ME
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*An army platoon is stationed near Southern Siberia. Suddenly bombs begin to rain from the sky, filling the world with fire.*

Lieutenant Nameless: General, we're under attack!

*A mustachioed man named Lloyd Hospital emerges from the shadows.*

General Hospital: Let me speak to these hooligans myself.

Mariorocks65 (11:36:37 PM): whos voting for bush!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!>:o

*General Hospital sticks a knife between his teeth, then he bounces from a trampoline through the roof of the tent. He lands on one of the enemy jets and clings to the side.*

General Hospital: Time for a little night magic. (flings a grenade at the thingypit, then leaps to another jet as that one explodes)

Lieutenant Nameless: He's doing it! General Hospital has saved us all!

*General Hospital then tricks the remaining jets into flying into a dynamite mine. Finally General Hospital enters the main airship and fights the boss within, Major Finland.*

Major Finland: You do not understand the economic reprocussions of the eighth seige, so I shall dance for you!

*Major Finland shoots fireballs rapid-fire from his magic wand, but General Hospital dodges them all and pounces on Finland's head three times, causing him to explode.*

General Hospital: Victory.

*General Hospital grabs the wand and descends into a castle and hands it to a human. The wand then undoes the evil curse and turns the human into a giant spider, the King of Southern Siberia.*

New Reporter: The whole town of Clickville is just crazy about General Hospital, the great war commander who has recently brought peace to our peace to our peaceful land of Southern Siberia. Can anything be better than this man?

*Lex Luthor sits bitterly in his office.*

Lex Luthor: This greatly displeases me. General Hospital is someone I do not appreciate. I need a plan to stop him, once and for all, and I must also stop talking to myself before the government's secret survalliance units find something incriminating in my speech. (looks out the window and sees a Diet Pepsi truck that intrigues him, then says "That's it!" in sign language)

Golem, Junior Member
================

~We now join Golem's post, already in progress.~

Lex Luthor: ...and then I'll join Pepsi!

MJ: You? You make Mariorocks65 look like a rocket surgeon!

Lex: Shut yo mouth.

~Lex applies for a job at a telemarketing place and at Pepsi. In a few days...

Lex hops into his personal Pepsi truck and drives over to South Siberia. He is aiming for Hospital's house. Hospital looks out the window and sees the truck.~

Hospital: Oh no! I must escape!

~General Hospital turns to leave, but can't get anywhere before the phone rings. He picks it up. Back in the truck...~

Lex: Would you like a ten year subscription to d**n Ugly Weekly?

~Back in the house...~

General Hospital: d**n Ugly Weekly? Hmmm... I'll have to think about this...

~Can Lex Luthor stall General Hospital long enough to kill him?! Find out sometime!!~

Well, General Hospital is the protagonist of our story, and so NO HE DIES

Lex Luthor indeed pleases Pepsi with his skillz. Perhaps too much. He then takes a sucker from a bucket, so that-

what¼`you mean that there`s no importance or backstory supporting such an action¼ `well people can argue about it, like Greedo shooting or Boromir Vs Aragorn. Oh, I`m fired if I don`t do this. Okay, okay, okay ALRIGHT ALRIGHT OKAY NOW LADIES

It all started long ago, when the universe was a particle singularity. It then stayed like that. Forever. The end.

Okay, so that didn`t happen. With me and the captain.

CRUNCH CRUNNNCH

The rest of this post will now be in french.

Alors L`hopital Genéral était né en 1939. Il été a la bataille de la village des cité, il avait manger le plus gros pomme du monde, et il savait comment faire les laces sur ces souliers, compter par les deux, et faire de velo avec seulment un roue quand il jongle et puis mange trois chainsaws.

L`hopital Genéral était en un grande guerre - la guerre de les mondes. Dans la guerre de les mondes, Gary Coleman avait commandé les ninjas a attrapper le président. Seulment L`hopital Genéral et TOI pouvait arreter l`injustice et completer la tour CN... DEUX. Mais, au lieu de sucés, il avait trouver un bowle de succants. Et, il est cet bowle qui nous utilisons pas dans cet scéne.

*General Hospital decides there is only one course of action: to go to on vacation.*

General Hospital: Beach man, show me the way to the beach.

Eternal: Fine then. Follow me and follow me well.

*Eternal the beach man holds up a lantern and enters an underground mine. General Hospital follows him.*

General Hospital: I brought my own stunts.

Eternal: Yes you will need them. SWUHRANG!

*Luigi pops out of a mine cart.*

Luigi: I need your help as well, to get out of posting in Gamehiker Member OG VIII.

General Hospital: This is my area. (hands Luigi a knife and a bag of mozzarella sticks) Do what has to be done (pushes the mine cart to the nearest Guess)

Luigi: Like e-reader my poor e-reader

Eternal: Come. We have much work to do.

*General Hospital and Eternal fiercely navigate the mines. They only stop once at one point to build an orphanage. Then they continue. They soon board mine carts to flee from a Kremling ghost until they reach the Stop Barrels.*

Eternal: We have reached our destination.

*General Hospital and Eternal enter a mine elevator that takes them right up to the beach.*

General Hospital: Thank you friend how can I repay you

Eternal: Help me download a ROM of EXE of Marvel Vs. Capcom 2

*General Hospital changes into his swimming trunks and burrows underground- unaware that in the bushes, Lex Luthor is watching...*

Lex Luthor: HEY THERE I AM WATCHING FROM THE BUSHES

General Hospital: Dude you totally ruined it let`s try that again okay

Lex Luthor: kay... WATCH FROM THE BUSHES COOLY

General Hospital: COOLY isn`t a word or even a machine you`ve failed the twelve tests of womanhood

(Suddenly the mine dissapears to reveal a studio and General Hospital, Eternal, Lex Luthor and a gigantic dragon made out of China (not sure which one) sit down on chairs in front of a live studio audience or perhaps two)

Lex Luthor: Whaaat a card, huh? Well, we`ll be back after this commercial break.

(The four step off the stage to be immediately cornered by Drew Carey even the dragon who can fly out the roof)

Drew: I am totally going to annex your show that`s what I said my baby don`t care

Dragon: My name is: ":"

General Hospital: Drew you took my rolls royce when I was a child we must duel to the life

Drew: I accept though I warn you I am unded and u are A-life so wait you win by default argh

Eternal: FLAWLESS VICTORY??!!

:: I AM CASTING RASP ON MYSELF

Wob Waget: I am afraid this show is to be canceled.

Lex Luthor: Cancelled? BUT WHEN!

General Hospital: AND WHAT!

Wob Waget:I am afraid of ghosts. I am also sorry that I broke your vase. I regret to tell you that you are in refractioning of rule of code of rock 3.141592683 something something you know the rest of the song delux XX edition seven NET BEAST FALZER version

General Hospital: Then you shall die

(Wob Waget falls over immediately, turns out to be a bothan)

:: DUDE CAN I HAVE HIS TAPE DECK IT IS MY SOLE DREAM AND ASPIRATION IN LIFE EVER

Lex Luthor: No! But there is only two ways to save this show and I`m not free tuesdays so there`s only one that we are obnoxious and inflatable enough to accomplish! We must goto 10! I mean the source!

E-ternal more liek: WHERE IS THE SOURCE COME ON TELL ME (shoots Lex with peppercorn so these are the dying words)

Lex Luthor: ugh... I forget!

:: IT IS AT PARC OMEGA, QUEBEC

General Hospital: do you mean Park Omega

Generally Hospitable: NO, no one can mean that

General Hospital: WHO ARE YOU

Generally Hospitable: I AM YOUR INNER DARKNESS

General Hospital: Oh no wonder my bladder has been working lately well I guess you got lost clambour back in

(eats Generally Hospitable)

Eternal: what does it taste like

General Hospital: all the cosmos in a fat-free veal filling roll batter snack bar with reel milk

:: YO

Quote:

IT IS AT PARC OMEGA, QUEBEC

Eternal: We`re getting there god

*Thousands of years ago, in the Precambrian Era...*

Caveman Shaman Icecreamman: I have make prediction!

Accountant: What is it, champ?

Caveman Shaman Icecreamman: Centuries ago, a Golem's Roommate and a Lupus the Turk will be born ten... wait, make that 375... 375 days apart. They will signal the coming of a new age! They will be connected by a mystical link... THE GOLEM...

Accountant: I HATE YOU (stabs Caveman Shaman Icecreamman with a sharp rock and sucks on his neck)

*Twenty years later. In a hut in some untamed Australian jungle out there. The whine of a baby, Lupus the Turk is born. The doctors treating him immediately disintigrate.*

*375 days later. A hut in the wild untamed jungles of America (actually the same set reused), a a woman runs out clutching an egg in her hands. She runs through the rainy Brooklyn streets, leaves the egg at a church and flies away. Some nuns bring it into the church, and the egg hatches to reveal the baby who is immediately named Golem's Roommate. A beam of golden light shoots out from Golem's Roommate and out the window, connecting with a beam fired from Lupus.*

Lex Luthor: WE GOTTA FIND GOLEM

General Hospital: Sounds like a good idea chinny

*General Hospital rebuild : as a lawnmower and chase Golem down a hallway.*

General Hospital: YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!

Golem: I ain't got no gold!

GORE-ILLA: You see, Kester's thinking right.

*General Hospital takes a grenade from Eternal, pulls out the pick and backhands Golem furiously.*

General Hospital: Who are you? Why are you walking?

Golem: I'm Golem, my name's Golem, I'm trying to buy orphans.

*The Spinning GORE and Spinning Corey Matthews materialize to backhand Golem some more.*

Golem: I'm Golem, my name's Golem, I'm trying to buy orphans.

Lex Luthor: (reaches hand out) I can help you there.

Golem: Really?

Lex Luthor: No. (backhands Golem)

*General Hospital blows into a trumpet.*

General Hospital: Bring in the new recruits!

*Marko, Manny and Bianca appear.*

Lex Luthor: First accomplish the obstacle course and you will meet many riches.*

*Marko, Manny and Bianca leap across a sea of tires.*

General Hospital: There's only ten ways to solve this.

*Suddenly Zombie Mary Poppins (played by DannyDevito) descends.*

Zombie Mary Poppin: (spits out Easter Eggs that hatch into blood-sucking spiders) It's all over now kiddies!

Fred: Where was I?

Marko: WHAAAA! (disappears into swarm of spiders)

General Hospital: What is this nonsense?!

Golem: We must go! (points forward) TO EASTER!

~Back to the present, in Parc Omega, Quebec...~

General Hospital: Finally! We have found Easter!

~However, two familiar figures appear from behind Easter.~

General Hospital: Manny! Bianca! Where have you been all these years?

Bianca: While you and Lex Luthor engaged in your rivalry, we set to finding Easter.

General Hospital: At long last, my quest is over. I will stay here and guard the Easter with you.

Manny: Not so fast! Shorts are comfy and easy to wear.

General Hospital: Indeed. But, being a level 20 fighter, I have the ability to wear pants!

:: I CAN'T EVEN WEAR SHORTS I AM LIKE LEVEL 0 OR SOMETHING

anyway POKEMON BATTLE

Manny sends out PIDGEY

Captain Hospital DOESN'T HAVE ANY POKEMON TO BEGIN WITH

General Hospital WHITES OUT

~General Hospital wakes up back at the last Pokemon Center.~

GH: Oh no!

:: THAT WAS A FREAKING CRAPPY EPITAPH

General Hospital: Now where are we?

Professor Oak: You are in John Town. Please make yourself at home.

General Hospital: Good offer but I have a better one. Here is my airship and here is my livelihood.

*General Hospital gets onto his airship but the airship breaks and General Hospital dies*

Professor Oak: He was a good man. But I'm a better one.

*General Hospital wakes up somewhere in the first post*

Major Finland: You do not understand the economic reprocussions of the eighth seige, so I shall dance for you!

General Hospital: We've done this already Finland. I win.

Finland: Why do we fight?

*A plothole appears beneath Finland and he falls into it and then out of a plothole above him and he crushes himself*

General Hospital: Is that even possible?

Professor Oak: Everything is possible when you're in the Matrax.

General Hospital: But I killed you.

Professor Oak: That was only my assistant Professor Oak. My name is Professor Jones.

General Hospital: Then why is your name still showing up as Professor Oak in the script?

Professor Oak: Anything is possible when you're in the Motrox.

*A plothole appears beneath Oak and he falls into it and then out of a plothole above him and he crushes himself*

General Hospital: I need to have a lie down. *lies down but accidently lies into a plot hole and he falls into it and then out of a plothole above him and he crushes himself*

Professor Oak: He was a good man. But I'm a Pokemon professor and that's cooler.

*General Hospital wakes up in a general hospital*

General Hospital: Where am I?

Patients: AHHHH THE BUILDING IS TALKING!!!

Professor Oak: Anything is possible when you're in the Mitrix.

Patients: STOP THAT

General Hospital: What is going on here, I'm surrounded by loonies.

Leader of the Patients: Welcome to our domain Mr. Hospital. I'm afraid you won't get out alive.

General Hospital: It's ok I kind of like it here.

Patients: KILL HIM!

General Hospital: Over my dead body. *kills himself*

*General Hospital wakes up in a general hospital*

General Hospital: WHY CAN'T I DIE

Last Time on Life and Adventures of gh:

General Hospital: Is that even possible?

Professor Oak: Everything is possible when you're in the Matrax.

General Hospital: But I killed you.

***

GORE-ILLA: (now angry and bald) MY WORLDS ARE COLLIDING! YOU'RE KILLING INDEPENDANT JOHN!

General Hospital: Shut up, you're only supposed to post following interesting chats!

Leader of the Patients (aka LotP OMG): Sorry Hospital, you're going down! Professor Oak, explain this to him in layman's terms.

Professor Oak: (says nothing)

General Hospiatl: So you're saying I'm in the world of Pokemon?

Prof. Oak: Look at me! I can speak and breathe without moving!

General Hospyal: I don't care.

Team Rocket: Ha ha ha! Now it's time for our theme song which takes so freaking long but who cares, we need to waste space coz we've got nothing to fill it up with.

Lupus: My words have been stolen!

Professor Oak: Don't be sil- WATCH OUT FOR SHREDDER!

Shredder: BABIES! (tears apart a wheelbarrel) THEY'RE BABIES!

General Hospital: I can't let you kill those babies!

Shredder: I can kill any babies I want, idiot!

~General Hospital cries like a baby at Shredder's harsh insult. Shredder grabs him, hops aboard a Disney cruise ship, and throws him overboard.~

Shredder: HA HA HAA! Tonight I dine on hospital soup!

~Shredder is knocked to the ground by a flying kick from none other than...~

General Hospital: Pretty big lambfest you got going here, Shred-dude!

Shredder: General Hospitale? But I just threw you overboard!

General Hospital Beyond, starring Timnis as the new General Hospital

GORE: Not so fast, General Hospital. I'm about to work on a pizza entry.

GH: What? What about a burrito entry?

GORE: NONE!

GH: We are natural enemies, then!

Shredder: BABiES