Lady in Red: That's it? Your anonymous tip told you to come back to the barn we just left... again?
Dark Ditto: That's why we're here, yeah.
Lady in Red: . . .
Dark Ditto: What?
Lady in Red: Nothing. That's just... just... ~shakes head~ Who was it?
~Masamune, Vorpal, and SteveT snicker.~
Dark Ditto: Are you saying I'm an idiot? Too trusting?
Lady in Red: Yes.
~Masamune, Vorpal, and SteveT laugh.~
Dark Ditto: How DARE you!
Tiffa: So, are we going in?
Masamune: Of course. ~offers arm~
Why you little...
SteveT: ~grabs Masamune and Vorpal and pulls them aside~ Discontent between them, not us.
Masamune: Oh. Sorry.
Vorpal: Ahem. ~offers Tiffa his arm~
Straw Man: I'M YOUR LEADER AND THAT'S JUST SCIENCE!
Sidekicks: GET HIM OUTTA HERE!
Straw Man: I AM out!
Sidekicks: TEAR HIM TO SHREDS!
Straw Man: I AM in tatters!
Sidekicks: STEAL HIS BRAINS!
Straw Man: Oh... um, look! Absolutely nothing! ~points and runs~
Splog: Now who'll lead us?
Roy/Kaiser Bear V: I will. HEY!
Roy (as Kaiser Bear IV): Step aside, Son.
Kaiser Bear V: No way, Dad. And... other villains... It's my time to shine!
Roy: I'm not too dead to smack you around some!
Kaiser Bear V: I'll show you! ~charges Roy~
Roy (as Roy): Hey... hey wait! No! ~runs~ Aaaaaaahhhhh!
~As they charge off, the mysterious figure in the trenchcoat that everyone ignored floats up.~
???: I'll lead you. Because I am... ~throws off coat~
~The sidekicks turn to face them with evil grins.~
R.O.B.: Party. Time.
Giuseppe: Wait. Bring the one called Dark Ditto to me.
Dark Ditto: Stay back. I warn you. ~transforms into a two Vorpals tall dragon.~
Vorpal/Lady in Red: ~gasp~
Masamune: Two Masamunes tall...
~Giuseppe hits Dark Ditto with a suppin beam, which turns him back to normal. R.O.B. grabs Dark Ditto and carries him to the stage.~
Giuseppe: We can all hold this man responsible. Because he killed my master, Ditto McCloaker. Because he abandoned his own sidekick.
Dark Ditto: Lies! I've never had a sidekick!
Buio Giuseppe: Buio Giuseppe doesn't appreciate that.
Dark Ditto: Blast...
Giuseppe: Unlike you and Ditto, Buio Giuseppe and I get along fine. We have a common enemy in you.
Buio Giuseppe: Giuseppe and Buio Giuseppe organized this sidekick rights movement. Other sidekicks should not have to suffer Buio Giuseppe's feelings of unwant.
Giuseppe: Or my depression and lack of direction after Ditto's demise. We cannot be sidekicks anymore!
Giuseppe: If our masters oppose us, we will hospitalize them until they understand!
Giuseppe: And we will mark our independence with the death of this... abomination!
Sidekicks: . . . raaaaaah?
Ba: Do it!
Rhyk: Yeah, whatever.
Fred: I like licorice!
Tamagon: Am I still here? Oh.
Giuseppe: Is that everyone? Okay. Zambi! Eat his brains!
Zambi Yoshi: Muhhh guhhh nuhhh...
[I used to be a star. This is pathetic...]
~drags himself onto the stage~
Lady in Red: Do we HAVE to save him?
Vorpal: He did make us sign that contract...
~The OGers charge the stage. The sidekicks charge the OGers. Mayhem ensues.~
Masamune: Dodo, don't do this!
Dodo: I'm sorry Masamune. None of this feels right. ~pulls out a sword~ If I'm wrong, I'm sorry.
~Dodo swings at Masamune. Masamune blocks and begins rapid strikes, driving Dodo through the crowd. It's really hard to hold a sword with wings, you know...
~Vorpal, meanwhile, is tackled by Goom, Ba, and Tamagon.~
Vorpal: Wait! I don't even have sidekicks! Why are you attacking me?!
Sidekicks: NO LOVE! NO LOVE!
~Pikachu shocks Rhyk, who channels the energy and shoots it at Lady in Red, but she shoves her parasol into the floor and balances on top of it, using it as a ground. Fred uses his mallet to bat Splog into the parasol, knocking Lady in Red off.~
Lady in Red: HEY! I shouldn't have to fight you three!
Rhyk/Fred/Splog: Golem/Lupus/Luigi isn't here.
Lady in Red: . . .
~GM tries to rush the stage, because Don Miguel isn't here and Zambi Yoshi was sorta once for a very short time his sidekick, but he is swarmed worse than a mosh pit and beaten by a million foes.~
GM: Invincibility! What's the freakin' code for invincibility?! Aaaah!
MJ: Hey... we don't have sidekicks.
Andromeda: Yeah. So?
MJ: So we should just leave.
~MJ, Andromeda, and Urchin slip out the door, passing Marin and Tiffa.~
Marin: Why do we have to fight the unnamed extras? ~karate chops someone~
Tiffa: Maybe because we're kinda sidekicks? ~claws someone's face~
Marin: It still sucks!
~SteveT, meanwhile, just kinda goes around and messes with everyone.~
SteveT: Good thing Lynel's not here.
Lynel: ~enters~ Hey, what did I... oh, Steve! I-I-I was sleepwalking! Where am I?
SteveT: ~sighs and grabs his axe~
Slort: ~eating popcorn~ [I could stop this...] ~eats more~
~Zambi Yoshi opens his mouth, his tongue slowly reaching for Dark Ditto's head. The tip of his tongue opens into a saw-toothed mouth, which emits another tongue, which opens and emits another tongue, which opens and emits another tongue, which opens and emits another tongue, which opens and emits another tongue, which opens and emits another tongue, which opens and emits another tongue, which opens and emits another tongue, which opens and emits another tongue, which opens and emits another tongue, which opens and emits another tongue, which slips itself into Dark Ditto's ear and starts reaching for his brain.~
Dark Ditto: Wait!
~Zambi Yoshi waits.~
Dark Ditto: Buio Giuseppe! I'm sorry! Give me another chance!
Buio Giuseppe: Buio Giuseppe doesn't believe you. He knows you too well, while you don't know him at all. ~turns to Zambi Yoshi~ Eat.
GORE-ILLA: STOP! ~kicks the doors in~
~Everyone stops and turns to GORE-ILLA, hoping for some sage advice to put everything right.~
GORE-ILLA: Has anyone seen my kidneys?
~All stare at GORE-ILLA, then return to fighting.~
GORE-ILLA: Yeah, thanks for nothing. Jerks.
~Donkey Kongo hits GORE-ILLA with an exploding coconut.~
Donkey Kongo: Let's go, B.A.D.G.U.Y.Z.! GORE-ILLA won't stay down long!
Zambi Yoshi: ~pulls tongue out of Dark Ditto's ear~ [Wait, B.A.D.G.U.Y.Z.? What does that--] ~is hit by an exploding coconut and explodes into a million tiny pieces~ [Ow.]
B.A.D.G.U.Y.Z.: For great villainy!
~Donkey Kongo, Golem, Lupus, and Luigi fan out and attack the OGers with surprise. Will more mayhem ensue?!~