In the year 2016, a man by the name of Richard Jyuse created a cheap miracle food source called JIZZ. It was a Jelly Intended for Zany Zoos and with such cheap food for their animals in their zany zoos, the zany zoos were able to use the extra money to make their zoos even MORE zany and thus attract more people, who gave them more money so they were able to use the extra money to make their zoos even MORE zany and thus attract more people, who gave them more money ad infinitum. Soon, the zany zoos rivaled Disneyland in popularity, but not Disney World. But soon after that, it surpassed Disneyland in popularity and rivaled Disney World in popularity, but not Euro Disney. But soon after THAT, it surpassed Disney World in popularity and rivaled Euro Disney in popularity, but not Dollywood. But soon after that, it surpassed Euro Disney in popularity and rivaled Dollywood in popularity, but not Euro Dollywood. Soon it saw a fall in popularity. But soon after that, it became the single most popular attraction in the world. Except there was more than one and they were owned by different people, so there was INTENSE RIVALRIES OH NO! Espionage and conspiracies and women with guns, it was crazy. Then one zany zoo ruled them all. It was called

Zany Zoo.

A man named Matt Berusa worked at one of the JIZZ factories, making JIZZ all day. The JIZZ is actually made of people, but you don't find that out until the end. This is his story.

Matt: Ya know, I never tasted this before. *sticks his finger in some finished JIZZ and tastes it* Hmm... kind of bitter and salty. Do animals like this stuff?

Bossman: Matt! Are you tasting the JIZZ?

Matt: I cannot lie. No, I'm not.

Bossman: Oh, good. Keep up the good work. I'm gonna go back to my station and make more JIZZ, too.

Workerman: Bossman! Are you talking to a coworker instead of making JIZZ?

Bossman: I cannot lie. Yes.

Workerman: You're fired.

Bossman: But

Workerman: Okay, you're not fired. Now get back to work.

Bossman: Thanks.

Next Time on JIZZ Factory OG!

Workerman: *holding a gun* YOU MADE ME DO THIS, MATT! YOU MADE ME EAT THIS GUN! *chomp* THIS IS QUALITY METAL!

Matt: I told you not to eat all that JIZZ.

Matt: Hey, Workerman. Not to eat all that JIZZ.

Workerman: What did you say? I don't think I heard you right.

Matt: No, I'm not going to tell you.

Workerman: What could I possibly do to make you tell me?

Matt: You could... eat this gun. *passes a gun to Workerman*

Workerman: Okay.

Matt: Okay. I'm waiting.

Workerman: *holding a gun* YOU MADE ME DO THIS, MATT! YOU MADE ME EAT THIS GUN! *chomp* THIS IS QUALITY METAL!

Matt: I told you not to eat all that JIZZ.

Workerman: Oh, okay. Thanks.

Bossman: Hey, have you two seen my gun? I need it . . .

Next time on JIZZ Factory OG!

Matt: Is JIZZ made of people?

Bossman: No.

Matt: Oh, okay.

Not this time on JIZZ Factory OG!

Matt: I hate mondays.

Bossman: Meow meow meow LASAGNA.

Actually factually this time on JIZZ Factory OG!

So, plot moving forward, Matt and Bossman have concocted an ingenious plan to make money off of JIZZ.

Bossman: So how would you like to make money off of JIZZ?

Matt: I already do. I'm legally employed and paid by this company.

Bossman: Ah. But how would you like to make... ILLEGAL money off of JIZZ???

Matt: Normally I would be hesitant, but those extra question marks are just OH SO ENTICING.

Bossman: Good. Well, as soon as I figure out a way to scam this company, we will be partners in crime. I have chosen you, of ALL the employees here, so you should feel ESPECIALLY SPECIAL. Especial.

Matt: Oh. I thought you picked me because we were the only two who worked in this entire factory.

*COMEDIC WIDE SHOT WITH HIGH-LARIOUS CRICKET SOUNDS/NOISES/NOIZEZ*

Bossman: Yes... THAT MAY BE SO. But I still have chosen you. So how shall we come up with this scam?

Matt: My grandfather was actually a master scam artist. What a coincidence!

Bossman: Yeah? We should go visit him! For tips and/or tricks!

Matt: Well, he lives in kind of a far-off place.

Bossman: I can spare the gas money. Where is he?

Matt: Heaven.

Bossman: Oh. You could have said "He is in a far-off place that doesn't really exist and we all die alone in the ground" instead, then.

Matt: *sniff* That's a pretty mean/long-winded thing you suggested I say. Heaven is TOO real! It's in a lake in Indiana! I visited him once!

Scientific fact: All dead people who are especially nice end up in the middle of a lake in Indiana. So Atheists aren't really that far off from the truth.

Bossman: Well I find that notion to be completely preposterous, but I could stand for there to be something to break up all of this back-and-forth dialogue going on. LET US VENTURE TO INDIANA.

Next time on JIZZ Factory OG!

Bossman: *sips slowly and dramatically at bottled water*

Matt: *dons BITCHIN' SUNGLASSES*

Music: *begins to play*

Car engine: A-VROOM VROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!