So today I was cruising the OG Wiki and some of the GMOGs and one thing that struck me from writing the stories and rereading them is how nebulous the characters could get, as characterization could fluctuate from writer to writer. In general we tended to be pretty consistent with author characters, but it's not always the case. Which I think sort of was an indication of how our characters would tend to get boiled down to being backstories + running gags.

Anyway, that in mind, I picked out some of our recurring author avatars from the GMOG stories and wrote down my interpretations of their personalities. I figured I'd share and see how they fit with how other people see them. (I didn't do everyone since other character I have a harder time grasping a definition of their personality or even backstory, so we'll go with just these few.)

Golem
The default protagonist of the group and the "Messiah of Parties". From the very beginning of OG canon, Golem has always been a simple guy looking to just have a good time and maybe save the story, world, universe, or whatever else might be threatened. Relaxed and easy going, Golem has no real ambitions and tends to go along with whatever else is going on. Remarkably, Golem has rarely ever gone to the evil side and if he's not just hanging out in the background, he's on the side of good helping to maintain the natural balance of parties. However despite being the everyman hero, he's usually treated with a fair amount of disrespect, often getting physically and verbally abused by not only his enemies, but also his allies too. He tends to be pretty gullible and doesn't seem to be able to distinguish between thinly veiled alter egos. Because he and Sapphire both originated from the original story, they are often paired up as the reluctant couple, eventually culminating in marriage in the Good Timeline, even though neither one of them seem all that commited to the relationship.

Sapphire Blue
The Token Girl. Having joined in Golem's parties from the very start, Sapphire has joined the gang on their many misadventures on a fairly consistent basis. Though enthusiastic at first, over time she became less interested in parties and became a reluctant tag along, generally only joining in on the adventures due to pressing realization that the story needed some sort of female presence. Well aware of her role as the token female, she makes no secret of her annoyance at being included and ends up being the 'straight man' to everyone else's insanity. Consequently she will be the first to step onto the side of the villainy if the goal is simply to end OGing. Rather then help out the heroes directly, she will sometimes intervene as "The Lady in Red" to save the day. Although she is intrigued by Donkeyman's mysterious background, a certain amount of narrative imperative has doomed her and Golem to be a couple.

Vorpal
Ex-Villain turned anti-hero turned regular hero. Starting out as the bad boy of the group, Vorpal's days as cape wearing supervillain are behind him and he has mellowed out considerably. Unlike his humble counterpart, Vorpal is self-promoting and egotistical. While he may no longer want to take over the world, he still wants the recognition and fame that comes with it. Consequently he's known to rename things by replacing the first syllable of a word with 'Vorp' for his own Vorptacular Vorpcabulary. Although not immune to the sultry call of villainy, lately he's more interested in saving the world and looking cool while doing it. He marks a contrast to Golem's nerdiness by being a cool and edgy hero that can engage in cool sword fights that are all the rage these days. These day Vorpal has reunited with his formerly dead girlfriend, Misty, and they spend most of their time together in their shared apartment playing Scrabble.

Luiigii of the Pipes
Once a mystical warrior with impressive powers, a rich history, and a connection with a certain Nintendo hero, Luiigii has since diminished into a bitter and angry hobo who cares little for anyone else and is more interested in exacting calculated plots to achieve his own goals than trying to help save the world. Although not a full time villain, his mystical powers no doubt make him easily swayed to the side of evil and his resentment for the other heroes often tends to lead him to swap sides as it is convenient for him. His fall to his hobo fate no doubt plays a large part in his bitter attitude, especially with the likes of GORE-ILLA, his eternal rival, around to constantly rub that fact in his face. Despite his misdeeds, Luiigii is a family man and devoted to his wife and children. Their presence in general have led him to generally align himself with the side of not being a jerk, but that doesn't stop him from resenting the troublemakers he hangs out with.

Pablo GORE-ILLA
A cyborg gorilla with an extreme personality that seems to operate on the basis of doing whatever he wants, so long as it seems cool at the moment. Obnoxious and rude, GORE cares little for social conventions and generally just enjoys bullying others, getting into fights, and doing whatever seems most outrageous at the time. Although he's flirted with the evil side several times, he usually prefers working on the side of good because it means he's more likely to win and not get sent back to his creator as a pile of scraps. Never one to want to be left out, GORE typically follows alongside the other heroes and tries to keep up with whatever's going on. At one point this may mean beating up the bad guy or at other times, kidnapping his rival's girlfriend and trying to marry her and start a family. Although some might consider him a heartless killing machine, deep down GORE-ILLA just wants to be a real boy and fit in with the rest of the world.

Masamune
Cynical, sarcastic, and inconsiderate are ways to begin describing Masamune. Having been around for centuries longer than the rest of the gang, Masamune is pretty indifferent to just about everyone and only seems to do what he does because he has nothing better to do. Although technically the 'good' twin of a pair of brothers, his allegiance to one side or the other is flexible to the extent he generally does whatever he wants as long as its interesting. Having shifted into the position as a sort of provider for the other heroes, he often mistakenly gets caught up with the idea of being the hero and tries to lead and command the others, which usually only works if they're using his stuff. Self-obsessed and vain, one of his primary motivations is generally trying to hook up with the female heroes, usually muscling in on the designated love interests of other characters. He enjoys birdwatching.

Ditto McCloaker
The Smart Guy and the chessmaster of the group. Ditto is a firm believer in Golem's role as the "Messiah of Parties" and often takes a mentor-like role in trying to guide him into being an actually useful protagonist, especially when everyone else seems intent on overtaking him for the role of main character. As a master of transformation, Ditto remains mysterious and his backstory varies with each telling. In general, Ditto prefers not to get caught up in the messy business of fighting evil and prefers to take a more background role to things and often might be the one orchestrating events, though it can be hard to say which side he's on. With Golem having matured into his role as protagonist, Ditto is seen less and less frequently and spent some time being mysteriously dead before coming back to run for president, a position he still holds.

SteveT
A bitter suit of armor without a heart and self-proclaimed hater of all parties and festivities. Although always the villain, SteveT and his gang of sidekicks tend to rarely play the role of true bad guy due to a tendency to be usurped by bigger and tougher and trendier villains. Although he will often work with the heroes to rid himself of a bigger threat, in general he does so with the express purpose of eventually taking over as the main villain himself. Although cruel and heartless, SteveT typically is more interested in being perceived as being evil and doing evil things than actually acting on it. To this end, he is keenly interested in recruiting minions and is often responsible for luring the others to the side of temporary evil. When not out to destroy parties, he stays at home and argues with his sidekick, Straw Man, over what night is truly Taco Night.

I don't have time to do a full response just now but

That is the most brilliant character deconstruction and psychoanalysis I've yet seen, and in most cases, dead on.

Takes ya back, don't it? To our younger days...

It was fun to write just because GMOG is kind of my 'baby' when it comes to OGs and the above set of characters are, for me, really kind of iconic of what I'd call the 'main cast' of the series.

What really struck me is how Golem and Vorpal make for really good protagonists and counterparts. I'm just a TEENSY BIT in love with Vorpal's character and I think objectively he's probably my favorite (though I am naturally biased towards Masamune) just because he seems to have this great yet rather silly character development and story arc that's been nudged along by his creator, but mostly put together by everyone else. Going from cliched supervillain to laid back (yet self obsessed) beatnik is a cool transformation.

Though that's just one character and if I let myself, I could gush about how every one of these characters evolved from their roots. They actually make for a colorful cast of characters and with appropriate tweaking, would make for a cool comic book cast or even TV show ensemble in which Golem and Vorpal are the main characters (originally starting out as enemies) and everyone else is the extras.

Which, I think, is why our previous efforts for those kind of things fell a bit flat. We always wanted to sort of jump straight into having loads and loads of characters, but it would make a much better story to start out with these two central characters. And instead of introducing them as we see them now, bring them back to their roots. Like, when the story would eventually introduce Luiigii, he'd be the noble mystical warrior he was when he started in OGing, but through his unfortunate associations with our bumbling heroes, his life is unraveled and he ends up a bitter and resentful hobo (who somehow still has a home). For all our crazy antics, retcons, and timeline nonsense, we actually have some pretty neat character development that could be emulated and made more sense of.

BUT that's a pipe dream. But still a cool one to think about.

Talk to Al on this one. The Party Goers full-length novelization is his baby. You two need to collaborate on this.

Heh, you know, it's funny you mention Vorpal. There's this webcomic called 'Girl Genius.'

The character 'Othar Trygvassen' reminds me of Vorpal oh, so much.

These seem accurate to me.

For a while Vorpal used 80s rock lyrics/song titles in place of swear words. I greatly enjoyed that, even if it was short-lived.

Can't believe I missed this topic. I visit every day.

I tell you what I'm gonna do Masamune, I'm gonna write how I see some of these characters before I read what you write about them so there won't be any influence.

Golem
Golem is the guy who never says no. He'll drive you to the Airport at 4 AM even though he has to be at work at 8 to give a vital presentation. He has a quirky personality and sense of humor to be sure, which may be the only reason he can adapt so well to such bizarre situations. He has no backbone and is essentially controlled by whichever good A-Type Personality is with him at the moment. On the rare occasion he'll stand up for himself and make an executive decision on his own, but it's very rarely. He's very timid, and has to be pushed into confrontation. Sometimes his apathy seems to be dislike, but he wouldn't ever intentionally be rude. Other times, when he's excited about something, his passion comes off as quirky and insincere.

Sapphire Blue
As the only woman in the story, a powerful character and, at the same time, distressed damsel. She's a strong character, very dominant, bossy, whether anyone listens or not. She has more passion than Golem, and I suspect she married him because she could wear the pants in that relationship. Still, her royal duties, while an ever present fixture in her life, don't seem to affect her ambitions or personality that much. Generally the voice of reason, even more reasonable than Golem, who while fairly sane, can get caught up in the madness with the best of them. She has many friends, and I don't get the impression she genuinely likes any of them.

Vorpal
Vorpal is one of the more dynamic characters we've had. He started out as a ruthless villain bent on world domination and, in the Good Timeline anyway, he began his descent into spirituality, which, for a character who'd done such bad things and lost so much, made perfect sense. Vorpal doesn't really believe he can be forgiven for the things he's done, and no amount of penance will change that. He's really a very sad character, which is why he's one of my favorites. He has the best epic arc out of everyone, and his epic flaw is really interesting, I think. From a certain point of view, he could find forgiveness, if he'd forgive himself, but he can't.

Luigi of the Pipes
Easily the character I have the least handle on, personality wise. I've always tried to write him like Ben Kenobi, if Ben Kenobi were fat stinkin' drunk all the time. And I have to be honest, most of the time that's about where it ends. I always assumed he was tripping his balls off almost all the time, and that his powers were more perceived than real. His talking Goombas? I liked to think they were mushrooms, and only he heard them talking.

GORE-illa
As a gorilla, his intelligence is around that of a 4 year old. As a cyborg, his deathiness is around that of a 20 year old. He's driven by base emotions, and can't form especially complex thoughts. Like Luigi, i never had a great grasp on his character.

Masamune
Okay, a character I GET. Masamune, being kind of an insane demon with a taste for the theatrics tends to mess with people in especially evil ways. He always struck me as being similar to the Joker, and having something like bipolar disorder, maybe even pentapolar disorder. This is in contrast to his brother, who is decidedly more evil and level headed. Perhaps his essentric behavior is a result of being so old. He believes he's a great friend of all of the enemies he's made, and becomes despondent when so few of them will hang out with him. Flutter likes him, the two of them being fairly similar personality wise.

Ditto McCloaker
Boundlessly creative and flamboyant, Ditto McCloaker is nothing if not theatric, and his love of puzzles shines through in his, arguably, greatest creation, the Ditto Domain. He considers himself a paragon of intelligence and thought. He believes, perhaps rightly so, himself to be the smartest member of the group. He thinks in tropes and clichés. He is, however, a genuinely good person, if kind of a jerk. There's also the flipside to this, he's pretty lonely, perhaps by choice but almost definitely true. He spends most of his time accompanied by Guiseppie, true, but he's part of someone else's supporting cast, he doesn't have one.

SteveT
Not a very happy person, SteveT hates parties, and maybe it's just joy that he hates. He's got no compunctions about killing people who annoy him, and yet he still hasn't killed everyone. Odd. As the series wears on, he mellows out. I always figured he had some issues on making friends left unresolved and never was able to do that, so he takes out his angst on people who have fun.

I kind of wish we could've got everyone to do this, because it's interesting to see how our opinions and thoughts on the characters vary (and which ones we are more familiar with as a whole.) Interestingly we pretty much concluded the same things with Golem and Sapphire and Ditto to an extent, but the others not so much.

In a sense I wonder if your take on Masamune is more accurate than mine, since even I have a hard time getting a fix on his personality. I think if I had to define him it's that he's extremely narcissistic and doesn't really register other people's feelings or concerns. He's immortal and people tend to just get old and die around him, so getting concerned for their extremely temporary well being is fairly ridiculous. He's all about doing whatever he feels like doing at the time and not caring about others. He idealizes himself as a hero and good guy, but he's a selfish prick who is only out for his own glorification.

In other words, a textbook Self-Insertion.



NO, WAIT, I WAS JUST KIDDING, I WAS KID- ~slap~

Let's see here... let me analyze the cast.


Golem
Golem was the central character of Party Goers, and most of the spin-offs, and, I think, it's safe to say that without him, there'd have been no On-Going Forum. And I think this is because he was the epitome of what the series was really about: A bunch of imaginative fanboys inserting their idealized selves into a world of their fantasies.

Golem IS fanboyism. He's a kid wearing a Dr. Who scarf, a Mario cap, and named after a Pokemon. And he lives in a world where he gets to emulate all of his heroes, while rubbing-elbows with other characters who are just like him. They say in dreams, every character is just another facet of you. I think every single major character in Party Goers was just another version of Golem, every last one of us, floating in orbit around the central Golem, bouncing off of each other. His only goal was to have a party, which is, after all, just a flimsy pretext for having fun with other people, isn't it?

Nintenfreak / Big Al
Appearing a bit later in the series was Nintenfreak. I always thought, In the Party Goers universe, if Golem was Player 1, Nintenfreak was Player 2. He was the Luigi to Golem's Mario, the Ferb to Golem's Phineas. Not the main protagonist, but a surrogate who could be relied on to fill any role in any scene. You needed someone for a quirky, goofy conversation, or a kooky bit of action, you used Nintenfreak. Like a background character on a show who gets lines, then more lines, then becomes a major character, Nintenfreak started out as a convenience and made himself an essential. It was like it was his job, like he collected a paycheck each week for helping complete scenes. Then, like Luigi, he got his own unique character development, his own name ("Big Al"), his own distinct appearance. Considering that Al may go on to be a comic book author with his own wacky series, it may just be that Big Al is the character out of the series that will live on longer than any other member of the cast.

Sapphire Blue
Mary Sue.

Vorpal
Vorpal was always, secretly, my guilty pleasure, I think. I think I enjoyed writing him more than any other character, because I had a clear idea of what to do with him. Out of the whole cast, I think Vorpal was the one who might've stepped right out of some Saturday morning cartoon (probably the Fox Box). He's your classic Villain With An F In Evil - delightfully grandiose, cheerfully oblivious, easily distracted, childishly innocent, and about as dangerous as a sack of flour. He fell into power - put him at the wheel of a powerful spacecraft, and he'd be listening to folk music on the radio. Give him a powerful superlaser and he'd draw a smiley-face on the moon. Make him the President and he'd be way more fun than anything you saw on CNN. And before it was all over, he'd probably be just about as responsible for saving the day as the heroes. I think, though, maybe that was just me - other people managed to use him for genuine pathos, spirituality, and thoughtfulness, something I never quite managed, always relegating him to Champion Comic Relief. If I weakened the character, I'm sorry.

SteveT
See the posts above. A robotic Dick Dastardly. An all-purpose deus ex machina (no pun intended) and reliable go-to guy when a story needed some menace, exposition, a new development, or just a villain. Not much more to add.

Luigi of the Pipes
Luigi may go down in history as one of the best side characters of all online-literary history. Of the Three Stooges, he was Larry - understated, yet essential. Luigi was a cosmic plaything. It's like he was cursed, and he was well aware of it. Whatever role he was in, he was over-qualified. Like Marvin the Paranoid Android, Luigi's core character was that he always made for greater things than he was given. Look at his name: He's named for Luigi, the understated and underused Mario Brother. You got the feeling he could've been the hero of Super Mario Bros. but was five minutes late for the audition and it wasn't his fault. "Of the Pipes." That's like saying "From the sewers." Sure, he was a Jedi, but he was the Jedi back at base, cleaning the toilets while Luke and Han were blowing up the Death Star. He was frustrated, disrespected, but persistent. He wasn't just a failure, he was the Patron Saint of Failures. That's a unique role.

GORE-illa
I... never really understood GORE. I don't think, in my five-year career of writing, I ever gave him a single line. I had no idea where this guy was coming from, or what to do with him. Maybe because I never really got to know his author. For that, I think I owe an apology. Having read what others have written about him, though, I think I'm starting to get it a little.

Masamune
If you asked most people who Ditto's evil counterpart was, they'd say Dark Ditto, but I'd say they were wrong. Dark Ditto was a foil, but on a psychological level, I think the real evil counterpart was Masamune. I say this because the past few analyses of Masamune (the character) were right on the mark. He was, at core, a narcisstic thrill-seeker, an unpredictable agent of chaos, and a chewer of scenery, but a genuine menace and a sincere antagonist - the Yosemite Sam to Vorpal's loveable Elmer Fudd. In this way, he was much like Ditto, except for the other side. He even had his own foil, Murasame. He was also, I think, the series' most consistent character.

I have a crazy theory that this is because Masa (the writer) and I were drawing water from the same creative well. If I had to guess, I honestly suspect this is a case of two people who grew up watching Gargoyles and were fans of Puck, the scene-stealing trickster, and wanted to do someone like that, but taking them in two different directions. But it's just a theory. I could be wrong.

Ditto McCloaker
Ditto's character has already been perfectly summed up in the other posts, so there's nothing for me to add there. The only new insight I have to offer on the character would be his behind-the-scenes development notes.

Ditto McCloaker was born in an empty Computer Lab on a College campus one summer afternoon after a summer-credit Statistics class. That summer, in that room, I discovered the Internet for the first time, which had the odd effect of reviving my old childhood fascination with video games - I was amazed at this new innovation called a "Search Engine" and I needed something to search FOR, and that came to mind. That brought me to Neglected Characters, and then VGF.com, and from there to the OG Board.

Every afternoon, after class, I'd spend hours there, reading OGs, and in particular, bringing myself up to speed with Party Goers, which was already several iterations in. When at last I caught up to the present story, I wanted to know what happened next so bad I was willing to write it myself, if I had to. I had absolutely no idea what to write, though, but I recall the scene was a cliff-hanger, and in need of someone to swoop in to save the day, so I provided one. I had a hundred ideas of favorite characters who could've done it (Mario, etc.), and wrote the scene a dozen different ways.

At last, tired, I decided to just take my favorite lines from each version, and combine them all into one character who could be all the other characters as needed. It so happened that I had another window open at the time - a Super Mario encyclopedia - the current entry was on SMRPG bosses: Domino and Cloaker. The character was two seconds away from being Domino Cloaker but that just sounded stupid. I substituted the shape-shifting Pokemon for this shape-shifting plot device. It rolled off the tongue better. He had to have someone to talk to, and a way to transform. There was a Flying ? Block sprite somewhere on the page, so I killed two birds with one stone. Guisseppie was just one of my favorite names, one I gave to lots of characters when I made up play worlds as a kid.

The rest was history.

About the character I have little else to add. My version of the character was killed off in a scene meant to finish him - taking a blast from an unseen assailant for the rest of the cast, lifted onto Guisseppie and carried off to the Ditto Domain, which sank beneath the waves to some Valhalla for OG characters. Somehow, nobody ever saw it - maybe a technical glitch by the VGF forums. No doubt for the best. It was a gaudy death by an inferior writer. You guys, instead, rescued him from the trash heap and ran with him, expanding on him magnificently. I'm not just flattering you guys - you were the ones who flattered me, and I thank you.

Well, given that they're all wildly mutated self-inserts...

Heh, actually, I just expanded on my post. And as you'll see, I agree.

I see that now! Going back, you wouldn't believe how on the money you are, unless I had somehow told you about it before. The Masamune 'character' originated in a Gargoyles Chatroom RP place, where my cobbled together backstory made him a trickster much in the same sense as Puck. In his original form, he was very much just an expy of Puck, with a bit of random swords tossed in to explain the username. Even though I ended up veering away from that, it's kind of cool that it's still sort of obviously there.

And the parallel between Masamune and Ditto is an interesting one to draw. I like it.

Ha! I KNEW IT!

I don't think you ever told me, dude -- at least, not in so many words. But c'mon man. After all these years, I know how your mind works, and could reason accordingly.

Thanks, by the way, for the other thing. I didn't even plan to write that before I did, but somehow that analysis 'unfolded' to me as I got started. I was as surprised at the revelation as you were.

Wow... this is all really interesting, and now this has got me thinking. I'll have to come back here when I have a little more time to think through and analyze the characters more in depth.

I really like Masa's characterization of Vorpal as self-promoting and egotistical, which seems to me to go along with Ditto's estimation of the perfect Saturday morning cartoon villain. They always had their brand on everything, evil schemes seemed more like marketing gimmicks gone overboard or evil-just-to-be-evil (which would be like brand re-enforcement).

I would like to take credit, but I feel like a lot of Vorpal's awesome characteristics were given by people other than me. Though, I always envisioned Vorpal as the super-villain wannabe. He started as a villain hopelessly trying to disrupt the Rocketsville story. Then he invaded the Party Goers as the ultimate villain with the dark past, trying to be this intimidating figure, but then Ditto wrote the scene where Vorpal turns on "On the Road Again" and jams a rainbow lollipop in the controls. And while I never would have done that, it just seemed like Vorpal. He aspires to greatness, and tries to put on the act, but there is something innocent and child-like about him, which I think propels him on the character-arc that Masamune pointed out.

It was GORE who first had Vorpal use "Rock you like a Hurricane" in a sentence that was a part of MY actual character that I thought fit perfectly. I think it is incredibly clever when I can insert song lyrics into regular conversation, especially ridiculous song lyrics (and 80's lyrics is full of them), and it feels right for Vorpal. I think it was either GORE or Luiigii who wrote about a dragon being two Vorpal's tall, and when Masamune fused with Vorpal, he became Vorpamune... I think those two things probably were the genesis of everything being named after Vorpal to a ridiculous extent, but is founded in that egotistical Saturday morning villain pastiche.

Some of my favorite moments personally for Vorpal is when he's trying to out-awesome Masamune, or when he's wearing a disguise that no one in their right mind should be able to mistake him for anyone other than Vorpal, or he actually tries to be heroic or sage and everything falls apart around him.

I always thought of Vorpal as a foil to several characters in different ways, but all because Vorpal wants to have the recognition and appreciation that comes from different characters. Golem is the genuine innocent hero that everyone loves, and Vorpal wants that. Masamune is the cool villain who is more consistent in his awesome villainy, and Vorpal wants that. Luiigii is the mysterious honor-bound man with a past, and Vorpal wants that. GORE is the muscle that solves everything with violence, and Vorpal wants that. Ditto is the mysterious and wise puppet-master, and Vorpal wants that. But there's also this element of while Vorpal wants to be all those things, Vorpal I think deep down just wants to be Vorpal (though how do you define that?), which is someone who wants to be everything and anything as the situation demands.

...and maybe this is why Vorpal is so much like me (or I am like him)... Vorpal wants to be everything and everyone, because everything is cool in it's own way, and it's partly because Vorpal can't decide and moves from one to the next that makes him a good foil for everyone to an extent.

I have more to write about (non-Vorpal related), but I'll have to come back to this thread at a later time to get to it.

Honestly that's why I always loved OGs. RPing is fine and all and you can do some interesting things with it, but the development of a character by several people can lead them into interesting directions as long as people are on a fairly similar page on what they're all about. Vorpal I think is one we all ended up having the most fun developing, but really they all were taken into pretty interesting directions because of it.

Just imagine the sort of thing we'd have created if we were actually good writers! (Or okay, more seriously, didn't get bogged down with loads and loads of characters.)

By the way, I take it as a point of pride that the SteveTrio has shown up in so many OGs where I wasn't even an author. I think not-me has added them to more OGs than I have.

I will now post as Straw Man:

Golem: The strong and mighty villain of the series, hell-bent on stealing all the cottage cheese from my refrigerator. So far, he's winning.

Sapphire: A sentient cucumber with a drinking problem.

Big Al: A warlord from Chinese mythology with a paralyzing fear of anyone smaller than himself.

Vorpal: An elevator operator with dreams of moving to the big city and becoming a real estate executive.

GORE-illa: If chandeliers could talk, they'd sound like him. Which is why I tie gags to every chandelier I come across.

Luigi: The reason mops can now file for restraining orders.

Masamune: How many Masamunes does it take to change a lightbulb? The world will never know because there's no such thing.

Ditto: A sixth-grade history teacher with delusions of grandeur.

SteveT: A loyal and devoted servant to the greatest mind of his age.