Golem: I've made a startling observation.

Vorpal: Yeah?

Golem: We're in the past, yes? We were in a covered wagon, threw Masamune over a cliff, yes?

Vorpal: So?

Golem: Why are we back in the Ferrari Wagon with the Masa corpse again?

Gore: A glitch in the Matrix!

~Several large robots in black clothes drop down~

Mecha-Amish General: They know too much. Destroy them.

Vorpal: Wait! Where are we? When are we?

Mecha-Amish General: Five miles out of Boston.

Gore: All that has happened then?

Mecha-Amish General: Plot devices. Now soldiers... destroy!

(Right. . .)

Narrator: The party suffers multiple gunshot wounds from the Mecha-Amish who hate being ignored, despite the fact that the poster who posted them is dead.

Yoshiman: No! I shall have revenge!

Narrator: Yoshiman fires a conveniently placed cannon at the car/wagon/timevortexalwarpedride, completely overshoots and hits the Mecha-Amish, who fall off of the car/wagon/timevortexalwarpedride and into the water.

Mecha-Amish: Ah! It hurts and stings!

Narrator: However, Mecha-Amish General has avoided the cannonball, and continues shooting.

GORE: There's only one thing we can do!

Sapph: Sacrifice Aaron to them?

GORE: No, foolish girl. It's already too late for him.

Narrator: Aaron is on the brink of death. What will you do?

GORE: NO TIME! First we kill the Mecha-Amish General!

Narrator: If you do that, Aaron will surely die.

GORE: Oh well, he'll probably not be not not missed.

Narrator: GORE reaches under the dashboard and pulls the lever that opens the hood of the car. The Mecha-Amish General, who was standing on the hood of the car, is flipped over the car and into the water as well.

Mecha-Amish General: No! Oh, if only this were motor oil. Such cruel defeat...

GORE: Yay!

Narrator: Suddenly, the car has turned back into a wagon, and the lake has become void of pollution. The surrounding land is all plains.

GORE: Wow. I think we went to the past again.

Narrator: And then it becomes a car again.

GORE: Oh...

Vorpal: Am I the only one who's lost on what's going on?

AaronGuy: No, I can't even tell if I was shot by a Mecha Amish.

GORE: I can fix that. *shoots his foot*

AaronGuy: Ow! Hey, I was using that!

You shot 190 pounds of food, but could only keep 10.

Vorpal: Oh well. *raises his sword*

AaronGuy: ...what?

Sapphire: Keep the leg that hasn't been shot. It looks good enough.

AaronGuy: Hold on now! You can't eat me! I'm not even dead yet.

GORE: I can fix that. *shoots his foot*

AaronGuy: OW!

Vorpal: You really have a one track mind, GORE. You know that, right?

GORE: I can fix that. *shoots his foot*

Vorpal: D'oh.

GORE: What a predicament. Not only are we stuck in a wagon in the middle of a polluted river, we also forgot to take into consideration the wind movements and are being blown back towards where we came from!

Lupus: I have a plan!

GORE: Anything, say it now!

Lupus: *holds up pizza box* With this vacuum cleaner I can suck up all the polluted water and then we can safely drive through the dry river bed!

GORE: What vacuum cleaner?

Lupus: Did I say vacuum cleaner? I meant pizza box.

GORE: So you plan to suck up the polluted water with a pizza box? That's not going to work.

Lupus: Of course it will? Why won't it?

GORE: It's just going to go soggy, plus it doesn't really have a way of sucking up anything anyway.

Lupus: Stop trying to use logic in our arguments GORE. We can iron out the creases later, once we're on dry land.

Vorpal: Hey, I think I see another wagon approaching! They actually have a sail!

Luigi: Quick, get Masamune! We can throw him over to their boat, he can steal the sail, then he can fly back here with it!

Vorpal: Brilliant! Where's Masamune?

Luigi: I don't know where Masamune is!

Golem: Throw everything overboard!

Luigi: Why? Will that help?

Golem: No, it's just fun to throw things!

Vorpal: They're coming closer!

*the boat approaches closer, and our heroes notice themselves staring back at them, only dressed in olden day clothing and sitting in a wagon*

Ol' Vorpal: Ahoy there! We're you from last century!

Vorpal: It's a bunch of wackos! Quick, Fred, regurgitate the shotgun!

Ol' Sapph: No, don't you see? If you kill us then you won't exist because we are you in the past! But really we're just you in the future travelling into the past! So killing us wouldn't really kill you immediately, but you'd have to wait awhile until you arrived in the past before dying in the hands of yourselves!

Vorpal: Hurry up Fred!

Fred: I'm regurgitating as fast as I can!

Ol' Luigi: You're making a grave mistake! Aren't you listening to us?

Narrator: Suddenly, while no one was looking, Lupus' plan to drain the river of it's polluted water succeeded somehow and our heroes were on their way down the country road. What time frame are they in? Did Fred ever regurgitate the shotgun? Where is that Outpost Yoshiman mentioned which I forgot about? What time frame are they in? Did Fred ever regurgitate the shotgun? Where is that Outpost Yoshiman mentioned which I forgot about? What time frame are they in? Did Fred ever...

*Vorpal hits car CD player with his fist*

Vorpal: Remind me to tell Masamune to get that thing fixed. Damn thing always freaking skips.

Narrator: While driving down the road, Vorpal notices a hitchiker with a poorly written sign saying "I R Bleyend." They pick him up.

Vorpal: Need a lift?

Hitchhiker: Yeah. Thanks.*hops into the car.* Most people won't help blind people out.

GORE: You're blind?

Hitchiker: Yeah. Didn't you read my sign? I'm Edgar and this is my random black guy companion, Hobo Steve.

Luigi: HEY! We already have a hobo!

GORE: He has a point.*kills Steve*

Fred: SOUPS ON!

Vorpal: Anyway...Where are you headed?

Edgar: Wherever you are, I guess.

Vorpal: Good enough for me.

GORE: I'm bored. You didn't happen to bring any travel games with you, did you, Edgar?

Edgar: The only thing I ever carry with me is my trusty Rubik's Cube. I never leave home without it.

GORE: I thought you were blind?

Edgar: Yeah. I am. What's your point?

Vorpal: Great, another time anomaly.

Fred: Pocketwatchchange, sir. We'll simply reverse the time flux capacitors of the OG and whoa- did that turn everyone into a fetus?

GORE: bloop.

Fred: Okay, strap a peanut-butter and BIODEGRADIBLE T-SHIRT sandwich in, and it should...

GORE: Lemme at that. Wait, it's gone. It's all gone!

Sapphire: You've got your hands... over your eyes, GORE.

GORE: Oh yeah, that's right. Okay, that whole deal with GamefreakEdgar was a flashback, to the FUTURE. I don't think we buried what was left of his corpse, anyways.

Luigi: Yeah, this thing is pretty crowded as it is. No one else is staying back here.

Lupus: Wait... if I've got a sidecar... this means we must be detectives.

GORE: Of course! It's brilliant! However, we're in a ravine, without water. And we've tipped. Oh great, all the food's gone.

Yoshiman: Hey! You'll have to pay for destroying my ferry racket! In fact, I'll have to accompany until you do!

GORE: Great.

(suddenly, the hood opens, and Edgar climbs out of the humoungous gas tank)

Edgar: Where am I? Just asking, since I'm blind. I mean, the magic eight-ball doesn't really help me...

GORE: Yeah, you're going to have to stay in there. Wait, this is still a car?

Vorpal: Then where are we getting gas, genius?

GORE: Natural gas will fuel our car. (It turns into a wagon, and Edgar runs in place of the lead horse)

Yoshiman: I can be held in a basket, like E.T.

GORE: Fine, but only to badly injure Edgar's neck.

Fred: Aye, but a ladle's every problem ye need.

Masamune: Hi!

Sapphire: A- wha... but...

Luigi: If memory serves, you're no longer part of the living.

Masa: Ah, but if my memory serves, I'm the human representation of the sword's spirit!

Luigi: We pawned it.

Masa: Oh, I got it back, though. Many had to die, and many villages were plundered, and-

GORE: Yeah, great, we don't need to hear about your lame revenge sidestory. But you're a doctor? A doctor from a sword?

Masa: It's just, well, a plot device. But I am a doctor, and I am rich.

Fred: I get a 4.9 X score bon-

Lupus: Yeah, but do you gots mad skillz? I thought not.

GORE: Well, we're tipped in a ravine. All of our food is gone, and we lost Masa to it.

Masa: But I just got- Erk!

Lupus: Okay, so we're not burying him. Why not just grab the stuff? It is a dry ravine, you know. I made it ALL BY MYSELF

GORE: Look, if you tip on a ravine, the stuff lost is gone forever. No exceptions.

Sapphire: It's right...

Yoshiman: I've been on a ravine selling bogus ferry rides for 3 weeks now. NO EXCEPTIONS.

Luigi: I guess you CAN tip things of that kind of size then.

GORE: Regardless, we need to head SouthNorth.

Sapphire: What? That's not a direction! Ahghabwel... (slumps into a coma-ish state)

Luigi: You know, I think that's the blood loss from those gunshot wounds we never took care ofawble blawrflu...

Fred: Hey, the Shotgun's finally coming out one of the holes in my chest! EEEEEEeeeout.

Masa: (Back to life) Eh, I can just rob them.

Narrator: More Mecha-Amish appear.

Mecha-Amish Commander: Not if we kill you first.

Masamune: Bring it on!

Narrator: Mecha-Amish pour into the ravine, filling it. Masamune backs away and pulls the shotgun away from Fred's chest.

Yoshiman: Just to note, I didn't actually get shot either.

Masamune: *shoots Yoshiman in the foot* QUIET!

Yoshiman: Agh!

Masamune: Oh dang, now I'm out of ammo. There's only one thing to do!

Narrator: Masamune unhooks GORE's mechanical arm and hides his own under it. He then cuts it, revealing its insides.

Masamune: Look! Look! I'm one of you! Don't kill me!

Mecha-Amish Commander: So, you accept our ways?

Masamune: All of them!

Mecha-Amish Commander: Very well. We shall kill you last.

Masamune: Yes! What?

Mecha-Amish Commander: It's already hard-wired in our programming to kill you. Sorry, can't be helped at this point.

Masamune:

Narrator: Masamune tears the antenna off of the car and swings it around. The Mecha-Amish all back away.

Mecha-Amish: Faith and begora! He hath damaged our brethren!

Mecha-Amish Commander: Stand strong! Avenge!

Masamune: Uh oh...

Golem: Hold it, hold it! I can explain EVERYTHING.

Mecha-Amish: You can?

Masa: You can? I mean, yes, explain away.

~Masa starts playing in the mud from the dried ravine.~

Golem: Well, you see, the "brethren" was actually a wagon with an antenna on it.

Masa: No... no, I'm fairly sure it was a car again.

Mecha-Amish Commander: No, there's a specific line up above: "(It turns into a wagon, and Edgar runs in place of the lead horse)"

Masa: But what is a wagon doing with an antenna?

Golem: Hmm, you bring up a good point...

Mecha-Amish Soldier #1: Wait! What if it was a car that was stuck imbetween being a wagon and a car? Due to all the time changes, you know.

Masa: But I'm not part past and part present.

Mecha-Amish Soldier #1: Well, you never changed, only the car slash wagon did.

Masa: Hmm. That is curious.

Golem: Wait, aren't you guys "Mecha-Amish" or something?

Mecha-Amish Commander: Yes...

Golem: Don't the Amish ban themselves from using modern technology?

Mecha-Amish Commander: Correct...

Golem: But aren't you modern technology?

Mecha-Amish Commander: Again, correct. What is the point of all this?

Golem: Hey guys, I got Donkey Kong: Jungle Beat with bongos the other day! Man, it's so awesome!!

~Everyone looks to Golem. Meanwhile, Masamune has built a ramp out of mud wide enough for the carwagon to use.~

Golem: Oh, right, I forgot where we were. Where were we?

~Masamune runs back into the carwagon and takes out a whip, with which he whips Edgar. Edgar runs forward, up the ramp, and jumps off, taking the car into the air and landing on the Mecha-Amish Army.~

Yoshiman: I don't know if I can charge you for ferrying your carwagon across a sea of robots...

Golem: It's time for me to be silent again, until this guy posts again.

Narrator: They ferry across the Mecha-Amish and come to a local town.

Masamune: Doctor!

Golem: You are the doctor.

Masamune: Pff. Why heal them when there's a doctor here?

Doctor: You have no money.

Masamune: I have a sword! *brandishes*

Doctor: I don't take kindly to threats. *shoots Masamune*

Masamune: Agh! Will it never end?

Golem: Obviously we need money. We should sell Edgar.

Edgar: Neigh!

Masamune: He says nay. I think we should sell... this! *holds up the mop*

Luigi: I won't miss it.

Masamune: Quiet. You're suffering.

Doctor: I don't take payment in mops.

Masamune: You'll take this payment!

Doctor: *shoots Masamune*

Masamune: . . . Fine! I shall travel to Ye Olde Pawn Shop and come back with your damned money! Ya! *whips Edgar*

Narrator: At Ye Olde Pawn Shop...

Pawner: I'll give you a penny for this mop.

Masamune: I'll take nothing less than half a penny.

Pawner: Deal.

Narrator: At the Doctor...

Masamune: Here's half a penny. Now heal them. I hate deadweight.

Doctor: I will do it for two half pennies.

Masamune: Or one.

Doctor: *shoots Masamune*

Masamune: Agh! I need a half a penny!

Golem: Or a whole penny.

Masamune: No! He said two halves!

Narrator: Just then, Masamune's evil but obviously superior twin comes riding along on a horse.

Murasame: Hey losers.

Masamune: Murasame, my evil but obviously superior twin brother! How dare you join this OG undr an alleged alias!

Murasame: Oh, did you think I could only be limited to ocassional MMEDDP cameos? No sir! My time has come, the OG world is mine! But first, I will beat you all to Oregon! *rides off*

Masamune: We have to go NOW guys. This time it's superior, even if my obviously superior twin brother will win anyways!

Vorpal: Okay, right....

Golem: *cough*

Masamune: I can't help but feel those lines were forced.

After a long silence...

Doctor: I'll do the surgery if you give me your half penny and if somebody donates an organ. Who'll it be?

Masamune:~fake coughing~ Donors say what!

Edgar: What?

Luigi: YES!

Doctor: Okay. Time to pick an organ. Eeny Meeny Miny...

Golem: Shouldn't he choose which organ?

Doctor: DON'T QUESTION MY METHODS! *shoot Masamune* I've decided! I'll take his arm.

Edgar: What?

Doctor: It's okay. You'll get a replacement.

Twenty minutes of screaming pain later...

Doctor: Well, surgery isn't as bad as I'd heard it was. Okay. Your new arm's all fixed up.

Edgar: ~holds up his new arm, which is a baguette~ what?

Doctor: You should really stop talking. Okay, now for Masamune...

Doctor: (shoots Masamune)

Golem: Didn't see that one coming.

Sapphire: Can you give us your name before people get sick of repeatedly typing just "Doctor"?

Doctor: No.

GORE: Alright people, come together under me! The Trail Leader! Remember?

Fred: No.

GORE: (shoots Masa) Exacytly! And we if we're gonna beat that rival dude to Oregon, we'd better speed up slightly! From now on, we listen to me and me only!

*GORE flings everyone into the carriage except for Edgar and then grabs Edgar's reins.*

GORE: Mush! With my leadership organizing the team, we'll be in Oregon in no time!

*Later...*

Vorpal: Why does that sign say "Welcome to New Jersey"?

GORE: Er...

Luigi: You drove us in the exact opposite direction?!!

Doctor: (shoots Masa)

Masamune: WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE???

GORE: This is not a problem. New Jersey is almost E3.

Vorpal: Except not at all.

GORE: There is that, yes.

Lupus: It's time to mutiny! All those in favor?

*All hands go up.*

Fred: Wait... what are we mutinizing against?

Lupus: Um, the bread crumb method?

GORE: We'll just turn around like so and...

Narrator: The wagon turns around and runs into another sign that says "Welcome to New Jersey."

GORE: Oh noes! We're caught in a space loop!

Fred: When did we go to space?

GORE: We'll never reach E3! We'll be trapped here forever!

Vorpal: Obviously one of these signs is lying... but which one?

GORE: Well, I already bothered to turn the wagon around, so I'll say that the second one was lying and we'll just keep moving forward without having to turn around again.

Vorpal: No! That's too logical! It's obviously the first one that was lying. We have to turn around again.

GORE: Hey, who's the trail leader here?

Vorpal: Hey, who's the one that's being blackmailed by the big secret he doesn't want revealed that Vorpal knows?

GORE: I have no idea what you're talking about. Let's just turn around and go to E3 now, eh?

*later*

AaronGuy: I think something fishy is going on! We've passed that same house eight times now!

GORE: It's not my fault! I just can't figure out a way to get out of this roundabout.

Vorpal: How about letting someone else drive?

GORE: Silence you, I am concentrating.

Golem: Why is there a house in the middle of a roundabout?

Vorpal: Why is GORE driving anyway? At least I have my license.

GORE: I have my license too. I just... I must've left it at home, that's all. What are you, a cop?

Fred: You didn't leave it at home, GORE. It's right there in your pocket.

GORE: Oh thanks Fred.

AaronGuy: There goes that house again! Nine times!

GORE: Don't worry, I've just seen a way out!

*GORE points to shadowy, ominous looking path which spirals into the distance, lined by spooky trees. The skies overhead suddenly seem covered with dark threatening clouds. Owls hoot, and thunder and lightning crashes.*

Sapph: That way leads back south east though.

GORE: Never mind that, we can just take the first turn off and circle around back north.

*GORE takes the road.*

GORE: See, I got everything under control.

Lupus: "One way road south for the next three thousand miles with absolutely no turn offs along the way so if you thought there would be looks like you got screwed?"

GORE: What?

Lupus: Didn't you read that sign?

GORE: Of course I read it. I was just hoping no one else had.

Masamune: Brilliant work, GORE!

GORE: I don't know if you're being sarcastic or not, and if you aren't I don't really understand why you are congratulating me, but thanks Masa. You're my friend too.

Masamune: Now Murasame will get to Oregon before us for sure.

Fred: Why are we even racing Murasame? Who cares if he gets there first?

Luigi: Hey, Fred's right! Who cares? Not I.

Lupus: Not me.

Edgar: Neither. I mean... neigh.

Vorpal: Can't say I care much either.

AaronGuy: Nope.

Sapph: Not really.

Golem: I could care less.

Yoshiman: Definitely not me.

GORE: That's a negative from me too.

Doctor: I care.

Luigi: Well, it's decided then. No one cares about racing Murasame!

Doctor: Didn't you listen to me!? I care!

*GORE stops the wagon*

GORE: What are you doing here, again?! Get out of the wagon now!

Doctor: Mwahaha.

Lupus: Watch out, he's going to take off his mask or do something evil!

Doctor: What? No, Golem was tickling me. Hee hee.