Dwarfmen RELEASE:

In a press release last night at 7 Dwarfmen Standard Time, Masa of Munes issued an official statement to the rest of the world.

"We've tried to be civil and understanding about everything," explained spokesman Dodo, 18, of the Domionion. "However, things are not working out how we planned. As such we plan to build our military, security, and reinforce religous practices."

Dodo also added, "We want meat back."

General Molissimo, the mole-man general, when asked about deforestation stated, "We're getting used to it. We plan to take over a few countries to help our mole population. Or start zoos. Dunno."

The Dominion of Dwarfmen has long been a inoffensive centrist democracy, at one point the envy of Neo Nintedopolis inhabitants.

"I just like to get drunk," stated Thruin Beltsnapper, a obese, ale-drinking dwarf stated, while using his third arm to scratch his back.

It was much to the shock of Neo Nintendopolis when the urani-dollar was issued, a radioactive form of currency that often would cause genetic mutations when used. This ingenius decision by the country's treasurer, Spendy Dwarf, helped the economy by forcing banks and millionares to spend their money more frequently.

These changes were nothing to the effect of Uranium Mining, which yielded the mutant mole-man race. These changes were averted by forcing immigrant slavery for mining. After two years of mining the immigrants would be admitted as citizens. Which meant no normal human has ever had citizenship in the country, since most tend to be horrible difigured mutants by the end of the slavery.

"We've been considering other options lately. Such as becoming a dictatorship, going communist, or possibly just a 'whatever goes' country," explained Masa to the press. "But really it's about the meat. I haven't had a good sirloin in a few weeks."

Vorpalia RELEASE:

We have just intercepted a message from St Ditto to recently ousted dictator Vorpal:

"I shall send you some troops with which you can retake your government, Generalissimo Vorpal. You can count upon the support of St. Ditto."

The Free Land of Vorpalia wishes not only there be sanctions be placed against Ryudesu for supplying Vorpal with nuclear weapons of mass destruction, but also against St Ditto, and any other nation that wishes to align itself with terrorists. The people of Vorpalia will not be threatened by rogue nations!

Sapphalia RELEASE:

The people of Sapphalia were horrified to learn of the developments in the other parts of the region. "We will only give support to those nations which have better morals and are concerned about the issues of Society," One random Sapphalian speaks, when prompted by the press. "We now fully support the new government of Vorpalia, and hope to maintain on peaceful terms with the rest of the region, despite themselves."

There are few citizens that disagree. "We have to focus more on our developing economy," Another random Sappalian speaks. "We the people, with no such militiristic background, should be less concerned about what happens to corrupt dictators in other countries. Though we do hope that it won't come out to there being a war of some sort.."

All statements were made without the knowledge of the Blue Royal Family, though none of them were seen exiting or entering the palace at all recently.

Ryudesu RELEASE:

Upon hearing the press release, President Yoshiman Predict stated, "What are you doing here?! I'm on the can, do you mind?!"

The Chairman of Shin-kicking Fuzzball proceeded to kick Press Secratary Tirk in the shins. "He had it coming." said Fuzzball, "said Fuzzball. Or do you add that part in? I'm confused, let's start over."

Dwarfmen RELEASE:

Upon hearing the latest Neo Nintendolis report about compassionate people, Masa was quick to start dancing around in a mocking fashion about how Sapphalia ranked third least compassionate.

When a dwarfman bystander was quesitoned, he simply replied. "All I did was give the cat some ale."

St. Ditto RELEASE:

Today, it has been reported by the St. Ditto News Network (SDNN) that small rougue bands of St. Dittoan citizens have been smuggling weapons into the nearby nation of Yoshi-Toma for distribution of high-powered firearms among the Shy Guy population there.

"Free the Shy Guys!" shouted one rabid citizen of St. Ditto, a nation recently recognized as having the second most sympathetic populace in the region: "The time has come for the repressive government's persecution of little, masked... uh... whatever the squash they are."

Migeul Shyguyeiga, leader of the anti-Yoshi Shyguy terrorist organization Heihoo-maas, communicated with world news organizations by letter stating "Soon, we, the native peoples of this land, will no longer be packed by the dozen into delicious little snack packs and sold for Yoshi consumption! Soon, it is we who shall feast upon the Yoshis!"

General Yoshitomo, head of the Yoshi United Militia (YUM), currently visiting St. Ditto, issued the following statement:

"We shall do whatever it takes to root out these despicable and unreasonable madmen, and bring them to justice!" He also added, "Unless they use those firearms to defend themselves in some unforseen way."

The government of St. Ditto has risen to the task of dealing with citizens who are responsible for aiding these and other terrorists operating in their region. Generalissimo St. Ditto issued the following statement at a press conference early this morning:

"St. Ditto will make no distinction between those who aid in such terrorist activities and any other of the worst criminals that plague our nation; they too will face the worst punishment St. Ditto has to offer."

Neo-Nintendopolis Associated Press notes that St. Ditto's most severe punishment is exile to neighboring countries.

In further news, St. Ditto has pledged to lend military support to the new Socialist regime that has recently toppled the former government of Vorpalia.

Earlier this week St. Ditto also pledged to lend military support to the ousted Vorpalian regime.

The St. Ditto Foreign Minister could not be reached for comment.

"He's inside, playing both sides of a game of Checkers. He does that a lot these days." said an unidentified St. Dittoan official.

Ryudesu RELEASE:

When asked for comment on the recent press release, President Yoshiman Predict said, "Shh! I'm watching my old Mario Bros. tapes!

Sapphalia RELEASE:

The Sapphalian government is finally taking a stand on its out of control population, which finally seem to have learned to repect its Royal Family. They do still enjoy their political freedoms, and as long as their views make sense, the country continues to prosper. "We're stil a democracy, of course." One Royal insider points out. "Those test results aren't necessarily accurate, you know."

In further news, Sapphalia will not permit any weaponry to be transferred across it's borders. "We cannot have that sort of influence in our country," Stated a Sapphalian when asked. "Reguardless of what mischeif that may be taking part in the surrounding areas."

The Blue Royal family is still unavailable for comment.

Dwarfmen RELEASE:

In a shocking statement, Secretary of Defense, Ostro Eggbeater, had a press release about Sapphalia's latest news.

"We're sick of these sort of countries. It's no wonder they rank low on the compassion list." Ostra explained to egg-covered reporters, "They are too wrapped up in looking good and keeping safe that they couldn't give an egg's yolk about the world's affairs."

"They make lousy steaks there too." Ostro later added.

Copir Frenchbasher also shared his sentiments, "It's a real shaeme to see this sort of thing. Especially from our elected delegate. Why the heck does a country in a civil war get to boss us around!?"

Ohtipe refugee, Reeley Weyred commented, "I always knewed my country would hit the top! It was so predictable I knewed it all along.... what was I talking about?"

"I have three brain halves now," He added.

"I wish I could sit around and play games like President Predict," Berry Bushcutter commented. "Corrupt politicians have all the fun."

St. Ditto RELEASE:

President Ditto has come forward to say "I like to change my official title around a lot."

General Ditto also commented "Like this." said Lord Ditto.

"I do this all the time," said Post-Master General Ditto.

Ditto has also stated that "I wish we had one of those video game characters for a soldier. You know the type, they can take an entire base by themselves. If they have enough lives."
President Ditto has come forward to say "I like to change my official title around a lot."

General Ditto also commented "Like this." said Lord Ditto.

"I do this all the time," said Post-Master General Ditto.

Ditto has also stated that "I wish we had one of those video game characters for a soldier. You know the type, they can take an entire base by themselves. If they have enough lives."

Prime Minister Vorpal, no relation to recently ousted Generalissimo Vorpal, made a statement earlier today concerning Vorpalia's recent rise to the status of UN Delegate for the region of Neo Nintendopolis. "We are proud that the people of Neo Nintendopolis have recognized Vorpalia's stance as a major player in the region," he said.

Concerning coming in dead last on the commpasionate list he said, "We're just as compassionate as those stinkin' St Dittoians."

Sources close to the Prime Minister have noted that he's been acting a little strange. "He like starts implementing Socialist reforms," said Interior Decorator Dead Fake Misty, "but then he goes and bans bicycles. I've even heard he's planning on banning divorce. Does that sound progressive to you?"

"Yes!" said exiled former dictator Vorpal, "Vorpalia will soon realize how much better they had it with me. They'll have no choice but to crown me a supreme dictator or live under so called "freedoms" of socialism."

When asked about his alleged Ryudesuar nuclear weapons he answered, "I don't know what you're talking about, and no, I don't have them in my sky palace." When reminded we said nothing about his sky palace he acted as if he couldn't hear us.

Vorpalia RELEASE:

Prime Minister Vorpal, no relation to recently ousted Generalissimo Vorpal, made a statement earlier today concerning Vorpalia's recent rise to the status of UN Delegate for the region of Neo Nintendopolis. "We are proud that the people of Neo Nintendopolis have recognized Vorpalia's stance as a major player in the region," he said.

Concerning coming in dead last on the commpasionate list he said, "We're just as compassionate as those stinkin' St Dittoians."

Sources close to the Prime Minister have noted that he's been acting a little strange. "He like starts implementing Socialist reforms," said Interior Decorator Dead Fake Misty, "but then he goes and bans bicycles. I've even heard he's planning on banning divorce. Does that sound progressive to you?"

"Yes!" said exiled former dictator Vorpal, "Vorpalia will soon realize how much better they had it with me. They'll have no choice but to crown me a supreme dictator or live under so called "freedoms" of socialism."

When asked about his alleged Ryudesuar nuclear weapons he answered, "I don't know what you're talking about, and no, I don't have them in my sky palace." When reminded we said nothing about his sky palace he acted as if he couldn't hear us.

Ohtipe RELEASE:

Fatherly Emperor Luigi of the Pipes, or to some, His Most High and Kindly Dictatorship (like God, hee hee), was not available (or willing) to give a report on recent events. The sign on his door said, quote, "Be Back in Five".

People all across the nation, however, are quite thrilled to find that they are the most compassionate country in all of Neo Nintendopolis, going about carrying such signs as "Eat your heart out, St. Ditto!" and "Ryudesu can't touch THIS!" Of course, they all made sure to thank their benevolent leader (whether they wanted to or not).

Fatherly Emperor Luigi of the Pipes, we thank you.

Sapphalia RELEASE:

In response to the Dwarfmen's press release, Sapphalian's Prime Minister Matthew Habersham responds, "Do not take what the Dwarfmen say about our country seriously. They are only bitter that they were prohibited to bring heavy machinery into the country."

He also adds, "Though several of the Dwarfmen have been seen frequenting the pubs at a daily basis, bringing with them foul language that is too rough for our citizen's ears. However, we do not wish to comment unkindly about our other nations. We all do have a great deal of respect for one another."

They are also concerned about recent developments in Vorpalia, but nonetheless will see what comes of the new reforms.

Ohtipe's Press Release raised some eyebrows. "Whoever heard of a benevolent dictatorship?" Comments a Sapphalian man, father of three, former car dealer. "That's an oxymoron, if I ever heard one."

The Sapphalian population are content with the recent changes in their government, though the fact that they hadn't seen their princess for quite some time is a bit unnerving. The Blue Royal family officials remain quiet on this matter.

In other news, representatives from St Ditto have been seen frequenting the island as well, though as to what their plans might be, no one is sure.

"All these outsiders," One Sapphalian woman comments, shaking her head. "We just want to be a safe nation, here. Why should we worry about the policies in other countries? They don't worry about us, unless it is to make snide remarks. They don't enjoy the same peace that we have here."

Ryudesu RELEASE:

Secretary of Defense and Stuff and Chairman of Shin-kicking Fuzzball made a press release today.

"We, the poeple of The Ryudesu, or more accurately, just me, would like to say that we fully support whatever government is currently in control of Vorpalia. As such, we have decided to support him as our regional delegate to the UN, as we don't really give a hootin holler as to what resolutions are passed or not." When asked why the government was supporting the return of former Generalissimo Vorpal, and yet still supported the new regime in this manner, Sec. Def. & Stuff Ch. Sh-K. Fuzzball replied, "Declined for comment. Or do you add that part in? I'm confused, try that again. . ."

"He's insane." Said CEO John Jacob Jinglehiemershmit of Books, Books, Books, and Coffee, Inc "They all are. I'm going to remain very vague as to who I am referring to so you can put it in whatever upcoming press release you're going to have."

President Yoshiman Predict declined for comment, as he was playing Super Smash Bros. Melee, and said, "I almost finished Very Hard mode with Marth. Get out of here! And don't quote me like last time!" Sec. Def. & Stuff Ch. Sh-K. Fuzzball proceeded to kick Press Secretary Tirk in the shins some more.

Sapphalia RELEASE:

Sapphalians had this to say about becoming second-to-last in the so-called recent "niceness" polls.

"Well, perhaps it's ranked from Least to Most. So technically we would be ranked behind Vorpalia..."

"We're not nice? People are free here, unlike what happens when you go to those other nations. Hmmph."

"Ohtipe is ranked first AGAIN? Hmm.. seems to me that there's a scam going on."

"Would you like a cup of tea?"

And as usual, the Blue Royal family was unavailable for comment.

Ryudesu RELEASE:

"I don't get it." Said President Yoshiman Predict as he went over the new 'niceness' reports, "How can we be second to least compassionate and still be so nice?"

"At least we upheld our motto in this area" Said Secratary of Foreign Relations Wavorpal, "We're way nicer than those stupid fatheads in Vorpalia."

Sec. Def. & Stuff Ch. Sh-K. Fuzzball commented, "I have no comment at this time."

Dwarfmen RELEASE:
General Molissimo held a press conference today where he announced that he fully intended to disarm those 'jerks in Sapphalia'. When questioned he replied, "It's obvious the trouble isn't Ohtipe or Ryudesu, but Sapphalia. Twice the statistics have showed us. Sapphalians are a bunch of stuck up jerks."

When questioned about the even more 'jerky' Vorpalians and the Dwarfmen's support of the country as a delegate, Ostro Eggbeater informed the yolk-covered reporters why the desicion was made. "Before Ryudesu was accepted into the UN, we have long talks with the rebel and dictator faction leaders of Vorpalia. And after a long serious disussion on who better to represent this region, Vorpalia was the obvious choice."

"He beat me at Yahoo! Fighter, the bum." Lord Masa of Munes noted later.

"Our desicion to support Vorpalia, regardless of leadership, remains firm." Dodo informed the press, "The Dominion of Dwarfmen is not a two-faced country like some others that could be noted."

"For now," Dodo attempted to secretly mutter under his breath.

"We have decided now to lift our trading embargos against Ohtipe." Ostra said while throwing a egg at a Channel 63 Reporter, "Ohtipe may not be Capitalists like us or even inoffensive, but the country is full of Honest to God nice and caring people and though a dictator, Luigi truly does what's best. Most of the time."

Ostro also added, "They have meat there."

Ohtipe RELEASE:
Upon hearing word that The Disputed Territories of Dwarfmen were allowing free trade with the Empire of Ohtipe (a deal that had formerly been restricted after Fatherly Emperor Luigi of the Pipes had threatened to demolish the former Dominion for a trade that involved his beloved Goombas to the dirty, slobbering... I mean... cute and lovable Moles of Lord Masa of Munes land), Fatherly Emperor Luigi of the Pipes was overjoyed, and immediately offered the Disputed Territories of Dwarfmen a rather large shipment of their finest Shy Guy Steaks (how His Most Benevolent Dictatorship came about a food that is supposed to be a Yoshi-toma delicacy, none can say).

Fatherly Emperor Luigi of the Pipes, from the Grand Palace of Harripittis, had this to say:

"We love those funny dwarf guys. Especially after seeing that Gimli beat Legolas in their little orc-slaughtering contest, but... ah, that's another matter..."

In other news, the people of Ohtipe were overjoyed to find them once again topping the charts in Neo Nintendopolis. Yesterday was already declared the official holiday of Compassion Day, and the paperwork is already underway to officially declare this "Kindness Day". Luigi of the Pipes (who has requested that we use his full title no more than three times in an article from this point on) was overjoyed, and politely telegramed the Dominion St. Ditto, asking them if their motto could still be truely considered accurate. He was also quoted to have said:

"A people after my own heart. Now I can die in peace."

When questioned on the meaning of this, he simply added:

"No, I won't be dying for a very VERY long time, my friends. And so long as I am around, the Empire of Ohtipe will thrive forevermore! Viva la Ohtipe!"

We told him that was a fairly stale comment, and, smiling, he said:

"Got Ohtipe?"
Yoshi-Toma RELEASE:
The Yoshis of Yoshi-toma politely yet forcefully request that His Most Benevolent Dictator of Ohtipe please, and I quote, "keep his grubby little hands off our Shy Guys."

Upon further examination of the issue at hand, however, the people then noted that "The undoubtedly illegal exportation of Shy Guys from the ports of Yoshi-toma" could perhaps be overlooked, if the Dictator of Ohtipe felt inclined to trade some of his precious Goombas in return.
Ohtipe RELEASE:
To which His Most Benevolent Dictator responded:

"Care for the business end of a nuke instead?"
Dwarfmen RELEASE:
"We're behind them all the way," Ostro informed news reporters, much to the chagrin of the egg covered soldiers of Ohtipe.
Ryudesu RELEASE:
"I don't get it." Said Secratary of Foreign Relations Wavorpal, "Why can't we be either first or last in at least one thing?!"

"Oh, come on." Said Secretary of Defense and Stuff as well as Chairman of Shin-kicking and Partying the Night Away Fuzzball commented, "We've barley been in existance, and that's what you're worried about? What about the fact that we're an unsafe nation?" He then kicked Press Secratary Tirk around the knees and legs for good measure.
Dwarfmen RELEASE:
"Safety first" is the word going around the Dominion. With crime completely eliminated in the country, residents can live in peace.

"Safety does not come cheap," says Chief Masa, "The people's freedoms were especially affected, we regretfully admit. But in a country where uranium, gold, and other metals are mined up daily, the country cannot afford to risk theives entering the country."

Critics are quick to counter the leader's sentiments. Birdo Bushbasher especially, "Just like Dubya, he avoids the real issue at hand. His whole 'national security' garbage has sacrificed our economy. I've had to manage my business smartly just to stay in business."

But Masa does not wish to stop at safety, says spokesman Dodo. "It's high time to we got rid of our slavery. We plan ti implement smarter features into our country. By forcing immigrants to make a deposit of no less than Five Thousand Dollars, we are able to tag them with our barcode, give them a paying job, and adequate housing."

Ostro Eggbeater finished the press conference by anwering a few questions. When pressed about the Sapphalia incident with the royal family he gave only 'what he could'. "Sapphalia may not be an ally of ours, but we take missing princesses seriously. All ready we are deploying all our mustachoid dwarves to save her. With their super-jumping boots and hard-hitting mallets, we'll stop him once and for all."

When asked who, Ostro reportedly replied with an vengeful tone. "Only O'Bowser bin Koopa could be behind such terrositical attacks and we'll do anything to stop him, no matter how stuck up Sapphalians are."

When a yolked reporter noted that terrositical was not a word, Ostro made no comment and left in a stream of unmentionable curses.

"It's nice to feel safe," dwarf local, Thruin Axegrinder noted. "But it's even nicer to have meat on my plate again."
Vorpalia RELEASE:
"We're moderately safe," said Prime Minister Vorpal when asked about Vorpalia's mediocre standings in the safety poll. "We still have a few Generalissimo Vorpal supporters blowing up post offices and chicken farms."

Generalissimo Vorpal, who asked us to refer to him as "The General" from now on, stated, "I have nothing to do with blowing up chicken farms!" When asked about the post offices he said, "Yeah, I'm responisble for the post offices."

"Considering the numerous bombings everyday in Vorpalia, and being ranked 4 out of 7," said Foreign Minister Metal Mario, "It really speaks bad about the countries listed under us. I mean... they've got to be killing each other by the truck load over in Ohtipe."
Ohtipe RELEASE:
Upon reading the reports from Vorpalia, His Most High and Benevolent Dictatorship was infuriated beyond words and promptly threw the newspaper at our reporter's head. "Killing?! KILLING?!" he screamed. "We're the nicest people around! We don't KILL! If anything, it's those blasted immigrants that are forcing our beloved country to be so unsafe (aside from our dwarf brethren, of course)! In fact..."

He continued on, rambling over this and that about the other countries of Neo Nintendopolis, until he seemed to realize that we here are a regional newspaper and quickly changed his attitude.

"That is to say... It's not the immigrants from my fellow countries in Neo Nintendopolis that pose a threat to me. Rather, it is the immigrants from other regions! You know, those ones that we ban and all that! Therefore, I am making a preposition to the septet of our region. Refuse immigration from other regions! We shall prevail!"
Sapphalia RELEASE:
"We're surprised that we're third," Commented Sapphalian Prime Minister Matthew Habersham. "We are a small, safe nation, which is so much that can be said for a few.. more hostile areas in the region."

Upon being asked about recent statements made by The Disputed Territories, they only said that despite the differences in the nations, they appreciate the help, and hope some agreement can be made. "We're all neighbors, here," One Sapphalian states, though it isn't a popular opinion among them. "We're supposed to look out for one another, reguardless."

They would again like to express that they are NOT an aggressive country, and still support the new regime in Vorpalia.

Residents can be seen taking boats over to St Ditto. "Despite it's lack of safety precautions, it's actually a nice place to visit."

Still, there are other threats to this burgeoning country. With the Royal Family apparently still keeping mum from the press, whatever the threats may be are not being told to the public at this time.
Dwarfmen RELEASE:
Channel 18 Reporter, Grunter Hammeraxe investigates Dwarfmen Healthcare and Hospitals.

Staging an illness, our 'healthy spy' Gimor Stonebender enters a populated street where he makes a slight cough. Immediately he is stopped by two robot patrol police droids.

"Are you all right, sir?" asks PDBot-XG877.

"Just clearing my throat," answers our spy dwarf.

The droid scans his barcode and radios in to the hospital, "Alpha Beta! We have a Level 2 Case for a Priority 3 citizen! Requesting ambulance!"

"As you can see," explained Grunter to TV viewers, "Healthcare is vitally important. Though it is not racked as high as Sapphalia or Yoshi-Toma (they have no uranium...), we take health seriously. It's been a month since this segment was recorded ad we have yet to get Gimor our of his hospital bed. But we are working on it."

"I think it's great," said Chief Masa, eating dinner while watching the news report. "I mean this meat, we should invade Yoshi-Toma or something. All that meat would be great."