(On this installment of What Lies Beneath
, our dashing divers find themselves face to face with a terrible fiend of a metallic monster! Indeed, he's just come from killing a man in cold blood and now they stare into his souless helm, perhaps counting down the seconds to their doom!
In this week's episode, Director is voiced by Repus the Turk, Nintendofreak is voiced by Weekday Window, Orter is voiced by Kaiser Bear XII, Fred, known to our heroes as Flud is voiced by an eraser and bits of telephone wire, The Big Daddy Mr Bubbles is voiced by Microsoft Sam, The little sister is voiced by Beyonce Knowles and special guest characters are voiced by Big al, Flambe Tarcher, and Andromeda.
This episode was written by Author F', and is presented in partnership with www.gamehiker.com
Orter: What was that?
Director: What was what?
Orter: Look up.
(Director looks up and sees the text of what he just heard over an old-timey radio but ignored)
Orter: Isn't that a bit strange?
Mariorocks: Isn't it a bit strange that we're talking about this and there's that guy in front of us in a huge metal suit?
Fred: NOT AT ALL OR MY NAME ISN'T... SAILOR VENUS
Director: Well your name is Sailor Venus this checks out I guess.
Orter: Yeah. Don't interrupt me. Now, we could use the radio to try to contact for a way out of here and... what are you doing,
(The radio bursts into flames as Mariorocks shakes out his sleepy hand)
Mariorocks: What is who doing?
Director: Alright, then. Let's get back to the issue at hand.
Mariorocks: I'm not su- YOU MEAN THAT HUGE METAL THING WITH THE GUN WHOA
Director: No, he's number two on our priorities list. We need to somehow dispose of this eggplant ice cream with real eggplant in it. Into our stomachs.
Orter: Uh... Director, I think you've got a problem. You're addicted to cannibalism. You should seek help.
Director: I CAN STOP ANYTIME I WANT (licks ice cream)
Fred: TwannggggI think you've got a problem with him having a problem, and I have a problem with that and three lefts make a right so there you go.
Big Daddy: Hold up Gs
Orter: What do you want huh
Big Daddy: Nothin
Director: Yeah shove off
Mariorocks: no good punk
Fred: Take off eh
Director: Wait a second.
Mariorocks: What Flud just said right now.
Fred: What aboot it?
Big Daddy: CANADIAN!
Fred: Ben oui I mean no way shut up
Little sister: These guys are scary Mr. Bubbles
Big Daddy: Do you live in a snowglobe
Fred: Do you live in a waterglobe oh right I'm seeing that with my eyes which are attached to my optical receptors I keep forgetting
Orter: I feel betrayed. I touched him. Where's a sink? I need to wash my hands!
Fred: Guys I'm not Canadian I'm a vampire blaarhh eh
Little sister: CANALIEN!
Fred: Okay that's it come on now you all have to die
(the Big Daddy holds up his gun and Mariorocks holds up his flaming arm and Director pulls a six shooter out of his coat pocket even though he is not wearing a coat and Orter pulls the sword of truth out of a nearby building and the weapons are all pointed at Fred)
Fred: Right Director why'd you have to go and say that nobody has to die come on man
Fred: come on
Director: No one except the BIG DADDY THAT IS (throws his gun at Big Daddy's head, putting a tiny dent in the helmet)
Big Daddy: BIG DADDY TAKING HITS RETREAT (Grabs Little Sister and books it)
Orter: I think this Sword of truth may be detective
Sword: Water is really taupe-coloured OJ simpson didn't kill his wife or kid Jews did 9/11
Mariorocks: Nonsense that all is sound and truthfull information obviously
Sword: This is paradise (combusts)
Director: See? This is definitely paradise. To the water treatment facility!
Director: Except not Fred I don't want Canadian getting in the water and contaminating it
Fred: That was a skillfull ruse and you know it buddy now let's go get kraft dinner eh wot
Shiki Zombies (x8)!
Attack Talk Flee
Director: What zombies I don't believe in zombies stop this foolishness
Orter: Obviously there has to be zombies man.
Director: There were no zombies in the last OG
Mariorocks: LET'S GET IT ON
(The zombies all are wearing leather jackets and pull out bloody switchblades maybe even Witchblades but I sure hope not)
Director: It's time to show these no good zombie punks up... Carnival style.
Orter: Yeah did you maybe notice the knives oh whatever hi-yar
(The zombies quickly stab them a couple times before Mariorocks can burn half of them to a crisp)
Fred: This is nothin' I eat knife wounds fer breakfast (eats one of his knife wounds and it recovers)
Director: Quick eat ours
Fred: hahahahahahrahahahahahrhahahahahaahahahrahrarhahrahraRAHRHARHARHARHAHRAHAAHRHAHARAHAHRAHAHAHAHAHAHAHARHAHRAHR AHRAHRHARAHRHAR
Orter: Well at least eat mine
Fred: No (punches bodies off the other zombies easily). I'm afraid I have to leave you to die. Of death.
Director: I think... not! (Director raises his gun towards Fred and fires, only for something unseen to deflect it)
Fred: Yes I forgot to mention I've accumulated some new allies through the myspace group "stuck in Rapture underwater crap help".
(Three SPECIAL GUEST STARS and by that I mean characters emerge from a building)
Fred: This is Juice the man-juicer
Juice: I am not a man juicer I just have lightning powers and
Fred: Man-juicer okay anyways this is Fortuna who is skilled with guns or something
Fortuna: my name isn't Fortuna it's
Fred: Whatever this is Last Guy he has the power to be the last one mentioned in any conversation
Last Guy: (shadowy) That's right
Fred: Unfortunately they all have to die with you, twice. (Spin kicks them all to the ground and stabs them a few times) And now to leave you in an easily escapable trap
(Fred goes behind the building to find a dump truck and dumps eggplant ice cream all over them)
Fred: Hope you like the taste of defeat god this is awful HA HA HA you'll never go swimming again
Mariorocks: It's pretty warm it'll melt or I can melt it or Director can eat his way out
Fred: I can't hear you but that sounds like a obvious observation but I don't really care I just wanted to dump ice cream on dying people ok