(Meanwhile, in a minimum security prison for the sanitarially dequipped, a balding, middle-aged man with three hairs entered in a stylish but not too stylish manner. He walked up to cell block three, and opened up a completely unlocked and unguarded condo-type cell. The two deziens were writing in pain from the fact that they lay upon furnished linoleum.)

Man: You'll do fine. Get up.

Sometwo Else: WHAT JERK I WAS WRITHING UNCOMFORTABLY YOU RUINED IT

Man: I am Carl the Interstellar Orange Trade Federation President. I started when I was your age, selling oranges for fifty dollars apiece at a tiny, cheap, plywood stand. I sacked, murdered, cheated, and Scrabble'd my way up to the top. You can just call me Carl.

C-AN: Maybe I will. TRY ME!

(Carl tazes C-AN, and Sometwo Else totally puts the body on his back and prepares to do a delayed jump)

Carl: Stop that. Now, I need your help piloting the Tangerine Marvel into it's furious attack on some planet way out there. Algus Three, or something.

SE: are you working for... THEM!?!>$#one

Carl: Sure.

(Meanwhile, the descent onto this aformentioned planet does not go very smoothly.)

Ashley: ...oh. I just said that last post, but it's to indicate the massive pain in my skull.

Felix: Everything looks fine.

TeevC: I am just feeling sup-sup-super today!

(TeevC is broken into many parts, scattered on the ground)

Felix: I completely withdraw that statement. We've taken far more damage than I expected.

Algus IIIian unemployed gameshow host: Tell him what they've lost!

Algus IIIian mugger: $2000 and your NEEEEEEW SPACECRAFT!

Proffesor Smarter Than You: It's about time you got here to replace these things. I've been waiting nearly five seconds!

~With the GGers...

Don Miguel gets an incoming transmission. He presses Up C.~

Incoming Transmission: It's N.

Don Miguel: What, you? What is it?

N: Put your lava suits on. This is Algus III, home to one of the greatest treasures ever.

Don Miguel: It's just a mining operation run by slaves.

N: They have slaves digging to find the treasure. What they don't know is that the treasure is in the center of the planet.

Don Miguel: Center of the planet?! I'm not going there!

GM: ...You okay, Don?

DM: I've got a transmission going with N.

N: Tell 'em.

~Don Miguel tells everyone everything N has said. Dodega's ears perk.~

GM: That doesn't sound like a bad deal! We can ask Luigi if he brought those lava suits, or if need be, he can go down himself.

Rhykette: There's the problem of actually reaching the core, though.

Don: ...N says that one of the mining operations is not too far from the core of the planet.

Rhykette: ...Where'd Dodega get off to?

Don: He must be after that treasure!

GM: Dodega? I don't think so.

Don: ~in the doorway~ C'mon, let's catch him before he gets too far!

OOC EDIT: Well geez I have never seen Treasure Planet. THANKS DISNEY for going into the future and stealing this post.

TeevC: So that mugger just took what?

Ashley: $2000 and the front of the ship.

Felix: Bow.

Computer: Straw Man and Prophmin bow.

Straw Man: Wait. YOU CAN'T BOSS ME!

TeevC: That man had an efficiency I would be impressed with if I wasn't so pissed. ~gets up and grabs his axe~

Ashley: Hang on. Why don't you let me handle this? Don't spoil your over-cay.

Straw Man: Sending the prisoner to certain doom! A commendable idea!

Prophmin: Your best idea yet, Captain. I love how the word doom rolls off your tongue.

Computer: Ashley shakes her head and takes Luigi's stolen laser sword, heading out the ship's hatch.

Felix: Soooooooooo...

TeevC: Hey, awesomely hairy dude.

Felix: Yeahyeahyeah?!

TeevC: Let's take the super cool Captain and the greatly great Ensign for a tour of the planet.

Felix: Like that slave-purchasing building over there, perhaps?

TeevC: Um, yeah.

Straw Man: No, the ground is hot. We'll burn to death.

Prophmin: Especially me.

TeevC: But it's not hot. ~walks to the hatch and puts his foot on the ground~ See?

Straw Man: You can't fool me!

TeevC: Look. ~scoops up some dirt and throws it on Straw Man~ Not hot.

Straw Man: It cooled in mid-flight.

TeevC: . . .

Prophmin: If we go outside, we're surely doomed.

Straw Man: Unless... we were carried.

***

Computer: TeevC kicks in the door of Slave Service Central, Your Friendly Place to Get Rid of His Ugly Face and drops Prophmin on the floor. Felix staggers in with Straw Man on his back.

Felix: Should we have left that other guy in the bridge alone? What if he wakes up?

TeevC: Big nose? He'll be fine.

Turban-wearing Fellow: I take de offense at dat.

Computer: TeevC, Felix, Straw Man, and Prophmin walk up to Turban-wearing Fellow, who is sitting behind a desk in the main room.

Turban-wearing Fellow: Welcome to de Slave Service Central. Who's ugly face will we be taking today hmmm?

TeevC: Th--

Straw Man: Well, my face was crafted by the gods, so obviously not me. And my ensign here has such adorably large eyes and big floppy ears, so it can't be him.

TeevC: Shut up.

Straw Man: Hmm? You shouldn't mumble, Teev Model C. I suppose if you wanted to see ugly, you'd just have to look at this dog-thing standing next to me. I mean, all the fur. The shriveled nose. The squinty eyes. The breath.

Turban-wearing Fellow: I am seeing your point.

Felix: Wait wait wait. I'm quite attractive for my species. All the ladies dig me.

Straw Man: You are a lady.

Turban-wearing Fellow: Dis one is de female? Oh, dat IS ugly...

Felix: ~vein pops~ YOU STUPID LITTLE--

Computer: Turban-wearing Fellow pulls out a tazer from under his desk and uses it on Felix.

Prophmin: And look at this guy. ~climbs up TeevC's arm like a ferret and flips his faceplate up~ He's doomed to have no face.

Straw Man: No face is ugly face.

Turban-wearing Fellow: You make de good point.

Computer: TeevC grabs Prophmin by the throat and squeezes.

Prophmin: I can't breathe. By throat. So I'm not doomed.

TeevC: What's happening here?

Straw Man: I'm selling you two for slaves, Steve Model T. THAT'S RIGHT I KNOW! I found your heart program in the trash! How could you just... ~sniffle~ break my heart like that?!

Felix: It's not in the trash. I still have it here. ~pulls it out~

Straw Man: AHA! YOU CONFESS! I'll just buy a better pilot bot!

SteveT: WHAT is happening here?!

Turban-wearing Fellow: So take de two ugly faces. Check. Just sign here.

SteveT: ~grabs Straw Man's wrist~ You're not signing anything! ~is tazed by Turban-wearing Fellow~ Keep it up! You can't hurt me! ~is Rust-in-a-Canned by Turban-wearing Fellow~ Dammit...

Straw Man: ~signs~ Always a displeasure doing business.

***

Computer: Luigi wakes up and sees Tiffa and Datana looking down at him.

Luigi: Wh-where are we?

Tiffa: We're still in the Lead Zeppelin. We just found you here.

Datana: We were trying to send a communication.

Luigi: To what?

Datana: A Neko ship we saw on our way out of Syntax. I picked up the code when we passed.

Luigi: Why am I tied up, then?

Datana: Don't know. We can't seem to break them.

Ashley: Because you can't.

Computer: They turn and see Ashley leaning in the hatch door.

Ashley: You two get out of this ship. Now.

Tiffa: We can't leave him. He's our friend.

Ashley: Are you my friends?

Tiffa: Well, no.

Ashley: Then why should I care?

Datana: Lady, I am getting entirely too tired of you. First Masamune's ship, now this? We don't know who you are--

Ashley: All you need to know is that I'm lost. And desperate. So you'll understand when I shoot you with the stun blaster hidden in my sleeve here. ~raises her arm toward them~

Computer: Datana lunges across the deck and grabs Ashley's arm, pointing it upward. Ashley shoots Datana with the stun blaster in her other sleeve, then turns and shoots Tiffa.

Ashley: Gullible.

Luigi: ~coughs~

***

Rhade: Oh crap I just disappeared! Tiffa is in danger! ~turns to run~

Delta: Rhade, wait!

Rhade: My sister comes before some old man, no matter how cute he is!

Computer: Delta sighs and follows him.

***

Ashley: Since you're awake, maybe you can tell why you tried to kill me.

Luigi: I did tell you.

Ashley: And I don't buy it. I haven't killed anyone... in the last 300 years...

Luigi: ~spits~

Ashley: What?

Luigi: How'd you stay alive for 300 years? You go and curse yourself to a sword too?

Ashley: No. My species lives for 500 years.

Luigi: ~grunts~ Fine.

Ashley: If I tell you, will you stop being so edgy?

Luigi: Depends on what the answer is.

???: You don't need to know.

Luigi: ~stares past Ashley in shock~ I thought you were dead!

Computer: Ashley turns. The Darth stares down at her.

Darth: I'm quite fine... son.

Ashley: Him? I didn't kill him.

Luigi: He's not who I meant.

Ashley: Then what does HE want?

Luigi: How would I know? I thought he was dead.

Darth: I'm here for Luigi.

Ashley: Uh huh. And what do you plan to do with him?

Darth: It's none of your concern.

Ashley: Yeah? Well, maybe I'm not done with him.

Darth: You are. Step aside.

Ashley: ~ignites her laser sword~ No. I think you and I have unfinished business.

Darth: Child, you watch too many adventure movies. This isn't your time or place. But if you insist.

Computer: The Darth's red laser sword appears in a flash, driving Ashley across the bridge.

Ashley: Okay... I was just in a losing duel three posts ago. Not this time.

Darth: You insisted.

Computer: Ashley whips her laser sword into various attacks, changing position, changing movement... but the Darth changes his very style to counter her, shifting from one to the next without even a thought. Their blades slash through lots of important equipment, probably. The Darth continues to press Ashley across the bridge, turning from time to time to keep her from leaving. Then he takes out a second laser sword... and moments later, Ashley's right hand crosses the floor, laser sword still held within. She falls backwards, holding her wrist. Luigi grins silently.

Darth: I told you. ~turns off his lightsabers and leaves~

Ashley: Oh...

***

Rhade: Tiffs!

Computer: Rhade runs onto the bridge and picks up Tiffa, who comes to.

Datana: What happened? Wait, where's Luigi?

Rhade: Who cares?

Datana: Well I mean, he was right here.

Rhade: And I still really don't care.

Delta: I do a little, if it's all right. ~looks over at Ashley~ Maybe she knows?

Ashley: ~curled in a corner, staring at her hand~ The Darth.

Delta: ~ears perk~

Ashley: The Darth took him.

---

OoC: That last part wasn't very funny, I know. Sorry.

~Meanwhile, just outside the Flaxian system~

"Captain's Log, Supplemental. I, Captain Fancypants of the FTP Uploader, have been assigned the mission to detain Professor Smarter Than You and administer a fierce series of lectures and information dialogues. The crew currently has high morales, but they have not yet been informed that the food dispensers make everything chicken flavored..."

~The Captain walks out on to the main bridge of the Uploader~

Fancypants: Lieutenant Long In The Mouth, status?

Lt. Long: *is a tall Flaxian in battle armor* We are currently being bombarded by missiles!

Ensign Really Annoying: *is a young looking Flaxian* FIRE FIRE FIRE!

Fancypants: BELAY THAT!

Lt. Long: Torpedos locked in!

Fancypants: ABORT ABORT ABORT!!

Lt. Long: Oh, nevermind then.

Fancypants: Open all hailing frequencies.

Really: If you really try *snerk* I mean... ~rips open the hailing panel~ The frequencies are all draining out, sir.

Fancypants: Attention enemy vessel-

~Main screen opens up to reveal a very bewildered Teluvian Ambassador~

Ambasador: You fired on my vessel, I thought-

Fancypants: I am Captain Fuan Zah Pahn Tez of the Flaxian Though Police vessel Uploader.

Ambassador: Yes, but you fired on my-

Fancypants: Also, I am extremely awesome and handsome. I accept all forms of money and all major credit cards.

Ambassador: Sir, I think you-

Fancypants: Close frequencies!

Really: *slams mallet on communications panel*

Fancypants: Counsellor Obvious, what do you think?

Obvious: *is a slinky Flaxian woman in lingirie lying in the Captain's chair* Oh, he's jealous of your rock hard abs and leadership abilities.

Fancypants: I knew it, he plans to destroy us. Ensign, what is the status of the ship's awesomeitude?

Ensign: Psychadelic.

Fancypants: Very well. Lieutenant, fire all spare personnel at the vessel.

Ship Computer: Attention all low-ranking crew members, proceed to launch bay to meet your untimely and utterly pointless death.

Fancypants: *sits in his chair after making Obvious move, but she ends up laying back down on him anyways and plays with his goatee* Fire.

~On the Ambassador's ship~

Crew Member: They've fired their own people all over the ship, it's grueseome!

Ambassador: These people are savages, get us out of here.

~Back on the Uploader~

Ensign: Enemy vessel is fleeing.

Fancypants: Excellent, I'm doubling your salary.

Ensign: Flaxius doesn't have any form of successfully implemented money, sir.

Fancypants: Fine, I'll triple it then.

Lt. Long: Your next order, sir?

Fancypants: Take us to heading 1-800-COLLECT. Engage.

~Elsewhiles, on the Scarlet Moon~

Ship Computer: Incoming transmission.

Red Ivy: Put it on.

Transmission: Attention bounty hunters! This is the President of Flaxius. Flaxius is offering a sum of Six Trillion Flaxmoneys [valid tender at all participating Flaxiuses] for the capture of Professor Smarter Than You.

Red Ivy: Bah, I hate Flaxians.

Sword: Wait, I think SteveT as hanging around with that guy, but he called him just Straw Man.

Red Ivy: So? Flaxmoneys are only legal tender at 'participating Flaxiuses', which doesn't happen to include planet Flaxius.

Sword: Yes, but you could pawn him off on some other stupid bounty hunter and this would give me a chance to find Steve and get revenge.

Red Ivy: What are you going to do, insult his mother?

Sword: Shut up. Just shut up.

Red Ivy: Whatever, the only other other worthwhile bounty is that Mirth guy and I haven't found anything on him yet.

Turban-Wearing Fellow: Welcome to slavery!

Felix: This sucks

SteveT: eeeeeeeeeeeeee--iiiiiiiiiiii

Turban-Wearing Fellow: THE DEMON-SPEAK OF THE ARMOR DEMONS!

Felix: No, that's his "I'm thirsty" noise. It means he wants some oil.

SteveT: EEEEEEEEEEEEEE-IIIIIIIIIIIIII

Turban-Wearing Fellow: No way. I already fell for that one this week.

*Two days later*

Turban-Wearing Fellow: Here we are on Lynelius. Enjoy your new jobs.

Computer: Turban-Wearing Fellow pushes a button and the floor gives out underneath SteveT and Felix. They land on a snow bank near a driveway in front of a tall, carpet-covered pole with multiple carpet-covered cylinders attached.

Felix: *wakes up* What’d I miss?

Steve: Two days of a boring space-flight where probably some annoying stuff happened, but it failed to delay this subplot anyway so it won’t be chronicled here.

Felix: All that in one sentence?

Steve: Shut up

Felix: Wait a minute…this is my old house!

Steve: Please tell me your parents moved after you joined my crew

Felix: Sorry, but no

Steve: So…

???: Finally, my slaves are here!

Felix: Dad?

Steve: I hate Straw Man

Felix’ Dad (whose name is Gate): Just my luck. I kick you out of my house because you refuse to be my slave and a few years later

Computer: A cool breeze blows by. It was probably the window.

Felix and Gate: *Hibernate*

…


…


Steve: I hate Lynels

…

…

Computer: The breeze ends and the two wake up

Gate:: *yawns* the slave delivery man drops you off. Why should I have to pay for my own son to be my slave? Didn’t

Computer: Another 30-second breeze puts the two back into hibernation

Gate: I blow enough money on you in college?

Steve: Maybe we should go inside before there’s another breeze. I’m liable to kill you in your sleep.

Gate: Shut up and chop firewood, Steve Model T

Steve: FOR THE LAST TIME, I’M STEEL, NOT TIN

Felix: So we’re seriously your slaves?

Gate: You can start by cleaning your room

Dodega: ~to himself~ Algus III... This is the planet I remember. The name isn't familiar, but what other planet could have mined its entire surface for a single treasure? Algus III... I hope I'm not too late.

[flashback="50 years ago"]

Computer: A spaceship no larger than a tin can crashes on the surface of a world so thoroughly mined that it's more of a dustball than a planet. The cockpit opens and an eighteen-year-old, quarter-sized Dodega rolls out, an afro wig attached to his helmet just because this is a flashback.

Dodega: Earth h-- ~crashes into a pebble~ OW! ~rolls over a thorny weed~ AIEE! ~is stepped on~ #@$

Computer: Some time later, Dodega crawls out of the ground and looks around. A storm of feet rain down around him, but he hardly notices as he pulls out his Nintenpod THAT IS NOT A NINTENPOD and studies it.

Dodega: Earth ho? There's supposed to be a couple of red pikmin waiting for me. That's what they all said would happen. I don't see how any plantlike creature could live on a barren planet like this Earth, though. ~presses a few buttons~ I'm getting massive lifeform readings, but there aren't any lifeforms nearby. Most perplexing...

???: Um, excuse me.

Computer: Dodega falls over, not because of the effect of the soundwaves on a mass as small as him. Well, maybe a little. Mostly because his heart starts thumping and puts him into shock. He looks up... up... up... at a giant (normal-sized) girl crouching down to see him. Nobody else passing by seems to notice.

Girl: I saw your ship crash. Are you new here?

Dodega: Ugggg.... nuuuuu.... preeeee...

Girl: Oh, you don't speak Basic? I'll get a translator.

Dodega: No! I do! We don't need a translator you're just fine and hawt! I mean, just fine!

Girl: ~giggles~ I'm Alyla. Do you grow?

Dodega: Um... no? Do you shrink?

Alyla: No. You're probably on the wrong planet. Nobody around here is your size.

Dodega: I'm definitely not on the wrong planet (anymore).

Alyla: Well... I just got out of class, so I guess I can take you to the immigration center. What was your name, again?

Dodega: Dodega.

Alyla: Dodega... that's nice.

[/flashback]

Rhykette: Dodega!

Triple-X: He's out of it. ~snaps fingers in Dodega's face~

Dodega: Stop that!

Triple-X: Or not.

Dodega: I was having a flashback, jerks.

Don Miguel: Good thing. We wouldn't have caught up and STOPPED YOU FROM STEALING THE TREASURE!

Dodega: Who cares about the treasure?

GM: I told you he wasn't after it.

Don Miguel: We'll see... ~glares at Dodega with non-existent eyes~

Triple-X: Speaking of that treasure... I think we're being a bit rash here.

Don Miguel: Ehh?

Triple-X: I mean, we're talking about diving into the center of the planet with just lava suits. This isn't surface-level volcanic lava we're talking about here, this is million year old molten rock with more than just a little potential energy. And a planet's core is inherently solid. And then there's the intense pressure...

Rhykette: You're being too scientific.

Triple-X: How can you not be scientific about this?

Rhykette: I mean, this is an OG. All of those problems will be either dealt with or ignored. In fact, I'd bet you there isn't even a core to this planet at all. It's just a giant hollow room with the treasure inside.

Triple-X: You're making my ears bleed.

Rhykette: I'm just telling you how it is.

Don Miguel: What's an OG?

Rhykette: Eh, nevermind that.

GM: Hey, Dodega's gone again.

***

Computer: Dodega walks down a street, looking at a beat-up version of the Nintenpod from his flashback.

Dodega: I know I put her address in here somewhere...

Nintendpod (with Dodega's voice): Santivus 12, galactic year 2295. The local immigration center wouldn't set me up with a house, so Alyla offered to make me a "birdhouse", as they call them and put it outside of her new apartment. This girl... she's a thousand times bigger than I am, but she gives me spectralids in the stomach. I can't believe I'm letting myself feel like this...

Dodega: Yeah yeah, quit yapping... ~pushes fast forward~

Nintenpod: --eard about this planet's society at the immigration center, and it seems I should learn better than to buy maps on discount. Earth indeed... Anyway, the AlgusIIIians are the natives around here, but another species has been moving in and enslaving the natives, as well as any aliens they--

Dodega: ~fast forwards~

Nintenpod: --nd our... er, her apartment is at 12430 Quibbern Lane. So I guess I'm at 12430 1/2-- ~click~

Dodega: This is 12430 Quibbern Lane.

Computer: Dodega looks up and sees only mining factories.

Dodega: I hope I'm not too late...

Computer: Planet Lynelius, Gate household.

Katz: Hi honey, I'm home.

Gate: Oh good, I bought some slaves.

Katz: Let's see them.

Gate: SLAVES.

Steve: Shut up.

Felix: You don't understand me.

Gate: *mockingly* "You don't understand me".

Katz: *looks at Steve* You are a Model Steve droid, you know anything about moisture evaporators?

Steve: No, but I know about punching you in the face.

Katz: I think it's defective.

Gate: Well there's no warranty, but the other slave is our son, which I had to pay for.

Katz: Well that's not...

~cold breeze blows in and the Lynelians falls asleep~

Steve: Meh. Why do all these races end with 'ian'?

~Back on Algus III~

Computer: On Board the Lead Zeppelin.

Professor Smarter Than You boarded his ship with a new Steve Model V in tow. This one looked nothing like his old pilot bot, in fact it was quite solid and not hollow at all. It also looked a lot more like a robot and less like something else entirely. It was also stylishly colored in a glossy black color.

The ensign walked in after him and immediately panicked. "Someone trashed the ship, we're DOOMED."

Although the professor was not fond of disagreeing with the Ensign, he knew that the evidence supported the position that the ship was quite undamaged. He decided to ease the mind of his easily frightened Ensign. "Nonsense, it has always been like that. It's so we can conveniently fix the wires without opening the panelling."

However, the ensign had quickly turned his sights to something else. "Someone left a hand on the floor!"

The professor glanced at the hand on the ground. It looked like a real hand, but it had been cauterized and was not bleeding. This obviously meant it was not a human hand but in fact the missing piece of his long-lost backscratcher, so he said as much. "Obviously that's my long lost backscratcher."

The Pilot Bot stepped in quietly and looked at surroundings and quickly deduced there had been a fierce battle. However, it did not dispute the professor since the professor was, after all, smarter than it. But it did decide to ask for directions, "Orders?"

Professor Smarter Than You coughed.

"Captain."

"Doooomed," the ensign whispered ominously to himself.

"Take us away, we have no more business here."

"Affirmative, Captain."

~a few meters away from the Lead Zeppelin~

Delta: We're losing her.

Datana: There has to be a doctor around here.

Tiffa: *tries to stop a passerby* Sir, excuse me, could you-

Passerby: I'm much too busy to talk to a stranger.

Datana: *tries to stop someone else* Hey, you!

Passerby 2: Sorry, I know nothing.

Rhade: *grabs someone in a headlock* Tell me where a doctor is!

Passerby 3: I can not help you.

Delta: This is hopeless, let's take her back to the ship.

Rhade: *points to the Lead Zeppelin taking off* You mean that ship?

Delta: Dammit, they left us stranded!

Tiffa: We should contact the others, Rhade, did you bring the communicator like I asked?

Rhade: Er uh... I kinda forgot.

Datana: Perfect, standed on a alien planet with no ship or communication.

Delta: *is up ahead of them talking to a lady in front of a run down building* Listen, we need a doctor.

Woman: Please let me help you. Come inside.

Delta: *turns back* Hey guys, in here.

~Elsewhere, on the SAME PLANET~

DM: Meh, let's just forget that guy, he's gone.

Triple-X: He really wasn't one of us anyways, he just followed us from that weird planet.

DM: Well, if he's after the treasure, we should go ahead and beat him to it.

GM: I doubt he is, but we should at least check in with the ship.

Rhykette: Actually... the ship just left.

Triple-X: What!? Why didn't you tell us?

Rhykette: I didn't want to interrupt your conversation...

GM: Great, now we're going to have to get a new ship.

Triple-X: Stranded... again...

DM: And how will we get a new ship? Steal one? That worked so WELL last time.

GM: Shut up.

Triple-X: Could've just stayed at home, but no....

DM: Now if, say, we had a nice planet's core-worth of treasure, we might be able to buy a ship.

GM: Oh fine.

Rhykette: What about the others?

DM: Probably on the ship too, so who cares?

Rhykette: I guess so...

DM: Hey, N. How do we get to the core?

~No response.~

GM: Well?

DM: Nothing.

Triple-X: We'll have to find that mining company that he mentioned on our own, then...

Rhykette: ~staring at a street sign~ The street sign is growing.

Rhykette: ...It's definetely grown, though only infantessimally. Almost everything has been growing since we got here, it seems. Maybe I just need to clean my sensors.

Triple-X: ~squinting his eyes~ Yeah, it does look a liittle bigger.

~DM rushes back to the group.~

GM: You left?

DM: Check it out, one mining company is advertising work conditions of high gravity and high heat. That sounds like our thing!

~Elsewhere, Dodega peeks in a mining factory through its front door. He immediately sees Alyla and throws the door open.~

Alyla: Trespasser! ~immediately wields a dusty, rusty, and large/clumsy laser rifle~ Get off my property!

Computer: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say about mass distortion fields: Mass distortion fields are good for only one thing--invasive surgery. First invented by the great Dr. Arrglo Menechimus, who was inspired by ridiculous tales of shrinking a person down and sending them personally into someone's bloodstream to destroy any pathogens the person might have picked up (OMG Breath of Fire reference), he discovered a subatomic particle at the center of every single molecule of mass that reacted to kintescent waves by shrinking or growing once it had crossed the entire wave spectrum, depending on which direction the particle traveled across the waves. The particle in question was dubbed Menechimusi, which was the cause of Dr. Arrglo Menechimus's death, since it had been declared just a day before that scientists were no longer allowed to name their discoveries after themselves. His radio hadn't been working that day.

Kintescent waves were at the time never used in their complete spectrum, and attempts to create the entire spectrum have been sticky at best, since the researchers either disappeared or were deemed giants by the locals and pitchforked to their dooms. Instances of a free-standing spectrum of kintescent waves are rare, but not impossible, and are known as mass distortion fields.

In short, if one does happen upon one of these, he will grow when passing through one direction, or shrink when passing through the other. Menechimusi are unstable particles, and after encountering the kintescent spectrum will remain unstable for at least a standard week. If one were to pass through a mass distortion field from both directions before a week had passed, then the second pass would only have a temporary effect until the Menechimusi stabilized after their first pass, THEN accepted the next change.

Take our heroes, for instance...

GM: Is it okay if I didn't read any of that?

Rhykette: It means we're going to shrink again, then grow again. But there’s no telling how long that will take.

GM: Better question—why does all this pointless stuff keep happening to us?

Triple-X: If it’s any consolation, it should be happening to Murasame and Luigi and Delta. Not Dodega, though, since he only went through once.

Don Miguel: Or me. The Professor and us were anti-convoluted onto the planet. Aaaaand since you guys are going to be pretty worthless when you’re one inch tall, I’ll just keep looking for that treasure myself, eh?

GM: Well, if we’re going to be small, maybe we should move somewhere where we won’t get crushed when it happens. Like off of the busy street.

Rhykette: Um… little too late.

~GM, Triple-X, and Rhykette become THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING GOERS OMG. Feet rain down upon them.~

GM: DM! Little help!

Don Miguel: ~floats away~ Treasure treasure treasure…

GM: This is why I didn’t bother crossing half the galaxy to find you!

***

~Ashley awakens and rubs her eyes. Only she doesn’t, because her hand’s not there. She realizes that this is about the sixteenth time she’s woken up, done this, and passed back out, and decides not to pass out this time. A quick glance around reveals a medical woman in a chair, her back turned to her.~

Woman: Yeah, never seen anything like that. I wouldn’t know the first thing to do.

Delta: You just know that we don’t have money.

Woman: None big enough that I’d want it, yeah. But it looks like your friend woke up. ~turns to Ashley, revealing tiny Delta, Rhade, Tiffa, and Datana on the table behind her~ How’re you, dearie?

Ashley: Where’s my hand?

Woman: They said it was cauterized; I couldn’t put it back on even if I had it. Especially not for that ancient money I found in your pockets.

Ashley: That’s… that’s great. Super. Lovely. ~wobbles~ Is it too late now? I mean, my husband’s a space pirate, he must have money.

Woman: Too late, yes. (Husband’s a space pirate? Please.)

Ashley: Okay… so why are they so small?

Delta: Mass distortion fields, or something. But it was supposed to have reversed.

Rhade: I could SO sneak into the boy’s locker room like this.

Tiffa: ~blushes~

Ashley: Um um um um ~wobbles~ um. Wait. How many painkillers am I on, here?

Datana: We went a little tranq-happy. Consider it revenge.

Ashley: Can I just… lay down some more, maybe?

Woman: Well, no. The whole process is SUPPOSED to take like two seconds. And then you leave. LEAVE. ~abruptly kicks them out~

Ashley: Can I lay down now?

Delta: Knock yourself out. Maybe you could, I dunno, answer some questions about this Darth guy. Like where he keeps all of his, oh, medicinal supplies? Like a cure for Syntax Fever? Just to name something off of the top of my head.

Rhade: Oh man, you are so transparent.

Delta: Shut up.

Speaker: ATTENTION PEOPLE OF ALGUS THREE, NOT III! I AM CARL THE INTERSTELLAR ORANGE TRADE FEDERATION PRESIDENT AND CAPTAIN OF THE TANGERINE MARVEL! YOU CAN CALL ME CARL! MY CREW AND I ARE NOW GOING TO SENSELESSLY ATTACK YOUR PLANET FOR NO DAMN GOOD REASON! WE’VE TAPPED INTO YOUR SHORT WAVE FREQUENCY DEVICES TO TELL YOU THIS JUST TO WATCH YOU RUN AROUND AND SCREAM, SO PLEASE DO SO NOW.

~People run around and scream, as Ashley sighs and drags herself to cover. A giant orange appears in the sky, its pit pointed just slightly toward the planet it revolves around.~

Ashley: Not good?

Datana: Looks like it.

***

Dodega’s Nintenpod: I’ve been sneaking into Alyla’s house over the past several days, cleaning up where I could, watering the plants, leaving her little gifts, but always making sure she didn’t see me. I’m too afraid of how she’ll react to know I’ve been breaking in. But surely she doesn’t know that it’s me…

Dodega’s Nintenpod: She knows it’s me…

Dodega’s Nintenpod: She knew it was me all along? There was a letter on my floor today. It took some time to open it, and even more time to read it at one letter at a time, but it seems that Alyla had been watching me clean when I thought she wasn’t all along. But why didn’t she say anything? Could… could she be feeling the same way I do?

Dodega’s Nintenpod: The slavers are coming…

[flashback]

Dodega: ALYLA!

~Dodega runs across Alyla’s living room and into her bedroom, where she’s fast asleep. He climbs up to her alarm device and sets it off, waking her with a start.~

Dodega: Wake up wake up! The slavers are heading here! HERE! You have to run!

Alyla: Here? No no, they never come here. ~lays down~

Dodega: Yes they do! Right now! You gotta go!

Alyla: ~closes her eyes~ Go where? This was the only place they didn’t go…

Dodega: There’s… well you could try… I mean, maybe you could hide in…

Alyla: Dodega, I knew this was going to happen.

Dodega: And you didn’t run?!

Alyla: Like I said. Run where?

Dodega: …with me.

Alyla: What?

Dodega: With me. We can get a ship fast; I brought a lot of money for my trip, see? Then we can both fly out of here. You and me.

Alyla: ~sighs~ I knew this was going to happen too.

Dodega: What?

Alyla: This isn’t what you think it is. Yes, you are the sweetest, most caring male that I have ever met. But you’re also an inch tall.

Dodega: But…

Alyla: We have… needs.

Dodega: But I…

Alyla: ~sighs~ I know.

Dodega: We could… we could get past this?

Alyla: How?

Dodega: I’ve heard of a species that can do almost anything for people who help them. They could give souls to lifeless creatures, create machines that never died… surely they could get past a little height and breathing problems. All we have to do is find them.

Alyla: I can’t.

Dodega: Why not?

Alyla: It’s my home. I don’t have your courage. ~rolls over~ You’d better leave, unless they find you too.

Dodega: I… I won’t.

~In a flash, Alyla jumps up, pointing a blaster rifle at Dodega, who freezes in place.~

Alyla: Get out!

Dodega: . . .

Alyla: Go! Fly off in your damn ship and find your damn aliens and get your damn wishes! Now!

Dodega: . . .

Alyla: And if you find them… ~sets the gun down and looks away~ Come back for me.

~Dodega remains paralyzed a moment, then turns and heads for the door. He turns back around when he hears a click; Alyla points the blaster rifle at him and squeezes, spraying water at him instead of high intensity laser bolts. She smiles faintly.~

Alyla: Good bye.

[end flashback]

~The scene changes, save for Alyla pointing the blaster rifle at Dodega. She looks EXACTLY the same... only slightly ORANGE DUN DUN DUN. Dodega shakes his head to clear his thoughts.~

Dodega: You… you’re not Alyla, are you?

Girl: My name is Cammy. How do you know Alyla?

Dodega: How do you?

Cammy: I have the gun here.

Dodega: ~wry smile~ Of course. She was a friend of mine, long ago. Is she here?

Cammy: How long ago?

Dodega: Fifty years?

Cammy: ~lowers the gun~ Are you… Dodega?

Dodega: Um.

Cammy: You are! ~drops the gun and runs toward him~

Dodega: Wait.

Cammy: ~grabs him in a hug~

Dodega: Um…

Cammy: Alyla was my grandma--

Dodega: Was?

Cammy: So you’re my grandpa! She said you’d come back!

Dodega: …grandpa?!

Computer: Suddenly and anticlimatically, a white light appears infront of the orange and blasts it back into outerspace.

Ashley: Well that was relief. *falls asleep*

Delta: Oh crap! Now we'll never get those answers.

Rhade: *still staring at the sky* That light. It was so familiar.

(The begins to decend and lands infront of them, taking the form of a older Neko woman dressed in a white labcoat and stylish red-frammed glasses.)

Delta: Looks like we have a Dues Ex Machina.

Datana: Not another side character. We had to deal with so many people ever since this OG began that I begining to lose track of where we are.

Rhade: Hey! Don't I know you from somewhere?

Female Neko Scientist: *adjusts her glasses* No, I can't say that you have.

Rhade: You sure? That light... It was just like my mo--

FNS: I'm pretty sure you're confusing me with someone else. The Neko Empire is pretty large.

Datana: Well anyways thanks for saving our asses back there...

FNS: You can call me Dr. Ohma.

Delta: A Doctor! Perhaps you know the cure to the Syntax Fever!

Dr. Ohma: My speciality is in genealogy I'm afraid.

Delta: Lot of good you are. *wanders off*

Rhade: Wait for me! *follows*

Datana: I'm pretty sure you didn't save us out of the kindness of your heart. Nekotians aren't benign race in the Galaxy and I doubt you're any different. What do you want from us?

Dr. Ohma: *smiles* You see right through me. Actually I came for her. *points at Tiffa*

Tiffa: Me?

Datana: Well you can't have her! I fought long and hard to keep away from you crazy people. I'm not about to give her and let you turn her into some perverted Mother Goddess.

Dr. Ohma: You misunderstand. I'm here to take her away from all that. General Nirgal is a madman. And thinks he's a god and will stop at nothing to bring our race to extinction with this insane pilgrimage of his.

Datana: Why should I believe you?

Dr. Ohma: Actually I don't give a damn whether you believe me or not. That rather bizarre object I dispelled earlier should be slingshotting back over here in a baout five seconds. I'm taking the Neko girl with me leaving you and this planet to the hands of God.

(Before Datana could react, the woman snatched Tiffa into her arms and orbed up into the atmosphere. And just as Dr. Ohma predicted, the Orange Ball returned and President Carl was pissed as a hornet.)

Carl: GRRR! I'M AS PISSED AS A HORNET!

Datana: THAT BITCH!

~*~

Computer: Onboard the Morning Star, Nirgal was sitting on his throne casually stroking his silver beard.

Nirgal: IT SEEMS SHARDE HAS BETRADE US. PITY, SHE WAS BEGINNING TO GROW ON ME.

Neko Servant: She must be punished, my Lord!

Nirgal: NO, I DON'T THINK THAT WILL BE NECCESSARY. I CAN STILL USE THIS TO MY ADVANTAGE.

Neko Servant: Of course, how foolish of me to doubt my God.

Nirgal: YES.... ALL IS GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN...