*One of the St. Dittoians rides a speeder bike towards the goalpost, but Gamechamp leaps up, grabs the speeder bike with his mouth and crushes it with his teeth.*
Gamechamp: In my homing-land strength of the teeth is the strength of the character!
Narrator: Nice save by Gamechamp! Perfect form!
John Madden: I don't know Tom, if he had somehow incorporated a football into his move I would wholehearedly agree!
Narrator: Who are you? Security!
John Madden: (chased away by the so-called Daleks) YOU CAN'T DO THIS I HAD A SNES GAME!
*Golem runs around the wild battlefield and soon comes across a giant cloaked Dittoian.*
Golem: oh crap oh crap...
St. Dittoian: Hello little fool. Ready to give up? (tosses off his cloak, causing everyone to shriek in terror)
Big Al: GOLEM DON'T LET IT GIVE YOU THE DITTOIAN'S KISS!
*Professor Luigi looks sadly towards Rebe as she chats with Headmaster Mune and laughs.*
Dean Ditto: Oh, what's this? Mean old Muney with a woman?
Headmaster Mune: What's it to ya, Well Face?
Dean Ditto: Nothing. I'm just surprised you willingly sat so close to a woman without a necklace made of garlic.
Rebe: What's he talking about?
Dean Ditto: Don't you know? Have you ever seen more than three girls in Mune's school?
Rebe: Well... no... I haven't.
Dean Ditto: He hates women of all shapes and sizes!
Rebe: (angrily) Is this true Masa? Are you just dating me to fulfill some stupid joke?
Headmaster Mune: No- Rebe- you don't understand. See... uh... three girls is actually the state maximum...
*Rebe walks away. Headmaster Mune turns and glares at Dean Ditto.*
Headmaster Mune: PARTY GOEEEEEEEERS!!!! (tackles Dean Ditto and starts beating him around)
*Elsewhere, GM and Tyler are still being held hostage by the Hooded Figure.*
GM: Wait. Why are you even here?
Hooded Figure: To prevent you from reporting to Headmaster Mune?
Tyler: Well the only thing we knew was that Dean Ditto was supporting a charity, thus making him unbeatable. It's too late to tell him now. There's no more harm we can do!
Hooded Figure: Hmm... I'll have to report this to my superiors...
*The Hooded Figure turns around in thought. GM and Tyler whip out frying pans and smack the Hooded Figure, knocking him out.*
GM: Let's find someway to do something of importance in the plot.
Tyler: Agreed friend.
*GM and Tyler rush into the arena and find Guiseppie on a payphone. They stealthfully listen from around the corner.*
Guiseppie: Yes, that's right, Police Team Omega. Kids throwing a wild party and disturbing the police. I also sighted some illegal substances. Yes, the address is
Golem's House, on Golem's Street.
*GM peeks around the corner and sees Guseppie looking right at him.*
Guiseppie: No officer, that's all. Thank you.
GM: (to Tyler) Run!
*GM and Tyler run from Guiseppie, who has taken on the form of a mutated giraffe.*
*Yami Yoshi and Lupus continue to stand uncomfortably in the bleachers.*
Lupus: Hey kid, why don't you switch seats with someone slightly interesting?
Yami Yoshi: I don't appreciate your tone, nor your stench! And FYI, I don't plan to move.
Lupus: FYI? That's something the old Yami would say. I know he's still alive in you.
Yami Yoshi: No! He's dead to me! Well... maybe he's kinda there... but I like being smart and successful! Why can't I have pretty things?
Lupus: Know this, and know this only, Yami. I will break you.
*Flutter plays a beatbox while Big Al dances around in a tutu, wracking in MAJOR points for their team. Elsewhere on the field Steve T and a Dittoian try to smack the most hound dogs around with logs in the least amount of time. Kester just crawls around helplessly.*
Narrator: And it looks like the other Golem is still on the field after all his injuries! What a great trooper!
Fred: I'd help you but you look too power. (vomits on him) Now to vomit towards the other you where is Don Cornmuffin
*Fred projectile-vomits, and his upchuckings hit the Dittoian instead of Golem. He begins to hiss and backs away before he can kiss Golem. Golem takes this opportunity to run like hell, as the Dittoian continues to chase him, along with some of the hound dogs.*
Narrator: Looks like we're entering the dog-running round! The GHU Goers are doing good but several hundred points behind the St. Ditto Ringers? What will happen?
*Kester regains his conciousness and sees Vivid wildly wrestling with a lion.*
Kester: What? No woman has such strength... maybe I... maybe I'm actually wrong about him...
*Rebe walks through the stadium angrily, but stops when she bumps into someone.*
Professor Luigi: Long time no see...
*At that moment, Kuria continues her cheer when suddenly she trips.*
Kuria: Whoops, I sprained my ankle. Well at least it's not like a giant log is rolling towards me.
*A giant log is rolling towards her.*
Kuria: (rolls eyes)
*Everyone scatters, but in slow motion, Vorpal runs toward Kuria.*
Kuria: NooOoOoooOoOoOooOooOooOOOOOO! (waves arms wildly in slow motion)
Vorpal: Kuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrriiiiiiiaaaaaaaa, mooooooove!!!! (waves arms widly in slow motion while running)
Don Cornmuffin: MWAAAAAAHAAAAAHAAAAA! ! ! ! (puffs cigar in slow motion)
MJ: (examines his finger nails in real time)
Vorpal: (leaps in front of her, stopping the log with a powerful punch, then collapses)
Kuria: (suddenly normal) Nooo! Wait, you just stole that scene from Gamehiker Member OG IV and switched our roles around didn't you?
Vorpal: (coughs) Kinda.
Kuria: How romantic! (kisses him on the lips)
*GM and Tyler burst into the BIG PARTY.*
Toby: I'm gonna have to see your invi-
Toby: oh crap.
*A few minutes later, Commissioner M. Koopa bursts in, accompanied by Robert "The Bomber" Man and a trained police cat, all armed with guns.*
Commissioner M. Koopa: ALRIGHT SCUM ON YOUR KNEES!
*They look around to see nobody nearby.*
Bomber Man: Looks like a false alarm chief.
Commissioner M. Koopa: Too bad. Not a day goes by that I don't dream of putting a party-goer behind bars.
*They are about to leave when GORE stumbles in.*
GORE: Hey guys, where ya going, join the party? (tackled to the ground and handcuffed)
Bomber Man: So wise guy, think you can through a one-man party and wake half the neigborhood? We'll see about that...
Police Cat: Meowth, that's right!
*The Police Force Omega leaves. The second they leave, all the Party Goers leave their extremely obvious hiding places.*
Toby: Works every time.
Tyler: Well we did something of importance.
GM: And in the end, that's all we wanted.
*GM and Tyler walk off into the night, and people wonder if they ever even existed in the first place...*
Narrator: THIS IS GETTING INTENSE FOLKS!
*Golem is finally cornered at the edge of the stadium. The Dittoian and the hound dogs surround him.*
Dittoian: End of the line, boy.
Golem: This is it. X-Men: The Last Stand, only much better.
*The Dittoian roars and spits out Golem's scarf.*
Golem: When'd you eat this? (puts the scarf back on, cover in snot) 'ello beastie.
*Golem leaps at the Dittoian dramatically, but then freezes in midair as something lands in his hand. The Dittoian steps back in awe, sirens ring throughout the stadium, the crowd breaks out into wild cheering, and the hounds all turn into dust.*
Narrator: HE DID IT! GOLEM CAUGHT THE SNITCH! THE GAME IS OVER! GHU WINS! GHU WINS!
*Headmaster Mune overhears this from the police station where he is being held with Dean Ditto and Professor GORE.*
Headmaster Mune: Yes! Yes, in your face!
Dean Ditto: It can't be. Our charity was unbeatable...
Headmaster Mune: I thought you'd try that, Ditto. That's why I decided to do you one better and pledge the winnings to be split between every charity in existence!
Dean Ditto: You'll live to regret this, Mune, I swear it!
*Back at the stadium, everyone cheers and raises Golem above.*
Golem: Wow, I can't believe it!
Steve T: I can't believe it dork, but you actually did good.
Flutter: (dumps a keg of water on Big Al)
Big Al: Grr.
Golem: (looks towards the cheerleaders) Wait a second Steve, where's Sapphire? She was here when I caught the Snitch right?
Steve T: She hasn't been here for the last nine innings. She must still be in your party.
Golem: (eyes bob open, he runs off towards the party as fast as he can)
*Yami Yoshi stands on a podium in the center in the arena.*
Yami Yoshi: ATTENTION EVERYONE! I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE!
*Everyone stares in perplexion.*
Yami Yoshi: Gamechamp didn't know it was wrong to use cheat sheets. I gave them to him and encouraged him to use them. It's all my fault. (tears off prep clothes) So give me all you got.
Professor Luigi: ONE MONTH OF DETENTION!
Gamechamp: (tear rolls down his eye) Vwandervala...
Lupus: (thumbs-up) You did good, boy. You did good.
*Golem quickly arrives at the party.*
Golem: Oh man, where is she?
*Golem hears a female voice from behind him.*
Female Voice: That was beautiful what you did in the stadium. I see you in a whole different way now... (spins Golem around and kisses him on the lips)
*Golem continues to make out with Elzie. In true sitcom fashion, Sapphire happens to be walking through the doorway and sees them. She storms off in search of Steve T.*
Toby: Don't worry Golemio. If you can't be with the one you love, love with one you're with! Oh damn, did I just quote some 50's song?
News Reporter: Well things heated up at a high school BIG GAME tonight! We saw plenty of fights, scandals and drunk teachers (mug shots of Headmaster Mune, Dean Ditto and Professor GORE), but first let's get the boring stuff involving good people out of the way. In a heart-touching moment, Professor Vorpal of GHU saved his student, Kuria Eiren, from a giant log. Kuria immediately helped to revive her teacher with a long session of CPR, giving a new meaning to the bond between a teacher and a student. Now onto the the more interesting drunken fights.
*Professor Luigi turns off the tv in his classroom. Headmaster Mune, Dean Ditto, Yami Yoshi and Professor GORE-ILLA all sit in desks.*
Professor Luigi: Now students, welcome to detention!
Headmaster Mune: I can't believe we all got a month of detention!
Professor GORE: Hey, it was either that or a night in prison. (looks away angstly) And I swore never to go back there again...
Dean Ditto: No flashbacks, this post is extremely huge as it is. I still think I should have at least gotten detention at my own school.
Yami Yoshi: (flipping through a book) I can't believe I'm stuck here with all you losers. I'd have dropped out of this school already if HeadUGLY would stop making a big fit about it.
Professor GORE: Yami... is that a textbook you're reading?
Yami Yoshi: (quickly stuffs the textbook into a hidden desk compartment with his prep clothes) Noitwasnt!
Professor Luigi: Oh guys, me and Rebe- or rather Rebe and I- had the most wonderful day! You won't believe...
Headmaster Mune: I liked you better when you were chronically depressed. And much easier to make fun of.
*Professor Vorpal taunts the teachers from outside.*
Professor Vorpal: Oh, those losers. Looks like I got me a happy ending with no consequences whatsoever for any actions I took. (bumps into someone) Oh sorry there Sapphire, go ahead.
Sapphire: (unusually cheerful) My pleasure, professor!
*Sapphire enters the boy's bathroom. As she approaches Mole Guy's stall, a Mermaid Statue automatically arises from the toilet. Sapphire nods, then takes out the Mermaid Scale she got from the trading sidequest, and places it on the Mermaid Statue. The statue retracts into the toilet, and Mole Guy rises.*
Sapphire: Tell me everything.
*Finally, in detention...*
Headmaster Mune: Whoops, think I dozed off for a minute there. (gets up and notices that he is now wearing his grandmother's nightgown) RRR... PARTY GOEEEEERS!!!!
Lupus the Turk (6:30:04 PM): I WILL POST IN UNIVERSITY THEN
-July 25, 2006
Cheesetrooper 2 (2:13:17 AM): school
Cheesetrooper 2 (2:13:26 AM): what will you learn there
Cheesetrooper 2 (2:13:30 AM): that you can't learn from arkham asylum
retrobelmont (1:01:36 AM): I dunno
retrobelmont (1:01:46 AM): But all I'm hearing is how Luiigii gets off in rapid succession.