Computer: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say about mass distortion fields: Mass distortion fields are good for only one thing--invasive surgery. First invented by the great Dr. Arrglo Menechimus, who was inspired by ridiculous tales of shrinking a person down and sending them personally into someone's bloodstream to destroy any pathogens the person might have picked up (OMG Breath of Fire reference), he discovered a subatomic particle at the center of every single molecule of mass that reacted to kintescent waves by shrinking or growing once it had crossed the entire wave spectrum, depending on which direction the particle traveled across the waves. The particle in question was dubbed Menechimusi, which was the cause of Dr. Arrglo Menechimus's death, since it had been declared just a day before that scientists were no longer allowed to name their discoveries after themselves. His radio hadn't been working that day.
Kintescent waves were at the time never used in their complete spectrum, and attempts to create the entire spectrum have been sticky at best, since the researchers either disappeared or were deemed giants by the locals and pitchforked to their dooms. Instances of a free-standing spectrum of kintescent waves are rare, but not impossible, and are known as mass distortion fields.
In short, if one does happen upon one of these, he will grow when passing through one direction, or shrink when passing through the other. Menechimusi are unstable particles, and after encountering the kintescent spectrum will remain unstable for at least a standard week. If one were to pass through a mass distortion field from both directions before a week had passed, then the second pass would only have a temporary effect until the Menechimusi stabilized after their first pass, THEN accepted the next change.
Take our heroes, for instance...
GM: Is it okay if I didn't read any of that?
Rhykette: It means we're going to shrink again, then grow again. But there’s no telling how long that will take.
GM: Better question—why does all this pointless stuff keep happening to us?
Triple-X: If it’s any consolation, it should be happening to Murasame and Luigi and Delta. Not Dodega, though, since he only went through once.
Don Miguel: Or me. The Professor and us were anti-convoluted onto the planet. Aaaaand since you guys are going to be pretty worthless when you’re one inch tall, I’ll just keep looking for that treasure myself, eh?
GM: Well, if we’re going to be small, maybe we should move somewhere where we won’t get crushed when it happens. Like off of the busy street.
Rhykette: Um… little too late.
~GM, Triple-X, and Rhykette become THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING GOERS OMG. Feet rain down upon them.~
GM: DM! Little help!
Don Miguel: ~floats away~ Treasure treasure treasure…
GM: This is why I didn’t bother crossing half the galaxy to find you!
~Ashley awakens and rubs her eyes. Only she doesn’t, because her hand’s not there. She realizes that this is about the sixteenth time she’s woken up, done this, and passed back out, and decides not to pass out this time. A quick glance around reveals a medical woman in a chair, her back turned to her.~
Woman: Yeah, never seen anything like that. I wouldn’t know the first thing to do.
Delta: You just know that we don’t have money.
Woman: None big enough that I’d want it, yeah. But it looks like your friend woke up. ~turns to Ashley, revealing tiny Delta, Rhade, Tiffa, and Datana on the table behind her~ How’re you, dearie?
Ashley: Where’s my hand?
Woman: They said it was cauterized; I couldn’t put it back on even if I had it. Especially not for that ancient money I found in your pockets.
Ashley: That’s… that’s great. Super. Lovely. ~wobbles~ Is it too late now? I mean, my husband’s a space pirate, he must have money.
Woman: Too late, yes. (Husband’s a space pirate? Please.)
Ashley: Okay… so why are they so small?
Delta: Mass distortion fields, or something. But it was supposed to have reversed.
Rhade: I could SO sneak into the boy’s locker room like this.
Ashley: Um um um um ~wobbles~ um. Wait. How many painkillers am I on, here?
Datana: We went a little tranq-happy. Consider it revenge.
Ashley: Can I just… lay down some more, maybe?
Woman: Well, no. The whole process is SUPPOSED to take like two seconds. And then you leave. LEAVE. ~abruptly kicks them out~
Ashley: Can I lay down now?
Delta: Knock yourself out. Maybe you could, I dunno, answer some questions about this Darth guy. Like where he keeps all of his, oh, medicinal supplies? Like a cure for Syntax Fever? Just to name something off of the top of my head.
Rhade: Oh man, you are so transparent.
Delta: Shut up.
Speaker: ATTENTION PEOPLE OF ALGUS THREE, NOT III! I AM CARL THE INTERSTELLAR ORANGE TRADE FEDERATION PRESIDENT AND CAPTAIN OF THE TANGERINE MARVEL! YOU CAN CALL ME CARL! MY CREW AND I ARE NOW GOING TO SENSELESSLY ATTACK YOUR PLANET FOR NO DAMN GOOD REASON! WE’VE TAPPED INTO YOUR SHORT WAVE FREQUENCY DEVICES TO TELL YOU THIS JUST TO WATCH YOU RUN AROUND AND SCREAM, SO PLEASE DO SO NOW.
~People run around and scream, as Ashley sighs and drags herself to cover. A giant orange appears in the sky, its pit pointed just slightly toward the planet it revolves around.~
Ashley: Not good?
Datana: Looks like it.
Dodega’s Nintenpod: I’ve been sneaking into Alyla’s house over the past several days, cleaning up where I could, watering the plants, leaving her little gifts, but always making sure she didn’t see me. I’m too afraid of how she’ll react to know I’ve been breaking in. But surely she doesn’t know that it’s me…
Dodega’s Nintenpod: She knows it’s me…
Dodega’s Nintenpod: She knew it was me all along? There was a letter on my floor today. It took some time to open it, and even more time to read it at one letter at a time, but it seems that Alyla had been watching me clean when I thought she wasn’t all along. But why didn’t she say anything? Could… could she be feeling the same way I do?
Dodega’s Nintenpod: The slavers are coming…
~Dodega runs across Alyla’s living room and into her bedroom, where she’s fast asleep. He climbs up to her alarm device and sets it off, waking her with a start.~
Dodega: Wake up wake up! The slavers are heading here! HERE! You have to run!
Alyla: Here? No no, they never come here. ~lays down~
Dodega: Yes they do! Right now! You gotta go!
Alyla: ~closes her eyes~ Go where? This was the only place they didn’t go…
Dodega: There’s… well you could try… I mean, maybe you could hide in…
Alyla: Dodega, I knew this was going to happen.
Dodega: And you didn’t run?!
Alyla: Like I said. Run where?
Dodega: …with me.
Dodega: With me. We can get a ship fast; I brought a lot of money for my trip, see? Then we can both fly out of here. You and me.
Alyla: ~sighs~ I knew this was going to happen too.
Alyla: This isn’t what you think it is. Yes, you are the sweetest, most caring male that I have ever met. But you’re also an inch tall.
Alyla: We have… needs.
Dodega: But I…
Alyla: ~sighs~ I know.
Dodega: We could… we could get past this?
Dodega: I’ve heard of a species that can do almost anything for people who help them. They could give souls to lifeless creatures, create machines that never died… surely they could get past a little height and breathing problems. All we have to do is find them.
Alyla: I can’t.
Dodega: Why not?
Alyla: It’s my home. I don’t have your courage. ~rolls over~ You’d better leave, unless they find you too.
Dodega: I… I won’t.
~In a flash, Alyla jumps up, pointing a blaster rifle at Dodega, who freezes in place.~
Alyla: Get out!
Dodega: . . .
Alyla: Go! Fly off in your damn ship and find your damn aliens and get your damn wishes! Now!
Dodega: . . .
Alyla: And if you find them… ~sets the gun down and looks away~ Come back for me.
~Dodega remains paralyzed a moment, then turns and heads for the door. He turns back around when he hears a click; Alyla points the blaster rifle at him and squeezes, spraying water at him instead of high intensity laser bolts. She smiles faintly.~
Alyla: Good bye.
~The scene changes, save for Alyla pointing the blaster rifle at Dodega. She looks EXACTLY the same... only slightly ORANGE DUN DUN DUN. Dodega shakes his head to clear his thoughts.~
Dodega: You… you’re not Alyla, are you?
Girl: My name is Cammy. How do you know Alyla?
Dodega: How do you?
Cammy: I have the gun here.
Dodega: ~wry smile~ Of course. She was a friend of mine, long ago. Is she here?
Cammy: How long ago?
Dodega: Fifty years?
Cammy: ~lowers the gun~ Are you… Dodega?
Cammy: You are! ~drops the gun and runs toward him~
Cammy: ~grabs him in a hug~
Cammy: Alyla was my grandma--
Cammy: So you’re my grandpa! She said you’d come back!