MJ: *narrating* The scene: a quaint, tranquil college campus somehow untouched by the turmoil and chaos currently plaguing the outside world. Little did it's peaceful students know, there was an great evil dwelling amongst their midst. An evil so great, that it could only be called...

*Golem rolls out of bed and hit the ground.*

Golem: Owies, that smarts!

MJ: Golem.

Golem: Holy shoe! MJ, what are doing in my bedroom?

MJ: I'm narrating, now hush! You're killing my vibe.

Golem: Okaaay... But can you at least leave my room so I can change.

MJ: No. *clears throat and returns to narrating* Who knows what dastardly deeds this evil mastermind has in store for the unsuspecting Gamehikers.

Golem: I'm going to post in an OG!

MJ: The bastard! Does his evil know no bounds!?

Golem:

MJ: But not all is lost. For at this very second, a group young heroes has arisen to put an end to this vile monster once and for all. For this very day, is the day Golem dies.

Golem: That's it. I'm calling the cops.

MJ: Chills Greg. I'm only trying to set the mood for the OG.

Golem: Just get out of my dorm.

Masamune and Ditto: OG control to Major Greg
OG control to Major Greg
Take your college pills and put your sneakers on
OG control to Major Greg: Commence alarm clock engines on
Check your homework and may the dean's love be with you

This is OG Control to Major Greg, you've really made the grade!
And the posters want to know whose shirts you wear,
Now it's time to leave the classroom if you dare!

Major Greg: This is Major Greg to OG Control, I'm stepping through the door
And I'm studying in the most peculiar way
And the hot chicks look different today

For here I am, sitting in a dorm room!
Far above the forums
Maryland is blue, and I've got essays to do

Though I've passed one thousand hundred words, I'm feeling very still
And I think my dorm mate knows which way to go,
tell my wife I love her very much, she knows!

Masamune and Ditto: OG Control to Major Greg:
Your AIM is dead, there's something wrong.
Can you hear me Major Greg?
Can you hear me Major Greg?
Can you hear me Major Greg?
Can you-

Major Greg: Here I am, sitting in my dorm room, far above the forums!
Maryland is blue and I've got essays to do...

To be continued in "While My Roommate Gently Weeps"

(Meanwhile on the distant planet metroid, Dr. Wily concocts his latest schemes)

(Oh whoops that was a fanventures right. Okay well, in Feudal Mexico...)

Elemental: Hark!

Flambe El Tarcher: I, Flambe El Tarcher, fighting under the flag of the fearsome Tang, order you to open the gate of this castle to me.

Elemental: No can do! ~teehee~

Flambe: Then I will devote the rest of my life to killing you and taking this castle!

(Meanwhile on the distant planet metroid, Dr. Wily concocts his latest schemes)

Dr. Wily: Seriously wrong OG man stop writing that

(I don't know why it's in the script! Anyways, twelve years later, Flambe has climbed the wall and battles his life long foe who's been abroad for 11 and most of a year(s). Elemental's long neck-cape catches Flambe's hatchets by the handles and they fly off into the abyss)

Elemental: you could have just tried axing me nicely but it's too late now LOL

Flambe: Perchance thou shalt prepare for mine poignet, amigo! (pulls out a knife)

Elemental:

(Kester (-IX) kills him for some reason who cares really)

Elemental: hark

(Meanwhile on the distant planet metroid, Dr. Wily concocts his latest schemes crap I mean meanwhile in the present times in Maryland though obviously not actually meanwhile well whatever shut up)

Flambe Tarcher: And then my ancestor watched his father die and then the kicked him off the wall and he died in his hands. And that's why I've got to kill Golem.

(Class claps)

Prof. Professional: That was a very informative presentation, Mr. uh, Tarcher. We're so glad you'll be joining this school and studying in the english department.

Flambe: So am I...

Golem: Question! I've got a question!

Flambe: Yeah, what is it?

Golem: How does the historic importance of the Tang relate to the course material we're doing right now?

Flambe: What? You no good punk, I'm going to-

Prof. Prof: That's an excellent question, Golem. In fact we're in university here. Why did I allow him to do that? Can anyone think of a reason?

Golem: Oh, oh! Pick me!

Prof. Prof: Anyone else?

(nobody else moves an inch)

Prof. Prof: Oh, very well. Golem?

Golem: No, nobody can think of a reason.

Prof. Prof: And why is that?

Golem: It's because there's only seven people in this room including us and I'm too busy posting on www.gamehiker.com.

Prof.Prof: www.gamehiker.com?

Flambe: Gamehiker dot?

Golem: Gamehiker dot com.

Golem: Gamehiker dot cooooom

wasting all of your daaaaaays

topics hotter than hot

more often than not

in a lot of good waaaaays.


Flambe: What, a porn site or something?

Prof. Prof: Surely not?

Golem: For discussion of video games, of course!

Flambe: Surely that's not all!

Golem: ~Teehee~ it surely isn't!

Prof. Prof: Then what is this secondary function?

Student #54958B: Yeah come on Golem

Student #FFFFFE: Divulge that shit!

Golem: Well...

Flambe: I think I got this one.

Golem: Yeah?

Flambe: yeah.

Flambe Why this site is writer heaven
forum systematic
posting systematic
Why it's OGing (Itttt's ooggging)

We'll get some writers and some overbearing plots
oh yeah
(keep writing oh keep writing)
Obnoxious characters and whining authors; lots
oh yeah
(I'll do the posting I'll kill if you take my spot)
with fourty angry writers on the floor
Pages written: There'll be scores
Oh- Geeinggggggg


Golem: Yeah! Now you got it!

Flambe: Wait. I'm supposed to get you! C'mere ya punk!

Prof. Prof: But this sounds much like fanfiction. I won't have fanfiction in my class!

Flambe/Golem: Fanfiction?

Flambe Listen pops and listen good

Otherwise I'll throw a tire iron at your hood

OGing's not a one man game

It's a multi-writer show that puts FanFics to shame

wow rhyming game with shame is lame

Golem: Whaddya do with a problem like Fanfiction

How to crush godmodding and please the crowd?

Give everyone a turn. A fun tale you've got to spurn.

Characters in stories ful of twists and turns and clooooouttt!

What do you do with a problem like Fanfiction?

Let everyone join as equals and find out!


Prof. Prof: Yes oh yes I'm beginning to see
The merit of this fabulous "OG"
A tale in which ideas characters and stories are wed
though a challenge rears it's ugly head
Disagreements must not be uncommon
Might writers not seek to be a story-bombin'?
Without order the story's undone
It's like giving everyone a gun
So tell me young men and tell me loud
of how it is that of OGs you can be proud?

Flambe:You stupid shit

Golem:The chaos is half of it

Flambe:Without danger there's no fun

Golem:Although your courting chances are done

Flambe/Golem:Those that knock OGing we will shun!

Prof. Prof: I see. Howev-

Golem: Huff... Puff... no more singing.

Flambe: What... the hell... I must be in school or som...'tin to break out... alk... ahem... t' break out in song like this... phew.

(class claps)

Prof. Prof: Impressive. But about that rhyming of good and my hood, Mr Tarcher, I must request you stay after class.

Flambe: Aww man! I've got to kill Golem, though!

Prof.Prof: That can wait until after you've learned not to stretch the limits of peoples' supsensions of disbelief. Class dismissed!