Transferred to here, originally started by EVIL Scientist Dude. I haven't creditted people with their posts, but I will eventually.
*The tale of the OGers is a long and complicated one. Who are the OGers? They are a group of brave yet comical warriors who unite and venture to destroy evil in about ten pages. Their adventures are On-Going and never end, but then again they do, as several groups have fallen these past years.
The first group of OGers were better known as the Party Goers. tehy cared more about throwing parties then adventuring, but they usually wound up doing the latter when all their parties were crashed by villains. These OGers' adventures were more of a light-hearted romp. Until one day their souls were snatched by the maniacal tyrant Sir Lupus the Turk in th earlt 2000's.
But in January 2003, a second group of OGers, the New OGers- also known as the OG Six- were brought together by fate itself and some plot devices to fight Lupus. These OGers had darker adventures with bigger fight scenes as well as some light-hearted parts. But they too were fellen some time in the 2020's.
A third generation was expected to show up, but nothing happened. Villains took this oppurtunity to swarm the world and conquer it without any opposition.
It is now the year 2030. Most of the former OGers are assumed dead- but one still lives. GORE-ILLA, whose body was almost completely obliterated in the final battle of the OG Six, is now hooked up to various life support systems in a hidden underground lab belonging to his former villain-EVIL Scientist Dude.*
Evil Scientist Dude: It's taken some time and a great amount of plot devices, GORE- but I've found them. (shows GORE several pictures)
GORE: So... these are... the ones... set to... become the Third Generation... by the... Holy Plot Device.....(Reverb). W...hat are... you waiting... for? We.. got some.... OGers to... assemble... RECHARGING BATTERY!
EVIL Scientist Dude: Uhh... I think you should stay behind. Now to unleash my fiendishly... good(that still doesn't sound right! plot to... help... the world! MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAA!!!!!
*EVIL Scientist Dude boards the worn and rusted monkey-shaped Flying Monkey airship and takes off in search of... the Third Generation!*
~Rhyx, a scrawny caucasian robot, about five foot two, (wearing a long scarf) awakens from his long slumber.~
~Rhyx looks around. He is surrounded by eternal blackness and stands on it, yet can see himself.~
Rhyx: Ten years have passed... why am I awakened now?
Elsewhere, aboard the Flying Monkey...~
EVIL Scientist Dude: ~talking to a scrawny caucasian robot about five foot two (wearing a long scarf)~ HELLO!!! Can you hear me?! ~pounds fist on robot~
Rhyx: Sensors... sensors working. Hello, Evil Scientist "Dude." What is today's evil plot?
EVIL Scientist Dude: Well, I--hey, give me a break, I'm collecting the third generation of OGers!
Rhyx: The third generation is not whole. Two of their members were killed by similar counterparts from this timeline. They fell faster than the second generation.
EVIL Scientist Dude: Look, you know what I mean. Another generation of OGers who will straighten up this mess of a timeline.
Rhyx: No one knows how to pinpoint the location of a semi-omniscient being, and--
EVIL Scientist Dude: Another thing: this conversation is boring. Will you just join us?
~GORE steps out from a nearby room and stops as soon as he sees Rhyx.~
Rhyx: Most assuredly.
Rhyx: No. You can call me Robotic Heroic Yeoman to Xenodestiny... Or maybe just Rhyx.
*GORE stumbles over and begins breathing heavily.*
EVIL Scientist Dude: What are you doing away from your life support? I told you stay at the lab!
*ESD quickly hooks GORE up to some backup life support devices. He then consults the photos of the supposed third generation.*
EVIL Scientist Dude: Now let's see, who shall we recruit first? Ah! I know...
Rhyx: "First"? What do you call what you did to me?
EVIL Scientist Dude: What are you talking about? You came here on your own. You might have be an old robot I had in storage...
Rhyx: No, no, that does not--
ESD: You have a talent for bringing up these kinds of topics, don't you? Just look at the photo. Do you recognize it?
~No answer. ESD looks around to find that Rhyx has disappeared.~
~Meanwhile, on Earth, at a gas station in the desert~
SteveT (talking on an NGage): So then this kid came up to me and was all like, "No one wears armor anymore, and I was like--no, I said, "Look kid, I'm not wearing"--would you stop interrupting?--I said, "Look kid, I'm not wearing armor. It's my body."
The beast called me a freak!--Yes, I know.--Yes, I've been remembering to polish my back. I lived in your Museum Of Magical Artifacts Of Which Science Denies the Existance ™ for fifty years and you think you're my mother. I'm five hundred years old, I think I can take care of myself.
Oh, crap, I think I'm scratching the screen with my finger. I'll call you back. ~hangs up~
Clerk: I'm sorry, sir, but I need you to either buy something or leave the premises. You've been here for like an hour.
SteveT: Yeah, well maybe if you thought to keep your oil in the refridgerator to start with, I wouldn't have had to stick it in there on the same shelf as the Mountain Dew. What if the flavor gets into my oil?
Clerk: You are by far the rudest customer to ever come here.
SteveT: I'm also an ancient, heartless suit of armor. What's your point?
Clerk: I mean I have a special section in my store just for you. I inherited a lot of strange merchandice from my Grandfather, and you might just be interested in some of it.
SteveT: That's more like it.
Narrator: And so, Steve T followed the clerk into the back room of the store. The camera, however, did not. At least not yet. Instead, it panned out to give the audience a view of the gas station, whose sign read "Fast-R-Mart." It wasn't a very interesting shot, really, and probably will get deleted in the final cut to make more room for the already-way-too-long fight scene.
Narrator: However, in the last millisecond of the last second of the last minute of that camera pan, a figure appeared outside of the gas station...
~Ashley, a lithe caucasian girl, about five foot nine, (wearing a long coat) enters the station.~
Clerk: What what what?! I am in the middle of a very profitable business venture! Make your business quickly and then return to the desert to die of a most uncomfortable thirst like everyone else!
Ashley: Okay... can I have a glass of water?
Clerk: Two dollars!
Ashley: For a GLASS of water? How much is a bottle?
Clerk: If you cannot afford the glass, then you do not want to know!
Ashley: -_- I'll take a bottle of water.
Clerk: Hmph! Fine!
Narrator: The clerk gave Ashley a bottle of water as SteveT came back upstairs, fully prepared to complain about the lousy service. He saw Ashley and felt a stirring deep within his heartless void of metal and... more metal. It's probably just a breeze from the open window nearby.
SteveT: Hmm... I feel a stirring. It's probably just a breeze from that window... You! Girl!
SteveT: What are you doing out in this desert with that long coat on? It's very hot and VERY dangerous. To have come this far with that coat on you must have exceptional power. Power which I shall now exploit.
Ashley: You said that last part out loud.
SteveT: Did I? Sorry.
Narrator: Ashley sat down at the table and sipped her water. SteveT crossed the store and sat down across from her. The clerk waved his hands and grumbled about having put a table in the store in the first place.
SteveT: What is your name?
Ashley: Why are you still talking to me?
SteveT: When I saw you, I felt a stirring. It was probably a breeze from that window.
SteveT: So... what are you doing out here?
Ashley: I could tell you that I'm looking for my father like my brother and sister are, but that'd be a lie.
SteveT: Intriguing... who are these brother and sister?
Ashley: Irrelevant to the rest of this story.
SteveT: And this father?
Ashley: Who cares? He died out here. They just won't admit that he did.
SteveT: So what ARE you doing out here?
Ashley: Not looking for him, I can tell you that.
SteveT: -_- You already did.
SteveT: How old are you?
SteveT: Excellent. You are the perfect age to be my *dramatic pause* dastardly assistant!
Ashley: Uh huh...
SteveT: You would get to grease my joints, carry my stuff, and buy all my Mountain Dew. Exciting, yes?
Ashley: It's... uh... definitely worth considering.
SteveT: Excellent. I'm going to go back downstairs with this fine gentleman over here. When I get back, you will give me your answer.
Narrator: SteveT followed the clerk back downstairs. Ashley snorted at the table and left the station.
~Meanwhile, in a far side the OG...~
~A lone figure stands at a grave~
Masamune: Goodbye my dear friend. For fifty years we were together... but no more...
~He sets a few cords on the grave~
Masamune: Rest in peace, NES.
Mysterious Figure: I hear you are Masamune.
Masamune: I might be.
Mysterious Figure: Of course you are. It's on your shirt.
Masamune: D'oh. Wait, who are you!? What are you doing here in the middle of the night in a graveyard of video gaming?
Mysterious Figure: My name is El Cent-Sorio. I wish to aquire your cooperation.
Masamune: Oh. One of THESE plotlines. I don't really go for those. I prefer wild goose chases, insane police car chases, and bar brawls.
El Cent-Sorio: Yes. One of those. My employer wishes you to have a certain... person removed.
Masamune: Deleted eh? Well, I'll just go into my mod powers and-
El Cent-Sorio: No. The old fashioned way.
Masamune: Ooh, that's gonna be tough. Not easy, who is it?
El Cent-Sorio: A creature known as... Evil Scientist Dude
Masamune: Clever on the name. Why?
~A small lizard crawls up El Cent-Sorio's shoulder~
Lizard: *hisses* Revenge!
Masamune: Who is that little creep?
El Cent-Sorio: My employer.
Lizard: You can say that again!
Masamune: ... Chibi-Devil!? You were Luigi's quasi-arch villain back in Party Goers 7/17!
Chibi-Devil: You can say that again!
Masamune: You were Luigi's quasi-arch villain back in Party Goers 7/17!
Chibi-Devil: You can say that again!
Masamune: You were Luigi's quasi-arch villain back in- d'argh! Shut up! Why would I do this?
Chibi-Devil: Because. I know where your friends are.
Chibi-Devil: And I'm offering any price you name.
El Cent-Sorio: So what do you say?
Masamune: ... fine, I'll do it. If only because it sounds dramatic and I'll get to say ... more...
~Back at the gas station~
Narrator: The clerk led SteveT into the basement of the Fast-R-Mart, and this time the camera went with them. The room was small, but lined with shelves. There we hundreds of strange devices and items. The clerk, out of habit, moved to stand behind the counter and placed an old, ratty-looking turban on his head.
SteveT: What's with the old turban?
Clerk: It was my grandfather's. He told me I always have to wear it when I'm selling things down here.
Clerk: It adds ten points to my swindle skill, I mean, tradition. Plus ten tradition.
SteveT: You have +10 tradition?
Clerk: Yes. Yes I do.
SteveT: Normally, I'd argue about that, but that turban is just so charming and makes me want to spend money.
Clerk: Spending money in this shop is tradition!
Narrator: SteveT walked around the room, looking at the items on the shelf. Eventually, his eyes settled on a small orb, about the size of an orange. It was made of some form of metal, and its exterior had a black and white checkered pattern. Sitting on top of the orb was a black chess-piece queen.
SteveT: What's this thing?
Clerk: Ah, that is a very special item. It's called a Flashback Bombinator. Don't touch the--
Narrator: But it was too late. By the time the Clerk could say "queen," Steve T has already tried to pull it off the orb. The flashback bombinator went off, and he found himself experiencing a flashback.
In a castle in Scottland, in the year 1530, a short, thin Scott is standing in a forge, inspecting a newly-made suit of armor which, it turns out, looks a lot like Steve T.
Scottish Smith Guy: Finally, I've succeeded in building the perfect suit of armor. Well, at least I would have if anyone in Scottland were seven feet tall. Still, I'm rather proud of this suit.
Narrator: A wizard walks into the forge, wearing a long coat. The Scottish Smith Guy obviously recognizes the wizard, because he cowers in fear the second the wizard entered.
Wizard: I see my armor is completed.
Scottish Smith Guy: Yes, not even an hour ago.
Wizard: Good. Here's your payment.
Narrator: The wizard throws a bag of gold coins at the Scottish Smith Guy, who quickly runs to gather them.
Wizard: Now, to put the finishing touches on this armor.
Narrator: The wizard raised his staff, and a surge of purple light rushed onto the suit of armor. The individual pieces rose, then fused together in a humanoid shape, as if there were wearer inside. The armor was slowly lowered to the ground and turned its helmet back and forth, surveying the room.
Armor: Is the window open? I think I feel a breeze.
*Back in the present, or the future, or wherever the hell we are, aboard the Flying Monkey, where we join EVIL Scientist Dude and a giant upright-walking lobster robot...*
EVIL Scientist Dude: My foot fell asleep. What were we doing again?
Mecha Pinchy 9.0: Gathering the fabled Third Generation of OGers, which you still haven't done.
EVIL Scientist Dude: They're out there... somewhere! At least I was able to get their pictures from XB-0TT before he shut down completely.
Mecha-Pinchy: Oof, that's rough. So where do we start? Hard to get info in this world ruled by an all-star cast of villains new and old.
EVIL Scientist Dude: (looks out window) Looks like we're above the middle of a desert somewhere in Nevada. Not much to look at...
Mecha-Pinchy: Wait, I see a gas station!
EVIL Scientist Dude: ...I guess it's good for a start. Order Bullwinkle to land the ship!
Narrator: The Flying Monkey set down right in front of the door of the gas station, just as Ashley walked out. She looked at it, then shrugged and walked around it.
EVIL Scientist Dude: Not so fast!
Narrator: EVIL Scientist Dude and Mecha-Pinchy left the Flying Monkey and walked up to Ashley.
EVIL Scientist Dude: You... you look...
EVIL Scientist Dude: You look at these pictures and tell me if you recognize anyone?
Ashley: Why not?
EVIL Scientist Dude: The pictures, Pinchy!
Narrator: Mecha-Pinchy handed the pictures over to Ashley. She skimmed through them for a bit, then stopped.
Ashley: Oh, yeah. This one is my sister.
EVIL Scientist Dude: Excellent! Do you know where she is?
EVIL Scientist Dude: Pity. Well, I really don't feel like looking for her right now, so you'll just have to do instead!
Ashley: Actually, I'm kinda busy with...
EVIL Scientist Dude: Pinchy! Pinch her!
Ashley: Well, now, don't you think that's just a little... rude?
Mecha-Pinchy: Not if you're a giant robo-lobster. Then it's second nature.
Narrator: Mecha-Pinchy stretched his claws toward Ashley. She splashed her bottle of water on him.
Mecha-Pinchy: Hey! Don't do that! I'll rust!
Ashley: Oh. I thought you'd appreciate it and leave me alone...
Mecha-Pinchy: Was that sarcasm?
Narrator: Ashley pulled back her coat and took out a dusty silver cylinder, then pressed a big red button that said "PRESS ME" on it. A faint purple light came out of one end. She swung it at one of the claws, but it passed through without doing anything.
Mecha-Pinchy: Ha ha! *pinches*
Ashley: Ack! *faints*
EVIL Scientist Dude: Very good! Now, take her aboard! We shall continue to scan the area once she's been secured.
Mecha-Pinchy: Can do.
~Meanwhile, in 16th Century Scottland~
Narrator: The wizard revealed his true name to be Wizzrobe, and brought the newly-animated SteveT to a pub on the opposite side of town. This was not just any pub, however. It was a pub called The Floating Ape, and just so happened to be the headquarters of an illustrious group known as the Festivity Attenders*.
Wizzrobe: I brought the heartless suit of armor.
Elemental: Ah, excellent. We've been needing a new member ever since we disposed of Louis LXIV.
Wrange Tirk: Aye, I told you all along that man was a Dane in disguise. Pass the mead!
Elemental: Really, Dinosaur-Type Fellow, you shouldn't confuse the new guy with your multiple personalities.
Louis of the Tubes: So...what shall we do today?
Rick: I don't know. What do you want to do?
SteveT: I can tell already that I hate you all.
Wrange Tirk: You'll like us better when we're side by side, killing the Danes and singing songs about it!
SteveT: Well, I suppose that's possible.
Louis of the Tubes: I dont' know. What do you want to do?
Excalibur: Wait for it...
Rick: I dont' know. What do you want to do?
Excalibur: Here it comes...
Loius of the Tubes: Oh, I know. Let's attend a festivity!
Rick: Great idea!
Excalibur: You'll get used to that conversation pretty quick.
SteveT: But I'll still hate it. When do we start killing things?
Elemental: Wizzrobe, did it have to be heartless?
SteveT: Don't call me "it." That's demeaning. Now, who wants to be my evil minion?
Elemental: Wizzrobe, back to the Scottish Smith Guy and try to do it right this time.
SteveT: You get to carry my stuff.
Wizzrobe: Righto. I'll be back in a month.
*The Festivity Attenders are a fully original group not in any way related to or model after the Party Goers, with the exception of Wrange Tirk.
On earth, around 1972, a girl of 5'7 walks into a gas station and begins to steal a bunch of food and stuff to exchange for.."goodies" and if you know anything about the 70's you know what i'm talking about.. . She wore big hoop earrings and well..you time travellers should know by now! Anyway, thats alll the intro she needs I think...er if i'm doing something wrong tell me..I still wonder how this works
Cashier: Hey! What the shrack? I see you putting that in your bag? Those ho ho's are mine, bitch!
Colt: Dude, chill out. *throws him a joint*
cashier: *puff* cool, yo. Don't take all the ho ho's though, i'm going to need them.
colt: Yeah, I love the 70's
Narrator: She says this comment because she's not a normal residence of the 70's. She is what many would call a time-hopper..Yes, she was from the future. Just when they were looking for the new Generation players in fact. But nevermind that. She for whatever she bloody wanted..you know back in a time when it was easy to steal..they didn't have the technology like they did in her world...well she hopped time often..sometimes with no purpose at all..she was a special project..of unknown persons which made her a evolutionized human. Faster, stronger..etc..she ran away before anyone could figure it out. All that made it evident was her violet eyes which she covered with hazel contact lenses. *gasp* I've said too much already....
colt to narrator: Yeah you sure as f*** did. *shakes fist*
*colt walks out the door*
Colt: Oh yeah, this rocks..I love this..but alas, I must go trade these food for some--well..yeah *big grin*
*steps into the timebox and goes back to her time*
Colt: now for some trade and....stuff.
Very nosey narator: You know..you could actually be useful with these gifts of yours.
Colt: Yeah? well I think i'm useful enough as it is...with my drugs and such!
Colt: Whatever? Oh man, thats the last time I go to the nineteen- nineties...
*Sometime later, the Flying Monkey takes off from the gas station and continues circling the Nevadan area.*
EVIL Scientist Dude: Wait! We're flying to close to Las Vegas- AKA Rocketsville II!
*Before the ship can turn around, it rocks heavily from mysterious blasts.*
EVIL Scientist Dude: Mecha-Sonics! Prepare a defensive assault!
*Outside a squad of Mecha-Sonics, flowing from a nearby Flying Submarine, bombard the Flying Monkey with bursts of energy. Parts of the Flying Monkey's armor slide away to reveal laser cannons which blare at the Mecha-Sonics. Tho powerful enough to destroy a mech with one shot, these machines are quick enough to elude the blasts and a low minimum of them are destroyed. EvIL Scientist Dude shouts to the chainsmoking pilot from the gunner's chair.*
EVIL Sceintist Dude: What are you waiting for, Bullwinkle? Get us the hell out of here!
Bullwinkle: Will do!
*The Flying Monkey jets away from the Mecha-Sonics at full speed, but it continues to suffer major damage. Eventually the Mecha-Sonics tear out the engines, bringing the ship to a crash landing not far from the gas station.*
Mecha-Sonic Unit 88874: Check for survivors.
Mecha-Sonic Unit 109308: Roger roger!
*A squad of about five Mecha-Sonics tear the door off the Flying Monkey's hull and enter the wrecked ship. Its very dark and silent. So far there's no sign of anything. Two walk off down the tail corridor while three make their way to the cockpit. In the tail corridor, the two Mecha-Sonics silently stroll through the narrow passage with still no sign of living lifeforms. They spot a closet and move in to inspect. Mecha 448505 tears the closet door of its hinges, only to be grabbed and snapped in half by a huge mechanical pincer. Mecha-Sonic 6667849 raised his laser cannon in retalliation, but Mecha-Pinchy had torn him apart in mere seconds.*
Mecha-Pinchy: PINCHY CRUSH!!!
*Back in the upper area of the Monkey Mecha-Sonics 109308, 777777 and 990909 walk through the deserted areas of the ship.
Mecha-Sonic 990909: Sir, I spot an unconcious humanoid. Moving in for examination...
*990909 lifts up the unconcious Ashley, who immediately snaps into conciousness, leaps away and impales 990909 on a light beam of some sort. 109308 is about to fire at her when it's pulled to the ceiling and its memory scrambled by a magnet operated by EVIL Scientist Dude.*
7777777: Outnumbered! Retreat! Retreat!
*7777777 flees from the Flying Monkey and convinces his fellow Mecha-Sonics to escape.*
EVIL Scientist Dude: Thank God that's over!
*Later, in the city hall of Rocketsville I- formerly Cincinatti, Ohio- 7777777 is blown apart by a blast of magical energy emitted by the mayor's magic wand.*
???: You swine! How dare you escape from battle! You're a shame to the Mecha-Sonic name, and the name of your master... Magikoopa!!
TO BE CONTINUED...
*EVIL Scientist Dude puts his hands behind his head.*
EVIL Scientist Dude: That could have gone better...
*Purple light springs up right beneath his chin. He looks over at Ashley.*
EVIL Scientist Dude: What are you doing? We already established that that thing doesn't work.
Ashley: *points at Mecha-Sonic 990909* I recharged it after you threw me in here. And called for a ride.
Bullwinkle: Hey! Those recharge centers aren't cheap!
EVIL Scientist Dude: Now, why would you do that?
Ashley: You know why! That picture wasn't even me! It was my sister, and my brother was in there! Why are you bothering ME?
GORE-illa: Please... let me explain why.
EVIL Scientist Dude: GORE, you're...
*GORE points to a bunch of cables following him*
GORE: I'm still hooked up, relax.
EVIL Scientist Dude: I don't think that's...
GORE: *turns to Ashley* Your father was Luigi of the Pipes, right?
Ashley: I don't know.
GORE: Come now. I recognize that coat and laser sword. I knew him, you know. We met in Heaven, a long time ago.
Ashley: Uh huh.
GORE: Your father was a Party Goer, First Generation. I was in the OG Six, Second Generation. Now we need to start the Third Generation. Get it?
Ashley: . . .
GORE: See, the problem is, the Third Generation was supposed to show up ten years ago, in 2020. That's why all the villains are running rampant these days. That's why we need to seriously get on the ball with starting this new team up. And, well, we figure we can settle for you until we find your brother and sister, just to make sure that everything goes fast. We're already seriously behind our schedule.
Ashley: Gee, thanks for asking.
GORE: Now, wait. You have to understand--
Ashley: I don't have to understand anything.
*The Flying Monkey shakes from an explosion, causing everyone except Ashley to stumble. She turns around and jumps out the new hole.*
Ashley: I would rather like to live my own life, thank you.
All: . . .
GORE: Well, great. That's two we've lost now.
EVIL Scientist Dude: Umm, aren't you supposed to be talking all wheezy and such?
GORE: I didn't... think... the readers... would want... to read... a big... conversation... written like... this...
EVIL Scientist Dude: *shrug* Whatever. *turns around* Let's go everyone! This ship needs to be in the air in the next 24 hours!
~Meanwhile, at an old warehourse north of Rockestville~
~Everything is dark, until a small line of light appears. It becomes larger as a door is opened. Light pours into the warehourse, blocked partially by the silhouette of a man in the doorway~
Masamune: Boys. Let's prep for departure.
Lt. Snagret: Aye cap'n. Preparing for launch!
Masamune: Mr. Cataquackers, how are the engines?
Cataquackers: She's doing the best she can, cap'n, but she won't survive another joy ride.
Masamune: How was I supposed to know the controller was hooked up to the ship and not Star Fox?
Cataquackers: The wind turbulance, gravitational changes, me screaming at you?
Masamune: Well, yes, THAT. But otherwise, I was innocent.
Masamune: Bring about the S.S. Dodo for boarding. The Flying Monkey should not be too hard to find.
Cataquackers: Aye aye.
Masamune: And prepare the guest quarters.
Masamune: We'll be having guests aboard...
~One Month Later, in 16th Century Scottland~
Narrator: Once again, Wizzrobe stands before a lifeless suit of armor that looks a lot like SteveT.
ORANGE-gutang: So should we call it SteveT?
Elemental: I'd rather forget SteveT. He's a bit of a jerk.
ORANGE-gutang: Well, that's just because he didn't have a heart.
Elemental: Still, he's the opposite of SteveT. We'll call him.....TeevC!
Wizzrobe: I just hope I have enough magic left to get this armor animated.
Mimic MacShifter: Yeah, deactivating SteveT must've taken a lot out of you. Holding him still certainly wore the rest of us down.
ORANGE-gutang: Yeah, well, can you really blame him? I mean, I sure wouldn't want to be replaced.
Elemental: Indeed. I just hope this clockwork heart works.
Wizzrobe: It should, as long as you keep him standing up. If he lays down, the pendulum won't power the heart and--
Booming Voice: Hey! Wait a minute!
~Back in the gas station in the present~
Clerk: If this is a backstory flashback about you, why aren't you in this scene?
SteveT: Because the birth of my replacement was a very formulative moment in my life, whether I was there or not.
Clerk: So how are you animated again?
SteveT: Long story.
Clerk: I'd like to hear it.
SteveT: No. You're alrady wasted too much of this post. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm having a flashback.
Narrator: SteveT waits for the flashback to begin again, but it never does.
SteveT: Son of a...you broke it.
Clerk: Flashback bombinators only last for so long.
Clerk: So if you won't tell me how you're alive, can you at least tell me why you're a villain?
SteveT: Simple. I killed TeevC and swore revenge on the Festivity Attenders for their insolence.
Clerk: No wonder they wanted you deactivated...but aren't they all dead?
SteveT: Well, the exact words of the oath were, "I hereby swear revenge upon the Festivity Attenders and any organization that even remotely reminds me of them, regardless of whether or not the resemblence is actually there, because the Festivity Attenders were an original creation unlike any pre-existing groups of characters."
Clerk: That's elaborate...
SteveT: What can I say? I was mad.
Narrator: The Flashback bombinator opens up, to reveal a scroll. Steve T picks it up and reads it.
SteveT: "You are cordially invited to attend the festivities of Duke Scottsborough's wedding." What? Where did this come from?
Clerk: The Flashback Bombinator brings items from your past into the present, to aid remembrance.
SteveT: I don't want this. This is the party we were at when they demagicked me.
Clerk: Too bad. Five dollars for the memories, twenty for the Bombinator.
SteveT: Curses. I may be a heartless suit of armor, but I have no choice but to pay for services rendered. I'll take two more of these Flashback Bombinators and....
Narrator: SteveT completed his purchase of various unknown objects. He left the gas station carrying them in a cardboard box labeled "Fragile Plot Devices. Handle With Care."
~On board the S.S. Dodo~
Masamune: What do you think of the ship gentlemen?
El Cent-Sorio: A bit old fashioned looking, but the technology is up to par.
Chibi-Devil: You can say that again.
El Cent-Sorio: Incidentally, how did it get named?
Masamune: Well, it's named after my old fri-
Narrator: Before he can begin what may have been a pivotal plot point, the ship rocks dangerously!
Cataquackers: We're flying over Rocketsville, sir. That was a warning shot!
Bumptles: We're receiving a transmission!
Masamune: *pushes Bumptles out of the way and turns it on* Call off your goons!
TWO Operative: This is TRO Airspace. You are flying with unregistered numbers.
Masamune: You can tell your BOSS that this is the Dodo and he can kiss my ion trail!
TRO Operative: If you do not comply and land your ship, we WILL open fire.
Masamune: No Mecha-Sonics, eh? *turns to the others* Looks like someone's already been here. *turns back to screen* If you can land us, we're yours.
~The person on the vidscreen is suddenly replaced by a reptilian fellow with spectacles and dressed in blue, complete with a pointy blue hat~
???: Masamune, you idiot! I'm not letting you trespass this time!
Masamune: TOO. DANG. BAD. ~flips off screen~
Cataquackers: S-sir, they're activating the turrets!
Lt. Snagret: Orders, sir?
Masamune: ~shoves Snagret away~ I'll take the helm, you idiot. Evasive action! Increase the power to the engines, things are going to get fun.
El Cent-Sorio: *quietly* He is reckless.
Chibi-Devil: But stupid. He will achieve our ends sufficiently.
El Cent-Sorio: One can hope.
*Back at the Flying Monkey's crash site*
EVIL Scientist Dude: I just remembered a vital plot point! That chick from before IDed one of the pictures as her sister! She might not be far...
Bullwinkle: How will we find her while the ship's downed?
EVIL Scientist Dude: I could try out one of the Flying Monkey's transformation modes- tehy haven't been used for years, but if we're lucky...
*The maniacal scientist operates some controls, and the arms and legs of the Flying Moneky creak as they shift position, until the monkey appears to be crawling on all fours. The arms and legs are pulled into a ship, leaving out the hands and feet outside. Wheels pop out from the fingers and toes.*
Mecha-Pinchy: It worked!
EVIL Scientist Dude: Yes, the Roving Monkey lives! Now let's find some OGers!
*Bullwinkle blows the dust off his steering wheel and drives the Roving Monkey, which moves slowly on an old steam engine.*
GORE: Exactly how are we going to find these people?
ESD: Don't worry, I have a plan! (looks out window through binoculars)
GORE: Yeah, I'm gonna go take a nap. Wake me up when we're there or about to blow up.
*So GORE sleeps in his quarters. But as he sleeps, he experiances a nightmare. GORE, younger, but bloodied and beaten. Crawling helplessly along the ground, surrounded by his fellow OG Sixers.*
GORE: No... they're gone... all gone!!
Dark Cloaked Figure: You still live? I could use men like you in my group, exterminating pathetic lifeforms such as those. (waves to the corpses)
GORE: YOU BASTARD!!
*GORE flies at the Dark Cloaked Figure and releases one last swing with his good arm, but he misses.*
Dark Cloaked Figure: You're too weak from your battle! Now as I created you, I shall destroy you!
*Dark Cloaked Figure unleashes a powerful blast of energy at GORE. In the Roving Monkey GORE awakens suddenly, screaming and full of sweat. Finally he calms down and returns to his sleep, knowing taht the nightmare might return again.*
*North of the Gas Station*
Narrator: Steve T, box of plot devices in hand, travelled north from that Gas Station to fulfill his evil desires.
SteveT (to himself): Now, since I have sworn vengeance on the Festivity Attenders and anyone remotely like them, I should really work on bringing those plans to fruitiion.
I suppose my only option, then, is to find a festivity and destroy it. Hmm, there's a town up ahead. Maybe I'll find something there.
Narrator: What Steve did not realize, however, is that this "town" he saw was indeed Rocketsville II. As he walked toward the city, he spotted a figure in the distance. He slowly moved closer to discover it was Ashley.
SteveT: Hey, aren't you that girl from the gas station.
Ashley: *waves hand* You don't recognize me.
SteveT: No, I'm pretty sure you're Ashley.
SteveT: You know, you never gave me an answer about whether you wanted to be my dastardly assistant.
Ashley: Well, that's mostly because I was hoping I'd never see you again.
SteveT: Well, that lack of foresight is why you'd only ever be my assistant, and not the evil genious that is me.
Ashley: Right...I'm going...*points in a random direction* I'd really appreciate it if you want in any other direction.
SteveT: But I was going to go ruin some festivities in that town up ahead and, well, it's not like I can carry all this stuff on my own.
Ashley: Well, I'm kinda busy not looking for my father at the moment.
SteveT: I see how it is.
Narrator: There was a long pause in which they stared at each other, Ashley's face twisted in annoyance and disgust.
SteveT: So...you sure you don't want to be my dastardly assistant?
Ashley: -_- This conversation is over.
SteveT: But wait! I have a box of plot devices, and I'm sure there's one in here that could get you to join me! Let me just...
Ashley: Uncle Slort, can you finish the discussion for me?
Slort: *peeks out of Ashley's backpack* Gladly.
SteveT: You have a backpack?
Ashley: I found it in that box of plot devices.
*Slort jumps out of the backpack and walks up to SteveT.*
Slort: Hey... you know that girl over there?
SteveT: The one five feet away that I'm talking to?
Slort: Uh... yeah. The one who probably doesn't appreciate that I'm talking about her as if she's not here.
Ashley: I'm walking away now...
Slort: Anyway, she's kinda touchy about stuff like this. It's those raging hormones that teenagers get. Her's were never really suppressed by her parents, y'know...
SteveT: So, you're saying that I should ask her again next year?
Slort: Yeah! Yeah... *glances at Ashley, who gestures at him* Uh, make it two years. She won't be a teenager anymore then.
SteveT: I suppose... Hey, waitaminute. Haven't I seen you before?
Slort: I doubt it.
SteveT: No, wait, I remember. Well, not exactly. Here, let me get one of these Flashback Bombinators and--
*Slort fires a beam out of his mouth that throws SteveT away into Rocketsville II.*
Slort: *runs over to Ashley* Jig's up. Hop on. My turn to carry.
Ashley: *sits down on top of Slort* I told you about him, didn't I?
Slort: *starts running east* You did.
Ashley: What was he talking about having seen you?
Slort: Back when Luigi and Splog and I were Party Goers, I imagine. Heck, I remember him back when Lugius and I were in the Ennead. He tends to attack organizations like these because, his exact words: "I hereby swear revenge upon the Festivity Attenders and any organization that even remotely reminds me of them, regardless of whether or not the resemblence is actually there, because the Festivity Attenders were an original creation unlike any pre-existing groups of characters."
Ashley: Festivity Attenders?
Slort: Dunno. I'd stay away from him, either way. He would have a grudge against your entire family, Lucas and Becky excluded.
Ashley: Maybe not.
Ashley: Well, those guys you helped me get away from earlier. They were saying something about starting another group of "OGers", and they showed me pictures of this uber-perfect predetermined group they were trying to find. Two of those pictures were of them.
Slort: Ah. That would make your entire family he has a grudge against, then. Do you want to go find them...?
Ashley: Nah. They know the way. Let's just go home.
Slort: You got it.
Narrator: Will Ashley turn her back on the Third Generation? Will SteveT recover from his fall into Rocketsville II?
SteveT: It's just a steel wound!
Narrator: Will anyone tell why Slort speaks English now? Probably not. Keep reading anyway.
Narrator: Meanwhile, Masamune and his gang are one the run from Rocketsville with TRO ships giving chase.
Masamune: We need more power to the engines!
Cataquackers: I canna do anymore captain, she's giving all she's got!
Masamune: Lazy fool! Help her then!
Cataquackers: Aye aye cap'n... *gets on the bike-like contraption with pedals and helps Goonetta peddle*
Lt. Snagret: They've opened fire!
Masamune: Raise shields!
Lt. Snagret: What shields?
Bumptles: You traded them for a ROB to compliment your NES collection that you recently buried.
Masamune: *tear comes to eye* I knew ye well NES...
Lt. Snagret: Hull breech on level 4!
Masamune: *sigh* So much for an epic battle. Yeesh, if they're gonna be mean about it, just cloak the ship.
Lt. Snagret: We don't have-
Masamune: Oh yeah, the recliner. Well dang. Shoot back or something.
Lt. Snagret: The missle bays are empty because-
Masamune: CURSES! Why do you let me sell these things!?
Lt. Snagret: You're the captain, sir.
Masamune: Argh. Fine, bring the ship down. Looks like we're going to be boarded, oi.
*Nighttime. All is silent and calm in the desert save for the sound of the Roving Monkey's squeaking wheels slowly rolling through the sands. It wasn't much livelier in the actual ship- even the pilot was asleep at the wheel. Suddenly a spear flew from nowhere and pierced one of the tires- which blew up instantaneously. The Monkey's crew was awakened immediately. They all rushed to battle stations while EVIL Scientist Dude shouted orders. But by "all", I mean Bullwinkle the pilot, Mecha-Pinchy the super-strong lobster and GORE-ILLA the washed up fighter who's only good for cliched, yet sage, advice. Another spear hit the hatch of the now immobile Roving Monkey, blasting it open after a second of glowing. The figure's outline was seen moving through the smoke and came into the light of the battle station. He was a man in his forty's- black hair, mustache and blue jumpsuit with some cool-looking facial scars, twirling around a spear in his right hand.*
EVIL Scientist Dude: Oh no... Vlad the bounty hunter?
Vlad: Aye. You know who I'm here for, and there's no use putting up a fight. Just give yourself up.
EVIL Scientist Dude: ...Mecha-Pinchy! Defensive maneavers!
*Vlad casually continues to twirl the spear around as Mecha-Pinchy blindly charges him. An attempt to crush Vlad beneath his oversized claw is easily dodged. Vlad touches a point on his spear, and the head grows sharper, longer and slimmer. Vlad pulls it back and with a yell, impales Mecha-Pinchy on it. The spear tears through the layers of mechanical brilliance, overloading the lobster's body with electricity until it explodes. EVIL Scientist Dude would have let out a shriek of terror, were he still on board the ship. The netire crew had retreated through the upper hatch during Pinchy's diversion. Knowing his bounty was no longer aboard the Roving Monkey, he planted explosive spears throughout the ship and leapt from it as it exploded violently.*
Vlad: (squints) There they are!
*Not too far away EVIL Scientist Dude, the photos crumpled in his hands, is running alongside Bullwinkle, who is pushing GORE in a wheelchair as fast as possible. But Vlad, using his spears as jumping poles, is quickly catching up to the trio.*
EVIL Scientist Dude: He's gaining on us!
Bullwinkle: Wait, what's that?
*Another figure rides a landspeeder between Vlad and EVIL Scientist Dude. He leaps out of the vehicle and faces Vlad. Reaching out with both his hands, a shining light forms in front of his hand and grows extremelyy bright. Vlad is covered by the light and tries to shield his eyes.*
Vlad: MY EYES!!! TOO BRIGHT!!!
Light-Producing Figure: Take my speeder and leave, before he recovers!
*EVIL Scientist Dude leaps into the pilot's seat without a word while Bullwinkle dumps GORE in the back seat and sits in the passenger seat. But something causes EVIL Scientist Dude to stare at the teenage boy- there was something familiar about him. When the Light-Producing Figure turned his face around to talk to the scientist dude, in fornt of the light his facial features became visible. A young man with a blonde mullet, very young- early in his teens, yet unusually tall. EVIL Scientist Dude gaped as he checked an identical photo.*
Light-Producing Boy: What are you waiting for? I can't hold him off forever!
*As he speaks a spear just barely misses his head and lands harmlessly on the floor. Reluctantly EVIL Scientist Dude turns on the ignition of the landspeeder and drives away into the darkness, thinking that that will be the last he'd see of the boy, but knowing that that won't be the last he sees of the boy.*
*Just outside the atmosphere of Earth, above what was/still is the United States... A small, sleek white ship exits out of hyperspace in front of the blue planet. Inside the spacecraft, a tall, broadshouldered humaniod sits at the controls. Though somewhat human in appearance, the individual is an Ulbrectus, an alien race from a galaxy far, far away.. The pilot, a male, has a visor over his green eyes to keep his shaggy black hair out of them. His ears, longer than a humans but certainly not long enough to be considered elven, stick out at right angles to his head. It's also worth noting that the gloves he wears are missing the fingertips to allow his long, clawlike nails to protrude.*
Ulbrectus: Open connection. *a small screen on the controls flickers on* Spyglass, this is the Demetria, arriving in the Milky Way system to observe debris from the destroyed Earth..
Voice from Screen: Very good, Demetria. Begin observations.
Ulbrectus: Roger. *presses a button* Hm... that's odd... excess debris is nonexistant... traces of nitrogen, oxygen, carbon... it's almost as if- *looks up from the controls and out of the ship for the first time* ...erm.. Spyglass...
Screen: Yes, Demetria? Is there a problem?
Ulbrectus: Sort of. The planet that exploded was Earth, correct? Green and Blue, moderate size, a hole in the protective at the North and South poles?
Screen: Correct. We reason that it exploded between the years 2000 and 2005.
Ulbrectus: Then tell me what this planet I'm looking at is. *pushes another button to send a picture of Earth*
Screen: ...Impossible. The radiation from the explosion is still visible on our scanners. They trace back to this galaxy, to that planet.
Ulbrectus: Well, I'm telling you that there's either something wrong with the planet or your scanners, because that planet is right in front of me.
Screen: Very well. Your mission has changed. Observe the planet, and see if you can find anything about that explosion. Intelligent life was found there before the explosion, maybe there is still some there.
Ulbrectus: Roger that, Spyglass. Beginning entry of Earth's atmosphere...
Ship: *heats up as it goes through the atmosphere, flying just above what is now Rocketsville I.*
Ulbrectus: Hm... buildings, though shoddy, are apparent. Atmosphere is capable of sustaining life. All signs point to intelligence, but where is- eh? A transmission? *turns on the screen*
TRO Operative: Attention unidentified craft. This is Team Rocket Omega airspace. You are flying with unregisteted numbers.
Ulbrectus: This is Lieutenant Ramsey Tungsten of the Spyglass Organization. I am here on a mission of peace from my superiors to examine your planet after it's explosion.
TRO Operative: ...Explosion? Er, hang on a second. *screen goes blank*
Ramsey: Interesting. *button push* Spyglass, come in. I just spoke with a lifeform from the planet. He seemed... skeptical about the explosion.
Screen: I suppose your motives might seem strange. Please comply to all requests, but be prepared to leave if their intentions are hostile.
Ramsey: Roger that.
*Back on the ground...*
TRO Operative 1: He said something about the Earth exploding. What do you think THAT'S about?
TRO Operative 2: Maybe it's a threat, and he's just waiting for this 'Spyglass' Organization to nuke us!
TRO Operative 1: No, he said it was a mission of peace... What should we do?
TRO Operative 2: Well... let's get him on the ground first. We'll see about what his plans are face to face.
TRO Operative 1: Good plan. *back to screen* Attention spacecraft. If your mission is indeed a peaceful one, please land your ship. Do this, or we shall open fire.
Ramsey: Very well.
TRO Operative: *to the other operative* He said okay! Oh, uh, we will retrieve you and bring you to our town.
Ramsey: ...Understood. *starts to land*
Narrator: SteveT crashed in an alleyway in Rocketsville II. Thanks to the brick wall that stopped him, his back was now very heavily dented. Thanks to Newton's Third Law, so was the wall.
SteveT: Good thing I don't have nerves, or that would have really hurt. Bah, where am I gonna find a blacksmith in this century?
Narrator: A sign that had recently been attached to the wall above SteveT fell into his lap.
SteveT: Eh? Scott Ishmael Smith's School of Medieval Blaskmithry? Good fortune.
Narrator: The door two-feet to the left of SteveT opened, and a red-haired, bearded man poked his head out.
Scott: Wutter ya do-in beatin' on me wall?
SteveT: Umm...long story involving a goomba and an energy blast. Hey...you look familiar...
Scott: Och! The Family Curse!
SteveT: Family curse? Hey...you must be the descendent of the guy who made me then subsequently replaced me with an incredibly annoying doppleganger.
Scott: Och! 'E's recognized me! I was 'opin' yu'd stopped lookin' ferus!
SteveT: Yes, yes...your father gave me the slip. I'd been wondering where he moved to...Tell you what, I'll stop systematically murdering members of your family for revenge if you fix my back.
Scott: Aye, get in then.
SteveT: Yeah, let me just get my box of plot devices. It should be right...
Narrator: SteveT looked back and forth, but the box was not in the alley.
SteveT: Blast, my plot devices. I need to find them before they're used for evil--by someone else.
Scott: 'Ang on, now. You loste yer box o' devaeces and now you 'ave to go on a quest to faend 'em?
SteveT: Ironic, isn't it? I'd invite you to be my dastardly assistant, but I'm already sick of your accent.
Scott: It's fake anyway.
*Elsewhere in the dark night, at Rocketsville, Team Rocket Omega officials surround the downed S.S. Dodo, armed with Pokeballs and bazookas and wearing classic Rocket Grunt uniforms. They silently awaiting the crew, while a similar squad led Ulbrectus towards the fortress like city hall, known as the Really Tall Hall. But back to the squad outside the Dodo.*
Minimum Wage Rocket Grunt: You have until the count of ten to come out, or your ship won't be sailing no more skies!
*Inside the ship...*
Cataquackers: We're doomed! DOOMED!! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!!!!~!!!!#%$ DO-
Masamune: (slaps Cataquakers) Get ahold of yourself, whatever you might be! I don't know abut you, but as long as I can hold a weapon, I will still fight!
*So Masamune leaps of the S.S. Dodo, slashing violently and vigorously at the TRO soldiers, while the others watch from the ship.*
Lt. Snagret: Whoa, he's gonna sleep tonight!
Chibi-Devil: You can say that again!
Cataquackers: Uh, shouldn't we help him?
El Cent-Surio: If he is as good as he claims, he can take care of himself.
*Ulbrectus sees the fight as he is led towards the Really Tall Hall.*
Ulbrectus: Hey, what's going on over there?
Minimum Wage Rocket Grunt 2: It's nothing, move along!
*Back to Rocketsville II. After repairs, SteveT joyously skips out into the road.*
SteveT: Amazing! I feel great, my armor is more polished then ever before!
*Suddenly, an out-of-control speeder comes from nowhere and slams into SteveT, driving him into the same wall and denting him more then ever before.*
*EVIL Scientist Dude, Bullwinkle and GORE hope out of the speeder as it shuts down and falls on Steve's foot.*
EVIL Scientist Dude: Sorry about that! By the way, have you seen any of these people?
*ESD shows SteveT the photos long enough for him to memorize all their faces.*
EVIL Scientist Dude: They're going to be the latest in a line of organizations that even remotely remind me of the Festivity Attenders, regardless of whether or not the resemblence is actually there, because the Festivity Attenders were an original creation unlike any pre-existing groups of characters.
*SteveT cracks his armored knuckles as he slowly approaches the trio...*
Slort: Ashley, wake up.
Ashley: Hmm... where are we?
Slort: It's morning. I figured that we could stop for breakfast before going the rest of the way.
Ashley: Where are we?
Ashley: It took you a night to run from Nevada to Ohio? You're slacking.
Slort: You're heavy.
Ashley: I'd smack you, but it's too much trouble to bend down. So where exactly in Ohio... are we...?
*Ashley looks around and notices the city they're in.*
Ashley: Wait... I've seen this before... why are we in Rocketsville?
Slort: To get breakfast.
Ashley: Rocketsville?! We couldn't just stop in a town near here? We HAD to go to Rocketsville?
Slort: It's Cincinatti, but yeah.
Ashley: It's Rocketsville. You know they hate us here.
Slort: Yeah, so? They've got a little bistro at the corner of Ekan and Koff that serves the best coffee in the whole bloody world. I'm tired. I want the best coffee in the whole bloody world.
Ashley: Quit pretending that you're doing this for food! Why are we here?
Slort: *looks away* Circles. Now, I believe it's your turn to carry. Mind letting me in the backpack?
Ashley: Yeah, okay...
*Ashley opens the backpack and lets Slort climb in.*
Slort: I don't care where you go for breakfast... but that little bistro on Ekan and Koff would be nice.