So, I'm friends with Vorpal on Facebook. Now, I don't look at the Facebook often. I don't see the appeal. But tonight, I peeked at Vorpal's, by chance, and saw how he'd spent the holidays in the Everglades, Florida (my neck of the woods), and how he was now, on a quiet Sunday evening, inviting friends to call him.

I'm a friend. Mwahahaha.

So, I sit down and, over half an hour, work out a little script, because I can't be expected to keep all my craziness in my head all the time.

So, within minutes, Vorpal received a call from "Maxine String, Florida Everglades Preservation Society." Me, in my best nasally Sarah Palin voice.

I wish I could've recorded what came to pass, but I didn't. I can, however, reproduce the script I'd worked out ahead of time:

Good evening, is Mr. Hamilton available?

Good evening, this is Maxine String, at the Florida Everglades Preservation Society, how are you this evening?

Splendid, well, Mr. Hamilton, the reason I'm calling this evening... I see here you paid us a visit earlier this... actually, it was late last month. Was this around the Christmas holidays, by chance?

Splendid. Well, Mr. Hamilton, the reason why I'm calling... did you enjoy your visit with us, Mr. Hamilton?

Splendid. Well, Mr. Hamilton, the reason we're calling is, I see here you rented a boat to tour the everglades, is that right?

Splendid. Well, Mr. Hamilton, the reason we're calling is, it seems that you violated the Florida Alligator Restoration Boundary Line, as defined in Florida Statue 621B Subsection A, hich went into effect on November 25, 2010 through February 31, 2011. Have you been made aware of this yet, Mr. Hamilton?

Well, it does come with a fine of $200, however, you do have an alternative. You may attend an optional Florida Wildlife and Environmental Protection Course, it's a three-week course, one Saturday each week. The course is available every month for the next twelve-month period. It's held in Tallahatchee, Florida. Upon completion of this course, your fee will be reduced to $25 dollars. Are you interested in taking this course, Mr. Hamilton?

At which point he, sensibly, hung up, grumbling that it sounded like a scam.

Pity, I didn't get to ad-lib much, though I did come up with some mumbo-jumbo about giving alligators enough room to breed for their own good. Oh well.

A good time was had by all.