~lazy scene description aka A ROOM~

Tyler: Well, my laptop is all better now, but it has permanent amnesia, and must be given new memories.

Golem: Well my internet is evil and has it out for Fred.

Fred: I'll get you, Internet connection named after an Almost Human reference!

Tyler: So what do we do now.

Golem: I don't know. My speech seems to have devolved into 7th grade English writing. What do you think, Fred?

Fred: Never have and never will, my friend.

Tyler: Well, good. Great, even. Well... letsee... I guess we should restore my computer's memory first. Golem can wait.

Fred: But it's growing and festering! Just lemme plug into your computer with that guitar and I'll fight it in a tank or giant robot or something.

Golem: Is there any way we can solve both problems at once? I'm starting to lose sleep from all the evil laughter my computer's internet does at night. ~Teehee~?

Tyler: We could use your computer's memory, but then we'd be in double trouble, probably. I'm afraid to connect this thing to the internet. It's so innocent, so naive. It's not ready to handle the stresses of real life.

Golem: I don't think anyone here really handles the stresses of real life.

Fred: I had to do in my father's killer yesterday, helllloooooo. I don't remember at all what we're talking about, but I think we need to call in the Geek Squad.

Tyler: ...That sounds a lot like us.

Golem: That sounds kind of like the Ghostbusters but for us. I don't want to rope the government into this, either... I suspect my internet has already started calling out hits on all of us.

Fred: Fine, that's out too. We need a memory, right? LETS JUST STEAL SOMEONE ELSE'S!

Tyler: (looks out the window) how about that guy, that guy RIGHT there? It's not murder because we're putting his conciousness somewhere else!

Golem: Uhh... wouldn't you guys rather throw a party?

Fred: See, Golem, it's stuff like that causing your internet to walk all over you with its high heels and basketball skillz.

Golem: What, aversion to homicide, Fredular?

Tyler: I already said it's not technically killing him.

Fred: It is it is! We're talking his memory, not conciousness!

Golem: I think we should come up with a different idea, maybe kind of.

(Elsewhere)

Guy-in-charge: Rival! Moondo! AND RHYK!

Rival: Here, your highness.

Moondo: Ready to go!

Rhyk: Affirmative.

Guy-in-charge: As a human that is totally not being controlled by Golem's internet and also in charge of you, I order you, our three best Elite Beat Agents, to kill Golem and whatever undesirables he may have with him.

Rival: Who's this kid Gol-

Moondo: AGENTS ARE GO!

(back in THE ROOM)

Tyler: My Dr. Octopus' senses are tingling! Something either really good or really bad has just happened.

Golem: Like what? It tends to pay to know these things in advance.

Fred: Don't pay me this is charity work.

Tyler: If it's a good sign, someone either is going to throw a surprise birthday party for one of us or bomb the town with chocolate. Something along those lines.

Golem: So the bad stuff's got to be pretty bad.

Tyler: No, not really. It usually just indicates a computer problem. It of course doesn't matter what the problem is, it could range from your text document getting corrupted to your internet taking over a high ranking member of a goverment agency and sending three trained killers to deal with you and your company.

Fred: Where do you come up with these crazy ideas of yours, anyways?

Tyler: Well, I just now realized that my laptop needs to have all my amazingtastic programs reinstalled, so you know what THAT MEANS! I'm gonna go next door to Mrs. Ladyperson's to borrow a cup of sugar.

Golem: Well, I'm gonna go with you and take her up on an offer of Mr. Pibb (omgreference). Also, What does sugar have to do with reinstalling mostly-stolen software? Also also, shoe.

Fred: Well IIIi'm going because "cup of sugar" is totally innuendo YOU KNOW IT IS. Just let me grab my camera/Bagel Bite dispenser.

~And a few bagel-licious moments later, we find the trio in Tyler's babe magnet 1999 Chevy Blazer YEAH. They drive to the house next to the house they were currently in. Don't complain about the way I word things or I'll bite your forehead off.~

Golem: That took at least three times the amount of time it would have taken if we had just walked.

Tyler: What and RISK LOSING WEIGHT? I don't think so. I've gotta be the fat guy. If I get skinny and whatnot, I might actually become attractive. What would I do THEN?

Fred: That's quite the comment you just made on fascism, Tyler, but I was too busy looking at that van over there in your/my/Golem's/our driveway.

~In said van, Rival, Moondo, and kikeIMEANRHYK were sitting, waiting, and possibly listening to Classic Rock 95~

Moondo: Blast. This is the right address, where are they? The vehicle's gone.

Rival: They must have caught drift of our awesome and rushed off to delay their impending fate.

Moondo: Wait, what?

Rhyk: Isn't that their car over there, approx. 10 feet away?

Moondo: Don't be ridiculous, do you think that there's only ONE 1999 Chevy Blazer in the world? PUH-lease.

Rhyk: No, seriously, it has the same tag number and everything.

Rival: Now don't be stupid. We're going to search far away from here, and while we do so, you're going to have every memory you've ever had since we reached this driveway addressed.

Rhyk: THE TURKEY SANDWICH, NO!

~Back in the Chevy Blazer, Tyler, Golem, and Fred watch the van drive off.~

Tyler: Oh, they were just using our driveway to turn around. C'mon, we should get going!

~Tyler, Golem, and Fred step out of the Blazer. When Tyler sets foot on the sidewalk, a laser shoots at his foot and hits his shoe. He steps back.~

Tyler: Hold on, guys! The crazy woman has her defense system activated!

Golem: That squirrel doesn't seem to mind.

~Golem points to a squirrel who is running around while a laser shoots at it. Fred puts his head on the ground and opens his mouth, and the laser shoots in his mouth.~

Fred: This stuff is delicious!

Tyler: I guess it's not really a defense system after all.

~The three cool guys cross the lawn, almost enjoying the warm feeling the laser gives as they cross it. Once at her door, the laser stops. Then they ring her doorbell. The door opens 142 seconds later.~

Fred: That's 142 seconds I'll never get back.

Mrs. Ladyperson: Don't sass me, chile!

~The entire nation of Chile stands up in a huff.~

Mrs. Ladyperson: Chile with a long "I" sound and a silent "E."

Chile: Oh, well, mumblemumble.

Tyler: Sorry about him, Mrs. Ladyperson--he doesn't know manners. How are you doing today?

Mrs. Ladyperson: Oh, not bad, Tyler. My husband is 43 years old and to this day whines about his last name, but other than that, I'm doing well.

Tyler: That's good to hear. I was wondering... could I borrow some coffee? I mean sugar! I just need to reinstall sugar on my computer.

Mrs. Ladyperson: Oh, sure. Follow me to the kitchen.

Golem: Er, one question. Was that your defense system? The laser, I mean.

Mrs. Ladyperson: Yeah, how did you boys get past it, anyway?

Fred: Eating!

Mrs. Ladyperson: Hmmm...

*Meanwhile back at Tylers house, Director is on Tylers computer.....*

Director: Thats right..... they will all pay for mocking me!

*Director kidnaps Tylers computer, and leaves a note that reads......*

Dear Tyler,
I have your computer! Meet me on top of mount rushmore if
you want to see it alive

From your friend,
Director

*back to the ladypersons*

Mrs. Ladyperson: You boys look hungry, come down to my basement.....

Tyler But what about the-

Mrs. Ladyperson: Basement!!!

Tyler: This could be bad, I keep hearing screams from this basement.

Golem: You're screaming right now.

Fred: so am I

Tyler: Yeah, okay, we're all screaming. I guess the basement does that to people.

Mrs. Ladyperson: This is uncut pure 100% glucose, gentlemen. This shit was shipped in from

Fred: Just gimme some sugar if you know what I mean rowr

Mrs. Ladyperson: I beg your pardon?

Golem: Uh, right here in this cup, please.

Tyler: No! Not in the cup. Uh, uh, how about this mug?

Golem: What?

Tyler: Maybe we can convince the computer it's Java or something.

Mrs. Ladyperson: I say, you kids and your technological nonsense. I remember the days when it was just a lady and the solar system before her in her trans-dimensional spacecraft.

Fred: Good times.

Mrs. Ladyperson: Quite.

(Mrs. Ladyperson pours the sugar into the mug)

Fred: mmm ohh yeah baby that's the stuff

Mrs. Ladyperson: I am aware.

Golem: You're enjoying this entirely too much.

Tyler: Mug full of sugar... (drools)

Golem: Huh?

Tyler: You just BETTER HOPE I DON'T EAT IT ALL

Fred: Why would you do that? Why wouldn't you eat the delicious mug instead?

Tyler: I'm... I'm a fat kid.

Golem: That doesn't mean you don't have self control.

Tyler: YOU GUYS WON'T EVEN LET ME MAKE FUN OF MYSELF

Golem: There's no need to scream, Tyler. You scream anyways, remember?

Fred: I'll make fun of you if it really makes you feel better.

Tyler: Really? You'd do that?

Fred: Not for free.

Golem: Anyways, let's get that back to the computer.

Mrs. Ladyperson: Not so fast! Nothing is for free, boys, and you've got to do me some favours first. My husband I find just isn't satisfying me lately.

Golem: With all due respect, ma'am, you could probably net some much better looking young males than us, even on a bad day.

Tyler: Not to mention the laser defense thing is more or less a turn-off.

Mrs. Ladyperson: No! I meant that my husband is lazy and we need some chores done around the house. Sex comes later.

Tyler: You mean it still comes, though.

Mrs. Ladyperson: Did I say that? hahaeheh... I believe you are putting words in my mouth.

Fred: No, but I hope you left room for my fist, as I'm GOING TO RAM IT INTO YOUR

MAKE A BREAK FOR IT ALSO BREAK ME OFF A PIECE OF A!

(The three fly up the stairs (they take an American Airline) only to find the door locked)

Tyler: This is just our luck.

Fred: While the cat's away, the mice BECOME BIOTERRORISTS!

Golem: guys

Tyler: We're doomed, there's no way out!

Fred: Feed all ye who dream of White Summer meteor swarms

Golem: Guys

Tyler: Why is this the end? I never even fixed my-

Fred: Alas poor tightwad, I blew thee well-

Golem: GUYS! It's a pull door, not a push door!

Tyler: Honest mistake, there's no reason to doubly-scream. Too bad we're already screwed.

Fred: WE GONNA GET RAEPD

(Indeed! Mrs. Ladyperson had already climbed the stairs and had our hapless heroes in an electrifying earlock! Will the talkative trio escape? Will the Dastardly Director finally awfully avenge himself? Will the abyssmal agents track them down? To find out, tune at the same OG time, same OG channel!)

Mrs. Ladyperson: Boys, prepare to get rapped

Tyler: nooooooooooo! I dont wanna be raped

Mrs. Ladyperson: Who said anything about rape? I said rap!

Golem: Rap!

Mrs. Ladyperson: Boosh I was borned on the streets no dad, my mom was a turkey and my name is whitebread!

Fred: I flew up and down the world line, family got no problems cept that my dads a lime!

Mrs. Ladyperson: Oooooooh snap!

Golem: I have a new girlfriend who loves smilies, she jumps up and down at cats, eveen though they dont like her!!!!11!

Mrs. Ladyperson: We out!

Mrs. Ladyperson: Good job boys, you can leave, well save the rape for next time!

Fred: Umm yeah..... were gonna go

*They get the hell outta there*

Tyler: Whew, atleast my computer will work again..... OH MY GOD WHERES MY LAPPY!?!?!?

~After reading the ransom note...~

Tyler: I don't think I have that kind of gas money.

Fred: I know some guys with lots of money dirty money money the kind of money you get from carpetbag--

Golem: I know someone who can get us there!

~Soon...~

Golem: So Rhyk, can you drive us to Mount Rushmore in your RV?

Rhyk: Fine... only if you let my friends Moondo and Rival come along.

Golem: Sweet. This will be inspiration for a new game... perhaps I can call it RV Version.

Mr. Compass: I wanna go to Mount Rushmore too!

Golem: No, you have to stay here and watch the house.

~So Tyler, Golem, Fred, Moondo, and Rival all pile into Rhyk's RV (that's recreational vehicle).~

Rhyk: Let me lay some ground rules, okay kids? First of all, no greasy foods. I can't have you ruining the inside of this beaut. Secondly, this vehicle plays O-Town music and only O-Town music.

Fred: This is a good idea, because they are SPIES. TOTALLY SPIES.

Tyler: Yeah, uh, Golem? I don't feel comfortable, you know, leaving my room for more than an hour.

Golem: Nonsense, Tyler! We'll make it there with no problems or my name isn't Fake D. Pidydafuel!

Tyler: Your name isn't that, though.

Golem: Nonsense, Tyler! My name's that or we're not going to make it there alive!

Fred: BREAKFAST but what about second BREAAAAKFAST

Rhyk: I said no greasy foods, fleshling.

Fred: Well then. Who are these Celery sticks, anyways?

Tyler: Who cares? This vehicle is pretty recreational.

Golem: Maybe... too recreational. Something's weird, guys.

Fred: I'ma open the window let some recreation out.

Tyler: That's much better.

(Meanwhile, in the forward seating,Rival and Moondo wear gasmasks and look back)

Rhyk: Is the Laughing gas working?

Moondo: I don't think so. Just our luck they'd open a window.

Rhyk: I powerlocked the windows.

Rival: Hehe... I guess you're out a window, then, aren't you?

Rhyk: I'm starting to hate this job.

(The RV stops at a motel)

Rhyk: Okay, you punks have your room, and we have ours.

Golem: I'm a punk? But I'm past the prime age for punking! This is a horrible discovery!

Tyler: Yeah, uh, can we just go to our room?

Golem: Yeah, I guess.

(The three enter the room and it is in total disarray. The floors are breaking, the ceiling leaks, and the faucet turns in only one direction and that direction is PAIN)

Fred: I prefer Q-Town music but it did in a pinch.

Tyler: I don't trust those guys.

Golem: Come on Tyler... Men over the age of twenty that don't shave and work as civil servants or something are naturally seemingly shifty. You need to loosen up.

Tyler : Oh yeah? Then, what's that mic doing on the floor over there? Or the surveillance camera that's been recently glued to the wall?

Golem: Well, maybe whoever manages the motel is dangerous. I mean, the floor is covered by blood and the moans from the walls with hands reaching out for our hearts every two seconds could be relevant, somehow.

Fred: I left mine in San Fran. I mean North Bay.

(It quickly turns out that the motel was a castle, and their room turns out to be a prison cell. Screams are heard from the older group's direction)

Tyler: Huh. At least our room's nicer now.

*Elsewhere in the castle...*

Rhyk: Okay, it's your turn.

Moondo: Okay.... AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Rival: My scream was definitely louder then that.

Rhyk: No, Moondo's scream was 10.7 decibels higher.

Rival: This screaming contest is rigged! I'm never playing anything with you guys again.

Moondo: Oh come on, quit being a spoiled loser.

Rhyk: Yeah man, lighten up.

Rival: Fine then Rhyk, show us your best scream and we'll see how you feel about it!

*Rhyk opens his mouth and lets out a giant scream. The entire castle shakes wildly. Finally Rhyk stops.*

Rhyk: ...

Moondo: I think he broke his speaks.

Rival: Hey. Our ears are bleeding really bad. Forget about the stupid robot for a second!

Moondo: Wait a second... this isn't a hotel at all! It's a castle!

Rival: What?

Moondo: Look! Instead of our beds, there are dirty cots. Instead of some cheap floorboards, there's hard stone. And instead of complimentary mints on our pillows, there's very sharp-looking blades.

Rhyk: ...

Rival: Whatever, man. My ears are hurting very much. When are we gonna kill those guys?

Moondo: I dunno, this whole castle thing has caught me offguard. First let's take care of these bleeding ears, and then we can start setting up booby traps.

Rival: How exactly do you take care of bloody ears?

Moondo: I don't know, let's ask Rhyk.

Rhyk: ...

Rival: This isn't working.

*Rhyk begins making some wild robot motions.*

Moondo: Let's see... two words- no, two letters... him...

Rival: Nuh... nuh... nack? Nook? Nack the Weasel! We need Nack the Weasel!

Moondo: No, he's spelling out "No". That means we need to watch Dr. No. Backwards.

Rival: Whatever you say, you're the superintelligent robot.

(The three watch Dr. No on rewind while Rhyk frantically multitasks and attempts to convince them of something else who cares he's a second class citizen really)

Rhyk: ...

Rival: Quiet down, Chrono!

Chrono: ...

Rival: You too, you wily robot!

(Flashman puts down his head)

Rival: Rhyk I mean! How did you even get in here?

Moondo: The laundry chute.

Rival: This is a castle! Why would there be a laundry chute?

Moondo: The same reason there is a tape of Dr. No episodes a working TV and VCR and axes swinging down at us every two seconds: we're not watching fast enough.

Rival: Shut up! I knew that.

Rhyk: ...

Rival: I'm not telling you again, Rhyk.

(Meanwhile)

Fred: Guys these mints are really good

Tyler: They look kind of sugarey.

Golem: And sharp.

Tyler: That's just a detail, Golem. Don't get wrapped up in it.

Fred: It just adds to the flavour guys. Now are you helping me trap us in here further or what?

Golem: I guess the Castle's kind of cozy in it's own murderous way.

Tyler: There's no Cable in the Castle. Or internet connection.

Golem: We don't even have a computer. I'm actually starting to feel kind of dizzy.

Fred: I have mad trickszxxx for that (injects a syringe labeled "internet" into his arm)

Tyler: It's settled then. We're staying for the night, and if we decide we like it, we're staying.

(Rhyk in the other room desperately holds the two walls apart as they try to crush Moondo and Rival who are still watching)

Moondo: Who's a better spy? Me, or Sean Connery?

Rival: The answer's pretty obvious, STUPID. I'm the better spy.

Moondo: I meant between Myself and Sean Connery, Rival, if you need second clarification.

Rival: I told you already, I'm the winner. I'd kill you both and your little contest would be over.

Moondo: Oh. Who has cooler gadgets, me or-

Rhyk: ...!

Rival: Okay, that's it. You tell us to watch Dr. No backwards, and now you're giving us guff? I oughtta pop you one.

Moondo: Come on, Rival. Rhyk is one of us. I built him with my bare bleeding hands. My hands still shake from the trials and-

Rival: (Backhands Moondo) This place is boring. Let's go kill those other dweebs and get out of here.

(Rhyk, finding that Rival has finally decided that, sighs in relief, and wipes his forehead. He then realises that A) he is a robot and does not sweat B) he was holding the wall from crushing him. Hilarity ensues.)

Tyler: Let's go exploring, at least.

Golem: According to my research, this Castle was built in 1985 to King Ultra the Pibbth, Lord of Tennis. His greed for Tennis victories and Dr. Pepper-esque carbonated beverages led to his end in 1992 by the OG fourteen point five, and they still say his spirit haunts this castle to this day.

Fred: A spirit haunts my pants so now I can't grab onto ladders while I'm jumping

Tyler: Watch out! Barrels!

(Indeed! Tyler expertly spotted a trio of barrels HEADING THEIR WAY! However it was because they were moving towards the upright and non-mobile barrels)

Golem: Hit the deck!

Tyler: You mean jump, right?

Golem: Yeah, that really should have been my first impulse, but for the past few days I've been listening to the book on tape: the words "press down" 32,526 times in a row.

Fred: Wait! They aren't made of wood! They're made of Cardboard, the 5th element!

Tyler: I feel so betrayed.

(Suddenly, a man in a cape and hat and mask appears in a upper balcony of the hallway with a rapier. He grabs a bloody curtain and rides it down)

Man: I am The Phantom of the OG! THEEEEE PHAAAAANNNNTOOOMMM OF THE OGPERAAAAAAA

HEE LIIIIVEESSSS INSSIIIDDEEEE YOUUUURRRR MIIIINNNDDDDDD

Tyler: This isn't a castle! This is a stage! Golem, where did you find that story about the castle?

Golem: I, I thought it'd be more interesting! This is pretty bad of us though, not noticing. I'm especially disappointed in you.

Phantom: WIIILLLLLDDDDD THIIIIINNNGGGGSSS GOOOOO BOOOOOMMMMM, IINNNNN DEXXXXTEEERRRRR'SSSS LAAAAAAAAAAAB!!!!

Tyler: Yeah, the audience really should have tipped us off. Well, considering I'm the movie buff, I know what happens next.

Fred: What taste lies upon said horizon thusly?

Tyler: SWORD FIGHTE

(Musketeers, Pirates, Ninjas, Cowboys, Robin Hood and the Sherrif, Feuding Italian families, SwordMaster, Vorpal, Masamune, Murasame, Luiigii, 300 spartans, 7 level 20/20 Swordmasters, Pincushion, Horatio Hornblower and Tiger Woods all enter the room charging and begin a huge sword fight, not engaging our heroes but being really distracting)

Fred: Needs vinegrette which is like vinegar and regret mixed together. HE IS ESCAPING THO

Tyler: Fred's right, we've got to kill that guy. We'll have to capture the woman he loves and take her to the highest tower.

Golem: I've got her right here. Bound and gagged.

Tyler: What?

Golem: Yeah, she didn't even struggle when I used the bicycle wheel to-

Tyler: There's no time! Highest tower!

(The three hole up at the highest point of the highest tower and it collapses. The three run from certain doom by rushing back on breaking bricks)

Tyler: Okay, second highest tower, then!

(Our heroes climb it, only to find the Phantom at the top, holding a knife to Colin Mockerie's throat)

Fred: Noooooooooo

Tyler: You kill him, we, uh, leave this fine young woman with Golem.

Golem: I'll take really good care of your wife, sir. Scout's honor. She likes Sega, right?

Fred: SHOOT THE GIRL

Phantom: Touching. But you cannot beat a Ghost Dad! (Turns ethereal and approaches them menacingly before another ghost stabs him through the stomach with a tennis racket)

Tyler: He wasn't my real Ghost Dad

Fred: Twix' I saw an apparation b'fore mine eyes
Howling gently from summer sunlight so bewitch'd
fondling closely yonder otherwordly life
dost I AM ERROR (42EEG)

Golem: I told you he was real!

King Ultra: You damn kids better get off my lawn!

Moondo: Now!

(Rhyk's arm turns into a ghost containment unit and sucks up King Ultra)

King Ultra: No! I had nearly constructed another earthly body of Pibb and Tennis! I- I- AARHGHGHHGH~`~~~~~~~~ Please hang up, and try your afterlife again. This is a recording.

Rival: Okay, great, have a group hug, and then we're leaving. I'm hungry.

Director: Oh, so, you think you can escape?

Tyler: You! Go back to Mt. Rushmore! I'm tired of your false advertising!

Director: I figured you wouldn't be there anytime soon, since traffic is pretty bad, so I figured I'd direct a play and-

Golem: Get out of here!

Fred: Every handful is different

Moondo: Shoo!

Rhyk: ...

Tyler: You tell him, Rhyk!

Director: Fiiiineee. (Jumps in the Directacopter and flies off into the sunset)

Fred: Will we ever see him again

Tyler: I don't know, Fred. I just don't know.

Golem: I do! The answer is-

Rival: Shutup, Frosty the Snowman! No spoilers!

Golem: Frosty the-?

(Rhyk turns to Golem and points out his own scarf)

Golem: Yeah, I got you, my carrot nose is similar. Still, that's pretty hurtful!

(A man in a chair next to a fireplace. He is smoking a pipe. A PIPE. NO. A PIIIIIPE.)

Man in a chair next to a fireplace: My parents were terrible with names. They glued me to this chair as soon as they realized my name would otherwise make no sense. Also, this chair is nailed to the floor and my pipe is my OOOOOnly source of FOOD. I'm actually 12 years old but you sure couldn't tell from the looks of me (close-up reveals that he is, indeed a poor black child I MEAN what seems like a 50-year or older man.Oh wait his chair is actuallyIN THE FIIIIIRE)OH GOD LET ME OUT MOM DADDY I NEED YOU I NEED A GLASS OF WAH-TURRRR(dead)

(Zoom out to a nice wide shot with some darn good angles because the director is a really popular kind of guy. A man wearing a black 3 piece suit (9 MM not included) walks out and begins to talk. Oh you'll see. He does it in just a second. As soon as I stop typing this I swear he'll just start a-jib-jabberin'. I mean you can trust me, right)

Man wearing a black 3 piece suit (batteries not included presented by Stephen Spielberg): So Man in a chair next to a fireplace never had a chance to live a full life. I mean, he saw every episode of Full House, he had the DVDs, and that's as close to real life as you can get without watching To Catch a Predator, but he didn't get to experience these things in any hand closer than 3rd. He needed 1st. Just like Who. But that's not what I'm here to talk about, though it is quite an interesting story. No, I am here to talk about what has happened so far in the story of Robin Hood and his Merry Men I mean how many times can we use that joke AFTER THAT. So I didn't really pay attention too much to the story. I mean I READ the words, but I just didn't pay attention to them sometimes. Pretty much all I got from the last post was that WOAH A WALL OF TEXT.

There, that's better. Like I was saying, the only thing I really got from the last couple of posts or something, was that our heroes were in a castle that turned out to be a level because Golem is just that way or something. They watch an impressive swordfight but the popcorn machine was broken and I had waited in line for TWENTY-FIVE MINUTES. ARE YOU KIDDING ME JEEZ. Man, I'm sleepy. I don't think I can do any other OG posts other than this one, but this one sure is turning into a doozy. Doosy. How's that spelled? I'm not asking Google, man. Where was I? Oh yes. So Golem and company because Golem is totally the star of this show, he steals every OG spotlight. They get a new case, and this one's a little tough. The crime was filled with all sorts of hi-end special effects shots that really got them distracted so they never figured it out and lost their badges. The guns were free to keep though.

So they went past the swordfight with someone's wife bound and gagged. Don't get any ideas, there, MJ. And they go to the top tower, but it turned out that it was a perfect example of how to do what cookies do. So they went to the second-tallest tower, where they found the Evil Tennis different name holding Colin Hayes hostage. The wife baked a delicous Sega cake and they all dined happily ever after. And even more after, Golem said "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" and marched down the street.

(MOG RIP-OFFwhere)

Golem: Well that wasWOAH A BEAR ATTACK.

Rival: Look out, I just covered myself in honey! That wasn't so smart in retrospect!

Fred: This is getting out of hand. There's only one thing that can settle this. STOP!...hammertime.

(and with this, Fred's mouth opens and millions of swarming flying hammers exit from the opening.)

(CUT TO)

Golem: Wow, what a dream. I wish that places exactly second in height to something in the immediate area didn't make me so sleepy. What's happening now?

Fred: What are you talking about? We're still on the second-tallest tower.

Rival: And we're going to challenge you to Mortal Kombat... spelled with a "K" kause it's kooler that way!

Rhyk: ...

Moondo: You tell 'em, Rhyk!

Tyler: I think we're all forgetting something! Something very basic, that was alluded to in the first post: Golem's 7th grade English problem.

Golem: I can only write in five paragraphs, and I must have three subtopics for each topic I present in my three body paragraphs.

Fred: You can cheat by using your introductory paragraph as your conclusion paragraph as well. Just throw in a couple semi-colons and mix around a couple words and you're gold!

Golem: I'll pass the SATs for sure!

Rival: So are we gonna fight or what?

???: Not if I have anything to do with it!

Tyler: My goodness! It can't be!

Vorpal: Indeed, it is I! I managed to sneak out of the awesome sword fight that is still going on to inform you that you are on the Vorptower. Being the second tallest tower in existence, even if a taller tower is built. I have a strict "No Fighting" Policy on the Vorptower roof. You boys need to go out to the backyard to rough-house.

Everybody: Yes, Mr. Vorpal...

Vorpal: Not just Everybody, you too!

Tyler, Golem, Fred, Rival, Moondo, and Rhyk: Yes, Mr. Vorpal (all right... Rhyk didn't say that, he said "..." but he meant the same thing.)

*The backyard roughhousing contest*

Tyler: So Vorpal thinks that this place is good for the rough housing.

Fred: RIGHT!

*Fred beats up a house with brass knuckles*

Tyler: I can do better.

*Tyler beats up a house with GOLDEN KNUCKLES ENGRAVED WITH HIS NAME*

Golem: Wow...... OOP, thats my celled Phoney.

*Golems answers his celled Phoney, I mean Cell Phone, and Mr. Compass is calling.*

Mr. Compass: Errrm, Golem?

Golem: Uh oh, what is it?

Mr. Compass: Director got tired of waiting, so he kidnapped your house as well, and me apparently.

Director: MWAHHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHHHH HEHE *hack*

Mr. Compass: And so we invited some friends over and are having a Pizza party, in your house, while we're flying it to mount Rushmore.
....... using the Directacopter
Mariorocks: HI!

Producer: Pepperoni is yum.

Ditto: I prefer olives actually.

*Phone call is cut off*

Golem: Uuuuuhhhh Tyler?

Tyler: Yessss..........

Golem: *replays the phonecall*

Tyler: Well crap.

Moondo: Hey umm, Rival?

Rival: What?

Moondo: Hand me that time bomb.

*Rival hads Moondo a time bomb which he proceeds to strap to Tyler*

Moondo: Ok, we're done here.

*Moondo Rival and Rhyk drive off, leaving Fred, Tyler, and Golem in the dust.*

Tyler: This is reallly bad, hey Rival....... wait, whered they go?

Mrs. Ladyperson: GET OUTTA MY BACKYARD YOU KIDS, UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE ASS RAPED, IN WHICH CASE, MEET ME IN THE TUB.

Fred: Errrr

Mrs Ladyperson: *pulls tub outside*

Tyler: I think they said this was a time bomb strapped to me.

Golem: Fred, you know what to do.

~Fred tears the bomb off with his bare teeth and eats it.~

Golem: Bad Fred! Spit it up!

Fred: No!

Golem: Freeeed? ~puts hands on hips~

Fred: No!

~Tyler headbutts Fred's stomach. Fred spits out the bomb immediately, which goes flying into the sky.

Elsewhere, in the RV...~

Rhyk: Incoming time bomb. It's approaching us from above. If we stop the vehicle now we'll escape the explosion.

Rival: ~driving~ Ever get the feeling a bomb is about to drop a bomb on you?

Moondo: You can't let those kind of fears get to you. For years, I was afraid someone was going to become my rival and systematically try to kill me. And look, just such a rival is finally in an OG, and who is he? My bestest pal!

Rival: Aww, I love you too, buddy. As a friend, of course.

Rhyk: We're toast. There's a bomb about to drop on us. It will explode.

Moondo: Shut up, Rhyk, you're such a downer.

~The bomb drops, the RV is toast, and the three bad guys fly from the explosion in a cartoon-esque fashion. They're charred and they're going to need to get their hair done, but otherwise they're fine.~

Rival: You were the special agent that changed my world.
You were the special agent for me.
You lit the fuse (on the time bomb) I stand accused;
you were the first for me.

Moondo: But you turned me out baby!

Rival: You dropped a bomb on me, baby
You dropped a bomb on me.

Moondo: No YOU'RE the baby!

Rival: No YOU'RE the baby you baby!

Rhyk: I hate this post.

~Back with Tyler and Fred and Golem and Tyler...~

Tyler: We have to get my laptop! Let's hurry to Mount Rushmore!

Golem: Right! Hopefully my internet (who might have sent Rhyk, Moondo, and Rival) will not try to kill us along the way!

Fred: And!

Mrs. Ladyperson: ~ahem~

Golem: Oh! Thank'ya fer letting us use your tub, ma'am!

~Fred materializes an astroturf mallet and wacks Mrs. Ladyperson out of the scene with it. Then he, Tyler, and Golem leap in the tub.~

Tyler: How do we start this?

Golem: Oh, right. Fred?

~Fred dashes off and comes back with the key.~

Tyler: What is he, your pet?

Mrs. Ladyperson: I'M GONNA GET YOU KIDS IF IT'S THE LA--

~The tub drives off with our heroes riding inside.~

Tyler: Next stop: Mount Rushmoooore!