www.gamehiker.com/forums and clicks on the OG Board link.~

***

Luiigii: This is a nightmare from which I cannot awaken! What have you done!?

WF13: Your soul has been swap changed with the robotic monkey’s!

GM: Robots have souls? ~notices WF13’s hand hovering over his watch~ Nothing, never mind. So let’s get this over with.

Luiigii: GM, no! I’ve been down that villainous road many times! Don’t make my mistakes!

GM: You don’t understand my pain!

Luiigii: But remember the Koopa Bar & Grille!

GM: I was stoned. I can’t.

~GM enters a code into his brain implant that gives him explosive rounds. He starts firing at Luiigii, who mostly staggers around and gets hit since he’s unfamiliar with robotic bodies. WF13 slips away and into the warehouse, where Vorp-Man is dueling with the Vorpal Plushie ala Dooku and Yoda. He walks over to Golem, who is using Quez to turn his arm into various things out of boredom.~

Golem: You! Your evil plan probably still might not work!

WF13: Oh but it has. My plan to obtain the greatest of all video game memorabilia…GM’s implant! Now that I’ve turned him against you all and put a new soul into the robotic monkey’s body, the two of them will (are) fight(ing) and the robotic monkey won’t know his own strength! So he’ll kill him instead of just knock him out! And then I can take it for myself!

Golem: Yes that is the plan you just transmitted into my brain a few posts ago! But why not just kill GM yourself?

WF13: I’m nine you jerk creep! I can’t kill someone! I have a conscience!

Golem: But what about—

WF13: No! Now I’m going to beat you up and put it on Youtube! Wariofan13 bests Golem, the central figure of all existence…and becomes the central figure of all existence! My account will even show up before Wariofan63’s when you search for him specifically!

Golem: Bein' famous is tough!

~Luiigii and GM fly at one another. Despite having ape fists that could ground GM into pavement, Luiigii realizes he has no sword and is suddenly on the defensive. GM whips out his signature weapon, the Omnipotence~

Murasame: *walks on to the scene* Hey! No! Stop ripping off my style!

~Director and Producer grab Murasame by the arms and start dragging him back~

Murasame: No! NO DAMMIT! I WANT HIM TO STOP DOING IT! I WILL RUIN YOUR CAREER MAN! I WILL SHRACKING SEND IT TO B-RATED HELL!

GM: I'd like to you try it!

Luiigii: You did that with Untitled anyways.

GM: Shut up.

~once Murasame is gone, they resume fighting, but Luiigii realizes Murasame dropped his prop sword and grabs that. As a two ton metal ape, the prop Murasame is more like a short sword, but it's good enough. GM is forced to retrieve his own sword and they go blow to blow. However it become apparent that Luiigii's simian strength is overpowering him. Luiigii is about to finish him when suddenly a Fred doll jumps on his arm~

Luiigii: Oh great, not the noob again...

~another doll, this time a Golem doll, jumps on him~

Luiigii: Wait, what?

~all of them turn around and see that they're being approached by thousands and thousands of Author Character based dolls~

Wariofan13: No! This wasn't part of my diabolical plan!

~suddenly Vorp-Man goes flying through a nearby window and lands on the Vorp-Mobile. Golem runs out with his hands in the air. A single Vorpal Doll with an evil glint in his eye walks out after them~

Wariofan13: Oh I get it, this is just like that Kim Possible movie. Did any of you guys see that?

Luiigii: We're all adults with lives.

Wariofan13: ... okay, it's like in I, Robot when all the robots turn against the humans.

Luiigii/GM/Golem: Ohhh...

Vorp-Man: Will Smith is great.

Golem: Yeah, isn't he?

GM: So we're safe. They don't want to actually hurt us. *a GORE-ILLA doll bites him in arm. He screams and holds up the offended arm at the others* THEY WANT TO HURT US!

Luiigii: Every two ton (and ugly) gorilla for theirselves! *throws the others out of the way like... well... dolls, no offense*

Vorpal Doll: None taken.

~but Luiigii has already hopped into the Vorp-Mobile and drove off. The remaining OGers find themselves cornered~

Golem: Uncle Billy you fool!

Wariofan13: If only Toad Seacrest doll was here...

~when suddenly the Vorp-Mobile crashes in front of them. Luiigii opens the door for them to come back in. They all pile in~

GM: You changed your mind! Why?

Luiigii: I didn't. It has a stupid remote callback.

Vorp-Man: And don't forget it!

Golem: We have to find the others!

~everyone stares at him~

Golem: Why is it I'm the only one in this series that gives a damn about anyone else?

~Elsewhere~

Jed: It's okay Luii-- uh GORE. You can stop crying.

GORE: But look at these tiny hands! And this smell... what kind of monster am I?

Sapphire: You... you could take a shower.

GORE: A shower...

WarioFan63: And you're married too!

GORE: Cod Almighty, you're right! I've been a fool!

~one montage scene later shows GORE in a relaxation spa soaking up the steam in a bath towel amongst manly men like Thrakun, Farmer Jon, and Kester. Then he's at a ritzy salon to get a shave and haircut from Mario Jr. Next he's at a fancy store buying tailored clothing and using Kester's credit card to get what he wants. Later he's seen driving up to Rebe's apartment in a brand new Porsche with a bouquet of flowers. He meets Rebe at the door and embraces her in a kiss. One hour later, GORE walks out of the apartment building smoking a cigar~

GORE: Man, I really am a bastard. If only this was 2012, then I could claim Ashley as my own.

~GORE drives back in his new Porsche to Jed, Sapphire, and Wariofan63 who were waiting impatiently~

GORE: Okay, let's go.

Wariofan63: But this is the line for Rhythm Heaven! You can't make me go!

Sapphire: *grabs WF63 by the ear and drags him along* Okay, getting back on track...

~suddenly a Golem doll jumps up and throws itself into her breasts~

Sapphire: Oh lovely.

GORE: Wait, didn't we do this last Sidequest?

~several more OGer dolls throw their selves on Sapphire~

Jed: They like you! Oh crap! *dodges Sapphire's foot* Whew. >.> *looks ahead of him* Uh oh.

Sapphire Dolls: Grrrr....

~Jed is covered in Sapphire dolls and starts to get mangled~

GORE: At least nothing bad can happen to me. I'm-

Wariofan63: I thought bad things always happened to Luiigii.

GORE: Wait, what?

~a legion of GORE-ILLA dolls begin punching GORE mercilessly~

GORE: NO! NO! NOOOOOO!

Wariofan63: ... huh. *gets in line with a bunch of Wariofan dolls* So, you guys here for Rhythm Heaven too?

WF63 Doll: Hell yeah!

Sapphire: Somebody get these Golems off of me!

Golem Dolls: ~tee hee~

~the OGers all stare up into heavens helplessly, then they notice one single doll standing amongst the others. It's the Masamune doll. It is assaulted by several dolls, which it backhands into buildings and lamp posts and elderly people, all causing explosions. It then leaps on to Sapphire and starts backhanding each individual Golem off until she's free.~

Sapphire: I'd be grateful, but you don't have to keep protecting my cleavage.

Jed: I thought only I got to make cleavage-related jokes! *is slapped by a hundred Sapphire dolls* Ow! Okay, that's it! No second fiddle for me! Time to show off my awesome abilities! *pulls out his Wiki profile* Okay. Crash... no Lightning. Wait, we'll do Crash.

~before Jed can assert himself as the true badass he is, Masamune doll whips out a Yami and Rocky doll who start flirting with the Sapphire dolls until they get annoyed and mad and NEVER come back ever. A Ditto doll guffaws~

Jed: Aww man. >_<

GORE: What about me!

~the other OGers move on with the Masamune doll, while GORE continues being punched endlessly~

GORE: I'm not Luiigii, you fools! I'm not Luiigii!!!!

~Sapphire takes the driver's seat of the Porsche and Jed climbs in the passenger seat~

Jed: Hey this is cool. Me, a fifth generation OGer-

Sapphire: Fourth.

Jed: Okay fourth... teaming up with an original Party Goer. Let's do it!

Sapphire: I'd say you're more sidekick material.

Jed: ....

~as the Porsche takes off, it soon is side by side with the Vorp-Mobile. Vorp-Man rolls down the window and start hollering~

Vorp-Man: Hey baby! Gimme some sugar!

Jed: .... is he hitting on me? >.>

Sapphire: He can't even see you. *rolls down the passenger window* Hi Vorpal.

~Golem jumps to the window, over Vorp-Man's lap, and waves~

Golem: Sapphire! Sapphire! Hey, we're being chased by evil Author Character dolls!

Sapphire: They were called OGer dolls in my segue.

Luiigii: We have to find the one responsible.

Sapphire: But who is that?

Wariofan13: Magikoopa, duh. Don't any of you watch the History Channel? I watch it like every single day.

~eventually they all arrive at Magikoopa's not at all secret hideout and pile out of their respective vehicles and strike a pose that would look awesome on a wallpaper~

Jed: I... I can't hold this pose any longer...!

Golem: This Gatling Gun is pretty heavy!

~they all break pose and drop their stuff. Off screen, Masamune gets ticked off and rips apart the canvas he was working on and throws paint at the OGers until they run away to the other side of the Team Rocket building.~

Vorp-Man: I think maybe we can work in a Batman parody here. Okay, here's how it will go. I'm going to demand to face Magikoopa alone. Golem, you'll try and stop me. But first, let's get on that building across from the TRO building.

~after they do so~

Luiigii: They've got hostage OGers in there!

Golem: And they're being guarded by Roleplayers...

GM: Okay, I've got clear shots on the RPers. We smash the windows and rappel in. We taken them through the stairwell. Two or three casualties, tops.

Golem: *narrows eyes* Let's do it.

Vorp-Man: It's never that simple. With Magikoopa, it never is.

Golem: What's simple is that every second we don't take him, those OGers dolls get closer to ruining our originality!

Vorp-Man: That won't happen.

Golem: Then he'll blow them all up! There's no time! We have to go in now!

Vorp-Man: There's always a catch with him.

Golem: That's why we can't wait. We can't play his games.

Vorp-Man: I need five minutes. Alone.

Golem: There's no time! We have clear shots!

~Vorp-Man turns away towards the TRO HQ~

Golem: Party Goers 13 is in there with him! We have to save Party Goers 13! I HAVE TO SAVE PARTY GOERS 13!

~Vorp-Man leaps from the building and glides towards the TRO HQ. Golem grits his teeth and turns to the others~

Golem: Two minutes. Then you breach. *pause* ... so what do you think?

Luiigii: Not bad. I think it's pretty deserving of the early GMOGs.

Golem: Aww... thanks guys. :)

~nobody notices that WF13, Jed, and Sapphire are gone. OMG~

~Vorp-Man enters the building confidently. He starts slaughtering the RPers, but then realizes that they were all taped up and couldn't fight back. Also that they were really OGers. Realizing his mistake, he kills off the RPers who were pretending to be hostage OGers. With a confident smirk he moves on, but suddenly the other OGers, which is pretty much just GM, Luiigii, and the Masamune doll, swing in. After a long drawn out fight scene where Vorp-Man disables them each one by one, he's suddenly hanging from the building by a cable~

Vorp-Man: Wait! This wasn't supposed to happen to me!

~suddenly his cowl slips off~

GM: ... Vorpal! It was you all along!?

~Luiigii and GM help Vorpal back up~

GM: Sorry Vorpal, we thought you were a superhero.

Vorpal: Let's just go take out Magikoopa! Where's Golem?

Luiigii: He had a collect call.

~back on the building~

Golem: .. yes, I would like to accept those changes. *pause* Sapphire, calm down!

Voice: ~on speaker~ Hello, Greg.

Golem: Wariofan13!? What the heck's going on!?

Wariofan13: ~on speaker~ You're about to know what my fanboyism is really like...

Golem: Where are you!? Where's Sapphire *looks around* and Jed, I guess.

Wariofan13: ~on speaker~ Where my family DIED.

Golem: Uhh....

Wariofan13: ~on speaker~ Er, at the abandoned Nichibutsu factory.

~back with the others, they make it to the top of the TRO HQ after slaughtering more RPers. Finally they come face to face with Magikoopa~

Magikoopa: Do you know what I hate about you guys?

Vorpal: That we aren't ripoffs of enemies from Super Mario World?

Magikoopa: That you're all so annoying! I just read Party Goers 14 again. Your characters all suck!

GM: Me and Weege weren't in that one.

Magikoopa: And Paper Mario 2 was an abortion of my mind!

Luiigii: Oh it's on now!

Magikoopa: I don't think so. You see... I wanted you here! Do it now my minion doll!

Vorpal: ... minion?

~the three of them are backhanded by the Masamune doll, which explodes. When they all come to, they are dangling over boiling lava~

Vorpal: This wasn't in The Dark Knight!

Magikoopa: Yami was right! Movie parodies are terrible in OGs! I don't even know why you bother archiving this series.

Luiigii: Don't you dare say that about Yami! I once considered him my best friend for the sake of carrying out a parody!

Magikoopa: *cackles* Your loss!

~the OGers are all lowered into the lava, but suddenly Wariofan63 and all the WF63 dolls swing in on ropes and pull the OGers to safety~

Vorpal: You came back!

Wariofan63: Of course we did. Rhythm Heaven was delayed. And we couldn't allow the great one to die.

Vorpal: Aww, I didn't know you felt that-

~the WFs all turn to GM~

Wariofan63: All hail the Game Master.

Vorpal: *rips off a hat from one of the WF63 dolls so he can twist it angrily* Rotten two-timing sidekicks...

Magikoopa: My little dolls? Oh well... kill the OGers!

~the Wariofan63 dolls do nothing~

Magikoopa: What!?

Wariofan63: You made a fatal mistake making them, Mr. Kamek! These dolls have only one loyalty... Nintendo!

~the WF63 dolls pick up Magikoopa and carry him off to a game room. Vorpal, GM, Luiigii, and Magikoopa all end up playing Super Smash Bros. Brawl while the Wariofans all scour GameFAQs for VC-hating trolls~

Vorpal: I forgot how great it was hanging out with you.

GM: Hanging with Magi Kooper!

Magikoopa: If you never make that joke again, we can do this more often.

Luiigii: I can't help but think I'm forgetting something...

~elsewhere~

GORE: WHY! WHY WON'T THEY STOP!!? IS THIS WHAT LUIIGII'S LIFE FEELS LIKE!?

~back to the group~

Luiigii: Oh yeah, what happened to Golem?

Magikoopa: WF13 stole away everything that ever mattered to him.

Vorpal: Well he's not in the sequel.

GM: I win again!

~the Wariofans all cheer~

Magikoopa: This is going to get old fast.

~finally, Golem enters the old Nichibutsu HQ holding a plunger~

Golem: I was never in these OGs!

Wariofan13: They sucked anyways!

~Wariofan13 stands beside a huge giant deathray point at Sapphire and Jed, who are tied up~

Jed: How can you even tie up a ball? >.>

Golem: Thirteen. Put the death ray away, you're not going to hurt Sapphire.

Jed: *ahem*

Golem: Or Jed.

Wariofan13: No... just the one most important to the series. So is it Sapphire?

Golem: Put the weapon away! Please Thirteen...

Wariofan13: Or maybe it's the time traveling Jedediah... After all, can't have him messing with my own timeline?

Golem: Killing Jed would ruin my spinoff OG idea...

Wariofan13: MAKE THE CHOICE!

Golem: Man... if only Ditto was here. He always knew how to choose whose lives were more valuable...



Golem: Wha...?

~Mr. T bursts out of his flashback bubble in his big van~

Golem: Mr. T!?

Wariofan13: No! NOT HIM!

Mr: T: That's right sucka! I'm gonna bust some heads together! Come here, chump!

Wariofan13: No! NO! NOOO! This wasn't in my plan!

~Wariofan13 tries to turn on his death ray, but Mr. T punches him helluva far~

Mr. T: I pity da fool who makes Wariofan63 his idol!

Golem: Wow... thanks, Mr. T. I never would have got through this.

Mr. T: Don't thank Mr. T, fool. Mr. T thanks himself. Sucka!

~Mr. T starts to climb in his van~

Golem: Wait... you're leaving?

Mr. T: Don't give me that jibba jabba! Mr. T helps people, you crazy fool! Teachin' fools some basic rules!

Golem: ... I see....

Mr. T: *turns around* Listen sucka, Mr. T pities fools like you. Life's tough, but I'm tougher! Come with me and I'll teach you the rules of life!

Golem: *eyes light up* ... really?

Mr. T: Come on, fool! No time for jibba jabba!

~Golem climbs into the van and is surprised that it's a lot bigger on the inside~

Golem: What is this?

Mr. T: Don't tell Mr. T how to drive his van!

Golem: Van?

Mr. T: This ain't no van, sucka! T stands for Time Lord, fool!

Golem: A TARDIS!

~the van starts to vanish as it crashes through the wall. Sapphire and Jed sit there, still tied up~

Jed: So I guess it'll be awhile before someone rescues us....

Sapphire: Just stop talking.

Jed: Awww.... v.v

IT'S OVER!

Starring In Order of Appearance

Jed
GORE-ILLA
Luiigii of the Pipes
Golem
Sapphire
Masamune Doll
GM
Magikoopa
Vorpal
Wariofan63
Wariofan13
Vorpal Doll
Mr. T
Mr. T's Van

Guest Starring
Straw Man
Technician
Lobsterio
Pee Wright
Thrakun
Farmer Jon
Kester
Rebe
Lots and lots of dolls
Masamune
Random OGers
Random RPers

Luiigii: I win again!

~suddenly Luiigii's souls is ripped away and replaced with GORE's~

GM: You feeling okay there?

GORE: ... pass me the doritos!

~back in the streetway, Luiigii is being beaten by the GORE-ILLA dolls~

Luiigii: AUGH! WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME!?