TV Reporter: This is Eightch 2 Oerson of the Gamehiker News Network reporting to you live from Boston, where the McCloaker Administration's Super Villain Task Force has just brought in one of the country's most notorious criminals, Don Giovanni of Team Rocket. I have with me here James Bird on the situation. What are your thoughts?
James Bird: Giovanni has plagued the country for nearly ten years, but went largely overlooked by the previous administration, who dismissed him as a madman imitating the villain from a beloved children's cartoon series. Today we make a firm stance against criminality by putting him away. No longer will Boston be the "Rocketsville III". We're taking back this city and the country.
Eightch: And what about reports of an errant cell group still on the loose... a Team Rocket Omega?
James Bird: We have no comment on that matter at this time.
Eightch: And there you have it. President McCloaker continues to take a firm stance on the war against crime and terrorism. Currently in Iraq, plans are-
~the television is shut off, ending the television report inside of an apartment in the heart of some city~
Vorpal: Stupid Ditto!
Misty: Are you still moping about that? You're only 24, you couldn't have run anyways.
Vorpal: He's only 28! Besides, he spent some of those years DEAD!
Misty: So did I.
Vorpal: Besides. My counterpart in the Neutral Timeline became president at 16! SIXTEEN, Misty!
Misty: Yes, shortly after he killed my counterpart, right?
Vorpal: *cough* Uh, right. All I'm saying is, Ditto is ruining my life. Heck, whenever I go out in the Vorp-Tank, there's never any crime to stop. Why just last night...
Last Night wrote:
~the Vorp-Tank tears through the city and arrives outside of a bank at a major bank heist. Vorp-Man steps out just as the cops are escorting Kaiser Bear X and Dixie Kenya from the premises~
Sigmund: Oh, looks like you're just in time, Vorp-Man.
Vorp-Man: What, really?
Sigmund: Yeah. We got a call for a cat in a tree down the block.
~all the cops laugh and Vorp-Man heads back to his tank dejectedly~
Misty: So you've hit a small bump, what's the big deal? I'd like having you at home more~
Vorpal: It's just not fair. Heck, I even had to fire Wariofan. Now I'm paying severance out of my own pocket! Not to mention having to take in a new roommate to make ends meet...
~Vorpal and Misty both glance back behind the couch to the bedrooms. One is closed and has a sign on it saying "No Hobos!" Inside, a lonely mechanical gorilla sadly looks down at a portrait of MPOM as he rubs a metal thumb over her face. In the background, the lyrics of a song are heard~
"Craaaaaaaaawling in my skiiiiiiiiin!"
GORE: I don't even have skin... oh MPOM, what kind of father am I!? The social worker won't even let me see Ronnie anymore! So what if I led the Doomhikers once? I was only a year old then!
~he pulls a pull string on a nearby Luiigii doll~
Luiigii doll: Shut up and-
~GORE crushes it instantly~
GORE: Well, at least there's some things to cheer me up. ~reaches for another one~
Narrator: Elsewhere, however, bigger problems were at hand. In the kingdom of Turquoise, Golem sat nervously on a throne with Sapphire at his side. A peasant is brought before them.
Chancellor: Your majesty. This peasant killed one of the royal flying bunnies in the royal garden.
Golem: Oh. Why?
Peasant: To eat, sire! It's a floating island, where else do we hunt game?
Chancellor: He must be punished!
Golem: Nah. Let him go and give him my Subway coupons.
Peasant: Thank you, milord!
~the peasant runs off. The chancellor glares at Golem before stomping off~
Sapphire: You can't just let everyone off for everything. The last guy tried to kill you and you let him go!
Golem: I know. Seriously, why hasn't anyone fired me yet?
Sapphire: *buries head in hands* ... it doesn't work like that.
Golem: All I'm saying is that six years of party going, four years of college, and five years of T-Ventures never included training on being a king. Now give me the royal phone, I want to order Chinese.
~just outside the royal hall, Lord Sky and the Chancellor meet in secret~
Chancellor: That fool is making a mockery of this kingdom!
Lord Sky: Now do you see what I mean?
Chancellor: But his is married to the princess...
Lord Sky: Turquoise WILL belong to me, mark my words. The question is... will you be on the losing side or on my side?
Chancellor: ... on your side, of course.
Lord Sky: Good... good. Now we need only wait for the Donkeyman to make his move.