Note: Kester cannot post in this OG.

---

Long, long ago just last week, there lived a man named Kester Yah. He hailed from the forgotten land of Norwegia just down twenty miles from Gotham City following I-6. More specifically he lived in the heart of the Fiery Forest with his sattelite TV which received 150 channels of Hockey. Kester loved Hockey more than anything. This was a good thing, since his house was always on fire.

Every morning Kester would wake up on fire. Every morning he would run out with his neighbor on fire and they would spend the morning putting one another out. It was a taxing job, but in the Fiery Forest a neccessity of life. They never complained about it except on the Town Meetings on Sunday Nights where angry mobs would chase the mayor into the Fiery Forest and set the forest back on fire again.

It was a vicious cycle.

Mole Man was not neccessarily Kester's neighbor. He actually lived in Kester's basement. This itself was odd since Kester didn't build his house with a basement. But Mole Man insisted that neighbors were the people who lived above-below you and that the people BESIDE you were your enemies. It all made sense in a strange sort of way. To the Mole Man, that is. To Kester it was bloody madness. But Mole Man liked Hockey too, so it all worked out.

One day Kester and Mole Man were watching Hockey.

Kester: Hey Mole Man. How come you never got married?

Mole Man: I like meat too much.

Kester: You can get married and still eat a lot of meat.

Mole Man: ... huh, I didn't know that. *looks outside* There's an angry mob beating your car with a baseball bat. I'd take care of that if I were you.

Kester: Oh fine.

Kester: I wish you guys would stop beating my car.

Angry Mob Boss: Who's gonna stop me kid, you?

Kester: I believe in myself. And more than that, I believe in conspiracies. I dare to belive in crackpot theories and ungrounded speculation that no other man would dare believe in! YOU KNOW WHY!?

Angry Mob Boss: Yer gullible?

Kester: Because... because I BELIEVE.

Angry Mob Boss: I understand and I apologize. Boys, let's move down to the next car.

Mole Man: Nice job.

Kester: Eh. So whaddya wanna do?

Mole Man: Let's go to Dallas.

Kester: Why Dallas?

Mole Man: Why not?

~Ten hours later in Dallas~

Mole Man: This place is hot. Let's get a hot dog.

~They find a hot dog cart man~

Rather Average Hot Dog Vendor: I'm not at all suspicious. What would you like on your dog?

Kester: I want to believe things are on my hot dog.

Rather Average Hot Dog Vendor: Hey! Are you one of those Health Inspectors!? I wash my cart once a month and these hot dogs are made from real meat!

Mole Man: What sort of meat.

Rather Average Hot Dog Vendor: Meat.

Mole Man: In that case drench it with ketchup.

Kester: *holds up hot dog* This! You made it out of aliens, didn't you! DIDN'T YOU!

Rather Average Hot Dog Vendor: ... what are you tyring to pull man! I don't have no aliens!

Kester: Let's go Mole Man. We have a mystery on our hands.

~Kester and Mole Man turn and walk away.~

Mole Man: This is a really good hot dog.

~Kester quickly spins around and runs at the hot dog vendor, then shoves him. As he falls, he drops a black cube device about the size of a cell phone.~

Kester: Aha!

Voice from cube: Yo, you called?

Kester: Yes I did!

Vendor: Nononono--

Voice from cube: Need more meat?

Mole Man: Yes!!

Vendor: --nononono--

Voice from cube: Fine, I'll meet you in the playground in a few minutes.

Kester: What playground?!

Vendor: --stopstopstopstop--

Voice from cube: The one two seconds from you.

Kester: Alright, seeya there!

~Kester and Mole Man run to the nearby playground, the hot dog vendor feebly trying to keep up. Minutes later in the park...

A flying saucer materializes beside Kester and Mole Man.~

Kester: Woah! He must've flown down in a cloaking device.

~The dome pops off of the saucer and a kradian jumps out.~

Kradian: Yeah, it's a standard cloaking--wait, who are you?!

~The hot dog vendor finally runs into the scene, panting heavily.~

Hot dog vendor: Idiot!

Idiot: You summoned me, Sir Reginald?

Hot Dog Vendor: Yes. Kill them! Kill them all!

Idiot: Fine, but know I am only doing this in hopes that you will cure my wife's uncurable disease.

*Idiot quickly whips a chain around and rides a motorcycle right past Kester and Mole Guy, flying off a nearby cliff to his death.*

Hot Dog Vendor: Curses! Why did he have to go so young, claimed by Dallas's rugged terrain?

*While Hot Dog Vendor was busy singing "O Danny Boy", Kester and Mole Guy are able to confront the Kradian.*

Kester: WHO ARE YOU?

Kradian: My name is-

Kester: (slaps the Kradian to the side) ANSWER ME!

Kradian: Well I was just about to say-

Kester: (slaps him again) WHO DO YOU WORK FOR!!!

Kradian: Please stop, I'm talking, I'm talking!

Mole Guy: I smell something in the area. (is smacked in the back of the head by a blackjack, knocking him out)

Kester: WHERE IS THE ANTI- (whacked from behind by the blackjack as well, also passing out)

Hot Dog Vendor: (waving the blackjack around) Here comes a candle to light you to bed. Here comes a chopper to chop off your head.

~years later, Kester and Mole Guy wake up~

Kester: What happened!?

Kradian: You've been sleeping for centuries. It's the Dark Ages now.

Kester: Wait! That's in the past!

Kradian: Oh. Well in that case it's just night time.

Kester: Where's Mole Guy!? What have you done with him!?

Kradian: What I am about to tell you may be disturbing and full of poorly made Powerpoint slides.

Kester: NO! NOT POWERPOINT!!!!!

Kradian: Okay, later then. Mole Guy was taken by the Hot Dog Vendor.

Kester: The creepy apron man? What's he have to do with this?

~Otherwhiles~

Hot Dog Vendor: At last! I CAN MAKE THE ULTIMATE HOT DOG! Made from the meat... of a prairie dog!

Mole Guy: But I'm a mole! And actually I'm not even a mole, more a dwarf guy!

Hot Dog Vendor: The masses won't know. They are stupid. Fed from the spoon of ignorance. Raised in the shadow of neglect. Bathed in the waters of uh... I need a synonym for stupid.

Mole Guy: Your Mom.

Hot Dog Vendor: BATHED IN THE WATERS OF MY MOM- hey! Anyways. The consumers won't know the difference. Just that my hot dogs come from the prairie, allowing me to implant these mind control chips into all my products... allowing me to control the ignorant masses to buy MORE hot dogs!

Mole Guy: No! You're mad!

Hot Dog Vendor: Am I. Am I really so mad?

Mole Guy: Yeah, kinda... really, yeah.

Hot Dog Vendor: Well once I get rich, I'll hire a shrink! Bwahaha!

-Meanwhile at Mariorocks65's mansion.......Wait who wrote this?! Mariorocks65 holding a pen: I didnt do it! Narrator:............Like i was saying meanwhile at Mariorocks65's mansion Golem the butler is rushing to Mariorocks65's game room-

Golem slowly walking: Hey butler let's go see Kester.

Mariorocks65 thinks: Damn narrator, next time ill have to do something beter than drawing over the words in pen to get into a bigger role in these OGs.

Golem: Butler Rocks?

Mariorocks65: Oh what? Sorry i was thinking about something, yea let's go to Kesters.......

-A couple hours later at Kester's house in the fiery forest-

Golem: Well that wasnt so bad i thought the fiery forest would be much worse!

Mariorocks65 on fire: Ah1 Get it off! Get it off! Ah it bruns!

Golem: Hold on!

*Golem beats Mariorocks65 with a flaming stick*

Golem: It won't go out! Stop drop and roll!

*Mariorocks65 rolls into a pool of gasoline from Kester's car and becomes ingulfed in flame*

Mariorocks65: Aaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!

Golem: Just stay there ill call 911!

-Hours later while Mariorocks65 is still on fire-

Golem: Hey Mariorocks Kester isn't home. Hey your still on fire! Sorry i forgot while i was playing Kester's video games and making phone calls. I forgot to tell you theres a really nice pool in Kester's house.

Mariorocks65 singed and burned glares at Golem.

Golem finds a letter on Mariorocks65's back: What's this? It says to Golem, Mole Man and i have gone to dallas, we will probaly drop by your mansion later and see you and your butler, Kester. Looks like were going back to Dallas Mariorocks.

Mariorocks65 twitching in agony: The pain.......

*Mariorocks, still covered in flames, pulls Golem's chariot. Golem stops by a water hole.*

Golem: STOP THE CHARIOT!

Mariorocks: Yes, thank you sir- (walks towards the water but is yanked back when Golem pulls on his leash)

Golem: Where do you think you're going? Not while this chariot needs more flooboards.

*With Kester and the Kradian.*

Kradian: I'll help you hunt him down.

Kester: But I thought you were helping him with his hot dog pyramid scheme!

Kradian: I was. But now that he has that Mole Guy, he won't be needing me any more.

Kester: I don't trust you in the slightest but I'll accept your help until I detect the slightest hint of anything traplike in nature.

*In the Hot Dog Vendor's lair, he chains Mole Guy to one of those rotating pole things that are suspended over fires, but it snaps due to Mole Guy's size.*

Hot Dog: A minor inconvienance! In the end I'll have my way with you!

Hot Dog Vendor: Get away from Kester, you stupid hot dog!

Hot Dog: ~tying Mole Man back up and better this time~ But zir... he iz not Kestar. He iz Mole Mahn, Kestar's companion.

Hot Dog Vendor: What?! Our customers will just have to try to wait, then! Come, Hot Dog, it is time to tend to Kestral.

~Hot Dog Vendor and Hot Dog leave the room and enter a room which contains Kestral unconscious in a giant tube full of liquid. Hot Dog Vendor stands at a control panel next to the tube and types.~

Hot Dog: Zir, do you really believe zat you can fuse Kestar and Kestral?

Hot Dog Vendor: We must fuse them to satisfy the customer, Hot Dog. It's all about the customer! Once Kester and Kestral fuse, the hair of their fusion will be key to making the finest spices ever! Our customers will delight in our success!

Hot Dog: Brilliant speech, zir.

Hot Dog Vendor: Never let it be said that Presocrates didn't make the best food possible for customers!

Hot Dog: Who iz Prezoccerteez, again?

Hot Dog Vendor: Me, Hot Dog. I am Presocrates. Keep up, please.

*Back in the dungeon the evil hotdog man is keeping Mole Man in*

Mole Man: Wow imagine my surprise, an evil alien hotdog vendor holding me hostage. Im even more surprised that im talking to myself. Oh well, so how's it going me?

Strange voice: Im doing very well thank you.

Mole Man: What the hell?! Am i imagining things?!

*sudenly a crack forms in the wall, it starts t get larger and larger until Golem holding Mariorocks as a battering ram breaks into the dungeon*

Golem: Wow i can't believe we got back to dallas in only 4 hours! You sure run fast when i lied and said you can become an staff member of Gamehiker if you get us to Dallas.

Mariorocks: Wait, what? You lied to me?! Why would you do such a thing?

Golem ignoring Mariorocks: Hey look Mole Man!

Mole Man: How did you get here?

Mariorocks: Oh it's a crazy sto-

Golem: It's a great tale, let me tell it to you. After i force- i mean "asked" Mariorocks to come with me to Kester's you and him were no where to be found! So Mariorocks "volunteered" to take me back to Dallas while i let him stay on fire and i rided in a nice safe carrage while he pulled it. So after we got to Dallas i decided to "ask" Mariorocks if we could go see the hotdog vendor because i was starving from all that sitting! The vendor's cart said we can find him on his flying saucer outside of Wisconsin! So "we" grabbed a latter and climbed up to the saucer that was outside of Wisconsin. Mariorocks volunterily swam to Wisconsin while i was safely onboard of a cruise ship! We found out that the latter "mariorocks" stole wasn't needed as the saucer was landed. So Mariorocks, the volunteer pioneer he is said i could use him as a battering ram! So here we are!

Mariorocks: That was too long for me to listen to. Let's change the subject. Retro, watch this. http://www.youtube.com

~Meanwhile~

Kool-Aid Man: *bursts out of Masamune's eyes* OH YEAH!

Masamune: OH GOD WHY

Kester: Oh man, we were too latte!

Kraidian: Latte?

Kester: Sorry, I was thinking about Starbucks.

Kraidian: Well we can't just leave him here like this.

Kester: You're right, Kool-Aid Man, come with us.

Narrator: KOOL-AID MAN JOINED THE PARTY!

Kester: We can call ourselves Kester, Kraidian, & Kool-Aid or KKK for short.

Kraidian: Brilliant.

Kester: Now back to saving whatshisface.

Kraidian: Mole Man.

Kester: Right.

~they exit stage left~

Masamune: I'm coming Elizabeth! *dies*

Kradian: This is it! The final battle!

Kool-Aid Man: OH YEAH!!

Kester: ... I can't do this!

Kradian: What, why?

Kester: Besides the fact KKK are white supremacists working with the government to hide the alien conspiracy, I... don't belong here. In Gamehikers. Even though I have the heart of a Mole Man. I must... leave.

~Kester leaves~

Golem: What now?

Mole Guy: *narrows eyes* We move on.

THE END