Tiffa: Oh great, I'm gonna have to talk to the Flaxians. I hear they're all nutjobs that run fish farms! What use could they possibly be?

The Cretopulus...'s Mini-Ship
12 Days, 18 Hours Remain

*Luigi lays on a couch in the ship, flipping some playing cards around the room in boredom. Enter Triple-X.*

Luigi: Couldn't you have brought some of those Goombas with you? At least I could have asked them if they saw Slorg and Splot anywhere.

Triple-X: (ignores completely) We're entering the atmosphere of New Syntax. Buckle up!

*Luigi looks around and sees nothing resembling a seatbelt.*

Triple-X: Whoops! I think only remembered to install one - for ME!

Luigi: Why you little-

*Suddenly the ship begins rocking rapidly.*

Triple-X: We're under attack! We're gonna crash!

Luigi: Why don't you try DRIVING this thing?

Triple-X: ...That is an interesting idea.

*Triple-X rushes to the cockpit and attempts to steer the ship.*

Triple-X: We may have a bit of a rocky landi-

*The ship stops with a sudden thud. Luigi and Triple-X quickly rush out, and the ship explodes behind them. The three culprits float down and land before them. The Replaforce.*

Luigi: What are those things?

Triple-X: They resemble some robots from historical data. But those guys were harmless comic relief villains!

Luigi: Looks like they learned a new tune.

*Luigi draws his laser sword and rushes into combat, but his strike is blocked by Z's Z-Sword. Triple-X pulls out a wrist-mounted fireball launcher and shoots a fireball that dislodges a boulder, which falls on top of X.*

Triple-X: Beautiful!

*The boulder is suddenly blown away by a blast of energy from X. Although its body is smashed and broken, X automatically recovers completely.*

Triple-X: I see... the old man's been tampering with you...

*V sneaks up on Triple-X from behind, grabs him and binds his wrists together.*

*Luigi continues to struggle with Z, just barely avoiding decapitation.*

*X rolls Triple-X over onto his stomach and pushes aside some hair on his neck to reveal a metallic opening of some sort. X pulls out a rod and is about to shove it in, when suddenly the Vorpal Sword is lodged in his chest.*

Delta Error: Well! We have guests!

Rhykette: There's nothing I can say in this situation that is not extremely cliche.

*Rhykette flies down and smashes X and V's heads together. Delta, after recovering his sword, takes on Z and knocks him over.*

Triple-X: Quick! Open up their head compartments! Destroy everything in there, it's the only way to stop the programming!

Rhykette: ...That's like killing a robot.

Triple-X: There's no other way!

*Delta cleaves each head open and cuts up everything inside. The robots drop over, inactive. Triple-X looks away.*

Luigi: Soo... Rhykette! We were just talking about you...[/b]

Rhykette: What's this about, then?

Luigi: Well...

Triple-X: Oh ho ho, please my dear. Let us make the small talk over a fancy dinner with lighted candle scents!

Delta: What's a candle?

Rhykette: You just told him to kill three robots who are like kin to me and now you're hitting on me?

Triple-X: Come on. We totally had five seconds of a romantic scene in the last OG. And those robots weren't even related to you.

Rhykette: ~looks aside~ I knew them.

Luigi: That's lovely. Listen, in twelve days the Ushutarians are going to blow up Mars.

Rhykette: Like they did to Earth three hundred years ago?

Luigi: Um, yeah. We went over it with Sol's president, and one of her aides reminded Don Miguel of the legends about the group who repelled them once. You being a robot, you must inherently know.

Rhykette: About the Gamehikers? Well, yeah. I AM the female counterpart of the robotic clone of one of them.

Triple-X: Great! So how do we stop the Ushutarians?

Rhykette: Beats me. I wasn't active at the time.

Luigi: Aaaand this was a swell waste of time.

Rhykette: Hang on. I think I know a way.

Delta: Hey, hang on. Why don't we head over to my pad first? You could probably use some hospitality after those crazy robots.

Luigi: ...Fine.

Triple-X: (I'd rather go to Rhykette's place...)

Computer: And so they all make their way to Delta's home. But little do they know that now a foolish Syntaxian takes a stroll over this very same spot with a thermocupmatic full of tea. Then he trips, and spills it all over Replaforce. With a sigh, he leaves, completely ignoring the fact that those parts Delta sliced out of their heads are starting to GROW BACK...

Mars, New Defense Force Chambers
Approx. 12 Days, 18 Hours as well

Tiffa: Are you KIDDING me?

Bent: No.

Tiffa: Your airhead president tells me to go to planet Flaxius, but you're too cheap to get me transportation?

Bent: We're simply saying that you should use the same transportation as you did to come here. It was clearly (unfortunately) reliable.

Tiffa: I can't!

Bent: Okay, I don't really care why not. All I can tell you, ma'am, is that we've routed all our funding into this foolish war effort. We can't even afford intergalactic bus fare.

Tiffa: I should have sued you when I had the chance... ~storms out~

Professor Smarter Than You entered the shoddy building at the suggestion (or lack thereof) of the Steve Model T, who said to, "Look in the hangar for those two servants we used to have, and their friends." Thus he entered this building that was not the hangar with his usual flourish, a complicated step that involved him falling on his face six times in under twelve seconds--it KILLS the ladies back on Flaxius. It did not have the same impression on the lady who had just stepped into the same room as him. She shoved past him without a thought.

Which meant that the step DID work. Being shoved without a thought was the common flirtation method for females on Flaxius.

Normally, Professor Smarter Than You wouldn't even bother; after all, this woman was clearly so below his standards that she didn't even raise his heartbeat a millisecond. He did feel sorry for the thing, though, so he decided, in the goodness of his heart, to humor her.

He turned around sharply and called out, "Hey baby! There is a roll of Flaxmoneycoins (only valid on Flaxius, not accepted at Flaxius) in my jumpsuit!"

This got her attention, to be sure. She turned around sharply, walked up to him, and slapped him so hard across the face that he saw Flaxmoneycoins in his vision. Maybe she WAS worthy.

Well, no, still overestimating her.

She then proceeded to hand him a card with her phone number. Yes, Professor Smarter Than You still had the touch.

"My name is Tiffany Katrov, and I am suing you for sexual harrassment. Just so we're clear."

"That's great, baby. Wanna see my space ship?"

The girl lowered her eyes. "You have a ship?"

Professor Smarter Than You laughed. What a simple child, to think he wouldn't.

"Well," she continued, her eyes suddenly becoming large and sparkly, "I suppose I would be willing to settle the lawsuit if you could give me a ride somewhere..."

Professor Smarter Than You considered this. Surely the pilot bot and the dog and the prisoner would complain. That was all the more reason to do it.

"Of course. Where to?"

"Flaxius."

Then the professor choked. Only he didn't, because he never chokes. "F-Flaxius?"

Delta: Well here we are! My bachelor pad. Yup, this is where the magic happens. In fact the magic happened in that chair Rhykette is sitting in.

Rhykette: *sits up suddenly* That's gross!

Delta: What's gross about card tricks? That's where I usually practice my slide of hand.

*Rhykette begins to blush. Or she would've if she was organic.*

Delta: I can show you guys a couple of tricks if you want. *pulls out a deck of cards*

Luigi: No.

Delta: Ah my first volunteer! Here pick a card.

Luigi: They're all faced up.

Delta: That's part of the trick.

Triple-X: This guy's a genius!

Luigi: *sigh*

*Jorge, who went with them even though nobody really invited him, notices a poster on the wall.*

Jorge: Who's that guy on that poster who I don't find the least bit attractive at all?

Delta: Oh that's Kiffus Rhade, we used to play football back in my college days. He went pro though and is supposed to be some bigshot back on his home planet in the Nekotian System.

Jorge: Why did he sign it "Love ya forever, the Rhadster'?

Delta: He...He's very sensitive.

Jorge: Do you still keep in touch with him?

Delta: You seem very interested in my poster.

*Suspenseful music starts palying and pair of silky, milky white arms appear out nowhere and wrap themselves daintily around Jorge's neck, sending shivers up his spine.*

Andromeda: They're on to you Jorge. Maybe they've found out about that movie you saw the other night?

Jorge: I only looked gay porn ONCE! I was curious but I didn't like it I swear!

Everyone: *blinks*

Delta: What are you talking about? That's neither here nor there.

DM: Nevermind him. He has a couple a screws loose. I don't even know why we keep around.

Jorge: I'm not gay! I swear!

Rhykette: You guys quit teasing him. Who cares if he's gay or not.

GM: That's the thing, we don't, he keeps bringing it up even though we don't want to hear it!

Rhykette: You guys are so insensitive. You guys should be more supportive of his homosexuality.

Jorge: I'm not gay you dumb puta!

Rhykette: What did you call me?

GM: Hey Jorge, I dare you to prove your straightness on Rhykette.

Jorge: Si!

Rhykette: Wait a minute, I object to all this.

Triple-X: I do too. Rhykette is my girl.

Rhykette: *narrows eyes* You're all aware that I'm a robot, right?

Luigi: Everyone quit picking on Jorge.

Jorge: Muchos gracia, Luigi!

Luigi: Nobody cares that he's gay.

Jorge:

Mars Defense Platform NWYah-2
12 Days, 16 Hours Remain

Monitor-er: ~sees a ship enter the stratosphere at incredible speeds~ They're here! ~...and disappear~ Oh good. ~...and return~ Ack! ~...and leave~ Ha! ~...and stop a mere mile away from the defense platform~ Nooooo!

Comm Officer: Opening a line!

Lt. Cho: *on comm* -id we finally do it? Oh thank some Chozo deities!

Depkon: Of course we did. That doesn't change the fact that we have to get down there without HIM being seen.

Lt. Cho: We just shot this bloody ship backwards through a black hole. I'm sure we can--

Comm Officer: Excuse me. This is the NWYah-2 Defense Platform. Verify your identities.

Lt. Cho: We've been spotted!

Depkon: Yes I got that. Your old captain smack you around when you state the obvious?

Lt. Cho: No, usually he misses the obvious and app--

Comm Officer: Repeat! Verify your identities or be shot down!

Depkon: Oh please. We passes through this galaxy five times in a second. Excuse us if we're not afraid of anything that doesn't at least reach Mach 10000.

Lt. Cho: Going in for a landing... and done.

Computer: The ship seemingly vanishes.

Monitor-er: S'fast ship.

Comm Officer: ~switches frequencies~ Um, Commissioner Bent? We have a security breach...

***

Computer: GM and Don Miguel tinker with a Norwegia XD while Jorge looks back and forth around the Mars hangar.

Jorge: Por que? When did we get back here?

GM: What are you talking about? We've always been here.

Don Miguel: Stay away from the fumes, Jorge.

Jorge: But..

Computer: The ship appears above Jorge and drops onto him. GM and Don Miguel look up.

GM: That ship looks familiar...

Computer: The hatch opens and Depkon steps out.

GM: @#!? Let's split!

Depkon: Hold it. ~grabs GM and Don Miguel with telekinesis~ We need to show you two something.

Don Miguel: It's not the open end of a blaster, is it?

Depkon: Maybe next week. You want that Mexican we crushed?

Don Miguel: I suppose...

Depkon: ~pulls Jorge out from under the ship and drags the three of them inside~ Seal the hatch, Cho.

Lt. Cho: *over comm* Okay. I'm bringing him now.

Don Miguel: Bringing who?

Computer: Lt. Cho and Bulgaria enter from the ship's bridge.

GM/Don Miguel: *gasp*

Jorge: Ay dios mio! Stand back, amigos! ~rushes Bulgaria with a broom~

Depkon: Usually I would let you all get into a big scrap and then separate you with my awesome psionic abilities, but not right now. Bulgaria has no connection to the Ushutarian Empire.

GM: Oh right! Bulgaria? Isn't he the GRAND EMPEROR?

Bulgaria: I was. But I was exiled for... personal reasons.

Don Miguel: What's that got to do with us? You're still an--

Depkon: Well, you two are human... ~looks at Don Miguel~ ...ish. I figured you'd want an inside man helping you protect what's left of your puny system. Bulgaria is of course willing to share his information, provided you leave a little left for him to rule when this invasion is over.

Don Miguel: Then what do YOU get out of it?

Depkon: ~looks aside~ Let's just say there's someone on this planet I'm willing to protect.

Lt. Cho: And my best chance of finding Captain Masamune is to wait for him to come to the rescue when the Ushutarians do show up. He's always talking about making it up to them...

GM: And of course we all believe this. So why don't you just let us out of--

Computer: The ship rocks violently. Everyone runs to the hatch windows to see Mars Police Force members setting up blaster cannons.

Depkon: Looks like you don't have a choice now.

Computer: Depkon and Lt. Cho run to the bridge and launch the ship. A second later, it's orbiting Pluto.

Depkon: We'll make base here until you three can convince the government that we're on their side.

Don Miguel: And we won't do that until you can convince us that you're on our side.

Depkon: Fair enough.

Jorge: Pluto? But we'll all freeze!

GM: Man, Pluto is a paradise. Ever since they told it that it wasn't a planet, it went and got its own sun.

Jorge: Ooh!

***

Eggplant Man: Looks like you were wrong, Korran. Those tech designers of yours just left with that unauthorized ship. They really were traitors.

Commissioner Bent: Dammit. I wish I could be more like great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather...

New Syntax
12 Days, 15 Hours Remain

Rhykette: There's someone I can think of who would know how to defeat the Ushatarians. Can I assume you three already know who I'm referring to?

Luigi: N?

Triple-X: Lord Lupus of the Quesarian sector?

Delta: Me?

Rhykette: -_-0 No. Murasame.

Delta: Wait, seriously? How old is that guy?

Triple-X: Who cares? This'll be like a big family reunion!

Luigi: We're not going to him. Why don't you tell them WHY he knows about the Ushatarians?

Rhykette: Err, because he worked for them once? Who cares, it was three hundred years ago.

Luigi: We're not scouring the galaxy to find that fossil.

Delta: And you have a better plan?

Luigi: Well... it doesn't matter. I don't condone this.

Delta: And since when do you boss us around? Last I heard, you were TAKING orders from Don Miguel, not giving them.

Rhykette: Luigi, you're not abandoning this just because he reminds you of Masam--

Computer: Luigi hits Rhykette with a right hook, then recoils from pain and shakes his hand. Triple-X jumps on him from behind and knocks him over.

Luigi: DON'T SAY THAT NAME!

Rhykette: Sorry. ~turns and spits motor oil~ He's not going to come with US, though. Just you.

Luigi: Fine! Let's just go traipsing across the galaxy to find him! I'm sure we'll have all sorts of laughs and adventures! Oh, wait. We don't even have a ship!

Triple-X: ~stands up and pulls out a remote~ I've just signaled the Cretopulus.

Luigi: ...dammit.

Delta: If you don't want to go, don't. You can stay at my pad if you need to.

Luigi: Fine.

Rhykette: But Murasame won't--

Computer: A shaft of light cuts through Delta's roof and settles on the floor. Goombazar steps out.

Triple-X: Wish we could have used THAT to come planetside...

Goombazar: ~sees Luigi~ It-is-him! You-did-not-tell-us-that-you-knew-him, one-called-Triple-X!

Triple-X: Him? You mean he's--

Goombazar: ~steps up to Luigi~ Lu-ii-gii of-the-Pipes, yoooooou are-our laaaaaast hope!

Rhykette: Ha. Guess you have to come now.

Luigi: But I'm not--

Rhykette: ~elbows Luigi~ Oh, don't sweat it, Luiigii.

*Luigi, Triple-X, Rhykette and Delta are beamed up to the Cretopolus in the central hub, connecting various hallways that lead to the ship's various areas.*

Goombazar: Hello-everyone! The-chosen-Hobo-from-the-past-has-been-found!

Luigi: (sighs)

Delta: Enough of this. We need you to help us search for someone.

Goombazar: Yes. But-first, we-could-use-your-Ushutarian-destroying-help-in-some matter.

Triple-X: (raises eyebrow) What kind of matter?

*Ushutarians rush out from every hallway and raise their weapons.*

Strike Officer Albania: Stop right there, humanoids, and freaky-looking sword guy! Drop your weapons or we will assault!

*Everyone draws their weapons and rushes forth into battle. While laserfire bounces everywhere, Rhykette picks up porjectiles to fire from her own finger blaster. The others rely more on their blade weapons. Triple-X once again turns the wrist knobs to pump up his arms. He then begins ripping Ushutarian goons and Lobster-Men apart.*

Strike Officer Albania: Replaforce, do your stuff!

*X, V and Z are beamed up by an Ushutarian that has commandeered the controls. They nod and rush off into action. Luigi immediately notices and rushes forward... but rushes right into V's force field, which shocks him into unconciousness.*

Triple-X: This doesn't look good.

*Z quickly rushes behind Rhykette and, after some high-speed movements, deactivates her. Delta Ray has not yet noticed the Replaforce, as he is too busy fighting off the Ushutarians. Thus he is hit in the back by a stray laser beam and knocked out. Triple-X is soon pinned down beneath various robots and Lobster-Men, and continues to squirm despite the hopelessness.*

Albania: Now now, calm down. The Ushutarian Empire needs its weapon.

Ushutar Colloseum
11 Days, 16 Hours Remain

*Rhykette is reactivated, while Luigi and Delta wake up, in the middle of a large collosseum, with their feet magnetically stuck to the ground (but in a way that does not interfere with Rhykette's programs). Triple-X is chained to a pillar across the stadium, facing them. The image of EVIL Scientist Dude XXIX appears on the stadium's jumbotron.*

Rhykette: I know that face! That's the EVIL Scientist Dude!

EVIL Scientist Dude: That's right, my sweet! Still as hip and fresh as ever, in my twenty-ninth clone body! You can thank the amazing cloning technology I found in that lab given to me by the Cheesecake of the Gods!

Luigi: Does that mean... Triple-X is your clone?

EVIL Scientist Dude: I'm afraid not. My cloning machine broke down after the twenty-ninth body, sadly. Then I did the worst thing I can ever imagine- falling in love. That boy is my son.

Delta Ray: I'm not interested in your backstory! Just let us go!

EVIL Scientist Dude: Shut your face, you horse-headed pig! I did not want this son, but I made the best of him. I modified him... by implanting within him a modified version of an old memory chip I had lying around. To make him my ultimate weapon. And one day, I will transfer my mind into his body so I can have all the brains and brawn I want! Ushutar has been very good to me. I chose the right side when I shot Golem and his friends in their backs!

Rhykette: ...Golem?

EVIL Scientist Dude: (laughs) Good times, good times. ...Hey wait a second. Is that you, Luigi? Luigi of the Pipes?

Luigi of the Stars: For the last time, I don't know any Luigi of the Pipes! I'm Luigi of the Stars.

EVIL Scientist Dude: Ugh, you were always picky about your name. I remember when you insisted I spell it with two i's. I would have killed you if I wasn't doped up on Flintstones and Pokemon! Now where was I? Ah yes... I'll make you living demonstrations of my weapon's true power! Behold... progress in the plot!

*A hand emerges from Triple-X's pillar and holds his head down, revealing an artificial slot in the back of his head. A mechanical device withdraws from the pillar and is inserted into the back of Triple-X's head. He screams in agony. His whole body changes and mutates until he is a giant mechanical gorilla. The gorilla thrashes about in anger, shattering the chains around him.*

GORE-X: WHERE AM I??? RRRAAAGGGH!!!! (picks up the pillar and tosses it away)

*The magnetic fields end, allowing Luigi, Delta and Rhykette to move about freely... but without their weapons.*

EVIL Scientist Dude: Have fun, kiddos! MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!

Delta: He's still Triple-X under there, right?

~GORE-X spots the trio and his eyes flash red. He charges at them, lashing the chains on his wrists wildly.~

Luigi: That's open to discussion.

~Luigi jumps onto Delta's shoulders, then pounces off toward GORE-X's face. GORE-X somersaults forward, his feet coming up just in time to grab Luigi and slam him into the ground. He continues running forward, now holding Luigi in his left foot. When close enough, he swings the chain on his left arm at Delta. Had he still possessed the Vorpal Sword, he would have ducked it or cut it in half OR caught it in a totally awesome slow-mo scene. As such, he gets whipped across the chest and sent flying into the arena wall. The chain keeps moving toward Rhykette, who is still a robot and thus is still able to dodge it with superhuman reflexes. She tries to jet into the air, but her jet intakes have been filled with cheapanium-flavored chewing gum (hardest chewing gum in the world to remove... or chew). As Rhykette instead bends over backwards under the chain, Ushatarians boo and throw lobster-men at her. She catches two of them and hurls them into GORE-X's eyes. GORE-X cries out for a moment, then flash-fries them with laser vision. He lunges at Rhykette, surrounding her with his three free appendages and catching her. He transfers Luigi and Rhykette into his hands and starts to squeeze.~

Luigi: Ah! Do something!

Rhykette: I'm sorry. This chewing gum is everywhere.

Luigi: Flirt with him!

Rhykette: Wh-what?

Luigi: He used to be attracted to you! If he still is, you can get his attention until you-know-who does you-know-what!

Rhykette: ... How much oxygen has your brain lost already?

Luigi: I dunnoooo!

Rhykette: Hmm. Opening file Swoon.exe. Nerrr... Hi Mr. Giant Gorilla Guy. >Compliment. You're very, um, dashing.

GORE-X: ~squeezes harder~ RRRRRR!

Rhykette: Ooh! >Stroke Ego. How manly!

GORE-X: RRRRRReally?

Rhykette: Oh yes. >Compare To Other Guys. You wouldn't believe how pathetically wimpy these other two guys are. You're a breath of fresh air, nerr...

~GORE-X's grip starts to loosen as a tiny part deep inside of him remembers affection. He completely fails to notice EVIL Scientist Dude and the Ushatarian viewers shouting at him to look to his right, where Delta is stealthily taking hold of the chain around GORE-X's wrist. Rhykette hovers over >Go In For A Kiss, shudders, and then is promptly dropped as Delta yanks GORE-X's arm down and bites into his hand. GORE-X roars and backhands Delta out of the arena.~

Delta: Oof. Welcome to Ushutar.

GORE-X: Now I crush you!! *throws Rhykette aside*

Luigi: Wait! *stands in front of GORE* You are not a gun! You are what you choose to be! *tenses up*

GORE-X: I- I- Uh- Well- Hm-

Luigi: *relaxes* It's gonna be okay, big guy.

GORE-X: I choose to KICK YOUR ASS! *picks up Luigi and throws him on top of Delta* RAAAAAAARGH! THREE POINTS!

Delta: Ugh. Well your second plan failed, any better ones?

Luigi: Yeah, one. Okay, here we go. You stay here and pet him.

Delta: Okay, okay. *gets ready to do so* What will you do? *turns around and Luigi is gone running across the arena* HEY!

Luigi: I don't have to run faster than that gorilla, just you!

Delta: It's a closed arena!

Luigi: Oh right. *turns around to see the rampaging GORE-X pursuing them* Hey, hey did you see what I just said there? "That Gorilla". I mean, how on earth do I even know what a gorilla is?

Delta: Oh! I didn't even notice that! Wow that's hilarious. I don't even know what one is either and I didn't even say anything! What was I thinking!

Luigi: Yeah, I know right? Let's go get him.

~Luigi and Delta feeling braver by their chit chat jump in and start attacking GORE-X. Rhykette flies in to help them, but Luigi is tossed right into her. Delta and GORE continue fighting, by which I mean mainly GORE-X is just beating the crap out of Delta. This goes on for like ten minutes~

GORE-X: And this! And this! *beat beat beat*

Delta: Ow! Argh! Yeow! *stands up* Hey! Hey hey hey hey! HEY. Stop it. Stop it.

GORE-X: Okay...

Delta: Okay?

GORE-X: Okay...

Delta: Alright. *narrows eyes*

~GORE-X just kinda look down all sad like~

Luigi: Oww my ribs. Hey he stopped?

Delta: You just gotta know how to talk to him.

EVIL Scientist Dude: *face appears on the overhead screen* Hey! Fight them, GORE-X! Kill those fools!

GORE-X: Can't.

EVIL Scientist Dude: What!? Why!?

GORE-X: Because... because... *grabs another pillar and throws it into the vidscreen. The magnetic shield around the arena begins to weaken~

Luigi: What now?

GORE-X: On my back!

~they all climb on~

GORE-X: *runs and jumps in the air.... and lands two feet away~ Three hundred years and still no jet feet!? Damn you Yami Yoshi!

~By that time, Lobster-Men have fled into the arena and surrounded them~

Luigi: Oh shoe. Being saved by some clones would be pretty awesome right about now!

~thirty seconds... nothing~

Luigi: Oh well, those historical videos never did seem that authentic.


Planet Pluto
11 Days, 13 Hours Remain

Jorge: Wow! Pluto is... is....

GM: Yes yes, it's Disney Planet. They had to move SOMEWHERE.

Lt. Cho: I always hated that you had to go around the whole planet just to get to the water fountains. And that ride, Pirates of the Corellian Sector? Totally over exaggerated.

Jorge: Can I ride something? Please please please!?

Don Miguel: *sighs and hands over some EF Credits* Just be back in an hour.

Jorge: Whee!! *runs off*

Depkon: If one of those fools in a costume hugs me, I'll kill him.

GM: Stop being so pleasant and cheerful, Depkon, we hardly recognize you.

~finally a strangely misshapen Mickey Mouse walks out of the bathroom. It's actually somebody in one of those huge costumes, except he kind of squirms on the ground with two misshapen legs, a slightly slumped over head, and a few tentacles sticking out of the gloves~

Don Miguel: Bulgaria you look perfect. No one will ever know you're a hulking bag of tentacles.

Bulgaria: Bite me.

Depkon: Okay we're incognito now, let's go.

GM: But what about Jorge?

Don Miguel: Psh, we'll be back before he's even got through the first line.

GM: Fine, but I get the backseat on the bus back. Where did we park anyways?

Lt. Cho: Charon.

~Meanwhile~

Jorge: Ah! Walt Disney's Zombie Attack! This ride is gonna be awesome! *looks at sign*

Sign: "Infinity Minus One From This Point"

Jorge: Wow! I'm glad I picked the short line! *looks around* Hey little girl, how long have you been in line?

Kikuichimonji: Fifty years.

Jorge: Alright!

OoC: Arrrgh I hate not knowing the characters well enough.

Ushutar Colosseum

~More lobster-men come in, sitting in the stands and taking the seats of those who fled into the arena. A scrawny, short robot man, flying through the use of jets in his feet, flies to the ceiling above the center of the arena.~

Rhyk: Looks like they started early... ~looks to flying cameras, which are just now entering the arena~ Hurry up, they already started!

Camera1: We are filming, sir.

Rhyk: Er--ah--WHAT-WHAT-WHAT TIME IS IT?! IT'S TIME FOR... THE KILLING GAME SHOW!

~Rhyk cracks a big smile, showing off a golden tooth in the process. The audience of lobster-men clap--er, bang their claws together?

GORE-X stops swatting lobster-men for a moment to hurl a lobster-man up at Rhyk.~

Rhyk: Teehee! The first rule of The Killing Game Show is that our contestants are surrounded by a magne--~hit by the lobster-man~

~Rhyk is knocked out of the air by the lobster-man. Rhykette catches him on the way down.~

Rhykette: Rhyk...

Rhyk: Leggo 'a me, tutz!

Delta: Either you get us out of here or GORE-X rips you limb from limb and devours your intelligence.

Rhyk: Er--ah--~grapples with Rhykette, and in the process--while his arm is concealed amidst the grappling--he shoots a laser blast at the wall of the colosseum, blasting an opening through to the outside~--why Rhykette, didn't they disable your laser laser cannon?!

Delta: Good. Now, where's our ship?

Luigi: We didn't come on a ship, we were captured and brought here!

Delta: Right. Time for a flee!

*Everyone piles onto GORE-X, who plows through a group of Lobster-Man and back outside the colloseum. Rhyk reluctantly follows.*

Rhykette: Where are you taking us?!

GORE-X: To my dad's lab. We can find some type of transportation there!

Delta: Well you better hurry Robo-Chimp, 'cuz we've got company!

*X, Z and V rush in pursuit of them. GORE-X quickly makes several large leaps which bring them outside a giant laboratory. GORE twists the dial on his wrist, increasing his strength, and tears through the door to enter the lab. Various alarms go off. GORE quickly replaced the door and welds it shut with his laser eye.*

Luigi: What happens when the not-good doctor comes back?

GORE: Well, LotP-

Luigi: LoTS.

GORE: He won't be here. He has no clones to tranfer his mind into right now, so he won't confront us directly. Not unless he has me.

Luigi: Wait, how do you know this Luigi of the Pipes?

GORE: It feels like so long ago... we worked together on several adventures... at some points he turned evil but I'd be lying if I said I didn't do the same occasionally.

Luigi: Do you remember a battle with the Ushuta-

*Large banging is heard against the door.*

Rhykette: Enough flashbacking, find us a way out of here!

Rhyk: I was just here the other day. All space-worthy craft here were sent to join with the Ushutarian fleet.

GORE-X: ... I think I can put something together with the primitive technology here. Just hold them off!

*The door breaks down. X, V and Z enter while flanked by various Lobster-Men. Luigi, Delta, Rhykette and Rhyk rushed to battle them. In the meantime GORE zipped to and fro in the background, grabbing machine parts and slowly assembling them into something much larger..*

X: No escape.

Z: Be one with us.

V: Forever!

GORE-X: It's done! Everyone, get on board now!

*Everyone rushed onto the ramp and entered a huge ship which resembled a human laying on his stomach.*

X: What... is... that?

*The wings on the ship's 'head' begin flapping. Then its eyes snapped open as the ship roared to life... and spoke.*

Talking Wing Cap Mario Goliath: IT'S A-ME, MARIO!

X: The key...

*The Talking Wing Cap mario Goliath then flew forward, bowling over the three robots as it smashed through the lab entrance and flew off into space. Back in the remains of the lab...*

X, V and Z: (look at each other in unison) I... remember...

It is currently 13 (thirteen) days and 2 (two) hours until the invasion. The scene is the Lead Zeppelin, just now entering Flaxius's gravitational field.

Professor Smarter Than You fidgeted at the sight of his former home. As the Steve Model T droned on at him, no doubt reporting the statistics of the Professor's awesomeness, the Professor himself remembered his final day on the planet...



The first thing that could be said about Flaxius from space was that it was very bright. The logical reason for this was that the entire planet was covered in snow, and the planet had four VERY FAR AWAY suns (one for each hemisphere, plus the north and south poles). Aside from unending days (the Flaxians couldn't very well think during the NIGHT, now could they?), the light was magnified by its reflection off the planet to the point that Flaxius could be seen in the night sky of planets six galaxies over.

Of course, all Flaxians know that logic is complete and utter rubbish. The planet was bright because the Flaxians were intelligent, e.g. bright and giving off their intelligence, e.g. brightness to the rest of the universe. Compared to Professor Smarter Than You, though, the planet was a black hole. If only those idiots understood...

As the prisoner, the dog, and his new girlfriend donned special sungoggles due to their inferiority before the blazing intelligence, e.g. brightness, the Professor noted the other thing about Flaxians. The Flaxian Thought Police who constantly patrolled Flaxian space, looking, obviously, for his truly, he being the most important person in existence. In a fair fight, they couldn't even beat him at Checkers. But the Flaxian Thought Police never fought fair... Very suddenly, Professor Smarter Than You felt compelled beyond reason to hide...

"Felix, man the guns just in case," the Steve Model T commanded. "Don'tknowwhyIcametothisbloodyplanet..." he mumbled after that. Professor Smarter Than You was no longer there to hear, however, as he oh so invisibly rode the dog thing out of the bridge.

Tiffa: Where should we even land? I can't see anything against this shine.

Ashley: There's a docking port two kilometers west of our current descent. Provided that THAT ship doesn't throw us off course.

Computer: As if in response, the FTP Uploader deploys several dozen laser cannons.

SteveT: Maybe this won't be a wasted trip after all...

***

A lowly Flaxian child, his hands clinging to the rim of the burlap sack that covered his humanoid head, darted down the hall of an extravagantly carved ice tower. He risked letting go of the bag at a door only long enough to knock. During that brief moment, the sack popped off altogether to show that the boy had black, downy hair and a single orange beak instead of a nose.

As he pulled the sack back over his head, he stuttered a statement through the door. "Y-your Majesty! Unr-registered ship's ap-proaching!" The response was muffled, but the boy guessed at what it was. "Y-you'll want to see this, Intelliness."

The door creaked open, only enough for a voice to carry through. "I said, "They'll come to me then, twit!" Boogity boogity boo!"

***

Computer: The Lead Zeppelin blazes past the FTP Uploader, Felix firing on auto-pilot with two hands while holding a pillow under his head with the other two. The haphazard shots are intercepted by salmon fired from the Uploader's belly cannons, each one exploding into a gruesome pile of fish innards that drift through the void of space.

SteveT: Damn that Lynel...

Ashley: Felix.

SteveT: Right. You, miserable stowaway cat lady. Cough up whatever catnip you're carrying.

Tiffa: But I'm not--

Computer: SteveT stands up and turns to her. Ashley suddenly busies herself with engine diagnostics as the Zeppelin falls into orbit around the planet. The Uploader deliberately misses its shots for drama, then the crew changes its mind and goes straight for the engine. The Zeppelin begins to rock.

SteveT: I'm somewhat certain this ship exploding won't kill me. I'll even save my copilot here--we've practiced deep-space walks for this sort of thing. You, on the other hand...

Tiffa: You can't bluff a lawyer.

SteveT: Good thing we both know I'm not bluffing, then.

Computer: Tiffa's lip curls. She reaches into her purse and pulls out a pack of catnip, then takes it down to the weapons. Moments later, the Zeppelin's lasers begin firing faster than should be possible as Felix's four hands rocket up and down on the firing buttons. The Uploader's shields are immediately disabled, followed by their engines and weapons. Ashley jumps back to the controls and flies them down to the planet before Felix can do worse.

SteveT: You're still soft.

Ashley: You know my feelings on change.

SteveT: Speaking of, I'm sure our flight path rather changed during that skirmish.

Ashley: We're on a crash landing, yeah. I dunno where, but we should find out right about--

Computer: The Zeppelin crashes through the window of the highest floor of the ice tower described earlier. SteveT, Ashley, Felix, and Tiffa all crawl out.

As does Professor Smarter Than You.

Computer: No, please, he doesn't! They pay me by the hour and I can't afford to--!

Professor Smarter Than You scoffed at the silly Computer and examined his new surroundings. It was a room fit for... well... himself. Magnificent. Unfortunately, the mood was completely and utterly ruined by that pathetic, malfunctioning Model T robot. It kept saying, "Oh Gods not you not you anyone but you..." Professor Smarter Than You turned his attention to the same as the Model T's, and gulped deeply.

Sitting in the center of the room on a throne made of ice, with a plate full of (plain) cheesecake, was not a Flaxian, but a Scarecrow. He adjusted his monocle and stared down at the pilot bot. "Hello, my old minion," said Straw Man.

Ashley blinked.

She remembered Straw Man all too well. He had forced her to make the hardest decision in her young life.



"That never happened," Straw Man interrupted as he stood up.

Computer: And for once, Straw man was right. That universe had never existed, save for in the memories of four people. But Straw Man had been here ever since... on a planet of his son's creation. But where was the son?

Tiffa, being a foolish and simple human, ignored this and stood in front of Straw Man. "King of Flaxius! My name is Tiffa and I come on behalf of Mars to-"

"No you're not. There is no Mars," Straw Man interrupted.

Professor Smarter Than You seethed as he quietly exited out the back.

SteveT: He's gone, finally.

Straw Man: So, have you come to be my minion again? "And SteveT found he had a heart again".

SteveT: ... huh?

Ashley: No Cheesecake of the Gods this time. So this was Stack's present, huh? Your own little world...

Straw Man: Lovely isn't it? I outdebated them all! Every single one! My infallible logic crumbled their greatest minds until they had no choice but to make me king! Even junior couldn't comprehend my brilliance and had to leave in exile!

Ashley: You exiled you son?

Straw Man: No.

Tiffa: But you just said-

Straw Man: I never said anything.

Tiffa: ... will you help save Mars?

Straw Man: Yes.

Tiffa: Really?

Straw Man: No.

~Meanwhile, back on Pluto~

Planet Pluto
11 Days, 6 Hours Remain

Kiku: This ride is going to be great.

Jorge: ... I'm starting to get tired, actually.

Viddy: ~is in front of Kiku~ Tired? It's only been five hours!

Jorge: How do you guys wait so long!?

Viddy: Fountain of youth.

Kiku: Immortality runs in the family.

Jorge: But you're like, six years old.

Kiku: Times uh, fifty or something. But anyways. No need to split hairs.

Jorge: Si. I don't think I can stay in line though. I'm not immortal like everyone else in this line-

Mr. Noskin: Actually I'm just dead, so it doesn't matter.

Jorge: ... right! I'm going back to the ship! *jumps out of line and heads towards the Intergalactic Bus Pickup*

~ few minutes later~

Jorge: They ditched me! I can't believe they ditched me! ¡Esos tontos estúpidos! ¡Debo quitar sus bazos de sus orifixes!

Kiku: That's not very nice.

Jorge: Ack! What are you doing?

Kiku: You seemed like a nice kid. Besides, you look stupid enough to be my 'adult supervision'. We'll just go on my ship... I have a few bars I want to hit.

Jorge: B-bars!?

Kiku: Don't be like that. Despite my childlike metabolism and limited higher thought processes, I'm old enough to drink. Now come on

OoC: I had to do this



???: Turn that tape off I cant listen to it anymore.

Crew person guy: Sure.

???: So my great great grandfather was murdered by his brother...

Crew person guy: I guess.

Holosplicer: Talk about backstabbing.

CPG: Well its not 100 % positively the correct answer.

Holosplicer: What is that?

CPG: Yeah, Directors camera recorded the murder or so I've heard.

Holosplicer: Then why wasnt it used as evidence?

CPG: No one could find it, its still lost.

Holosplicer: This could be interesting....

Lieutenant Long: Engine Failure: 100%. Weapons Failure: 100%. Life Support Systems: 99.9% operational.

Ensign Annoying: Oh GOD we are(n't) going to die!

Captain Fancypants: 99.9%?! This disgusts me! Lt. Long, shut down Life Support Systems.

Long: ~does so~ Life Support Failure: 100%.

Fancypants: Perfection! ~stands up~ Attention crew! Due to my incredible captaining skills, this ship is now as flawless as I am! Rejoice!

Long/Annoying: Yay.

Councilor Obvious: Yes dahling, but this might prove inconvenient in the near future, because Life Support Failure is at 100%, and no Life Support means we don't live. Because we die.

Fancypants: Oh shut up, woman. Ensign, go collect our space helmets.

Annoying: Sir! ~runs off~

Fancypants: Lieutenant, prepare an escape pod and trigger self-destruct. A ship as perfect as this one must go out in style.

Long: Already ahead of you Captain. We have T-Minus 33.02 seconds.

Fancypants: Ooh! A challenge!

Computer: Annoying runs up with a quartet of tethered, raving Metroids while a fifth one has engulfed his head and is gnawing fervently. He passes three Metroids to the others, keeping the last as a pet, and then the group casually walks over to the escape pod. They climb in; Long sits at the front and turns the key ignition of the pod...

The engine stalls.

Fancypants: Oh.

Computer: There is a blinding flash, and the Uploader's crew finds itself laying indecent in the middle of a nondescript forest.

Long: Sir! It appears I activated the Anti-Convolution Ray by mistake! And I activated it backwards! We're nowhere near the main plot!

Fancypants: ~pulls a gun on Long~ Take that back, you bastard! We, meaning I, ARE the main plot!

Long: A-apologies sir!

Fancypants: We need to get back to the Uploader and blow it up proper this time.

Obvious: We don't know where we are, so we should find out. Where we are. Because we don't know. Where we are.

Fancypants: Right. Ensign, go find a native.

Annoying: I already did, sir. It's attacking my pet.

Fancypants: Lies do not become you, Ensign.

Annoying: No really sir, look.

Computer: Annoying points to the spare Metroid, which is screeching at a Flaxmoneycoin-sized red creature. The red creature faces the Metroid down, then leaps abruptly and grabs the side of its mandible. The Metroid shrieks and shakes the red thing off, then sucks it up and dismembers it internally. From the trees above the Metroid 99 more of the red creatures drop, landing on top of the beast and striking furiously. The Metroid shakes them off, but before it can suck up any more a tiny grey seed flies from the trees and imbeds itself in the creature. It sprouts a stalk from its dome with a green leaf on the tip and floats up to the trees; a tiny old man in a space suit leaps out and onto the Metroid, which floats back down to the Flaxians.

??????: 'ere, this bugger claimed one o' my 'min. Guess 'e won't cause any trouble now though. What'chu call these things?

Long: For your information, they are highly advanced space equipment that can only be donned by the bravest and most intelligent of Flaxian soldiers. For whatever reason, our moronic Ensign here feels a need to keep a spare. In the year 19XX, they were designed by the majestic race of--

Fancypants: They're called Metroids.

??????: Guess I'll call this feller Metromin, then. ~pets the Metroid fondly~ M'name's Dodega. You folks from around here?

Fancypants: No you pathetic feeble creature. We are the proud and mighty Flaxian soldiers our Lieutenant just mentioned.

Annoying: Like, duh.

Fancypants: And now you will tell us what planet this is, or die a horrible but, ha ha, intriguing death.

Dodega: Oh sure, sure. You folks are on Earth.

Computer: The Flaxians burst out in hurtful, hurtful laughter.

Fancypants: Earth was destroyed three hundred years ago, you fool.

Dodega: Oh. Guess it didn't get the memo, cause that's where we are.

Fancypants: ...You're serious?

Long: Surely we've gone back in time, sir.

Dodega: Ah, maybe. You're in the Galactic Year 2348, if it helps.

Flaxians: . . .

Fancypants: Ensign, vaporize this lying creature.

Annoying: I'm going to go ahead and disobey a direct order, sir.

Fancypants: HOW DARE?!

Annoying: I think he's telling the truth.

Fancypants: There is no proof! Did you learn nothing in the academy?!

Annoying: Actually, my Galactic Positioning System is saying the same thing.

Fancypants: I'll show you what I think of your POS! ~grabs the device from Annoying and smashes it~

Annoying: GPS, sir.

Obvious: Fancy, did I ever tell you how sexy you look when you're angry?

Fancypants: AARGH! Fine, we'll let the pipsqueak live. For now. We may even let him follow us. For now.

Dodega: Oh, that's alright, you don't have to--

Fancypants: YOU'RE FOLLOWING US, GOT IT?!

Long: Oh, before we set out, I should ask if there was anything standing where we were prior to our appearing. Matter displacement effects and all that.

Dodega: Just air, I think. Though, I guess I haven't seen HIM in a while...

***

~Flaxius~

Professor Smarter Than You stormed away from the Ice Citadel. Those fools had no idea what they were getting themselves into. As for the Professor himself, it was probably best to just skip planet before they started insulting him again. It wasn't HIS fault if they were all pea-brained incompetents. Besides, the Professor could just make another planet, full of REAL geniuses this time...

As he crossed a bridge formed entirely of ice that linked the citadel from the surrounding down across a deep ravine, the FTP Uploader plunged from the sky and sheared the bridge neatly in two. Professor Smarter Than You did not slip at all because he had perfect balance and no one could prove otherwise. He did, however, SOMEHOW end up in the ravine next to the fallen ship.

As he pushed himself up, not a single scratch on his buff, manly body, he casually made his way up to and into the Uploader. After all, finders were keepers. The ship was empty of all but conventional ship things and four piles of clothes in the escape pod. Professor Smarter Than You ignored them and turned to head for the cockpit, then turned back at a sign of rustling. He stepped over to the pile of skimpy lingerie and found a tiny yellow thing struggling to climb out of the mess. The Professor reached down and grabbed it by the stalk on its head, then held it up to eye level.

"Oh dear," he said. "It appears I have a sidekick."

"So it does," Prophmin agreed. He looked left, then right, then back to the Professor. "We're DOOMED!"

*Meanwhile, on planet Bacchus, the drinking planet.*

Jorge: I'm not entirely comfortable taking you to a bar.

Kiku: If it makes you feel any better, you could always pretend I'm your son and score with some really hot chick. Girls dig a guy who's a good dad.

Jorge: And a good dad takes his six-year-old with him to a place where tons of alcohol is present?

Kiku: Yup. Didn't your dad?

Jorge: Yes but that's besides the point! I'm not going to mess things up with you like mi papi screwed things up with me, Mijo.

Kiku: I'm Kiku.

Jorge: *raises fist dramatically in the air* Now's my chance to be the dad my papi never was!

Kiku: *cocks eyebrow* You do realize I'm older than you right?

Jorge: Don't worry, Mijo. Papi's gonna provide all the things he never had as a child! *hugs*

Kiku: Ah! Dude, people are staring at us!

Jorge: I love you, Mijo.

Kiku: I was better off sticking with the others... Okay, so I won't drink if it makes you happy but I'm looking for an associate of mines who doesn't know I'm looking for her. We lost contact few decades ago when Myspace got so bloated it imploded on itself and there's several bars on this planet she frequents.

Jorge: *lightbulb* So this associate of yours is a woman? Is she hot?

Kiku: Well I never went through puberty so I can't really tell if a girl's hot or not. Besides she's a robot so...

Jorge: Say no more! Papa Jorge is gonna find you a new mommy if it's a last thing I do.

*Jorge runs off to the nearest bar carrying Kiku on his shoulders*