*A city street seemingly abandoned in midday. A newspaper blows through the streets, until it is caught in the hands of Robert Stack... Narrator.*

Narrator: One year later... A lot has changed in the life of our OGers, eh? To the point where anyone can jump in, if they really try, isn't that something? Remember Ditto McCloaker?

*The Narrator holds up the newspaper to the camera so that the headline can be clearly seen as "PRESIDENT MCCLOAKER TO BE SWORN IN".*

Narrator: Yes, it got caught me by surprise too. But there is something else linked to this that intrigues me even more. A mystery that has yet to be solved... and it all started, like many of these things do, with a party.

*Cut to New Atlantis, Masamune's own floating continent thingy. A huge banner reads "PARTY GOERS REUNION PARTY". Masamune walks out of a hut on the island excited and approaches a robotic servant.*

Masamune: How's it going? How many of those crazy old bastards have shown up?

Dargo (the robot): Errr....

*Masamune shoves Dargo out of the way and approaches the party area, which is filled with empty benches and untouched foods. The exception is one table, where Flutter and Yoshiman are taking turns chugging water.*

Masamune: What is this?!

Dargo: I'm sorry sir. I didn't want you to find out like this... we did not hear back from anyone you invited! These two did not even RSVP...

Masamune: Damn you, Dargo! I even had EVIL Scientist Dude build you out of nostalgia for this particular event! Now how am I supposed to-

*Masamune stops as he notices a mysterious third guest. She is a dark skinned woman, dressed in all black as if for a funeral, standing solemnly by the punch and looking depressed in general. Masamune steps blankly towards her.*

Masamune: Hello there Miss, do I know you?

???: ...

Masamune: Hey, lighten up. Who did you epist off?

???: ...

Masamune: It's a pun! Epistemology! Get it?

???: Oh... hello.

Masamune: Now we're getting somewhere! May I ask your name?

???: I... uh... ah, it was a mistake to come.

*The woman starts to back off.*

Masamune: Wait, come back!

Dargo: Sir! We have an approaching visitor!

Masamune: Is it Golem? It must be Golem! Good ol' Golem, always here in time to help us get the party started! Golem! Golem! Golem!

*A revving off an approaching motorcycle is heard. A stray energy blast flies out and hits Dargo. The motorcycle comes to a stop as a robot steps off of it with a grin on his face.*

Masamune: (delusional look on his face) Golem?

Mega Man X: Stop right there! When I'm done with this story, you won't need that Golem dweeb ever again! Let's make this... something interesting!

*Masamune blankly turns over and sees the lady in black was gone.*

Masamune: Well buggrem.

Narrator: That is how it began. The greatest of all the unsolved mysteries I have ever been involved with in my life and death. It all began with the mystery of Zora, the Lady in Black...

Mega Man X: So check this out. HRRRRRGH!

*X flexes and wings pop out of his helmet. See:


X: Yeah, totally awesome, right? I could only take so much of Talking Wing Cap Mario Toy's hilarious one-liners and spotlight stealing, so I assimilated him into my system! It's-a me, X!

Masamune: Shut up, X. I'm too lazy to look up if I ever actually liked you.

X: I don't think we ever interacted. So now's as good a time as any to start! Let's just sit down and have a little tea, have a couple cakes--pancakes, y'know?

Masamune: We don't have either of those.

X: And you knew I was coming? You burn me deep.

Masamune: ~backhands X~ Oh, ow. ~puts on a gauntlet and backhands X~ You! Who was that woman you just chased off?

X: Never seen her before. Unless she was a waitress at the IHOP.

Masamune: Yes, yes, your personality's been established now, let's move on. If only I had gotten a good look at her...

Yoshiman: ~holds up a sketch of the Lady in Black~ Actually, think I might've seen her before...



Yoshiman: ...Nope, not ringing any bells!

Masamune: Mr. Mann, I dub thee a thief and a liar and I demand that you be thrown off this floating island!

Yoshiman: I thought this island was a nesting ground for thieves and liars.

Masamune: Aye, be that as it may it looks like you'll be joining my crew. You...and, hmm... ~looks back and forth between Flutter, who is passed out drunk, and X, who is bouncing excitedly and waving his hand~ ...Flutter! Every good pirate crew needs a drunk!

X: But...

Masamune: Don't worry son, someday you'll get your chance. Maybe. Probably not. Your maker never did love you.

X: But...

Masamune: ~grabs the sketch from Yoshiman and writes "Have You Seen This Lady We're Stalking?" across the bottom~ Men! To the Copy Store! Trueseal Munes is back!

*As Masamune and Yoshiman run off dragging Flutter, X sulks for a moment over the food table before glancing at the smoldering remains of Dargo.*

X: Hmm...no! No way! For what would Trueseal Munes be without his trusty android inspector sidekick...? ~walks over to Dargo and starts fiddling with the remains~

Narrator: And that was the story of how Mega Man X won his way back into the hearts of OGers everywhere. Or...might win his way back, anyway.

~as Masamune, Flutter, and Yoshiman head to the New Atlantis landing bay, they stop at the main office. Masamune's secretary stops him~

Penny: Excuse me, sir. You have a meeting.

Masamune: I'm busy.

Penny: It's the Secretary of State, sir.

Masamune: *peers past the hallway where sure enough, Dodo waits* He's probably not hear to play my Watson. *pauses* Something's come up. I need you to clear my schedule for the week.

Penny: *sighs* If you say so, sir. What should I tell him?

Masamune: That I'm probably going to end up saving the world. Again.

Flutter: *sits down on the desk, combs his feathers back on his head with his hands, and gives a beaky smile* Well my schedule is completely free, baby. I've got a six pack of mineral water with our name on it.

Penny: *smiles thinly* No thank you.

Masamune: Shut up you two! Cod Almighty, I hate working with reptiles.

~soon enough they are on board the latest model of the S.S. Swordefeller. For some reason he doesn't have a crew now. Don't ask why~

Masamune: Flutter, you man the sails. Yoshiman, you find some shorts to wear.

Flutter: Do I even know you?

Yoshiman: I saw him in GMOG2.

Masamune: *presses a button behind the tiller* We'll be needing some drinks. *releases the button* Now, we're off to the nearest Office Max... in Rocketsville.

Yoshiman: Isn't Boston a lot closer?

Masamune: Shut up.

~Rhykette slides on in carrying a tray full of coconut drinks with little umbrella straws. For some reason she's dressed like a hula girl~

Masamune: Ahh. *sips coconut drink* Now this is the life. *pulls off his jacket, revealing a bright, flowery shirt underneath. He then replaces his hat with one made of straw*

Rhykette: Uh, yeah. I appreciate you hiring me... you know, since my OG career has been kind of dead in this timeline, but do I have to wear this?

Masamune: It comes with the job.

~the Swordefeller finally departs from New Atlantis. On the side, attached, there is a banner on the ship reading "Continental Cruises!" followed by pricing and a website address~

Rhykette: But it's just you three today.

~Meanwhile, below decks, a figure walks out who looks just like Dargo, but NOT like Dargo, because he has all kinds of unnecessary ornamental spikes on him and an arm cannon he never had before. To be purely technical he looks just like X, only with Dargo's distinctive handlebar mustache~

Dargo-X: Now we'll see whose maker loves who. Which is me. The made. Who is loved. Yes!

Narrator: And so continued the saga of the Swordefeller's fated trip to the local Office Max on the other side of the country. If only Trueseal Munes knew what he was really getting himself into...

Eventually, they arrive at Rocketsville's Office Max.

Masa: Okay, remember where we parked.

Yoshiman and Flutter: Aye.

They descend from the Swordfeller on a rope ladder while its still hovering in the air above the Office Max parking lot. They enter the Office Max and approach the desk, flier of Zora in Masa's hand.

Masa: *rings bell on desk* Hello?

From behind the desk pops up a familiar face. Attached to that face is a pair of feet standing on a stool and a pair of stubs that found their way to the countertop. Around that face is a red hood and on that hood is an Office Max name tag with the name "Jed" on it.

Jed: Hello, sir, and welcome to Office Max, where we have the maximum amount of office anywh- Oh, hey, Masa!

Masa: Jed? You work here?

Jed: Yeah, I don't have a job in this continuity and they were hiring, so... *shrug* ...*leans in close to Masa and whispers* I have a feeling I got this job because of Affirmative Action, though. *leans back and returns to his chipper employee disposition* So, what can I help you with?

Masa: I need about 500 copies of this flier. *hands Jed the sketch*

Jed: *looks at the sketch* Hm... I think I recognize her.

Masa: No, you don't; stop pretending that you do.

Jed: Aye, sir. Okay, 500 copies, that's *rings it up on cash register* 50 dollars. *smiles*

Masa: Oh, uh... this is awkward.

Jed: Hm?

Masa: See, I wasn't planning on paying... I'm a pirate... all three of us are pirates.

Masa, Yoshiman, and Flutter: *hold out cutlasses, save for Masa's Masamune* ARRRRGH! *put them away and go back to idly standing at the counter*

Jed: Huh... this IS awkward. ...Well, this job is getting kind of boring. If I make you guys the copies, can I come with you guys while you look for... "This Lady We're Stalking"?

Masa: Yeah, sure. No portals, though, unless I say so.

Jed: Hmmmm.... Okay, deal. I'll have these ready in a minute. Maybe longer, 500's a lot.

Masa: I know how much 500 is; I wanna find this woman.

Jed: Alright, alright. *goes and makes the copies*

Masa: Men.

Yoshiman and Flutter give no sign of response as they space out while looking around the store.

Masa: Due to these circumstances, I think it's pretty to safe to do this... *narrows his eyes, complete with close-up* We pillage.

Yoshiman and Flutter snap to attention: Aye, sir. *they go around and start nabbing all the office supplies they can stuff in their clothing*

After a while, they come back to Masa with their clothing stretching to the seams, especially Yoshiman.

Masa: I told you those shorts would be necessary.

Yoshiman: Aye, sir.

Jed: *comes back with a very large stack of fliers* Well, here ya go, lemme grab my scythe and turn in my name tag. *looks out from behind the stack* It'll only be a min- ...did you guys put on weight since you were standing there?

Flutter: That... is exactly what happened.

Jed: Alright, then. That's kinda weird, but okay. *goes off somewhere, presumably to his boss's office and then comes back shortly* Well, I wasn't here long, but I think I might still get a good reference out of this. Nothing catastrophic happened during my shift, so... yay.

Masa: We're kind of in a hurry, cmon now.

Jed: *puts his stub to his head* Aye, sir! *grabs his scythe from behind the counter and hops over it*

They proceed outside where the floating Swordfeller is waiting.

Jed: *surveying the parking lot* So, which car is you guys'?

Masa: Up a little higher, Jed.

Jed: *looks up at the Swordfeller* Ohhhh. Neat.

They all head up the rope ladder and onto the main deck.

Jed: This is really nice. I've never seen a flying pirate ship before.

Masa: *proud* Yeah, it's pretty impressive.

All of a sudden, Dargo-X crashes through the main deck's floor on a motorcycle and lands next to the hole is created*

Masa: AAAAH! What the HELL?! Why do you have a motorcycle on my ship?! I'm not covered for that! *holds his head in distress* For Cod's sake, you could've just used the stairs like a normal person...

Yoshiman: You have insurance? I thought you were a lawless pirate.

Masa: That's the problem, I DON'T have insurance! It's just such a pain to repair this ship.

Dargo-X: Enough ignoring me! I WILL become your side-kick even if it kills me! And by me, I mean you... and possibly the rest of you.

Well, this is effin' frightening. How will these assorted pirates get outta THIS one? Seriously, how?

Narrator: But it doesn't matter, because that particular skirmish never began, and it's all thanks to..

Man's voice: JED! *From behind them, a man runs out of the store and up onto the Swordfeller. He is dressed in black shoes, pressed black pants, a tucked-in, white collared short-sleeved T-shirt with a red tie and an Office-Max name tag, which reads:*

Jed: Retro? Uhh, didn't think you were working today. *Shifty eyesI WROTE IT OUT INSTEAD HAH*

Retro: These days I do nothing but work...except for right now, because I was fired.

Jed: Why?

Mune: Yes, why oh stranger, why don't you tell us all why you're interrupting other people's important affairs?

Retro: I will.

Dargo-X: *Sigh* Get on with it!

Retro: It all started when *flash-back sequence occurs* I arrived at work about ten minutes ago. I was putting away office supplies when suddenly these two hooligans who looked a little like they were from Super Mario World or something, knocked me over and took all of the supplies and stuffed them into their clothing. I was dumbfounded that they would steal supplies, let alone wear clothes to stash them in. Since it happened on my shift and Jed mysteriously left, the manager fired me. *Rips off name tag and throws it overboard* So basically, I came all the way up here to fill you in on that.

Dargo-X: ...Is that it?

Retro: Yeah!

Dargo-X: Well then, let's get back to business. Because It's time to get serious. *Charges up his buster and begins to change color but is hit in the face with a stapler and tumbles overboard* CURSE YOUUUUUUuuuuuuuu....*Suddenly looks around and notices he only fell about 40 ft* Oh. Darn.

Masa: Get this thing out of here, pronto!

*Silence*

Masa: All of you are on my ship. Therefore, you WORK ON IT. *Backhands Retro, who knocks into Jed, who knocks into Flutter, who knocks into Yoshiman. They all fall backwards, quickly get up and run around in a panic (as well as into eachother) trying to get into position* Rhykette!

Rhykette: *Is suddenly there a second later* What?

Masa: You think I have more than one reason to call you?

Rhykette: Good point. *Leaves and then returns with some drinks* Wait, this is demoralizing!

Masa: So?

Rhykette: Good point. *Walks off*

Narrator: And so the S.S. Swordfeller rockets off into the sky and deep into the clouds. Below, a emotionally crushed X sits and ponders.

X: This isn't fair. My maker loves me, and I deserve the maker's love more than anyone. If only I could make love all the time..

???: I'll help you.

X: Why?

???: You'll find out in a second.

OoC: I dunno if they have anything to do in Rocketsville, so I'll keep em there for now.

The Swordfeller soars over Rocketsville majestically. ...Well, not really, it's sorta nose-diving.

The entire crew: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Masa, holding onto his hat: Yoshiman, pull up! Pull UP!

Yoshiman: I'm sorry, I dunno how! I just thought it'd be cool to steer the ship!

Masa: *frustrated sigh* Alright! *lets go of the guard rail in the front of the ship that everyone else except Yoshiman was hanging onto, dodges the mast pole and gains a grip on the guardrail that's in front of the wheel*

He takes one of his hands off the rail and uses it to grab a hold of Yoshiman and fling him to the mast pole as hard as he can, who clings to the pole when he makes contact with it. Masa lets go of the rail with his other hand and grabs a hold of the wheel and slowly plants his feet on the ground. With all his might, Masa pulls the wheel towards him since it acts like the controls of an airplane and the ship eventually rights itself safely.

The rest of the crew gather their bearings and get up off the ground; Yoshiman is still clinging to the mast pole. Masa switches auto-pilot on because his ship has that and walks towards the crew, taking a moment to stop and glare at Yoshiman before continuing.

Masa: ....Alright, that was pretty bad. From now on, I'm ASSIGNING you guys positions. Let's see... you. Retro, was it? You seem like a non-idiot so you'll be our navigator. Flutter can keep manning the sails, Rhykette can keep getting me drinks, and I guess I'LL have to steer.

Yoshiman: I thought I could do it!

Masa: Last time I believe you. Now then, Jed, you're the smallest of our group, so that means you're up in the crow's nest. Here's this tiny scope *hands him it*

Jed: Cool. ...Hm, I should change into pirate clothing.

Masa: That's not really necessary.

Jed: No no, it's fine, I like getting into character. *takes off his hood*

Masa: There will be no male disrobing on this ship, that's an ORDER! ...Actually, given the current circumstances, there'll be no disrobing period...

Jed: Don't worry. *puts the opening of his hood on his head, pulls the cloth tightly to his head and ties the loose parts into a knot for a makeshift pirate-looking hat* Ta-da!

Masa: Huh... that's actually not bad-looking.

Jed: Thanks! *takes the scope and climbs the pole mast, into the crow's nest*:


Retro: So... where are we going, Masa?

Masa: ...I'll get back to ya.

Yoshiman, approaching Masa: What will I do?

Masa: YOU'RE gonna fix that shrackin' hole in the deck and then swab the deck for almost killing us!

Yoshiman: Ehh... Aye, sir... *goes below deck*

Rhykette comes up from below deck after Yoshiman passes, the lei on her head askew.

Rhykette: ...What the HELL happened?

Narrator: The lady in black and Dargo-X arrive at an office building in Rocketsville. The lady shows him downstairs to a plumbing business. Half of the room is lit by the sun--there are windows near the ceiling, at ground level--and half is cast in shadows for being underground.

X: If you thought I meant that kind of love, I'm sorry but you'll have to resist my handlebar mustache. Though I am looking for action,--

Narrator: A high-pitched laugh erupts from the shadows. A short, scrawny man wearing a mask walks out of the shadows. The mask is a face of a young, attractive blonde woman, over which he wears a pair of sunglasses.

Man: Ms. Z, who have you brought?

Lady in Black: Someone who only wants to be loved.

X: ~fiddling with his mustache~ By that I mean I want to kick so much ass that everyone bows down to me and loves me. True love. Plus, that Masamune guy was mouthing off about my motorcycle, he’s going to be the first to get it.

Man: I see. An arrangement between us would be… mutually beneficial.

X: That pause was pretty ominous.

Man: No, er, I just couldn’t think of the phrase I wanted. Anyway, I can give you the power necessary to overcome Masamune and his gang.

X: Why are you helping me, uh,…

Man: Call me the Sub Boss. I’m helping because we have a mutual enemy.

X: Well, I kinda figured that was your angle, but do you have any, you know, proof you’re not tricking me?

Sub Boss: Ms. Z, show him the proof.

Narrator: The lady in black pulls a string hanging from the ceiling, and a 16-ton weight falls on X’s head, knocking him out. That’s how robots work, too. Try it at home. Soon, X wakes up. He is restrained, strapped to a chair. He has yet another upgrade. His armor is now a tannish color, the color of pastries…

X: Ugh… what’d you do?

Sub Boss: Your buster now has the ability to shoot Scone Missiles.

X: How delicious!

SB: Yes, well, M. Bison is another matter. Scones are such an obscure reference that you should have the element of surprise on your side, and at the same time, scones are irresistibly delicious.

X: I want to try one! Right now!

SB: No! You must stay focused. Remember your mission!

X: Right! I just want to be loved! ~tries to get up~ Oh, uh.

SB: Ms. Z? ~the lady in black goes over to X’s chair and undoes the straps~ Sorry about that. We don’t have time to earn your trust, but believe me, once you try those missiles on Masamune and his gang, you’ll know you can trust us.

X: ~now standing up~ One more thing. Do you know how I can find those dweebs again?

Ms. Z: They were wandering around the skies of Rocketsville, I don’t think they know what they’re doing.

Narrator: As she spoke, all sunlight in the room was blotted out by a passing shadow.

Ms. Z: That’s probably them.

Narrator: All three went over to a window and looked up. And yup, it was the S. S. Swordfeller.

SB: Take over that ship, and you've got it made. Take the flying manhole cover just outside.

X: Looks like it's time for Epistemology 101, and I'm the professor!

Ms. Z: Do you think he'll be able to throw Masamune off my trail?

SB: He just has to distract him. Operation: Sweet Sixteen is near completion. We need to be ready.

~Back on the Swordefeller... above a bank~

Clerk: I'm sorry, sir. But your healthcare insurance doesn't allow that.

Masamune: I'm immortal! I don't need it!

Clerk: But is legally required to run a business because of the-

Masamune: Yes, yes. The McCloaker administration. *sighs* I'm over five hundred years old. These payments are killing me. There's no amount of injury a person could take that would ever equal the amount of money I pay monthly. I don't need it!

Clerk: I'm sorry, sir. If you'd like, I can make a smaller withdrawal.

Masamune: *sighs* How much?

Clerk: Five dollars and thirty-three cents.

Masamune: Fine. I'll take it.

~later... at the local McDonalds~

Yoshiman: Hey! Where's our food?

Masamune: I don't pay you two. You don't even work for me.

~Flutter and Yoshiman stand with their mouths slightly agape~

Rhykette: I do.

Masamune: Yes, but you don't eat.

Rhykette: -_-

Retro: I wish I had a job so I could afford food.

KoD: *is chowing down a tray full of hamburgers* Hrumph scarf-- huh? Oh, Retro, you're blocking my view of that girl over there. I had this idea where I would portal out of--

Masamune: No portals, remember?

KoD: Awww....

~when suddenly thugs wearing Luigi_64 masks bust in. They take positions all around the restaurant. The last of them enters and she is decidedly female~

Luigi_64 Woman: Alright! We know you have a Gamehiker in here! Surrender and no one gets hurt!

Masamune: *stands up* I don't think so. I can't die and the only other person I'm vaguely concerned about is my employee, who is a robot.

Luigi_64 Woman: This can go down one of two ways. You tell us where Pablo GORE-ILLA is or...

Masamune: Or what?

Luigi_64 Woman: We blow up the Swordefeller.

Masamune: YOU WOULDN'T- oh wait, yeah. You probably would. Man this happens way too much.

Luigi_64 Woman: Well?

Masamune: JED! PORTAL TIME!

KoD: Huh!? Oh yeah!

~KoD jumps into a portal, followed by Rhykette and Retro. Masamune throws a table at Flutter and Yoshiman and jumps through~

Luigi_64 Woman: Hmph. What do with you two...

Flutter: I have a lovely singing voice.

~two of the L64 goons walk up from behind them and plunk Luigi_64 masks on them. The two suddenly stand upright like they're OMG HYPNOTIZED~

----

Narrator: And as for our heroes...

Penny: *idly reads a magazine* Huh? What the-

~suddenly from her cleavage a portal opens. Jed, Rhykette, Retro, and Masamune all jump out~

Penny: I- You- My- How-

Masamune: *carefully pulls off a bra from the top of his head* .... JEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!!

Penny: You little...!

Barbershop Triumpirate: Fresh goes better! Mentos freshness! Fresh goes better with Mentos, fresh and full of life!

KoD: *shakes head, smiles, and pulls out Mentos*

~everyone else smiles and nods understandingly~

Retro: Now what?

Masamune: We have to go... to my step-dad.

~the scene starts to end~

KoD: But how? We left the Swordefeller behind.

Masamune: *sigh* We'll take the Intergalactic Bus.

----

Narrator: Back at the McDonalds, however.

Dargo-X: *bursts in through the skylight that McDonalds totally have* HA! ... oh's empty. But the Swordefeller is here.

Cashier: Can I help you?

Dargo-X: ... yeah, I'll take a number 3.

----

Narrator: At the GORE-ILLA residence, things are far more... reminscent of the last OGs?

~GORE-ILLA sits in a large chair beside the fireplace, dressed in a purple evening robe. He has on reading glasses, is smoking a bubble pipe, and reading a large book titled "Mating Rituals Of Cross-Species Robots"~

GORE-ILLA: This bit about dating is very interesting, Topanga.

MPOM: ~cradles an infant Ronnie~ Yes, dear.

GORE-ILLA: We're such a wonderful couple.

~suddenly the door busts open, which seems to be happening a lot here, and Masamune arrives with his gang of tag-alongs~

MPOM: Oh, Masa dear. You remembered my birthday.

Masamune: I- wait, I did? I mean, GORE!

GORE-ILLA: Son.

Masamune: *grits teeth* You're not really my dad. She's not even really my mother.

MPOM: INITIATE MOTHERLY GUILT TRIP! Oh... after all those years I raised you, how could you-

Masamune: Okay, okay! I'm sorry! *sighs* GORE, I need to-

GORE-ILLA: Hush, you'll wake your brother.

Masamune: HE'S NOT MY- wait, why is he a baby again?

GORE-ILLA: Your grandpa got him out of his rebellious teenager phase.

Masamune: *pinches bridge of nose* ... okay. Listen. People are looking for you.

GORE-ILLA: Aren't they always?

Masamune: Because of Luigi 64.



GORE-ILLA: I'm not sure we needed a flashback.

Masamune: Oh fine. ((See issue 287!)

Retro: Actually I found it helpful. I wasn't there.

KoD: Yeah, but I read the archive.

GORE-ILLA: Very well. *sighs, takes off the robe, puts the pipe away, and shuts the book* Topanga dear, take little Ronnie to my parents. I'll take care of this.

MPOM: Yes dear. *transforms into a F-1 Fighter jet and takes off with Ronnie through the roof*

Rhykette: Why can't I do that?

Masamune: Alright, now we can-

GORE-ILLA: *punches Masamune in the face*

Masamune: OWW! *gets up and cradles a bloody nose* What the hell!?

GORE-ILLA: Knock next time.

*MPOM transforms into normal form while approaching EVIL Scientist Dude's lab with Ronnie. Police cars surround the lab, as EVIL Scientist Dude is led out by several officers.*

EVIL Scientist Dude: This is truly unspeakable! No one gets arrested in this series!

Chief Sigmund: (puffs on cigeratte) You can thank President Ditto to that. He's opened up a nice and cozy little federal prison for all you scumwads.

Officer: Ey, Chief! Ain't that the Mobile Pirate-Operated Mother?

*Chief Sigmund looks towards MPOM, who shifters into a fighter robot mode equipped with a giant feather duster.*

Chief Sigmund: Mobile Pirate Operated Mother, you are wanted for the crime of trying to take over some type of space. Boys, let's take 'er down.

MPOM: Activate Son Protection Mode.

*The MPOM flies forward and begins cutting through the officers with the feather duster.*

EVIL Scientist Dude: That's my girl!

*Chief Sigmund sighs and blows into his cigeratte, which causes a jet of flames to fly out and torch MPOM. MPOM falls down to the ground in a mess.*

Chief Sigmund: Send her into the van with Wolfenstein here.

Officer: Whadowe do with the kid?

Chief Sigmund: His other legal guardian is another convict. Send him to the grandfather through adoption... that Master Yoshi guy. That way no one will feel entitled to continue his subplot.

Officer: Yessir.

***

*Masa, GORE, Retro, KoD, and Rhykette step out from the house.*

Retro: We've got quite the party already.

Masa: You know the one other person we need.

GORE: (sighs) Fine.

*GORE walks over to the dumpster at the side of the house and pounds on it. Luiigii sticks his head out.*

Luiigii: Whazzat?

GORE: My eyes are bleeding from just having to look at you, and I don't even have blood. Let's go.

Luiigii: Aw man, my one weekend without the missus and you guys drag me out on another of these things!

Masamune: Gentlemen?

*Everyone proceeds to take turns pummelling Luiigii mercilessly. Then, a red dot appears on GORE's skull, followed by a bullet.*

GORE: Ow. Why is it that people are only pushed out of the way when they can't survive a bullet wound?

KoD: There's the culprit!

*A small and nimble female monkey wearing army fatigures with a cap and blonde hair tied in a ponytail is seen on the nearby rooftop with a sniper rifle in hand. Her expression is grim.*

Dixie Kenya: That was for my uncle. This is for me!

*Dixie Kenya tosses her sniper rifle into the air and leaps down to face the OGers while pulling out a knife. She lands on the ground facing them, catching her sniper rifle in her other hand.*

Dixie Kenya: I'm wanted for every crime known to man, except these. Now die!

OoC: Humble request- leave the inevitable jailbreak to I and send as many villains as possible to this prison?

OoC FROM MASAMUNE: Yoshiman and Flutter aren't with them anymore. Way to not pay attention.

~Meanwhile, a curious scene was taking place in a jail. A Breakout. Cry about it, GORE.

~Lynel holds Straw Man horizontally in front of himself, using him to bounce a curled-up SteveT against the brick wall of their cell. The bricks disappear as SteveT hits them, since, y'know, he's heavy and they're crumbly. SteveT breaks through after a few more hits and lands in the surrounding moat. Lynel throws Straw Man in after and then jumps onto the two constructs' shoulders.~

SteveT: Yeah, forget that. ~heaves Lynel off himself and into the water~

Lynel: NOOOOO! WET WET WET!

Straw Man: I'm burning! Burning!

SteveT: Enough. If I had a nose you would both smell terrible right now.

Straw Man: We must be in Bismarck!

SteveT: It's Denmark. Something smells in the state of Denmark.

Lynel: I have a nose.

Straw Man: I broke it yesterday.

Lynel: No you didn't.

Straw Man: ~rips off his thumb and holds it up~ Got your nose!

Lynel: ~checks his face~ No you don't!

SteveT: I am seriously going to tear you both in half if we don't get out of this moat in the next five seconds.

~Twenty minutes later, they've left the moat. Some hours of bickering after that, they arrive in a city wearing Groucho Glasses and chomping plastic cigars.~

SteveT: So how did this happen? I guess it's time for a VILLAINOUS MONOLOGUE to elaborate. So a couple months ago I had it made. After destroying the heart of the Donkeyman, I gained all of his power and none of his responsibility. You really couldn't ask for more than that. President of UPN, a horde of Mariorockses--

Straw Man: Mariorocksi.

SteveT: --that I could slaughter to my heart's content, even the ability to raise the dead into my servitude, though mostly just to slaughter them again. I was...dare I say it...happy. A little bored, but you can't complain. Then one day, some sissy little man from the EPA walks into my office and tells me that my "Lovely Lady Tanks" are killing the environment, since that much concentrated hawtness has a drastic effect on global warming. Furthermore, he tells me that all of the Mariorocks corpses that I've been throwing away are clogging landfills, which is total bull since there's no public link whatsoever to me and those corpses; Straw Man and Lynel are the ones that have been throwing them away. It's almost as if they'd been tipped off...

Straw Man: I did it.

SteveT: So I was arrested and stripped of my rank and power. But now I'm going back to UPN to kick someone's a--

~SteveT is struck by a getaway van and goes flying down the street, though the van is in much worse shape. The L64 goons crawl out and look at the damage, i.e. the fact that the front half is now more or less caved into the back half.~

Luigi_64 Woman: Ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffinger lickin' good. I mean, bad. This was our only van.

Straw Man: I'll fix it. I'm a licensed proctologist.

~SteveT limps back up to the group and stares at them for a moment, namely their headgear.~

SteveT: Oh god. I thought I killed him. That...was a warm feeling. Probably just brought on by standing by the window too long, but anyway.

Luigi_64 Woman: Shut up you inbred!

SteveT: I'm an animate suit of armor. What part of that is "bred"?

Luigi_64 Woman: AS IF you could kill Luigi_64, you weak little woodcutter!

SteveT: Lady, you're just a-movin' on up the murder list.

Straw Man & Lynel: ~throw their hands up and sway~ A-mooooovin' on uuuuup! Toooo thee sky! Looks like you is finally gonna die!

Luigi_64 Woman: We don't have time for this. ~turns to the others~ Bust a cap, yo!

SteveT: You think bullets are going to hurt me?

~The L64 goons collectively pull out tommy guns and open fire. SteveT tries to ignore them, but the sheer number of bullets overwhelms him and throws him to the ground in a mangled heap. The goons run off.~

SteveT: Ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffine. Yeah, fine! Run away!

Straw Man: ~leans down next to SteveT~ Hmm...what ya got here is a buncha snow on your roof.

Lynel: I'll get the crowbar.

Luiigii: You think we're scared of one little monkey? Please. *whips out his laser sword* This may be useless against practically everything, but it can still deflect bullets.

???: Ae'd be thanking ye kindly that ye not forget me.

Luiigii: What the--- no!

~from the ground emerges a dwarf with a horned helmet and an axe the size he is~

Masamune: Ye gads! It's a gnome!

Thrakun: That be dwarf, ye pointy-eared elf! Ae'll have yer gizzard for that!

Retro: *reaches into his pockets and pulls out dual staplers* Does this happen to you bunch a lot?

GORE: Shut up! You guys handle the dwarf, me and the monkey have to tango!

~GORE charges at Dixie Kenya, who does backflips in the air and lands on a dumpster. She fires several shots from her sniper rifle, which all go straight into GORE again. Enraged he runs towards her and lifts the dumpster and throws it into a nearby wall. She jumps off it and catches the side of a window on the adjacent wall and fires more shots from her rifle before landing again and headbutting GORE.

Enraged, GORE tries to grab her but she's too fast and is on the move again. He starts running after her down an alleyway, but she keeps picking up bits of junk and hobos and throwing them at him, impeding his progress. They finally reach a dead end, leaving her cornered. GORE engages his ultimate punch deluxe action and starts swinging rapidly, but she continues to evade each blow with surprising ease, whipping back with her ponytail.~

Dixie Kenya: Give up yet!? And to think my uncle thought you were deserving prey!

GORE: Stand still and you'll see how deserving and prayerful I am!

Dixie Kenya: I don't think so! I could do this all day!

~GORE growls and suddenly gets an idea. He punches at her again and she dodges, but this time he keeps the momentum and his fist lands in the wall. The building in front of them gives way and the two are buried in a ton of bricks~

----

~Meanwhile, with the others~

Thrakun: Ye fight like me harlot elven ex-wife!

Masamune: I'm not an elf! The ears are... I don't know, shut up!

~Masamune swings at Thrakun, but it caugh by the end of the axe and he's thrown into a nearby brick wall. Retro jumps on him from behind and manages to staple his eyelids shut, but Thrakun smashes back into the wall and knocks Retro off. He goes blow to blow with Jed, but eventually Thrakun catches the scythe in his teeth and wrenches it away, followed by a kick to Jed's head. Thrakun and Luiigii cross blades~

Thakun: A razor, lad? Ye buy me a razor for Father's Day?

Luiigii: I thought you needed one! You never shave!

Thrakun: I'M A DWARF!

Luiigii: You're a terrible father-in-law!

Thrakun: Only because ye didn't ask to court ma wee daughter!

Luiigii: Oh. Yeah, I guess that would've been a good idea.

~the two recoil off one another. Thrakun roars and the staples flies off his eyelids. Luiigii forms a ball of fire in his hand and attempts to use it to burn Thrakun, but he can barely even keep the battle axe from crushing him. Yes, Thrakun somehow has a magical battle axe, get over it. From a distance Retro starts firing staples out as if they were bullets and plants several in Thrakun's arm, but they unsurprisingly have no effect~

Retro: I need better weapons.

KoD: My scythe has bite marks in it.

Masamune: *walks on beside them* What do you think, should I grow a beard?

~they dodge as Luiigii is thrown past them. The hobo gets back up and runs over to Thrakun again~

KoD: I don't think it's you.

Retro: Where'd Rhykette go?

Masamune: *jerks thumb back* Payphone. To call the police, of course.

~Luiigii flies past them again, but he gets on back up and runs over again~

Retro: Should we help him?

Masamune: *checks watch* Yeah, probably.

~the three of them run back into the battle. Retro starts stapling Thrakun's beard to the ground, Jed creates a portal under only one of Thrakun's feet, while Masamune tries to restrain his axe arm. Luiigii uses the opportunity to fill Thrakun's face with fire, but all it does is leave his face comically covered with soot. After much effort, they finally have him subdued with staples holding him down all around him~

Thrakun: This ain't over lads!

~GORE walks over, looking particularly dented but otherwise fine~

GORE: Did I miss anything?

~Chief Sigmund and the police arrive, accompanied by Rhykette~

Sigmund: Alright boys, round them up.

~Police Officers slap cuffs on Thrakun and Dixie and escort them to the Paddy Wagon~

Police Officer: What about those people?

Sigmund: Hmmm... A pirate, an ex-Doomhiker, and Murasame's ex-apprentice.

KoD: I'm the anthropomorphic personification of death. Part time.

Sigmund: I'd book the lot of you, but it would be too much paperwork since you're not doing anything illegal at the moment.

Masamune: Much obliged, officer.

Sigmund: Bah!

~the police exit stage left~

Rhykette: Well at least that's taken care of.

Masamune: Woman! Where's my--

Rhykette: Right here, sir. *whips up a coconut drink*

Masamune: ... ah. Good job then.

Narrator: Sigmund and the police, as well as their as the two prisoners, arrive at the local jail to see it in absolute bedlam. Er, sort of.

Sigmund: *Sticks his head out of the window* What the sam hell happened here?

*A young patrolmen runs over to the paddy wagon that Sigmund was driving and fills him in on the recent breakout.*

Sigmund: Whaaaat?! Well aren't you looking for them?

Patrolman: *Sighs* Yes, sir, but they've given us quite a good slip. All of the other prisoners are getting rowdy and violent as well, and we're having trouble calming them down.

Sigmund: BAH! Well what are they doing? *He looks to the patrolman, who points towards to hole in the wall made by Steve-T. Every single criminal locked up in the prison is trying to squeeze through at once, creating a huge block.* Oh. God. *He suddenly hears Thrakun grunt in the back seat and looks back at him*

Thrakun: Ye there, police man! Aye'll calm these delinquents down for yeh, just lemme in there.

Sigmund: You think you can quell this uprising?

Thrakun: Aye. I'll smack em' a bit, they'll be feelin' it in the mornin'. *He nods sternly at Sigmund* Just one thing, promise me ya'll let me go if I doo.

Sigmund: Yeah fine, you don't seem that dangerous to me.

Thrakun: *Tries to smile sincerely*

~Moments later, an entire mountain of unconscious convicts lay underneath Thrakun as he stands there proudly sporting his axe on his shoulder. He jumps down off of them all when the Warden comes in.~

Warden: You did this? How-*Is backhanded by Thrakun*

Thrakun: Ye call yerself a Warden? Cannae not even handle yer own inmates? Well I think I'll be showin' you just how it's done in Scotland!

*The Warden grabs his face in pain and shrugs at Sigmund*

Thrakun: Okae! Listen up! I want all te' arse bandits on one side of the room, the rest of you bowfin' buffoons on the other side!

Sigmund: Eh? What's that?

Patrolman: Ah, sir, I'm a bit familiar with the Scottish vernacular, let me clarify. *Ahem* Okay! He said he wants the homosexuals on one side, the rest of the prisoners on the other!

Thrakun: Aye. And there'll be no sexual congress conducted here on my watch. Now get out of me sight the lot of ya. *Walks off, but shouts* Lockdown! *But he fails to notice Dixie Kenya slipping out of the hole in the wall at the last minute*

Narrator: Meanwhile, Masa and the particular group traveling with him board the Intergalactic Bus and take off to go...somewhere?

Masa: Okay, I think we should finally start putting up these fliers I spent good money on. Each of you take one just so you can memorize the face of the person we're stalking.

Jed: We're stalking someone now? Neat.

Retro: *Finishes analyzing the poster* But why?

Masa: Because it's the burning desire in me that's undermining my very soul. My SOUL, dammit. So we're gonna stalk her, and we'll stalk her good.

Luigi: I was woken up for this?!

GORE: Better to be woken up than shut up.

Luigi: What's that supposed to-*Is socked in the face*

GORE: I propose we start asking the underground as to her whereabouts.

Masa: I was thinking we post up the fliers around some convenience stores, but that also works.

GORE: Yeah, well, you'd be surprised where some convenience stores lead.

Narrator: Several moments later, the Intergalactic Bus stops by a simple convenience store as planned. Once they all enter, a middle-eastern man looks up to greet them.

Arab Dude: Oh, welcome!~

Narrator: But we'll cut from here back to the Rocketsville McDonalds. I'm such a tease!

Dargo-X: Mmm-Mmm-MM! That was some really awful food! Why do I keep coming back to this place?

Narrator: Dargo-X stares off into space to ponder his question for a period of time lasting as long as it takes to pick his thread back up again. Okay, now we'll go back to the convenience store.

Arab Dude: Oh, welcome!~

GORE: Yeah, you said that thirty seconds ago! I replied with, "The rain in Spain stays mainly in the secret underground.

Arab Dude: Oh, sorry. You must've said it during the brief time the story was unfolding elsewhere. Okay, you know the password. Just open the refridgerator door that has all the Vault and assorted off-brand sodas on it.

Retro: *opens the door to reveal a staircase leading downwards, the Vault and assorted off-brand sodas only being a picture pasted onto the glass.* What if someone actually wants a Vault?

Arab Dude: Oh-ho-ho! You are very funny man! Now go before anyone sees you.

Masa: Hold up guys. I'm hanging up a flier here on the bulletin. Okay. Let's go.

Narrator: Masamune, Jed, Retro, GORE, and Luiigii descend the staircase to the secret underground, but unbeknownst to them, someone who had been deciding between taking the overpriced mini-package of pizza-flavored Pringles you can't buy anywhere anymore, and the overpriced bag of M&M Crisps you also can't buy anywhere anymore had overheard the secret pass-code. He placed both overpriced items that he really didn't care for anyway back on the counter and walked up to the flier reading: "Have You Seen This Lady We're Stalking?"

Vorpal: I know this face! ~takes flier and pockets it, then walks up to Arab Dude~

Arab Dude: Oh, yes sir! Have you made your selection?

Vorpal: *ahem* The gain in rain--

Arab Dude: What?

Vorpal: Uhm.. that is I meant to say: The cane of train--

Arab Dude: *scowls*

Vorpal: Oh, forget it! *punches Arab Dude and then takes the secret passage*

Narrator: Back at McDonalds.

Dargo-X: It's-a me! Dargo-X! ... Man, I'm really starting to regret that upgrade--HEY! The Swordefeller is still here! They didn't leave without me! Maybe they all really do love me! *runs out and climbs up to an empty Swordefeller*

~back in the underground vault - haha get it, because its behind a bunch of Vaults? I kill myself~

Masamune: My friends. Luiigii. Behold.

~they all gather around a single table which on it has displayed the Shrack of Neely, an ancient artifact so amazing that it cannot even be described~

Rhykette: Is that really it?

Masamune: Of course not. This is merely a replica. The real thing was lost forever.

Retro: But what does it even do?

Masamune: It has mystical powers! Some say it can rewrite the futures, others say it can rewrite the past, others still say it makes a great cappuccino. But in truth no one really knows what it can do, though some have suggested it has the powers to "do whatever the current author deems convenient", whatever that might mean.

KoD: I think that's fourth wall breaking.

Masamune: Shut up. Naturally it would be stupid and pointless to go on some kind of quest to find it, because in reality it doesn't exist.

Luiigii: So why did you drag us down here?

Masamune: They keep the good stuff down here. *opens a freezer that contains The Good Stuff*

GORE: I didn't know they sold this stuff anymore! *chugs down The Good Stuff*

~just then Vorpal walks in~

Vorpal: Hey guys, what are you- Hey, is that The Good Stuff!? *goes over to get some, but he trips on the table and knocks over the display, destroying the Shrack of Neely replica* Oops.

~suddenly every exit is shut with metal bars and the lights turn red~

Retro: It's the security system!

Vorpal: Oh come on! I've only been here for two posts!

~the floor below them suddenly gives way and they find theirselves in a pit. The floor above them suddenly shifts away to reveal Arab Dude watching over them with a whole menagerie of creepy villains~

Luiigii: Why does this all seem vaguely familiar.

~metal grates open on either side of them, revealing two hideous monsters. On one side steps out the all too familiar Caykface. The other is a Lobsterman, only now far larger than ever~

Masamune: Everyone! Remember our training! *looks around* Guys?

~Jed, Retro, and GORE by then have already ran towards the Lobsterman and began wailing on him. Jed found his shell to be utterly impenetrable to scythes, Retro unable to staple it , and GORE's insults of its mother and face utterly ineffective

Likewise Luiigii, Vorpal, and Rhykette went to engage Caykface. Luiigii is almost deliriously happy that his laser sword actually manages to cut through it, but dismayed when Caykface merely reattaches itself together. Rhykette attempts to use her built in juice maker to splash it harmlessly while silently resenting Masamune for removing her weapon systems. Vorpal prepares to punch it until Caykface changes shape into...~

President Ditto: Well well well. If it isn't Mega Mega Extreme Doki Doki Idiot.

Vorpal: Dammit! You may not be the real President Ditto, but at least I can get back at you for stealing the election!

~Vorpal begins throwing his fist at Ditto who easily slides away out of each one. Finally Vorpal punches straight through his face, but his hand suddenly is locked inside of delicious cakeness~

Vorpal: Stop that! *tugs and gets nowhere* I'll just plant my feet against it and-

Luiigii: Stop you fool! *throws a flashback bombinator at Vorpal*



Vorpal: By Cod, you're right!

~Luiigii jumps forward and slices the head off Ditto. The cake dissolves around Vorpal's hand and is absorbed again. Caykface proceeds to shift into another form, that of Rebe~

Rebe: What are you doing out here? We were going to find kids to adopt.

Luiigii: !

~Rebe takes a slug at him and Luiigii is too stunned to react and is thrown to the ground. Rhykette takes his laser sword, studies it for a bit, and faces Rebe, who suddenly shifts into Evil Golem... from PG16~

Evil Golem: Why are you working for heroes? You should be working for me, your creator, to do evil... not making drinks!

Rhykette: I LIKE MAKING DRINKS! *her hand starts to rotate at rapid speeds in a perfect saw-like arc. Evil Golem backs up hesitantly, but is suddenly caught in the whirling blade and reduced to hardened cake bits all over the place*

Luiigii: What the... no! NO! *grabs his laser sword back* You can't... finally a villain is defeated with a laser sword and I wasn't the one using it!?

*meanwhile back with the Lobsterman*

Lobsterio: I WILL CRUSH YOU WITH MY CLAWS!

GORE: Your mom is a claw.

Lobsterio: That doesn't make sense! *slams his claw on GORE-ILLA, which drives him into the ground all hammer to nail like*

GORE: You hit like a girl!

~Retro leaps on Lobsterio from behind, this time brandishing a battery powered pencil sharpener, which he shoves down on one of the antennas. Lobsterio roars in pain and reaches up and throws Retro off. He starts walking around unbalanced and swinging his fist in every direction as if he's been blinded. Jed moves in positions and squats in front of him, forming the perfect object to cause Lobsterio to fall over on top of the chunks of cake~

Masamune: Well done! We beat the bosses!

Luiigii: We?

Masamune: *ahem* Anyways. Jed, portal them away before they get unruly.

KoD: Why coitenly! I mean, yeah. >.>

~a portal opens up beneath the villains and they are deposited elsewhere~

Rhykette: Shouldn't he have just sent US into a portal?

Masamune: I don't pay you to think.

~suddenly the metal gates open again and a swam of Codtroopers run in and grab the Gamehikers~

Vorpal: This is the last time I let Misty send me to buy her Juju Beans.

---Meanwhiles---

~Lobsterio wakes up to find himself surrounded by bits of cake in a huge pit full of, surprisingly, more cake. He tries desperately to get out~

~in an nearby scientific facility~

Scientist: Sensors detects something inside the pit.

Scientist 2: Probably just some birds. Or an escape convict who is only trying to get money to support his sick daughter but accidentally murdered an innocent old man. Either way, no harm right? *flips switch*

~Lobsterio watches in horror as some spinning laser thing goes all spinny above him. He holds up his claw and watches as it dissolves into cake sprinkles, eventually leading to his entire body crumbling into pieces~

---And Finally---

Dargo-X: Alright Masamune! Come out and face me like--- uhh? Hello?

~Dargo-X looks around and realizes the Swordefeller is completely empty~

Dargo-X: Oh COME on!

KoD: *while they're all being carried away* Well, this is depressing. I've become a little above a taxi, I didn't even think of using my crash or lightning on the lobsterman and I... quoted Mariorocks.

GORE: Why don't you kill yourself?

KoD: I'll do it, man! I'll shrackin' DO IT! Don't think I won't! >.>

Luiigii: *annoyed* Calm down...

Retro: Jed, you have it pretty good. At least the portals are helping us out. I attack with OFFICE SUPPLIES, Jed. Do you know what that's like? Huh? OFFICE SUPPLIES!

KoD: Yeah, but they helped with Thrakun and that lobsterman. You've actually been more of a help than I've been. ...;_;

Retro: Yeah, but it's silly. Especially when compared to Pixels.

KoD: What?

Retro: What?

KoD: Anyway, I guess it's just as well. My crash and lightning are probably considered god-modding to some effect >.>

Masa: And the quoting Mariorocks?

KoD: That still stings. I'd like to think I'm at least a little above Mariorockses.

Masa: Mariorocksi.

KoD: ...Swear to God... it needs to end in "us" >.>

Masa: Yeah, whatever, shifty eyes.

KoD: ...;_; ...I wonder where we're going.

Masa: I wonder where Your Mom is going.

KoD: What? C'mon ._.

GORE: Oh snap, the KoDmother.

Masa: Perfect. The Fairy KoDmother.

KoD: ...

GORE: Look out! He's being possessed by Sapphire!

Luiigii: On it. *ignites his laser sword and crowdsurfs over to KoD*

KoD: ._.

GORE: Whoops, false alarm. Still him.

Luiigii: Aw... *puts away laser sword... cept he forgot to turn it off* WHY?!

Retro: This is a long hallway.