OoC: This is sort of based off that comic Akira Sojo in Party Goers by Yoshiman (http://partygoers.comicgenesis.com/d/20030817.html) so it’s basically an OG that parodies/makes fun of really bad anime. Create & add any characters you want!

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Narrator: The city of Tokyo….an extremely busy town, but with no problems…oh wait…Gaaaaaah!!! There’s a monster attacking the city!!!!
Don’t mind me as I go hide from a safe distance, but where I can still see everything happening.

*The monster looms over the town but the people cannot make out what it is just yet due to the blinding sun*

People in town: Aaaaah!!!! There’s a monster….of some sort!!! Aaaaaah!!!! *they run around in circles*

*A Japanese school girl races through the streets to a small house where she kicks the door in*

Japanese school girl: Akira!! You must come!! Quickly!!

*A boy hunched over the window with a cloud of angst over him looks up*

Akira: What? Sakura? What are you doing here?

Sakura: The city is under attack you idiot!! Go help!! Build a robot or something!

Akira: Ok. I’ll get on that later. I have to sit here in my cloud of angst for another hour or so.

Sakura: No!! NOW!! *She grabs him by the arm & literally drags him outside*

Akira: Oww! Sheesh you don’t have to be so rough….Wow that’s a monster alright. We’re all doomed. Well I think I’ll go spend my last hours alive doing something unproductive but enjoyable. Like watching TV.

Sakura: BAKA!! *She punches him & drags his unconscious body to his secret lab*

*At the secret lab, in a mysterious unknown location that somehow is in plain sight but no one has ever noticed despite the massive numbers of people in the city*

Akira: Ugh…man, why do you have to hit so hard? I seriously don’t think you’re a girl.

Sakura: Just because I paid attention in gym when we learned various martial arts and boxing, doesn’t mean I’m not a girl. Humph!
Now, build something! You’re the expert on mecha! Either fix up one of the ones you destroyed in previous monster battles or make a new one! NOW!

Akira: Yeesh…fine. If saving the town is that important.

Sakura: *suddenly nicer* Yup! Thanks Akira-kun!
I’m off to fight! *gives Akira a blood-chilling glare* You’d better be working….

Akira: Eep! I’m working, I’m working!

Sakura: Bye now!

Narrator: Meanwhile, the city is still in a panic. And I’m still nice and safe here in my perfect viewing but safe from all harm ever spot!

People: Gaaaaah!!! We’re doooooooomed!! AHHHHHHHH!!!! *continues running around in circles*

*Sakura finally approaches the battle scene*

Sakura: Stop right there!

*The monster ignores her*

Sakura: Grrr….Oh right, I have to transform first for any enemy to actually pay attention to me. *She takes out a necklace with a charm on it* SCHOOL GIRL POWER….TRANSFORM!!

*A magical light show appears as she transforms that no one in the surrounding area seems to notice, including the monster who could very easily attack while she’s powerless*

There we go! Alright bad monster dude. I AM SCHOOL GIRL SAKURA! AND IN THE NAME OF THE EDUCATION SYSTEM, which you’re currently destroying by toppling the buildings over, I WON’T LET YOU GET AWAY!

*The monster continues to ignore her and topples a few more buildings*

Still ignoring me, eh? Well try and ignore this! *Another magical light show appears, this time with flowers but the people still pay no attention and the monster misses another prime opportunity to attack* FLOWERY TEXTBOOK ATTACK!!

*The monster is pelted with textbooks and sharp flower petals*

Monster: Piiiiiiii…….. (monster for oww)

*The monster continues its quest to destroy the buildings, almost as if it’s looking for something in one of them*

Random voice: Hah. Like that’ll stop him.

Sakura: That voice! It can’t be!

Random voice: Ah, but it is my dear, it is.

Sakura: Ugh…Yukiyo.

Yukiyo: Your meager attack won’t do anything. You need the cards to help!

Sakura: Still playing that stupid game, eh?

Yukiyo: It’s not stupid! Watch! Now first to figure out what sort of monster this is. Ah good the sun has gotten into a position where we can see the monster from below without it being shadowed or us going blind! *He analyzes it* Wait…it can’t be….

Sakura: What? *She looks up* I think it is…

Yukiyo: T-ttthat’s a…a…GIANT PIKACHU!!!!

Narrator: Yes indeed the monster, is a Pikachu, who was hit by Netherworld radiation early this morning. Yup saw it myself….I mean…uhhh I saw nothing! Nope I didn’t know about this the whole time and not say anything! Hahaha…nope.

*Meanwhile back in Akira’s secret lab-so secret that not even the Narrator knows about it*

Akira: Arrgh! Well…this might do it.

Very, very tiny & cute robot: I doubt it. For I, Chibi-Robo shall stop you!! I will be glad for my fellow evil creature if he destroys you all!! And if he doesn’t then I shall!! Muwahahahahaaha!!!

Akira: Yeah. Sure you will. Can you hand me the wrench so I can finish this Mecha to destroy the monster?

Chibi-Robo: Oh, here you go.
What was I saying? Oh right. I shall destroy you! Muwahahahaha

Yukiyo: So I'll lay three cards facing down, and I play THE EIGHT OF SPADES!

Sakura: How is that going to he-

Yukiyo: It is obvious that you understand nothing about the Bowels of the cards! IKE!

(Eight huge spikes fly from the card and land in the monster's side. CRITICAL HIT! It's not very effective...)

Yukiyo: Hrmph.

(The pikachu is suitably annoyed and turns towards him, however)

Sakura: This is a great plan if you like dying.

Yukiyo: Do you have no faith? ARE WE THE SUM OF OUR PARTS?

Sakura: Why don't you ask that to Akira? I think he'd appreciate it more. KYA!

(Sakura jumps in her ridiculous heels at the monster for a kick, but is just kind of batted away)

Yukiyo: Good! Just keep doing that and getting pounded and I can keep using my trap cards! Now, I reve-

Sakura: BAKANA! (hits Yukiyo on the head) I was giving you an oppertunity to run for your life, not flip a useless card!

Yukiyo: It's too late! Pikachu's got a hold of the building, and his cheeks are glowing!

Sakura: You probably could have activated your thing in the time we just spent talking.

Yukiyo: Yes, but then the audience wouldn't know what's going on!

Freakachu: PIIIKKKAAAA.... CHIIIUU-

(The electricity is deflected by a huge katana. It is held by a half-dog half guy thing.)

half-dog half-guy thing: Yo, pops! I'm a poodle demon, and don't you forget it, chump! Other insulting honoraries that make you seem old and me seem edgy! The name's Sin-Uganda, and don't you forget it!

(Sheesh, all I did was narrate. From an incredibly safe distance.)

Sakura: Well, at least it's not a grinning vampire with a gun, or something.

Yukiyo: Alright! I reveal Pentagonal Riptides!

Sakura: What does that card do?

Yukiyo: It just sounds important. What it does is reveals two other face-down cards!

Sakura: Sounds like you'd never put it in your deck in a real game.

Yukiyo: SHUT UP MY EGYPTIAN DAD SAYS ITS COOL now I summon Afro samurai and Avatar of the wind!

894/5
i-8/x^2 + y^2 =500

Yukiyo: Now I smeorge 'em together to get ANGRY CLEAVERS

0/-0

Yukiyo: I use his special ability to stop all electrical sources on the field with their beaver dam!

(Pikachu's thunder was disabled! Also, power to the life support of many people in a hospital nearby)

Sakura: Sure. That's very helpful. Whe-

Yukiyo: I know, I'm so proud of myself.

Sakura: When he crushes us into dust!

Yukiyo: Oh, right. Forgot about tha-

(The building splits into two as Freakachu presses smash B and crushes it with his head. The three lose-er heroes tumble, presumably to their deaths but that will never happen unfortunately)

Freakachu: Piiiikaa! (skanks hoes bitches im da king ) Cachu... (Now, to find 4kids and crush them into dust...)

???: Not so fast, thing which I must kill but THE ONLY REASON ANYONE LOVES ME IS BECAUSE YOU ARE AROUND TO KILL!

Sakura: Akira!

(Akira's robot is an enormous pair of jeans)

Akira: FLYZIPPER GO!

(The zipper flies down and a huge missle fires out of it, Hitting Freakachu square in the face oh burn howdya like that. The zipper files back up again. Oh, and a lot of things shine and stuff)

Freakachu: Pik... Piii... (All I did was care!)

(Freakachu gives a RISING DRAGON UPPERCUT to Akira, to where he fired the missle from)

Akira: Oh, why do I even try?

Sakura: Don't give up, Akira!

Yukiyo: Yeah, I still haven't beaten you!

Sin-Uganda: Don't lose, chump!

(Akira spots Sin-Uganda)

Akira: Long-haired guy! He must be evil!

(the jeans run past Freakachu, confusing the hell out of him. The jeans kick Sin-Uganda into the stratosphere)

Sin-Uganda: It's kinda hard to be half (well maybe quarter cause I'm a demon too or whatever) dog without hair, assshholllleeee

Akira: Now that that's out of the way, back to fighting and moping!

(The jeans lie back on the bottom and fire huge amounts of lint from the leggings. Freakachu dodges one shot but not the other, and crashes into Tokyo tower killing like ten thousand people. Sakura puts one notch on a blackboard, for her research project at school)

Freakachu: Pi Pika Pi Pikachu! (Pikachu throws a lot of punches too fast for the human eye to see. After he is done, he turns backwards and faces a gigantic japanese character in red that appears in the background.)

Akira: Sigh, I wonder if I get satalite on this particular robot. (flips some knobs) guess not. How depressing.

Sakura: Watch out, uh, man, what can I yell that will make him do something without lowering his self-esteem any lower?

Yukiyo: His self-esteem can go lower? Best not to risk it. Get up, dumbass!

Sakura: Watch out! He's coming for you again!

Akira: Fine, I guess...

(Freakachu's fist glows and he charges Akira)

Freakachu: Pi pi pika chu piiii! (This is my love, my anger, and all of my sorrow. This is... MY SHINING FINGERRRRR!)

(Akira makes the pants fold and the punch totally misses)

Freakachu: ...

Akira: I suppose you'll want me to finish him off too, huh?

Sakura: If you don't mind.

Akira: I do mind.

Sakura: Do it anyways! Sheesh.

Akira: POCKET MONSTER IMPRISONMENT! (the pockets turn into huge vaccums, sucking off Freakachu's limbs from his body one by one)

This wins the Ditto McCloaker Aware for Awesome
--------------------------------------------------------

~Pikachu gets reduced to pixels and sucked into the pants. Finally, a robot hand pops up out of the pants and holds up a giant orb. Again, a Japanese symbol appears in the background and there's a "shing!" sound~

Sakura: *bounces up and down in two-frame animation, waving fans* A-KI-RA! A-KI-RA! Hee hee hee hee! YA-TAI! *does V for victory symbol*

Yukiyo: I just knew if we trusted in the cards and believed in our friends and our dreams and never give up hope that friendship would work together and united we would have victory! Friends! Hope! Dreams! Togetherness! Cards!

~Meanwhile, in a shadowy pocket-dimension, a bishonen with long white hair is watching somehow despite being in another dimension. Only his lower face is shown in profile, and he has a sneering smile.~

Bishonen: Heh heh heh... it appears that little schoolgirl fighter is more powerful than I thought...

Female Henchwoman: *rising up several steps behind him in a spotlight that casts shadow over her eyes as she looks down respectfully* Maestro, actually, I believe it was the kid in the mecha who actually defeated the monster...

Maestro: Yes, Strings, but the true power behind him is the little schoolgirl. And this will play right into my hands... muwahahaha.

Strings: Er, how exactly is that, sir?

Maestro: *sigh* I'm the villain, Strings. No matter what happens, it plays right into my hands!

Strings: Oh.

Maestro: Now, take the rest and get out there and make sure they don't interfere with my plans!

Strings: Yes, my lord. Er, my lord?

Maestro: Yes?

Strings: Am I sexy?

Maestro: As if I'd know.

~Strings disappears~

Maestro: Soon, we will have collected all the Mystic Trainer Cards, and I will be unstoppable... and I will ensure that the timeline flows securely into BAD FUTURE! BWA HA HA HA HA HA!

~Back in the City Streets~

Sakura: Well, with the world safe, we can all get back to school and live our normal lives!

Akira: I'm gonna go home and climb into bed and cut myself.

Sakura: Okay, well, I'm going back to history class!

Voice: Not so fast, Schoolgirl!

Sakura: Who's that?

Strings: If you wonder who we are...

Brass: ...Then get with the programme!

Woodwind: We've been rehearsing all season!

Percussion: To play our symphony of destruction!

Banjo: Duh, on tour with expensive tickets!

Strings: *pose* Strings!

Brass: *pose* Brass!

Woodwind: *pose* Woodwind!

Percussion: *pose* Percussion!

Banjo: *pose* Duh, Banjo!

Together: Black Orchestra, playing the music of the night!

Banjo: Duh, Banjo!

Black Orchestra: *sweatdrop*

Strings: Altogether now! DARK CRESCENDO ATTACK!

~lengthy stock footage of them all posing before shooting a musical score covered in musical notes with flies out and wraps around Sakura~

Sakura: Waagh!

~A kawaii little winged turtle appears on the sidelines. It's her familiar, Kame~

Kame: *floats in air* Sakura, hang in there! You've got to get away! You can't handle them all by yourself!

Sakura: *falls on ground with electricity crackling over her* Must... fight... *looks up with glint of determination in her eye* I won't give up! SCHOOLGIRL! SCIENCE! BEAM! *shoots a beam that knocks over the Black Orchestra, giving her time to run away*

Sakura: ~Escapes around a corner~ Huff, puff, puff, whew, that was close. Who were those guys, Kame?

Kame: *flutters* The Black Orchestra! An evil team of aliens who want to destroy the world! You're no match for this challenge alone. You'll have to recruit some other Schoolgirl Amateur Teammates!

Sakura: Whaaat there's more of me?! *gasp*

Meanwhile, Akira returns home to be a loser face McStupidhead.

Akira: I'm gonna cut myself for real this time.

Narrator: Just then, Akira's younger, beefier, weight lifting brother rounded the corner. He's eternally three feet tall, has spiky hair, and spends more time in the air than on the ground.

Goteam: Akira you cannot give up because if you give up then you will not be a champion and if you are not a champion you will disgrace our father who is a great hero but never showed up after his last battle but I know he is still alive even though mother says he isn't he just has to be because otherwise he would not be the Martial Arts champion of the entire world now would he????

Akira: So cutting myself now.

Goteam: NOOOOOOO!!! GOTEAM ENERGY SPECIAL! *fires an energy beam at the knife and disintegrates it*

Akira: You have to stop doing that.

Goteam: Another day of fighting evil, waaaaaaah!!! *jumps out the seven story window and lands on the pavement and takes off running with his mouth opened wider about 80% of his overall head*

Akira: I guess I'll work on my next mecha.

~Laters~

Goteam: Hey! Hey! Requisite, wassup!

Requisite Badass: ~is a tall, silent figure with shades, slicked backed hair, and part of his oh-so-manly chest exposed~ .... don't bother me, kid.

Goteam: I wanna fight! FIGHT FOR JUST US!

Requisite Badass: Then let's fight.

Goteam: Super Mega Doki Doki Fight Battle Moon Beam!

~Goteam shoots a beam at the moon, which bounces off and strikes the ground right in front of Requisite Badass, creating a tiny hole.~

Goteam: Ha I have defeated you you can't step forward without tripping!

~Requisite Badass steps over the hole and draws his sword. The entire screen goes black save for a slashing blue line. When the scene reappears, Goteam's nose hairs fall out.~

Goteam: Ha funny trick! Want to be my friend?!

Requisite Badass: No.

Goteam: But you have to be my friend! We are friends now ha!

~Requisite Badass twirls his sword and stabs Goteam through the chest, then pulls the sword out and lops off his head, which is still smiling insanely huge.~

Censor Man: STOOOOOOOOP! ~descends from the sky on a flaming gust of wind~ You can't kill the ever lovable sidekick that everyone adores! And why does your name have a bad word in it?!

Requisite Badass: Everyone adores? He's a pest.

Censor Man: You just say that because the kids voted you meanest. ~snaps his fingers and brings Goteam back to life~

Goteam: Ha being dead was super fun!

Requisite Badass: ...jackass.

Censor Man: ~slaps a "No Talking" sticker over Requisite Badass's mouth~

*The S.S Director swoops in... and by that I mean hes walking*

Director: Kidnap time MWAHAHAHAHAHaaa.... *hack*

*Director opens a portal effectively killing this OG, but reborning it anew*

Director studios presents......
DAKIRA SOJO

*A boy wakes up*

Boy: I am the greatest.

*A car drives by*

Car: Nope

Boy: I swear revenge!.... wait who was in that car?

*Boy runs to his local Sushi restaurant to ask Master Sushi what to do*

Boy: master... what can I do.... someone said I wasnt the greatest!

Master Sushi: It was.......... ME!

Boy: POI!

~Later, in a history classroom in Hideki Tojo Junior High School~

Miss Sakamoto: And who can tell me how World War II ended?

*A kid with gigantic swirly glasses and black school uniform raises his hand*

Miss Sakamoto: Yes, Otaku?

Otaku: World War II ended when the last two major powers, Berlin and Washington D.C. were both demolished by the giant flying robots Hiryuu and Soryuu, forcing them into unconditional surrender under the Treaty of Kyoto in 1945, thus resulting in Japan becoming the world's leading superpower.

Miss Sakamoto: Correct! Very good, Otaku! If only other kids were more like you.

~Teacher sends an angry glare towards another student, head back in his desk, snoring loudly with drool hanging out of his mouth~

Kid: *sits bolt upright in his seat. He has spiky hair, a headband, and the pupils of his eyes are pin-sized, making him look especially zealous and fanatical* WAAAGH!

*everyone in class stares at him and blinks*

Kid: I just had the WORST DREAM! I dreamed I WASN'T THE GREATEST!

Otaku: *in nasally voice, turning around in seat* Well you're certainly not the greatest listener, Sato.

*everyone laughs. Sato rubs the back of his head and laughs uproariously*

Miss Sakamoto: That's enough, school's out for today.

Sato: SCHOOL'S OUT! HOORAY! LET'S GO TO OTAKU BELL! *he literally jumps out of his seat, smashing it to fragments, and dashes out the door laughing fanatically*

~Later, at Otaku Bell, the kids are all crowded around one table. In the center is Sato, shoveling corn pizza and burgers into his mouth as messily as human possible~

Sato: *face covered with crumbs and sauce* I WILL BE THE GREATEST COMPETITIVE EATER IN THE WORLD! *chomp munch*

~At a nearby table, three girls look on~

Majokko: *who looks and acts exactly like Sakura from before* Wow, he sure does eat fast.

Hime: *rich cheerleader type* Like, totally, what a pig.

Megane: *a shy blue-haired girl with big ol' glasses and book* I dunno, he's kind of cute. *blush*

~Kame appears from Majokko's handbag~

Kame: Girls, there's trouble! The Magical Dream Crystal has gone missing! Get right on it!

Hime: Like, holy crap, what a bummer, I was gonna go shopping!

Majokko: WE've got to find it, girls!

Sato: *jumps in front of their table* LOSE SOMETHING? HAVE NO FEAR! I, SATO, am going to be the WORLD'S GREATEST DETECTIVE! *puts on Holmes hat and magnifying glass*

~They look at him and blink~

Random Kid: Hey, what's that going on outside? Some kind of supervillains committing dastardly deeds?

Kid 2: No way!

Sato: Trouble?! AWRIGHT! I'll get to the bottom of it! SHONEN... JUUUMP! *he jumps straight through the window, high into the sky, and comes down in the middle of the street, this being his superpower*

Sato: I AM SATO! MY NAME MEANS SUGAR AND I EAT LOTS AND LOTS OF IT! *clenches fist* I'M GOING TO BE THE GREATEST, JUST WAIT AND SEE!

~Meanwhile, back in Akira's Secret-Out-In-The-Open Lab~

Akira: *throws wrench in frustration, which hits the mecha he's working on and ricochets and hits him in the face* I just can't do this anymore, Chibi-Robo!

Chibi-Robo: You should probably kill yourself or something.

Akira: I keep trying, but I'm a main character! I can't die until the final episode... and even then, it's a 50/50 chance!

Chibi-Robo: *robotic sigh* Then what seems to be the problem, pathetic human?

Akira: My older brother wants to be the Greatest Champion ever, and I secretly want to be the greatest Mecha Fighter, but I can't let that show through, or my mysterious moody exterior facade I put on display will be foiled, and nobody will buy action figures of me.

Chibi-Robo: I would still recommend suicide, but if you seriously can't do that yet... then I suggest you seek out the ROBOT KING!

Akira: The Robot King?

Chibi-Robo: Yes, the Robot King is also conveniently the king of mechas. He will help you become the.. greatest Mecha Fighter or whatever, and hopefully through your mecha fights you will cause the deaths of countless bystanders, and hopefully your own death.

Akira: That's what I'll do! I'll find the Robot King! But I'll need someone to help me find him!

Requisite Badass: I couldn't help overhearing your conversation, and though I'm a badass, I will show you the way to the Robot King, as long as you keep your moping to yourself.

Sato: *runs in* I will come, too! I will be the GREATEST ROBOT KING ... FINDER! ... though I get the feeling like I forgot something important from the last post... like a villain or something...

Akira: Where do all of these people come from? I thought this was a secret lab!

*Supervillain hacks post*

Sato: WHAtS GOING ONNNNNNNN

Supervillain: It is I!!!!!!!!!!! DARK SATO!

Sato: I WILL BE GREATER THAN EVEN DARK SATO!

Goteam: WHAAAAAAAKIRA! Let's go find the Robot King right now yeah yeah yeah! ~does a crotch chop that somehow escapes censorship~

Requisite Badass: Maybe he'll give me a heart...

Chibi-Robo: (Dammit that was my line!)

Sato: Maybe he'll give me NOTHING because I'm already the greatest at everything!

Akira: Maybe he'll give me a new knife...

Requisite Badass: Let's go. I want to pick up some chicks before we go so I don't look gay or anything.

Sakura: I'll come!

Requisite Badass: ...Eternal. I mean, no. You annoy me.

Sakura: Hey! You're letting Goteam go!

Goteam: ~swallows a bag of sugar~ WHAAAAAAAA!

~Requisite Badass impales Goteam again and is backhanded into the wall by Censor Man, who brings Goteam back to life and disappears right after.~

Requisite Badass: See? Now, if I tried that with you...

Sakura: FLOWER PETALS GO!

Akira: Oh come on. They're stuck in my haaaaaair! And I just combed it!

Sato: Ha! I dodged them all! Yeah yeah yeah! ~does a crotch chop and is also backhanded into a wall by Censor Man~ Ohhhhh...

Chibi-Robo: *Pops out of Akiras backpack with a boom box* Now all we need is a musical montage to start off our journey pumped out the wazoo with friendship and determination!

Akira: I can't wait to walk thousands of miles listening to good ol' orchestrated music. *Hip-hop music starts playing* What the?!

Censor Man: Gettin' down with da new school, yo! *Backhands Goteam through three buildings* We got some new rules goin' down, and you get to be the guinea pigs. *Break dances off the screen*

Requisite Badass: What the...my sword's a lollipop?!

Sakura: Guys! My boobs have shrunk! Look! *The scene goes black for a second as if it were badly edited and then shows cans of tomato soup coming out of Akiras nose.*

Sato: HAAAAAAH? This won't stop me! I will still become the greatest! The greatest at being great! I, Sato-chan, will be RESPECTED.

Requisite Badass: Loser.

Sato: *Gets all up in his jawn* What? LOSER!? I CAN CARRY YOU ALL IN MY ARMS EASILY JUST WATCH! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

*Sato grabs all of his teammates onto his shoulders and somehow manages to walk a few steps before getting crushed by the weight.*

Requisite Badass: Hah. I knew you couldn't do it.

Sato: But...my reckless determination...*passes out*

Gotem: Sato! You must do this not for me, or you, or us, or everyone, but you must do it for your father! Yes, your father who ten thousand years ago defeated a great evil that once destroyed a spot of minor importance but its power is returning and I CAN FEEL IT. He died for you ten thousand years ago. He died! He died for YOU! WILL YOU LET HIM DOWN NOW?!

Sato *Eyes swell with tears* Father!! I WILL BE THE GREATEST FOR YOOOOOOOOOU!! *Suddenly Satos legs turn into rocket jets (fueled by greatness) that lift him and everyone else off the ground and into the air.*

Sakura: My hero! *Kisses Sato on the cheek, which then causes him to turn into a can of tomato soup and the rockets to cease function, so they plummet for the ground and stuff.*

Goteam: I'll save us friends! Go-Go-Team spring launchers! *Launches a set of springs which all fall to the ground in conveniently set up places so that each person can land on one safely.*

Akira: *Regains consciousness* Where are we now, HAAAAAH!?! A desert? Right outside Tokyo?

*Suddenly there is maniacal laughter from somewhere around them. A man dressed in a black garb with a skull mask emerges from under the sand.*

Dark Mask: HAHAHAHAHA! I JUSTIFY THAT LAUGHTER! You fools, you've crashed into my cats litter box. Where is he now? Oh O-YAMA-TSU-MIIIII!

*A cat with dots for eyes and a sideways 3 for a mouth appears suddenly from the horizon.*

Oyamatsumi: :3 REOWR!!

Dark Mask: Our love will crush those who oppose us! Isn't that right, smoochums? *Cat bends down to be pet by the man*

Requisite Badass: I'm not sure if I should throw up to that, or whatever that is next to me. But I am going to throw up. *Gulp! Throws up all over Sato*

Goteam: We'll just have to paddle this kitty! YOU HEAR THAT! COME GET SOME. *Does a crotch chop which somehow shows his hands as lollipops.*

*Everyone has a stare down with the cat and the man for about ten minutes before any fighting actually has a chance to start. Tumbleweeds of hairballs blow in the background.*

Dark Mask: POUNCE THEM!

Goteam: Noooo! My friends and moody brother! AUGH! *he spreads out his hands and fires a beam of pure energy* WAAAUUAUUUAUUAUUAUUAUUAUAUUAUAUAUUAUAUAUA *gasp, gasp, gasp* AAAUAUUAUAUUAUUAUAUUAUAUUUUUUUUUUGH!!!!!

~the beam fires straight into Tokyo, demolishing a skyscraper, but misses the cat by a hair~

Dark Mask: Just as I planned (apparently)!

Goteam: NOOO!!! I have to save the people in that buildin! *runs off to Tokyo with his mouth wide open*

Dark Mask: Ha! Now you have lost your only member with any real powers!

Requisite Badass: I don't need powers to take care of this cat. *runs towards the cat dramatically with his sword gleaming. A few dramatic slices appear across a black screen, and Badass lands a few feet away, standing with only his side to the camera... and suddenly the cat has makeup*

Censor-Man: Well that's just adorable!

Requisite Badass: Dammit!

Akira: *sighs* Looks like I'll have to use my portable Mecha. *presses a button on his watch. And just like that, suddenly his shoes suspend by THREE INCHES. And his hand turn into a arm cannon* Here we go! HA!!! *pew pew pew pew pew*

Chibi-Robo: Pew?

Censor-Man: Dated video game sound effects... *wipes away tear* A -classic-.

~the beams all hit the cat, but bounce off due to being gumballs~

Sato: Leave it to me! I'm the best cat tamer EVER!

[[CENSORED]]

Sato: *is now in bandages* Ow! Why am I in pain? I didn't even do anything yet! I'm the BEST at getting hurt! Ow!

Sakura: Looks like it's up to me and my revealing schoolgirl outfit! SCHOOL GIRL POWER….TRANSFORM!! ~when all the fancy lightshow transformation is done, she's dressed in an Eskimo suit. She topples over to the side~ Wh-what happened!?

Censor-Man: Tsk, tsk. That trashy outfit sets a bad example for girls. This is far more conservative wear.

Dark Mask: Haha! Looks like I won! Wow, actually, that was kind of easy. Now to kill you all! POUNCE!

~the cat pounces on them all... and starts purring~

Requisite Badass: Augh! It's awful!

Sato: Ahahaha! Pretty cat! Ahahaha! I'm the best cat hugger ever!

Sakura: So cute~~~~!

Akira: Meh.

Dark Mask: No! NO! KILL THEM! Why won't you attack them!?

Censor-Man: *pops cigar in mouth and lights it* American kids won't stand for that. And by American kids, I mean zealous American parents who are too irresponsible to watch their own kids. Nothing gets by me.

?????: Nothing except... me!

Censor-Man: Eh!? *turns around*

Yukiyo: Card games... are LEGACY! *pulls out a card* Cheney! I choose you!

~Cheney pops out with a rifle in hand~

Cheney: Cheney! Cheney!

Censor-Man: What!? American politicians!? I can't censor that!

Yukiyo: Duck Hunt attack!

~Cheney fires, Censor-Man jumps up~

Dog: *jumps up and giggles*

~Cheney fires at the dog's skull, which kills the dog, but the bullet ricochets off his skull and hits Censor-Man. Cheney vanishes in a flash~

Censor-Man: ... noooo!!!! My power...!!! *starts twisting all strangely and collapses in on himself*

~suddenly Akira's arm cannon gains spikes, Sakura gets her revealing schoolgirl outfit, Sato is suddenly covered in MORE blood, Requisite has a tattoo on his arm, and the building that got destroyed was actually filled with orphans. And oh, the cat is now twice as big and monstrous looking~

Dark Mask: ... huh. Well, kill them cat!

~the cat leaps dramatically at the heroes. What will happen now!?~

~Screen shows a slow shot of all the heroes in mid-air, slowly moving towards the giant cat which is also slow-motion flying towards them~

Narrator: Will Goteam save the tower full of orphans? Will the hero team wrest themselves from the deadly fate of this felonius feline? Stay tuned, for the next episode of AKIRA SOJO Z!

~End Credits, complete with J-pop-song "Jikan no Muda"~

Commercials...

Fox Box Narrator: Thanks for watching Akira Sojo! And coming up next, another episode of Akira Sojo! After that, stay tuned for another episode of Akira Sojo! All part of the Saturday Morning Two-Hour-of-Sojo-Power, only on the Fox Box!

Narrator: LAST TIME ON AKIRA SOJO!

Sakura: Grrr….Oh right, I have to transform first for any enemy to actually pay attention to me. *She takes out a necklace with a charm on it* SCHOOL GIRL POWER….TRANSFORM!!

Akira: POCKET MONSTER IMPRISONMENT! (the pockets turn into huge vaccums, sucking off Freakachu's limbs from his body one by one)

Kame: *flutters* The Black Orchestra! An evil team of aliens who want to destroy the world! You're no match for this challenge alone. You'll have to recruit some other Schoolgirl Amateur Teammates!

Goteam: WHAAAAAAAKIRA! Let's go find the Robot King right now yeah yeah yeah! ~does a crotch chop that somehow escapes censorship~

Sato: I AM SATO! MY NAME MEANS SUGAR AND I EAT LOTS AND LOTS OF IT! *clenches fist* I'M GOING TO BE THE GREATEST, JUST WAIT AND SEE!

Dark Mask: HAHAHAHAHA! I JUSTIFY THAT LAUGHTER! You fools, you've crashed into my cat's litter box. Where is he now? Oh O-YAMA-TSU-MIIIII!

Goteam: NOOO!!! I have to save the people in that buildin! *runs off to Tokyo with his mouth wide open*

Dark Mask: Ha! Now you have lost your only member with any real powers!

~Intro, complete with generic American pop song: "Striving to Never Give Up My Dreams"~

*everyone is still in mid-air*

Dark Mask: HAHAHAHA! Go, my darling cat! DESTROY THEM!

Requisite: This cat... is more powerful than I thought...

Sakura: But we can't just give up!

Sato: As long as there is life, there is hope!

Yukiyo: And as long as there's hope, there's a chance.

Dark Mask: Haven't you figured it out by now? You CAN'T WIN! EYA HA HA HA!

Akira: It can't... end like this!

Sakura: We have to pull together!

Sato: Pull together, everyone! We have to try!

Requisite: *closes eyes and smirks downward* Yes... who'd have thought I'd ever pull together with anyone...? *looks up* We're going to do this together!

Sakura: *eyes filling with tears* ...Together...!

Yukiyo: Yes, together...

Akira: TOGETHER!

~the team is still mid-air, flying towards the giant cat~

Sato: Wait, what's it doing?!

Sakura: It's turning around!

Yukiyo: But why?

Dark Mask: Haha! You didn't take into account my giant cat's awesome power! Now you're going to have a taste of it's SECRET POWER!

Requisite: Secret... power...?!

Sakura: But what does that mean?!

Dark Mask: You foolish children! You're going to find out by the end of this episode, possibly!

Yukiyo: Look! The tail!

Requisite: The tail...?

Sakura: It's curling towards us!

Sato: Look out everybody!

Dark Mask: That's RIGHT, everybody! Soon you will suffer the brunt of it's all-powerful TAIL ATTACK! Cower and FEAR, mortal humans!

Cat: ROWR!

Sakura: Oh...!

Yukiyo: *gasp!*

Sato: Ah...!

Requisite: Raaah!

Dark Mask: YES! GO! GO! AH HA HA HA HA!

Narrator: What will happen next? Will they survive the deadly tail attack? Will Dark Mask's evil plans go unfoiled? What ARE his evil plans? What the heck is the PLOT at this point? And now a preview of the next exciting episide of Akira Sojo!

Dark Mask: YES! GO! GO! AH HA HA HA!

Sakura: Look out!

~the tail crashes into a mountain, narrowly missing them but reducing the mountain to rubble, which collapses on top of Sato~

Sato: WAARGH! *is buried under a mountain*

Dark Mask: And now, for the finishing stroke!

Yukiyo: It can't end like this!

~the cat spins around for a (much shorter) attack, but just before it lands, the tail stops in mid-air, caught by--~

Dark Mask: WHAT?!

Requisite: WHAT THE--?!

Sakura: WHA--?!


Sato: Mmmf?!

Cat: ROWR?!

Yukiyo: IT CAN'T BE!

~The camera does a shock-take of Goteam, in mid-air, holding the cat's tail in his hand~

Sakura: It's GOTEAM!

Yukiyo: But how?!

Requisite: *looks down with a smirk* Isn't it obvious?

Akira: What do you mean?

Requisite: *looks up with a sneer* He was able to save the entire building full of orphans in the outrageous amount of time we wasted exchanging dramatic one-liners and gasps. It's a common trick in anime, stretching out a single moment in time, milking it for all it's worth. Entire conversations have taken place in the few seconds character spend in mid-air.

Sakura: I... I see.

Goteam: And now, to finish you!

~spins the cat around by the tail and flings it into the horizon~

Cat: REOOOOW!

Dark Mask: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! My CAAAAT! Come BAAACK! Here, kitty kitty kitty!

~runs off into the distance, though he's actually not making any progress in the few seconds we see of him~

Akira: HOORAY GOTEAM!

Sakura: You did it! *smooch*

Requisite: Not bad, kid... for an idiot.

Yukiyo: HOORAY!

Sato: Hrrrryh.

~Screen goes white or light blue. All the characters, as mini, chibi-versions of themselves, run around the screen in a parade like fashion accompanied by fast paced music. Sato pops up in front of them all and holds up a sign that reads 'Akira Sojo'.

A split second later the same thing happens, but you see Goteam blasting everyone on the entire screen away, and then a close-up a charred sign that falls on the ground reads 'Akira Sojo'.~

Sato: Hrrrryh.

Yukiyo: Do you see now what the power of friendship and teamwork can do?

Requisite Badass: Humph, it wasn't teamwork that did it, but Goteam and his powerful moves. Bah, I refuse to accept you people as friends, even if I actually did say that I would. *Swings head to side and looks downward* I'm just that bad ass *lets out a long breath*, and that's why the girls love me...and the guys.

Akira: Goteam, where did you learn all those moves?

Goteam: That buildin' I saved was home to the famed fighting orphan brothas'. See in there a minute is equal to a year so I trained with those orphans at a million times normal gravity to hone my skillz. Now I can crotch crop with crushing power HAAAAH!!! *Does a crotch chop which shatters his pelvis* YEOWCH! HA HA!

Yukiyo: And is the power of the heart which led Goteam to go to the orphans. I shall mark this with permanent marker on your hands now!

Goteam: Be careful around my hands, wait- *Yukiyo goes to mark his hands, but gets blasted by a beam going upward* WARGHAUAGUAGHUAGUAGUAGAUGAUG*Yukiyo gets blasted out into the sky and becomes a star, but fades after a few seconds* AUAGUAGAUGAUGAUGAUGAUAGUAUGGAUUGAGUAUGAGUAUGAGUUGA!!!

Akira: Hey, he dropped something on the ground there. *Picks up a golden rubix cube that transforms into a mini robot with a triangle hat on his head.*

Robot: You have solved the centuries old puzzle that is actually an invitation to a world-wide fighter arts tournament... that probably ended long before your time.

Akira: Oh. *Goes to throw the robot away in a trashcan*

Robot: Wait! The tournament is held once every...one year. You could still go for it and test your skills against insanely overconfident weaklings!

Sato: Yes! Yes Yes! This is what I need to finally prove myself by being greater than everyone! Finally, the world will respect Sato!

Requisite Badass: (To himself) Hmm, maybe at long last I can see the true strength of Goteam in the arena. Has he really become this strong??? I must know for myself!

Goteam: Yeah! Yeah! We'll beat each other up like true brothers would, to make father proud of our strength!

Requisite: (Continues to think) Just look at that overconfidence, it's blinding me! His power makes mine seem so insignificant, but I am the prince of all...powers!

Sato: Akira, we must go and fight together! Together and against each other together!

Akira: I don't know, we were really planning on going to see the Robot King. I really wanna cut myself too. As the undeniable leader of the group I vote that we head straight for the Robot King.

Robot: His Majesty has new rules, no one enters without passes. But that's (conveniently) the grand prize of this tournament! And maybe something else too, I dunno.

Sakura: We must go then! Akira, please, can you do it for meeeee?

Akira: I was gonna do it anyway. Sheesh. And c'mon, stop that, we might secretly be related or something, you never know!

Goteam: We shall go, but plan on me, Goteam, having to hold back a lot!

Requisite: That, uh, goes double, no, triple for me!

Sato: NO! I will be the one to hold back the most!!! I will practically be a immobile corpse in the ring, and then cut loose with amazing techniques that come through by shouting them in your face! HUUURGH!!! *Powers up but busts a vein in his neck and collapses* But I will still be able to run a hundred laps around the ring after I win, and do a thousand push-ups, and win ten tournaments after that! *Keeps talking until he passes out*

Robot: This message will now self-turn into rice cakes. *Explodes, and everyone celebrates happily and eats a lot of rice cakes, or something along those lines.*