*5 months after the events of Epic Dino*

*Mariorocks walks through a dark hallway*

Mariorocks: Where am.. I

???: who are you?

Mariorocks: I'm.... I don't know who I am...

???: Perhaps it is time...... YOU FOUND OUT! AHAHHAH HAHHAHA HAHAHHAA

*Mariorocks wakes up in a cold sweat*

Mariorocks: W-where am I?

Director: Oh, you're awake, good.

Mariorocks: Ugh, I must have had a bad dream.

Director: Must have, so anyway I-

*Director takes a sip of Sprite and starts to cough on something*

Mariorocks: Whats going on?

Director: Acka ckkakck

*Mariorocks kicks Director, he coughs up a bottle cap*

Mariorocks: Woah, you swallowed that.

Director: *nods woozily*

Mariorocks: Heh, theres a contest, lets see if we won anything.

Director: K.

Mariorocks: Nope nothing-

*Time freezes momentarily*

*a man walks up whos smoking a cigarette, he puts it out then swaps caps with him. He leaves then time starts again*

Mariorocks: Ah well so- WOAH

Director: What is it?

Mariorocks: WE WON TICKETS ON A CRUISE SHIP!

Director: Awsome! Where to?

*Nintendofreak trys to read the super small text of the bottle cap*

Nintendofreak: It says...........................We get a free trip to the Bermuda Triangle!!!!!!!

Director: The Bermuda Triangle????!!!! I.............I've heard stories of that place.........

Nintendofreak: What kind of stories?

Director: I heard......................That the chicks there were HOT!!

Nintendofreak: Yeah! Let's "Do Bermuda"!

Director: Let's go tell Orter and get to the pier!

*Meanwhile at Mccheeseburger's*

Cashier: Yeah, I need 20 super ultimate bacony cheese taco combos with some curly fries!

Orter: Yessir!

*Orter hands a customer a plate overflowing with bacon-cheese tacos*

Customer: I loves me some tacos!

*The customer eats all the tacos in one bite*

Orter: That has to be unhealthy.....

Customer: Oh no, I've been doing that for years, I'm perfectly healthy!

*The customer then falls over and dies*

Orter: Yes, you look very healthy!

Cashier: Alright Orter, take em' out back!

Orter: What for?

Cashier: For tommarow's special!

Orter: Gross!

*Orter drags the corpse to the back of the resturant and two figures jump out at him*

Orter: ALIEN!!!

Nintendofreak: WHERE???!!!!! HIDE ME!!!!!!!!!

*Nintendofreak gets into the fetal position and starts sucking his thumb*

Director: Guess what!

Orter: What?

Director: Guess!

Orter: I just did!

Director: Well guess something else!

Orter: But I'm afraid to

*Nintendofreak is still in the fetal position*

Nintendofreak: So.........Dark............So..........ALIEN!

Director: Aaaanyway, we won a cruise to the Bermuda Triangle!

Orter: Cool!

Director: The boat leaves in 5 minutes

Orter: 5 minutes?! But it takes 6 minutes to get to the pier!

Director: To the Director-mobile!

Orter: You mean your van?

Director: Right!

*Director runs to his van in the parking lot and starts it. Orter throws Nintendofreak who is still in the fetal position into the back while Orter hops into the pasanger seat. The Van speeds away, right past a police car*

Sheriff: There goes them OG boys! Let's get em' Scooter!

*The officer looks at his pet mutant ant who screaches as the Sheriff's car speeds after the van*

Nintendofreak: Oh no! We got the fuzz on us!

Orter: What does that even mean?!

Nintendofreak: I don't know!

*The van takes a shortcut through a maerketplace hitting fruit and vegatable stalls and almost flattening pedestrians. And eggplant lands on Director's lap*

Director: Just in time, I was getting hungry!

*Director takes a bite out of the eggplant while Orter and Nintendofreak look in disgust*

Director: Want some?

*Director holds the eggplant up to Orter's face who throws up out the window. Orter's "spewage" lands on the Sheriff's wind-shield*

Sheriff: Ah! Them OG boys blinded me!

*The Sheriff's car swurves and crashes into a fruit stand*

Sheriff: I'll get ya' OG boys!

Nintendofreak: Well that took care of hi-WOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHH!!!!!

Orter: Why did you do that?

Nintendofreak: Oh I'm practicing my comic scream

Orter: Oh that makes se-WOOOOOOOOOAAAAHHHH!!!!!

*The van hits the side of a fruit stall and swurves onto the pier, it then drives over a mound of dirt and soars through the air onto the vacation ship*

Nintendofreak: Well that was fun, let's "Do Bermuda"!

*The ship captain walks up to the trio, he is a tall fuzzy mean wearing an oceon blue captain's jacket, a scipper's hat and a clown mask. He's also smoking a pipe*

Captain IT: Good day chaps, I'll be showing you to your rooms eh, wot?

Nintendofreak: This is very strange

Director: You mean the fact that the captain is obviously IT?

Nintendofreak: No, the fact that they have no free buffet

Director: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Captain IT: Well gents- wait I forgot.

Director: Wh-what did you forget.

Captain IT: TICKETS OF COURSE!

Director: Sh*t.

Captain IT: Ticket Check........ lesse, 1, 2- HEY WHERES YER THIRD TICKET!

Director.......hiding.

Captain IT: well one of you has to go.

Mariorocks: Orter will.

Director: Yeah I volunteer orter.

Orter: Yeah- wait wait, what?

Director; Enjoy not being in this OG pal!

Orter: WAIT WAIT-

*Captain IT grabs Orter and throws him out of the boat*

Captain IT: Now that thats settled, let me show you to your rooms.

Director: K.

IT: Take their bags First mate.

???: AYE AYE!

Director: It's IT'S....

Mariorocks Who is it?

Director: I dunno.

???: I AM CTHULU SQUID DEMON!

Director: Unmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm k

IT: Ah we are exactly 5 posts from the Triangle boys!

(Retro wakes up to another day in eternal damnation. His morning newspaper and a cup of coffee rest there on a floating end table. The air around him was constantly changing, and the sky and ground were each displaying a type of what he assumed were videos of things happening now or in the past, or maybe the future. He couldn't tell though. It's impossible to even know how much time has passed while in Damnation. Well this was normally the case, but Retro had wrestled a calender from some Pig man who glitches uncontrollably while flying into the voids of emptiness. He marked off the days that passed by unwaveringly. Five months today.)

Retro: Maybe it is the rampaging demons, the dread of desolation and insanity creeping in, or the fact that I've been forced to re-live every part of my life which I hate through a series of painful brainwashings, but a guy can really learn to hate this place.

(A crazy looking man with blue skin popped in front of Retro. His body was draped in ragged clothing, and his facial hair was pure white and covered most of his face, except for his large nose, which looked like a small head coming out of a bush.)

???: An' yer not evn' to te best paart, heh heh heh! (Starts hitting his head against an imaginary wall). They havenn' gotten te meh yet though.

Retro: I'll keep that in mind.

???: And make sure what you just kept in mind doesn't leak out son, because I ain't real neither!

(Whoever was talking to Retro suddenly vanished. Retro rubs his eyes disbelievingly, he had to get out of there soon, but he knew he couldn't.)

Retro: If I ever get outta' here, I'll be sure to pay my visit to my old friends. Maybe get them a gift too. One that explodes or maybe gouges their eyes out when they open it.

??? #2: Except you really want to go along with them, don't you?

Retro: Another excellent hallucination. No wait, you're not on fire this time. Who are you?

??? #2: Call me whatever you wish, I have no purpose in this broken place other than to make people remember who they are and why they are here.

Retro: Can I call you Hampton?

??? #2: No. On second thought don't call me anything. Now as I was saying, you aren't who you think you are.

Retro: Who should I think I am? Because I'm thinking I am pretty crazy right about now.

??? #2: Do you know why you are here?

Retro: That's easy. Director kicked me in the face, so I fell in here.

??? #2: Alright, alright. I'm gonna stop asking you questions and just tell you about it myself. Those pixels you still have on are evil.

Retro: What do my Pixels have anything to do with anything?

??? #2: P.exe.l gave you something he shouldn't have. But at the same time, you did a good thing by taking those pixels yourself.

Retro: I don't get it. Even if you say I helped them by trying to punch their faces in, I'm not a good person. Even if I'm not, I still don't care.

??? #2: I know. This is because of P.exe.l. He gave you evil energy by fusing himself with you. If you weren't there to claim the Pixels, he would have just have easily possessed Director or Mariorocks or Fera or-

Retro: What about Fred?

??? #2: No, he wouldn't even touch Fred.

Retro: But then if Director was right here instead of me, would that really mean anything?

??? #2: Actually yes. The reason you can fight the pixels is because of a fail safe programmed into P.exe.l by it's creators. You can wield the Pixels willingly or unwillingly, good or bad. However, you are lazy and took the easy way out. So you turned evil.

Retro: Wait, I can explain. It all started in my childhood, my father never paid any attention to-

??? #2: Sorry, I'm not really interested in hearing that one. All I know is that you're lazy and didn't really give a damn at the time. But everyone can change. And that means even a lazy bastard like you can change too.

Retro: So I really am evil.

??? #2: In a sense, you are. Truly, truly evil. You wanted nothing but power and to hurt things and little animals just to get that power. However, P.exe.l's power feeds off of the worst in us, and you just so happened to have a troubled life.

Retro: A troubled past eh? Doesn't every RPG character have one of those?

??? #2: This is also true.

Retro: It all makes sense now. But does this mean I can change...(back) to goodness? Not that I want to.

??? #2: Everything takes time. But I think your mind might change when I show you what's next in store for you.

Retro: Just let me mark this on my calendar, then we can go.

??? #2: Time waits for no man. Come now or spend the rest of the day doing what you always do. And I KNOW WHAT YOU ALWAYS DO.

Retro: Right. Coming.

---

OoC: Guys, I will follow up on this little event in my next post. So in the meantime, don't continue what just happened, but go along with the story on say, the Cruise ship?

(Mast-while...)

Orter: Where's the kaboom? I mean the splash, of course.

Fred: Off coarse.

Orter: You!

Fred: Me!

Orter: Where's the other, you know...

Fred: Fred... Fred is dead. He was a good man. A unique man, who could never be replaced. I will avenge his confusing death, with these weapons. That I left at home oh god

Orter: What are we on, anyways?

Fred: BEHOLD(ER)! 4 TON TASTE REVELATION, SET FORTH ON DELICIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES AND CIRCUMCISIONS OR HOWEVER IT IS SPELLED!

(Under Fred's feet, a fantastic four-point-five-man submarine surfaces I guess)

Fred: With this, we can get revenge on Mariorocks and the purple guy and I guess Retro though I liked his Power Thrills

Orter: Wow! How did you find this fantastic submarine?

Fred: I didn't JERK. I just

Fred: Woke up on top of it one morning

Orter: Just talk in one sentance please

Fred: DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE TALKING TO ORTER

Orter: Sort of, we haven't met really. actually what happened to my shi-

Fred: I DON'T EITHER OKAY LET'S TAKE THIS SUBMARINE

(Fred rips the hatch off of the thing and he and Orter jump in FUNFAIR STYLE)

Fred: What did I just do

Orter: No one is even driving this thing! It must be controlled by remote. Maybe if I can reverse the polarity...

Fred: Listen just help me smash stuff alright

Orter: Yeah, that sounds like more fun.

(Orter hits the power box with a chair to no effect)

Fred: Good thinking, but you've got to put some Elbow grease into it!

(Fred wrings his elbow out and grease smears on the box, shorting it out)

Orter: It just struck me that being in here is maybe not the best decision in the world.

(Suddenly, the submarine lurches and begins to sink. Water begins to spill in through the top and it sinks faster)

Orter: You didn't need to rip the top off! You could have just opened the door!

Fred: There were periodic lines around it! It was an easy-rip submarine, okay!?

Orter: Okay, we'll just launch from the torpedo tubes into the cruise ship or something. Stay calm.

Fred: There's no Tubes left. Did you eat the last one?

Orter: What? There's always torpedo tubes in the movies glbubglbgu

Fred: Captains and Orters first!

(Fred tosses Orter out of the sinking submarine and grabs on and they fly through an open porthole into a room with two sailors)

Robotnik over tv: We can still monitor their every move

Sailors: Yes, sir, we know.

Robotnik: I'M DOCTOR ROBOTNIK I KNOW TWICE.

Sailors: Well, now that we're on the cruise ship and in disguise, it'll be a pokemon snap to kill Director and MariofreakrocksNintendo. And Mariorocks.

Robotnik: Just DON'T SCREW IT UP (spits out of screen and then turns the screen off)

Orter: Listen, this is perfect.

Fred: Me too

Orter: We'll take their costumes!

Fred: OUR FISTS!

(Orter snaps one neck and Fred just unleases a punch that crushes the head into nothing and two robots die and they're dead not deactivated DEAD)

Fred: Oh

Director: I hope Cthultu doesn't et Lovecroft juice all over my bags.

Mariorocks: Maybe it's the Justice League version that killed Solomon Grundy.

Director: Dude, let's explore the ship.

Mariorocks: Sounds like a plan, Eggplant Man!

*Mariorocks and Director head over to the cruise ship's elevator and make travel down into the lower decks.*

Director: I got a baaaad feeling about this!

Mariorocks: Shut up, I'm your master!

Director: Nuh-huh, I'm the boss!

Maiorocks: Who's the boss?

Director: Let's get out here. Something about this floor intrigues me.

*They get out to find a boxing ring where two fat Mexican dudes are boxing. One pulls a knife from his glove and shanks the other.*

Referee: The winner, once again, Rodalgo "The Devil" Rodriguez!

Director: Wait, this might be where my bad feeling is coming from, let's go back upstairs-

Mariorocks: Ooh look, a monkey!

*They see a mechanical ape counting cash.*

GORE: Heh heh... quite a successful business I have running here!

Mariorocks: What... is this legal?

GORE: No, not in places with laws. We're currently in international waters! Anything goes! Including Illegal Fat Mexican Boxing with Knives.

Director: But according to this flight plan, we're still in America's waters.

GORE: ...Then you know too much and both must die. I'll show you why they call me the GOREfather!

*Director and Mariorocks attempt to flee, but GORE picks up a barrel and rolls it along the ground, knocking them both over.*

GORE: Kids, youse ain't going nowhere! You're gonna fight in my boxing ring until there's nothing left of you to keep on fighting!

Mariorocks: Wesa in deep doo-doo, Annie!

GORE: It's time for your first challenger! But first! COMMERCIAL BREAK.

~Commercial Break~

Mariorocks: Do diodes give you pain?

Marvin: Oh yes.

Mariorocks: Suck to be you!

~end commercial break~

GORE: We're BACK IN MANHATTAN I MEAN MEXICO MAYBE. Or just wherever we were just now. To start this fight.

Director: Weak.

GORE: Straight from the mean streets of Podunk, USA... it's the EVERMORE KID! HOLY SHOE!

Mariorocks: There's two of us. But I'm a human/ghost/clone thing, so.

GORE: Oh cocky huh? We'll make it DOUBLE THE BRAWL! Bring in EL MUNDO!

~A guy who is not Masamune walks in with a Mexican Wrestler mask~

El Mundo: EL MUNDO GONNA HURT YOU REEEEEL GUDDO. How is my Mexican accent working for you, amigos?

Mariorocks/Director: Not really/Could be better

El Mundo: Oh! Now you have ANGERED EL MUNDO! Now I am being having to crushing your head!

GORE: Go my children. Crush them.

Evermore Kid: This reminds me of Attack of the Veggie Plumbers!

~suddenly the arena rises up through the ground and surrounded by millions of fans, including Vivid who isn't HELPING AT ALL, jeez~

GORE: GENTLEMEN AND NOT GENTLEMEN! I give you the fight you didn't pay for! But a warm up fight free of charge!

Crowd: *erupts in sombreros*

GORE: In one corner... a two man team! The Director - who doesn't even have a profile at IMDB... and Mariorocks... who is... not... a minion. Hm. *tosses away cue card* But reasonably well known!

Crowd: *boos*

GORE: In the other corner... EL MUNDO! Champion of the RING! And his sidekick, the EVERMORE KID!

Crowd: *catches on fire but is okay*

Mariorocks: I thought we just beat people up.

Director: This is as fair as the fair in fair weather when fairness can pay a fare to see phare.

Mariorocks: Phare?

Director: It's in Canada perhaps I dunno.

El Mundo: CANADA IS A POONY COUNTRY *bites Director's back*

Director: MY EGGPLANT JUICES!

Evermore Kid: Taste femur, fanboy! *stuffs a femur through Mariorocks* Wow, this is just liked the Haunted Restaurant from Timber Street.

Mariorocks: I loooove being a turtle. Ghost. Turtle. GHOST.

Director: A little help here?

El Mundo: *swallows Director* Oh! Mucho tasty, senor! But now I hunger for seasoning!

Mariorocks: Oh snap. What do I do?

~pause~

GORE: If you'd like Mariorocks to punch Mundo and make him spit out Director, text message whatbeneath1. If you'd like Mariorocks to use Evermore Kid as a blunt weapon, text message whatbeneath2. If you'd like to see Mariorocks break into a musical number, text message whatbeneath3.

~pause ensues~

~music kicks in~

Mariorocks: The child without a name grew up to be the hand
To watch you, to shield you or kill on demand
The choice he´d made he could not comprehend
His blood a grim secret they had to command

~grabs Evermore kid and twirls him around like a bo staff~

He´s torn between his honor and the true love of his life
He prayed for both but was denied

~breaks Evermore kid in two and takes his femur as he tosses the boy away~

So many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed
Was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind?
So many years have past, who are the noble and the wise?
Will all our sins be justified?

~tries to punch El Mundo but trips and falls~

El Mundo: POONY AMERI-KANNO. You get tripped! HAR HAR HAR.

Mariorocks: That Eggplant was made in New York City.

El Mundo: NEW YORK CITY!!! *kaffs up Director* AMERI-KANNO FILTH!

Director: I AM MANIFEST ONCE MORE.

Mariorocks: Yield!

El Mundo: Sure, why not.

GORE: No! No! Fight them! Kill them El Mundo!

El Mundo: Okay.

Director: No don't!

El Mundo: Well if you insist...

GORE: DESTROY THEM!

El Mundo: If you say so-

Mariorocks: NO DON'T KILL US.

Director: *jumps on GORE and holds his mouth shut*

El Mundo: Sounds like a plan. I shall be a father like no other.

Director: WOAH WOAH HOLD IT!

Gore: *holds it*

Director: CAP'N CAP'N SMUGGLERS!


GORE: tattle tail.

IT: What be this!

Director: He's smuggling fat mexican boxers in here-

IT: HOLD IT! WE SEEM TO HAVE ARRIVED!

Director: Where?

IT: The tr-

*boosh rumprumblbumbllburnrumble*

Director: Um.

GORE: OH NOES, THe FAT MEXICANS ARE TOO FAT!

*booshrumbarumamburmbkle*

Abbots: Aye carumba!

*boopsgfjghbujfoehfuieu*

Mariorocks: Whats going on here-

*A gigantic, 789 foot long leviathin breaks the ships hull, swallowing the two boxers whole*

GORE: didnt see that coming-

*The Leviathin breaches the entire ships hull, water swishes in*

Director: Boats are as dangerous as UFO's-

*The ship is completely engulfed with water*

Mariorocks: *blublubgibblub*

Director: *blubblubbloobblub*

*Director and Mariorocks faint*

Gore: *gubblegibbabooble*

*GORE faints*

IT: STIRRING GOOD LAUGH EH WOT!

*IT is eaten by the leviathin*

------2 hours later----

Director: Wh-where are we.....

Mariorocks: *is still K.O'ed*

Director: *sighs* Hey...... we're at a lighhouse.

*Director drags Mariorocks inside*

Director: Place is dark-

*gigantic lights turn on*

Director: Much better.

*The walls are oozing with sea sludge, Director walks further down, dragging Mariorocks with him, suddenly a light flares on a banner*

Director: Whats it say-




NO KINGS OR GODS, JUST MAN

Director: Place is getting a little scary..... Hey whats this?

*Director walks up to a bathysphere*

Director: I don't like this place...... But I don't see any other way out of this ocean.

???: So I see you made it.

Director: WHAT?!!?!

*no one is there*

Director: Uhhhhh

????: I had a husband once, where is he, where is hewhereishe!!!!!!!

Director: Holy sh*t what is that!

*A woman descends from the ceiling with rusty claws*

Woman: AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU RYAN!

Director: OH MY GOD-

*The womans slams Director with her claws into the bathysphere, then throws Mariorocks into the bathysphere*

woman: WHY WONT YOU LOVE ME, ITS MY ADAM ITS MINE ITS MINEeee

*The woman send the bathypshere down down, to the bottom of the ocean.... a film clip starts playing in the bathysphere*

*A blonde haired man wearing a white suit and expensive looking glasses appears on the screen*

Clyde: Snake? It's been awhile.

Director: It's Bob Barker!

Clyde: I am not Bob Barker!

Nintendofreak: This dude can hear us?!

Clyde: No I can't hear you!

Nintendofreak: Then how are you responding to me?!

Clyde: I am not!

Nintendofreak: Whatever....

Clyde: Aaaaaaanyway, welcome to I Can't Believe It's Not Rapture, we call it that for copyright reasons.....This place is an under sea paradise, we have food, water, and the best carnivals ever! It's all thanks to ADAM

Nintendofreak: Sounds gay

Clyde: Do I look like SOAP to you?

Nintendofreak: No, but he'll be in this OG, he's scarier than Micheal Jackson at a Barny festival.

Clyde: This is true

*The bathysphere suddenly stops and a hatch on the side opens up to a strange city-like area, but it's strange, there are no cars, no people, broken windows and flickering neon lights, it's eerily quiet.*

Nintendofreak: Director, I want you to define paradise for me

Director: He said this is a utopia, so let's give it a try!

Mariorocks: You're serious.

(The two suddenly run into two familiar people in sailor suits)

Fred: WE ARE THE SAILOR SCOUTS

Orter: I don't think this is the time or the place for that.

Fred: Yeah probably not huh HUH

Orter: Listen, maybe if we work with these guys, we can get out of here.

Fred: Maybe if we get hungry we can kill them and eat them. Like we're killing them whenever their back in turned, whether we're hungry at that moment or not.

Orter: Uh, fair enough. Speak of the devil.

Devil: HEY SHUT UP

Director: Do we know you?

Fred: Of course!

Mariorocks: They look like those guys that probably want us dead. It's an uncanny resemblance.

Orter: Oh, but we're of course not those people. We are hardworking sailors who are stuck with you

Mariorocks: Gay sailors are gay

Fred: Why don't you say that to your cervi-

Orter: Yup! Nothing like anyone who wants you dead, except for a purely coincidental appearance!

Mariorocks: Well, we were just going to relax for a bit and enjoy paradise.

Fred: What a coincidence! I was going to wait until you were relaxed and then wring your-

Orter: Towels! Flud here's a really handy guy! You brought beach towels, right?

Mariorocks: Flud, huh? What's your name.

Orter: I'm Orter Tnoml- errrr

Director: Well, it's nice to meet you, Orter Tnoml- errrr and Flud. I'm Director, and this is Mariorocks/Nintendofreak/Blaine Sandalcenter.

~Flud and Orter Tnoml- errrr have joined the party!~

Mariorocks: ALRIGHT IT'S TIME TO FREAKING RELAX

(Women come out with pistols)

Women: Whoever's writing this post only saw a bit of the game so you'll have to make shit up as you go along

Director: What? Why are you telling us this?

Women: Huahahahahahaha!

(The women all burst into a mess of flames and blood. A stench fills the air)

Orter: Well. You don't see that every day.

Fred: Hold me.

Director: Well, we can't let that ruin our relaxation. This city has to have a public pool somewhere, right?

(as they leave, the blood and guts forms into a solid shape, organically fused with the many pistols dropped, and follows them at an outstanding pace for something so wretched-looking.)

Director: This city is so dirty. We'll have to go talk to the tourism department, later.

Orter: Can we even leave here?

Director: SHUT UP. Why would you want to leave paradise?

Mariorocks: What if we have to get jobs here?

Orter: ...exactly! There's no room for a sailor in an underwater city! We've got to get out of here!

Director: Relaaax. We'll find a fry cook place. No big deal.

(the four are accosted by a man with a knife.)

man: So... hungry. I need... Adam.

Mariorocks: Gaaaay

Fred: Hey bud here's a bottle cap make a job outta it

Director: He's an addict, guys, stop giving him such a hard time and just kick him already

man: I've got a knife! I'll cut your eyes out!

Mariorocks: So

man: You guys are nuts, but I'm delirious. Hee heahahaharharhaurahrahrharhaurharuahruarharAHRARhayRAHRAUHRAURHAHRAUHRAUHRAURHARUAAHAHAHA

Director: Do you know how to get to the pool?

Fred: Do you know the muffin man

Man: That... that's what they called me in a previous life. A life without Adam. But I have it now... YES

(The man's eyes bulge out of his face, and his teeth instantly sharpen as his arms course with electricity and sparks his the ground. His arms bulge from their sockets, and he staggers towards the four)

Orter: I'd like to physically abuse this guy like any other decent person, but I don't think this is going to end out well for us.

Director: I agree. But this I promise: Before this is over, weird guy, we're gonna kick you. A lot.

(The four split and dodge as bolts of electricity spout forth from the man's arms, charring the ground seriously. He then turns to finish them off, but Mariorocks nails him in the face with a chunk of debris. The four make off with lives but unfortunately their dreams of kicking the man are dashed for the moment)

Director: I couldn't even kick him! I'm beginning to think this isn't paradise at all!

Fred: Keep the faith. Lock it in a box and bury it in a secret place. Someone will find it and mail it into the past.

(They make it to a half-destroyed billboard map of their particular suburb)

Orter: There doesn't seem to be any public pools around here. Oh well you tried so-

Director: WE tried. And while there's no pool, there's a water treatment facility! We'll just go swimming there.

Mariorocks: Yeah, make the best of the situation!

Orter: Do you even know what that is?

Director/Mariorocks: No

Orter: Me neither. Let's go!

Fred: Hang on.

Mariorocks: What's up, F.L.U.D.D.?

(Fred grabs Mariorocks by the throat and holds him to the wall)

Fred: Listen you make one more crack like that and you'll never see your grandma again

Mariorocks: My grandma's dead

Fred: unless it's in lingerie. You should really let people finish their sentances.

(Fred throws Mariorocks onto the ground)

Director: What was that all about? Anyone who treats Nintendofreak like that has to treat ME like that, too!

Orter: He's just sensitive about his name, alright! Hold off! Time out!

(Meanwhile)

man: this electric knife throw will do it. The eggplant's adam... it's mine... all mine...

(the man is crushed under tendon and flesh. His body is absorbed into the beast of flesh. Electricity courses through it's arms, as a knife sticks out of the end of its hand.)

Man: ITS MY ADAM, MINE YOU HEAAR, I EARNED IT, I LOVE RYAN, YOU ARENT MY MASTER YOU SICK F*CKS.

man: Butthey-

man: I-

*A hulking monster walks bye, wearing an old style diving suit*

Man: ADAMADAMADAM, GIVE ME THE GIRL, SHE WILL FEED ADAM YES JUST A LITTLOE,,.....kfe

???: GET HIM MR BUBBLES!

*The monsters shoots a large rivet gun, exploding the mans head*

???: Thanks Mr. Bubbles.

*The Big Daddy walks into the suburb, but the little sister doesnt follow*

Little sister: Adam.

*The little sister stabs the dead carcus with her needle*

-------

Fred: This suburb is boring.

Director: Well we have to walk to the freaking water treatment facility, we're almost there-

Machine: STRONG AS HERACLES, FAST AS LIGHTNING, PLASMIDS, EVOLVE TODAY!

Director: This looks like fun.

Mariorocks: Yeah really I-

*The machine breaks down, a bottle of fire plasmid comes out*

-----

*Gore and El Mundo wash up on a deserted island*

Gore: What happened.....

El Mundo: We were mucho sunk.

*Back to our hopeless heroes*

Director: So............What is it?

*Nintendofreak picks up the bottle of plasmids*

Nintendofreak: Looks like some kind of weird soda

*Nintendofreak chugs half of the bottle*

Director: How's it taste?

Nintendofreak: It tastes..............Spicy?

Director: Spicy? Let me see

*Nintendofreak chugs the rest of the bottle*

Nintendofreak: Oh, sorry, man, all gone

Director: ......

Nintendofreak: I feel strange

Director: Like that's new?

*Nintendofreak clutches his chest*

Director: Hey, it was just a joke, man

Nintendofreak: No, I got some major heart burn

*A ragged unwashed man walks up with a bat in his hand*

Man: Give me your ADAM!

Nintendofreak: Oh! Hello Mr. Hobo!

*Nintendofreak raises his arm to wave at the man but flames jet from Nintendofreak's fingertips and incinirate the man*

Director: How rude, he didn't even wave back!

Orter: You two don't find it strange that Nintendofreak just shot flames from his hand?

Fred: I would'nt worry about it after I wring his neck!

*Nintendofreak points his hand at Fred*

Nintendofreak: What was that?!

*Fred quickly grabs Orter and uses him as a human shield*

Fred: I uh..........I said I like the look of that deck!

*Fred points to a broken down pier with corpses piled on it*

Nintendofreak putting his hand down: Oh, me too

*A man with an egg-shaped head with bizzed hair and a jacket jumps out of an alley*

Big Daddy: “Chemistry can be a good and bad thing. Chemistry is good when you make love with it. Chemistry is bad when you make crack with it.”

Nintendofreak: So THIS is a Big Daddy?

*A hole opens up in the man's stomach, the man turns around and sees a very large man in a huge old-fashioned diving suit holding a large gun, the holed man then dies*

Director: No, THAT's a Big Daddy

Orter: Oh shoe!

*The Big Daddy closes in on the four*

(On this installment of What Lies Beneath, our dashing divers find themselves face to face with a terrible fiend of a metallic monster! Indeed, he's just come from killing a man in cold blood and now they stare into his souless helm, perhaps counting down the seconds to their doom!

In this week's episode, Director is voiced by Repus the Turk, Nintendofreak is voiced by Weekday Window, Orter is voiced by Kaiser Bear XII, Fred, known to our heroes as Flud is voiced by an eraser and bits of telephone wire, The Big Daddy Mr Bubbles is voiced by Microsoft Sam, The little sister is voiced by Beyonce Knowles and special guest characters are voiced by Big al, Flambe Tarcher, and Andromeda.

This episode was written by Author F', and is presented in partnership with www.gamehiker.com.)

Orter: What was that?

Director: What was what?

Orter: Look up.

(Director looks up and sees the text of what he just heard over an old-timey radio but ignored)

Director: Okay.

Orter: Isn't that a bit strange?

Mariorocks: Isn't it a bit strange that we're talking about this and there's that guy in front of us in a huge metal suit?

Fred: NOT AT ALL OR MY NAME ISN'T... SAILOR VENUS

Director: Well your name is Sailor Venus this checks out I guess.

Orter: Yeah. Don't interrupt me. Now, we could use the radio to try to contact for a way out of here and... what are you doing, Mariorocks.

(The radio bursts into flames as Mariorocks shakes out his sleepy hand)

Mariorocks: What is who doing?

Director: Alright, then. Let's get back to the issue at hand.

Mariorocks: I'm not su- YOU MEAN THAT HUGE METAL THING WITH THE GUN WHOA

Director: No, he's number two on our priorities list. We need to somehow dispose of this eggplant ice cream with real eggplant in it. Into our stomachs.

Orter: Uh... Director, I think you've got a problem. You're addicted to cannibalism. You should seek help.

Director: I CAN STOP ANYTIME I WANT (licks ice cream)

Fred: TwannggggI think you've got a problem with him having a problem, and I have a problem with that and three lefts make a right so there you go.

Big Daddy: Hold up Gs

Orter: What do you want huh

Big Daddy: Nothin

Director: Yeah shove off

Mariorocks: no good punk

Fred: Take off eh

Director: Wait a second.

Mariorocks: What Flud just said right now.

Fred: What aboot it?

Big Daddy: CANADIAN!

Fred: Ben oui I mean no way shut up

Little sister: These guys are scary Mr. Bubbles

Big Daddy: Do you live in a snowglobe

Fred: Do you live in a waterglobe oh right I'm seeing that with my eyes which are attached to my optical receptors I keep forgetting

Orter: I feel betrayed. I touched him. Where's a sink? I need to wash my hands!

Fred: Guys I'm not Canadian I'm a vampire blaarhh eh

Little sister: CANALIEN!

Fred: Okay that's it come on now you all have to die

(the Big Daddy holds up his gun and Mariorocks holds up his flaming arm and Director pulls a six shooter out of his coat pocket even though he is not wearing a coat and Orter pulls the sword of truth out of a nearby building and the weapons are all pointed at Fred)

Fred: Right Director why'd you have to go and say that nobody has to die come on man

Fred: come on

Fred: c'monnnn

Director: No one except the BIG DADDY THAT IS (throws his gun at Big Daddy's head, putting a tiny dent in the helmet)

Big Daddy: BIG DADDY TAKING HITS RETREAT (Grabs Little Sister and books it)

Orter: I think this Sword of truth may be detective

Sword: Water is really taupe-coloured OJ simpson didn't kill his wife or kid Jews did 9/11

Mariorocks: Nonsense that all is sound and truthfull information obviously

Sword: This is paradise (combusts)

Director: See? This is definitely paradise. To the water treatment facility!

everyone: woo

Director: Except not Fred I don't want Canadian getting in the water and contaminating it

Fred: That was a skillfull ruse and you know it buddy now let's go get kraft dinner eh wot

RANDOM ENCOUNTER

Shiki Zombies (x8)!

ACTION?

Attack Talk Flee

Director: What zombies I don't believe in zombies stop this foolishness

Orter: Obviously there has to be zombies man.

Director: There were no zombies in the last OG

Mariorocks: LET'S GET IT ON

(The zombies all are wearing leather jackets and pull out bloody switchblades maybe even Witchblades but I sure hope not)

Director: It's time to show these no good zombie punks up... Carnival style.

Mariorocks: YEAH.

Orter: Yeah did you maybe notice the knives oh whatever hi-yar

(The zombies quickly stab them a couple times before Mariorocks can burn half of them to a crisp)

Fred: This is nothin' I eat knife wounds fer breakfast (eats one of his knife wounds and it recovers)

Director: Quick eat ours

Fred: hahahahahahrahahahahahrhahahahahaahahahrahrarhahrahraRAHRHARHARHARHAHRAHAAHRHAHARAHAHRAHAHAHAHAHAHAHARHAHRAHR AHRAHRHARAHRHAR

no

Orter: Well at least eat mine

Fred: No (punches bodies off the other zombies easily). I'm afraid I have to leave you to die. Of death.

Director: I think... not! (Director raises his gun towards Fred and fires, only for something unseen to deflect it)

Fred: Yes I forgot to mention I've accumulated some new allies through the myspace group "stuck in Rapture underwater crap help".

(Three SPECIAL GUEST STARS and by that I mean characters emerge from a building)

Fred: This is Juice the man-juicer

Juice: I am not a man juicer I just have lightning powers and

Fred: Man-juicer okay anyways this is Fortuna who is skilled with guns or something

Fortuna: my name isn't Fortuna it's

Fred: Whatever this is Last Guy he has the power to be the last one mentioned in any conversation

Last Guy: (shadowy) That's right.

Fred: Unfortunately they all have to die with you, twice. (Spin kicks them all to the ground and stabs them a few times) And now to leave you in an easily escapable trap

(Fred goes behind the building to find a dump truck and dumps eggplant ice cream all over them)

Fred: Hope you like the taste of defeat god this is awful HA HA HA you'll never go swimming again

Mariorocks: It's pretty warm it'll melt or I can melt it or Director can eat his way out

Fred: I can't hear you but that sounds like a obvious observation but I don't really care I just wanted to dump ice cream on dying people ok

(Meanwhile)

???: Hey. HEY! GET UP!

Retro: Shuddap', I'm tired.

???: You're not supposed to be sleeping in here. Don't you know what happens if you sleep in all the wrong places?

Retro: I don'- WHERE'D ALL MY CLOTHES GO?

???: Case in point. But you were never wearing clothes in the first place, which is why you still have your pixel suit on.

Retro: Oh, right. So where to now?

???: We're here.

Retro: Oh.

(A gate suspended in mid air (more like mid damnation) appears suddenly and opens to reveal a short, balding man with amazingly pale skin. His glasses are at least 10 inches in radius. His head is shaped almost like a bare tree, and he is holding a staff which is wooden and not all that impressive whatsoever. Tied to his front is a dream catcher. He looks up, or at least it looks like he does, and studies Retro's body. After a long, awkward moment of silence he speaks.)

Sage:

(Never mind, he didn't say anything. But he was about to, when he fell asleep, then soiled himself from the looks of it. Retro grew impatient.)

Retro: What the hell is this supposed to be?

???: You're looking at the master of memories, conveniently located here in scenic DAMNATION.

Retro: Why do I need to remember anything? I know my past.

???: You may know, but you still don't understand.

Retro: Aren't knowing and understanding the same thing?

???: What? Are you serious? Do you not want to leave this place? You shut up and move that stupid face of yours up and down to everything I say. No questions asked. I'm trying to get you out of here, and I could just as easily let you rot in the corner, which I am very much considering.

Retro: *cough*

???: Now then, O WISE SAGE OF THE ZODIAC, I MEAN SAGE OF...MEMORIES. OPEN THE GATES TO INNER REMEMBRANCE.

Sage: I don't wanna.

???: Not even for...you're son!?!?!?!?

Sage: You ain't my son, my son is my Colin.

(The Sage pauses and holds his breath, then looks down at himself.)

Sage: Clean your damn room, son!

Retro: Can you really make me remember stuff?

Sage: Huh-Wha? What's it to you anyway?

(Retro can start to feel the energy in his fists starting to grow. He doesn't have a large temper.)

Retro: I'm...trying to remember something, I guess.

Sage: Remembering stuff ain't a walk in the park kid, it takes concentration, and can you even take a punch?

Retro: I need to remember.

Sage: What you NEED...is a job!

Retro: And what great timing too, I was just about to get into the hit man business. Care for a hit on your father, question mark man?

Sage: Don't move! I still have to study your mind.

Retro: Finally.

(The memory sage out stretches his hands and puts his wrinkly fingers on Retro's head. A blue light starts to emit from it. The sage takes in a deep breath and pulls his hands back. Then shoots one back out to smack Retro upside the head.)

Retro: Ouch! What the hell was that for?!

Sage: Because I am now your master and I can slap you when I feel like.

Retro: Who the hell says I should listen to you?

???: I'd do it if I were you. He's the only one who can send you back to the outside world. When you're ready that is.

Sage: He isn't ready. He's a moron.

Retro: Maybe I should just kill him while I'm at it.

Sage: Kill your anger first, you won't be needing it beyond the door. Only memories.

Retro: I hope to God I don't remember this place.

Sage: Maybe after this you won't remember ANYTHING! Hehehehe...

Retro: Scuse' me?

Sage: I said COUGH DROPS! (HACK HACK HORFF.)

--

OoC: Right. Same thing as last time, I'll continue this myself later on. MAYBE.

*Back to the terrible ice cream trap!*

Nintendofreak: We have.................Got to; find, a way; OUT!, of this...........Problem.

Orter: Why are you talking like William Shatner?

Director: Ha! Ha!..............Shat

Fred: Hey! You are dying remember?!

Nintendofreak: Oh, right!

*the three starts to comically groan as they are "squished" under the ice cream*

Fred: I'm going to leave now, since I'm a major villian

Clyde: Are not!

Fred: What was that?!

*Clyde is gone*

Fred: As I was saying, I have to do several villian-type things now, like buy ice cream!

*Fred "trots" away*

Nintendofreak: I'll just use my new fire powers to melt the ice cream

Director: No! We'll get all sticky!

Orter: This ice cream tastes like *licks ice cream* eggplant?!

Director: EGGPLANT?!?!

*Director sprawls into action, scarfing down all the ice cream, pac-man style*

Director: Oh man, that was good

*Orter and Nintendofreak are seen on their knees on a dock, head down*

Director: To the water treatment facility!

Nintendofreak: "Are you mad?!"

Director using scottish accent: "Ha! Ya 'fraid ta' get wet?"

Orter: We olmost got killed TWICE trying to find this water treatment facility!

Crazy Surgeon: Third times the charm!

Director: Ahhhhh!!

*The Crazy Surgeon leaps at Director with a rusty injection needle, Director steps back and his hands emit large purple sound wave things that hit the surgeon, sending him a couple feet away. The surgeon gets up, he then grabs a top hat and cane, and starts............Singing?!

Crazy Surgeon: "Hello! ma baby,
Hello! ma honey,
Hello! ma ragtime gal,
Send me a kiss by wire,
Baby my heart's on fire!
If you refuse me,
Honey, you'll lose me,
Then you'll be left alone;
oh baby, Telephone
and tell me I'se your own"

*The surgeon dances his away from the trio*

Director: Sweet!

Orter: How'd you do that?!

Nintendofreak: there must've been another one of those soda bottles in the ice cream

Orter: Makes as much sence as anything else around here......

Director: The strange thing is..........I was thinking of that same song before that man did that dance number........

*In a tightly guarded room with no windows or doors, the only light source is several large security monitors, a man sits in a chair watching our three heroes*

Clyde: I say.........These three seem to be getting sta-ronger......Maybe they might be able to defeat........."Them"

OoC: Oh shoe! That psychotic eggplant has the power of hypnosis! What wacky things will he make everyone do?!